Personal Issues with Communication

[Pixie Dust]

I'm asking for advice or just normal feedback here--while also doing some self-stalking--while also doing some pondering--most of this is me rambling and I don't have a "point" so forgive the lack of intent in this thread.

Background

For anyone who half-way knows me, they know I don't do much chatting.  I certainly can chat and have done it--but I have a phone and the only person I have meaningful convos with is GypsyKiss (and in the past Sen).  My mom calls me but it's mainly her talking at me and that's totally fine since she needs a listening ear.  Online I don't chat much because those convos aren't ... productive for me?  In person, I just had two neighbors move in on each side of me and it took me a long time to hang out with them and say hi.  I'm very unfriendly, like if I could be a hermit, I would be a hermit.  Last night, the reason for this post, I hung out with one of the new neighbors and it was a reminder that I don't mind people but that I'm easily overwhelmed by people.

The Issue

I'm trying to work out a way to cope with people that doesn't overwhelm me--because you know, it might be nice to be around people if they would stop being so annoying.  Just first I need to figure out what about them is annoying because it's nothing I can really put my finger on.

Looking at the most extreme cases (where I feel completely exhausted after being around someone and this only happens in-person), these people are talkers.  I get a couple words in every so often but there's no room for reflection and if there is a couple seconds to say something they quickly follow up with a new idea.  The communication class I took recently said that some of this over-talkative nature from people often occurs in families with many siblings.  The reasoning is if you have anything to say, you gotta get it in when there's a pause because there are so many people trying to be heard.  I suppose this could be one reason why people feel the need to talk every second.

It seems like there's also an energetic feature going on too.  Speaking with a shaman feels very different than speaking to a muggle.  Shamans, I've noticed, leave room in the conversation for self-reflection for the person they're with.  There is less talking, but a greater energetic exchange.  If I were surrounded by Shamans I would socialize daily and stop being a hermit.  Yet I hide because when I do socialize it's very draining for me.  Maybe part of it is my fault for not having enough energetic shields in place.  They need energy and I have an abundance (because I hoard it by being alone) so I let them drain me because life is hard, I get it.  I know how to refuel efficiently, they don't.  But now I realize I'm giving people fish when I should be teaching them to fish--but teaching people to fish is no easy task either and I'm trying to repair my fishing boat xD there is only so much time in the day.

Current Response

So I've kept my circle smaller while I make repairs to self and those in my very close inner circle.  Now that a lot of that is in decent shape, I've been pondering more socialization and keep bumping into the desire to be a hermit--hence this post in a hope to troubleshoot my process.

Alternative Options

Forums are great for me and I get a lot of insight here (at Sorcery).  I can come in, read quickly, respond, and the turn taking is very nice for me.  Every person is heard, I have space (silence) to consider my reply, there's no rush because the other person isn't present, and I can relax--with my mind--and formulate (hopefully) an intellectual/thoughtful reply.  I think forums provide a greater sense of space to re-organize energy... I'm not energetically cramped the way I feel when I'm talking with someone live.  No one is pressing on me energetically because they are absent so my reply is mine.  

Environmental Factors

I guess I hide from people because I feel too much from them.  I do fine in certain environments--like monasteries (how wonderful those feel), yoga classes (very little talking as they are turned inward), teaching college classes (is incredibly energizing) and outdoor hobbyists (when most are in a receptive mode instead of an expressive mode).  I do terrible in certain environments--teaching kindergarten is not my forte (I can do it, but holy **** my mind is not set up to manage that form of chaos)...come to think of it, the people who are most draining behave like kindergarteners.  The conversations are abrupt, a lot of whining, complaining, and "look what I drew!"  Not to mention they are very reluctant to change anything about their routine.  "That's not how Ms. Troy sings the alphabet!"  or "That's not how Mr. Hike draws a three!"  (seriously, that's the level of complaints that are made).  

I had to research how to respond to those types of statements because as me, Pixie, I know how -I- would LIKE to respond..... but I had to translate my version into a version appropriate for them.  It took a while, but I managed to reprogram my auto-reply into, "I understand that's not how Ms. Troy does this, but today we're going to do it differently."  Their minds are often blown.

