10-29-2016, 12:00 AM
watergaze,
Years ago I was "at the height of my power." I had control over dreams, reality, the past and future, so on and so forth. But I had no control over myself. I was on the verge of dying myself, but I didn't like the person I was. I back away, and decided to focus solely on tempering my temperament. Trying to become a decent man. When I first start this journey many years ago, the goal was ascension, not power. I was becoming obsessed with the idea of power, but I was not responsible enough to make good use of it. I knew I would end up destroying myself. So, nearly eight years later, I feel I may be ready to start actively pursuing shamanism once more. What needs to change in me now is a bit harder to define. I need to revert back to the non-thinking state of mind, I guess you could say.
Right now the topic that interests me most is the flyers mind and shedding it. Most topics are interesting, but this one seems to be very important to me right now. As for what makes me enthusiastic and feel alive? Life itself provides that gift. There are tales of ascension, hints of reincarnation, a vague promise of life after death in some form. I'm not sure exactly what lays ahead, but I do hope to find out. I enjoy life, and death seems like such a waste.
Meditating on death isn't for the body, it is for the mind. Forcing ourselves to contemplate these things helps us strengthen our resolve, initiates the mind into the potential outcome of any endeavor. When we think of death, we think of the pain. As we think of the pain involved with death, it starts to move from the unknown into the known. As this transition occurs, the fear surrounding it slowly dissolves. As the fear of death dissolves, we find ourselves more resilient in the face of danger. It's not intended to be a morbid and grotesque practice, only something to prepare us for the inevitable.
I've met all sorts of practitioners over the years and from all different walks. I have met pagans, wiccans, druids, christian healers, general practitioners, and a few genuine toltecs. As I understand it, the toltecs I met have a lineage that extends far into the past. My best friend and I were both seekers when we first met this strange man. I had no particular religion, and he believed in the power of hallucinogens. This man we met worked with us. I have very few memories of interactions with him, but I certainly remember his character with great clarity. I did not know that he had already recruited my best friend into his lineage, and did not know this until many years later. I remember the specific point he had tried to recruit me though. I was already fairly aware of the world around me on an energetic level at this point, though I did not follow any written set of practices. I was sitting in the break room with this man, and he was reading Journey to Ixtlan. He was a quiet man, kept to himself. He was an older gentleman from Russia, and quit unassuming in appearance. Being a person that likes people, I sparked a conversation about what he was reading. He casually stated it was nothing really, and we were silent for a few moments. I could tell he was observing me carefully and with a slight smile. It was when I felt the thread of his intent attempt to reach around me in an effort to deceive me that things got interesting. He knew I was aware of his intent when I stopped it with my own. I turned to look at him, he shrugged, and went back to reading. That was my last encounter with him. Years later I moved to another state to join the friend that was recruited. He had already introduced me to Castaneda years before, so I was not unfamiliar with the practices. The things he showed me over the next two years are stories that will have to be shared at a later time. Running a little late as it is, to be continued.
Years ago I was "at the height of my power." I had control over dreams, reality, the past and future, so on and so forth. But I had no control over myself. I was on the verge of dying myself, but I didn't like the person I was. I back away, and decided to focus solely on tempering my temperament. Trying to become a decent man. When I first start this journey many years ago, the goal was ascension, not power. I was becoming obsessed with the idea of power, but I was not responsible enough to make good use of it. I knew I would end up destroying myself. So, nearly eight years later, I feel I may be ready to start actively pursuing shamanism once more. What needs to change in me now is a bit harder to define. I need to revert back to the non-thinking state of mind, I guess you could say.
Right now the topic that interests me most is the flyers mind and shedding it. Most topics are interesting, but this one seems to be very important to me right now. As for what makes me enthusiastic and feel alive? Life itself provides that gift. There are tales of ascension, hints of reincarnation, a vague promise of life after death in some form. I'm not sure exactly what lays ahead, but I do hope to find out. I enjoy life, and death seems like such a waste.
Meditating on death isn't for the body, it is for the mind. Forcing ourselves to contemplate these things helps us strengthen our resolve, initiates the mind into the potential outcome of any endeavor. When we think of death, we think of the pain. As we think of the pain involved with death, it starts to move from the unknown into the known. As this transition occurs, the fear surrounding it slowly dissolves. As the fear of death dissolves, we find ourselves more resilient in the face of danger. It's not intended to be a morbid and grotesque practice, only something to prepare us for the inevitable.
I've met all sorts of practitioners over the years and from all different walks. I have met pagans, wiccans, druids, christian healers, general practitioners, and a few genuine toltecs. As I understand it, the toltecs I met have a lineage that extends far into the past. My best friend and I were both seekers when we first met this strange man. I had no particular religion, and he believed in the power of hallucinogens. This man we met worked with us. I have very few memories of interactions with him, but I certainly remember his character with great clarity. I did not know that he had already recruited my best friend into his lineage, and did not know this until many years later. I remember the specific point he had tried to recruit me though. I was already fairly aware of the world around me on an energetic level at this point, though I did not follow any written set of practices. I was sitting in the break room with this man, and he was reading Journey to Ixtlan. He was a quiet man, kept to himself. He was an older gentleman from Russia, and quit unassuming in appearance. Being a person that likes people, I sparked a conversation about what he was reading. He casually stated it was nothing really, and we were silent for a few moments. I could tell he was observing me carefully and with a slight smile. It was when I felt the thread of his intent attempt to reach around me in an effort to deceive me that things got interesting. He knew I was aware of his intent when I stopped it with my own. I turned to look at him, he shrugged, and went back to reading. That was my last encounter with him. Years later I moved to another state to join the friend that was recruited. He had already introduced me to Castaneda years before, so I was not unfamiliar with the practices. The things he showed me over the next two years are stories that will have to be shared at a later time. Running a little late as it is, to be continued.