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On the hunt - Absyllyon - 12-24-2014
Hi all.I am here primarily because I want to heal and reclaim my
power. I am looking for answers from Spirit and more than likely from my
peers. They have been hard to come by and usually arrive because of
some upheaval in my life. I have a feeling that many answers are right
there but I am just too dammed blind or am just a fool.
I am
starting to recover some energy which began when I found some answers to
what happened to me. Many questions I hold concern the energetics of
any situation and how they function to bring about the actions and
reactions evident in my life. An example would be what differentiates
the response or focused awareness of strangers on me on a particular
day to been ignored on another. Sometimes I can see but cannot
articulate it to satisfy my tonal. I don't want to over-burden my tonal
with all the inner workings of the universe, yet the tonal must be
satisfied otherwise it becomes a distraction with its' yip-yapping-whys?
It is evident that I do not have a solid foundation. My esoteric education has been a mish-mash
of varying traditions, religions and cults and new age bollocks. It is
seriously difficult to find quality information and all the teachers I
have had seem to latch on to me and drain me of energy in some way.
Though I feel bitter about this it makes me realise now the importance
in been proactive in recapitulation. Reclaiming my energy and releasing
the energy of others has to become my primary work.
Evidently my
tonal needs much strengthening to weather the influx of power, otherwise
I will just crumple up again. Each time my energy gathers to a certain
proportion it is ripped away via some strong emotional reaction to a
situation. This has caused me to feel like a victim, like prey to power.
It feels like I am been harvested by the energy of the earth. It is
exceptionally painful and I do not want to experience this again. It is
not that I want to hold back all the energy I gather from the Earth; I
want to remain sovereign yet also support Her great effort.When I see within I see that I am a child of the Sun and a child of the Earth. They are my Farther and Mother which I love with all my being. I feel power as love-in-action. The darkness of the Earth and the light of the sun make me feel split in two, yet whole at the same time.
A few years ago as my energy was ascending Lonewolf visited me in his dream body. I felt an affinity to the power of his presence. I was not afraid, though wondered whether I should be. I have wanted to know what drew him ever since. I had been reading the Oracle thread that night. He was able to visit on the strength of me reading a thread impressed me greatly and is a testament to his discipline. Some may say that all I am trying to do is "validate" my self-importance. I say yes, to a small degree this is true, yet such a trivial thing can be left to take care of itself with a little guidance, as the real reason for my inquiry is to fathom who and what I am, and how a connection can form in this manner. My understanding is that this is a very difficult feat especially if I like to remain hidden.
Thank you for the space here.
On the hunt - Finwe - 12-25-2014
Once we are able to tell what we are hunting, others may join us or not.
However I believe, that is what this forum is about, in the sense of the only option warrior has.
The space here, created by Lone Wolf, found here, is for me like a dream,
I feel, I visited long ago, yet can't remember where and the more dream-like it feels.
Do you others perceive this too ?
On the hunt - bit shiny - 12-30-2014
the best and hardest thing wold be having to balance sides
it might involve feeling betrayed by somebody
and their dream of the sky might not be the same as yours
for instance power may be a large part of their dream
hunting what they wanted would be theirs
the skys might seem similar
so you might not question the sky
with feet in the earth
and a head in the sky you might see a lot
the best and hardest thing might be being smashed off your own pier
yet that would be the one that relied on anothers sky
as they lined up within you your real chance would mean
facing the fact that that sky was not for you
your sky will be your own
only when you are holding the sky and the earth within you correctly
would the nagual not be needed to be told to you
and no one could tell you anyway
i don't know what all the mish mash in the skies was about
it was about dreams
who owned the dreams
when it lies up in the skies and the earth
no one need tell you any more
weight
lightness
growth
feeding things
feed nothing with something
all useless words
all actions
were standing still
the circle of life begins and ends
On the hunt - Absyllyon - 12-30-2014
the best and hardest thing might be being smashed off your own pier
yet that would be the one that relied on anothers sky
as they lined up within you your real chance would mean
facing the fact that that sky was not for you
your sky will be your own
only when you are holding the sky and the earth within you correctly
would the nagual not be needed to be told to you It sounds like you see me and have experienced similar bit shiny. I have also thought that I may have been consolidating in the wrong way and flying in a sky not for me.
On the hunt - watergaze - 01-05-2015
Sharing from my own path, I have found that emotional stability and the stability of one's tonal is crucial for everything. Not rigidity, but balance. Emotional upheavals of course make quite a few interesting things happen easier, but step by step is safer and balanced and a steady pace is what I like (not to mention it makes more sense if one ever wants to recreate experiences again by will), I prefer it to big upheavals and jumps who knows where (often enough as I have seen also not in good directions). Also, if this happens that you get unstable emotionally when in link with someone powerful or idiotic you are in a big way at their mercy and vulnerable. When one is stable then being open is not being vulnerable. (And of course the more wholesome you are the easier stuff slides off you too..)
All the best on your healing efforts.. and welcome to the more voiced part of the forums, I like reading your posts .
I put a lot of weight on healing.. the way I see it... becoming whole is part of healing.
This space is part of a dream, just as everything. And we are creating it on more levels. Visit in dreams too, if you can .
On the hunt - Absyllyon - 01-08-2015
Thank you .
Yes, I will need to be more awake.
On the hunt - trinsic - 02-03-2015
I'll tell you what someone told me when I first got here. You make yourself part of the process of becoming a solid warrior by your own intent instead of riding on the backs of others.
I realized this is true and stopped looking for answers about my journey form other people and started discovering them for myself.
On the hunt - Absyllyon - 02-06-2015
On the hunt - Guest - 08-21-2019