Adaptation in Adults

. . . yep.  I had to learn, as a 30-something year old, how to respond to people who struggle with adaptation.  I didn't realize this was a thing for people.  Someone tells me, "Hey, we don't need you in this place as we got it covered, could you cover this new place?"  Sure!  I don't care.  Last minute change of plans?  No biggie for me.  I'll adapt.  I didn't realize adaptation was something that needs to be learned until I began teaching kindergarten and I saw how abundant it was.  The struggle is real.   

Hmmm.

Intolerance

That might be my issue.  I don't like the adult kindergartners because I can't/won't manage their chaos.  I can certainly mimic that behavior (and have, to respond to people who are behaving like that) but -- I guess that's my gripe.  I'm tired of the adult kindergartners who are incapable of progressing ideas, self-care, and basic compassion for others.  So to retaliate, I hide/avoid or return their behavior to them 10-fold.  I prefer to hide/avoid because there's less confrontation--but if I can't avoid then I create chaos to have the issue addressed. 

Hahaha.  Eh.

Well.  I'm glad I better understand myself.  I'll leave this up because I probably missed something and could use additional reflection.  Specifically, I still feel the desire to hide from normal people unless I can be around the right people and in supportive environments.  

Reflection

Do you think it's cool to do this (should this be something to change or is this productive coping skills)?  Monks spend all day meditating and infrequently spend time with muggles.  If it's normal for them, should I make it normal for me?  How can I make being around muggles more bearable for those times when contact is unavoidable?  

Also, I would love to know if anyone else does this and how you manage these issues.  It would be helpful to understand what others have done since my methods are obviously not enough for me.

[serloco]

Well for me I get annoyed that everyone is so full of negativity. Every person is like dont drink coffee it will hurt your gut and sugar gives you diabeties etc etc etc. OMG shut the f up. When I first learned about the choice to possess knowledge and choose which forms to activate I was appalled at the human forms of destructive knowledge. It seemed everyone was out to die and kill others in the process. Lets all go and jump off a cliff right? So I began instructing. Teaching others to be aware of the knowledge they intend. That was fun for awhile but it also got tiring. The same shiz everyday. So I discovered something powerful instead. I discovered the ability to manipulate the human collective consciousness. I learned form sorcery that the world is what you know. So I began controlling what I knew of people to control the people. Sure reality is an illusion. Once I began shifting my ideas of my fellow man and woman and child so did they begin to change with those fluid ideas. The self-important man became the impeccable man. The child became the teacher. 

Being sick of the average world of knowledge led me to state my intent that the world is what I KNOW, and not what THEY KNOW. Power became responsiblity to me and thus I claimed it and took it over, not only for myself but for the sheeple as well. Now, doing this I began hearing what I knew of the world and reality and not what others heard. People would speak my mind to me and tell me all the real knowledge of my world. No longer were the books written and the song written to be the same either, for they all shifted into MY paradigm. The power of now came out, the power of belief and new age burst anew. People were smart and aware. The more I learned the more my people and world learned with me. Indeed we are not so separate from the world and the human consciousness as we sometimes think. 

Since the world, while having taking responsibility, waas what I knew I could listen to people talk and "jump in" with what I knew. I could carefully control what I knew and then have them speak of what I knew instead of what they were going to originally say. SO being quick and aware would allow me to alter the course of reality merely by contorlling what i knew of it. 

WHat is man and what would you change about them if you could? Man is mystery, Gods, Goddesses, teachers, students, enemies, friends, masters, etc etc.. the list goes on but ultimately man and woman are merely a position inside your AP.

[serloco]

I remember one day, long ago, at my magical sanctuary I had gotten angry at my people and said "you are a bunch of schmucks!" About an hour later I had gone on a hike down the gorge, and on the beautiful brick wall, 60 feet high, was a huge graffiti painted that said "schmucks!". That was a lesson for me.

[Guest]