10-31-2016, 12:00 AM
Kaomea,
Thanks for the welcome(?). I don't mind the welcome wagon, but right now I'm particular about who I would prefer to interact with. When I say I've met many shaman before, not all of them were enjoyable company. But I'm sure you know how that goes. I don't mind people being what they've chosen to be, but that doesn't mean I want to have anything to do with it. There's something to be learned in every encounter, I can only hope to retain enough presence to understand what it is. Anyway, thank you.
watergaze,
Here comes the long response. I was aware that I skipped the question about formless men, but did not have time to explain it earlier. I'll go ahead and start with that now.
Now, I'm a simple man of simple intelligence, and I never made it as far as some of my associates. But I do remember energetic signatures of people quite well. As I discovered later in life, I have been seeing the energetic structure of people my entire life, and have always relied heavily upon those impressions in dealing with anyone. Now the men I know that I say have lost their form all had one thing in common, they were inaccessible. These men were always beyond reach, never predictable, and could see right through you every step of the way. They were never given to the reactions you might expect of them, they didn't follow the "rules" of normal behavior. Their motives were always unclear, and they felt threatening because you knew they were always beyond your reach. They didn't share the common concerns of the common people, you could tell their eyes were always set on some point hidden behind the stars. They were strange creatures, and barely recognizable as humans at all. I've only met two that have achieved this feat, my best friend and the man who taught him. Hope this clarifies.
The mind was clinging to the proverbial shores of the great river, not wanting to let go and enjoy the ride. No doubt that if I had let go, I would have realized there was little to worry about in the first place. I simply didn't like where I was. The mind is flexible, but how quickly our own blinders can make it rigid. I just didn't feel ready for the steps I was about to take, so I withdrew.
The metaphor of the dream was used only to point out that we will not take our riches and treasures with us into whatever lays beyond this life. Maybe we'll remember what happened in this life, maybe our soul will intrinsically remember the lessons it has learned. But the numbers reflected in my bank account today will mean nothing in that next life. I definitely agree that there is much to be learned from our dreams, and I treat them as being just as real as the waking life. But when that dream is over, all that remains is its memory.
I actually started fleshing out a post on identity and personality, but it's going to take time to complete before I post it. I tend to be a bit busier these days, and I'm still trying to get my mind to fluently think in abstract ways. It is coming though.
I actually love the golden rule. I aim to be as helpful as possible to everyone I meet in life. I greet every stranger with a smile, and rarely hesitate to extend a helping hand. I will go far out of my way to aid anyone that needs it, within reason. I've learned a lot about helping others, and the great trick is to not further enable a person's sense of dependency on the aid of others. There is no "blanket technique" that applies to everyone. Learning how to effectively and genuinely help others requires a lot of trial and error experience, at least in my case. However, for better or for worse, I do not stand down when confronted. Not when I realize what is at stake. I have to keep in mind what the actual goal is when faced with opposition. Sometimes you're confronted with a person who does need to be shut down, a man that needs to be "stopped" before he injures himself or others. And I certainly don't profess to be a master in this arena, I am still quit humbled by my failures in this regard. Hindsight is always 20/20. I don't know if my way of doing this is really impeccable or not, but I could never stand seeing "truth" be crushed by "evil." I always felt that as much pride as I take in this sense of honor and integrity, it could easily become a weakness. I will have to think on this a bit more closely.
I am glad that you and others came forth, because I was seriously starting to reconsider my choice to interact. I'm not claiming my level of understanding surpasses that of others, but I do wish to be a bit particular about who I interact with. This is a conversation much more my pace and tune, so I thank you from the heart.
I should have clarified on the comment about not being willing to change, because you are right. We need to be fluid and adaptable, and that's something I knew and believed when I made that comment. The point of the comment is that I am not yielding or compromising my stance just for the comfort of others, not that I won't adjust if something I need to know is presented to me. My fault for not clarifying.
watergaze wrote:You type [ quote] (without the spacebar) then you copy paste the sentence you want to quote and finish with [/ quote] (again without the spacebar). If you would like to indicate who the quote is from you type at the beginning [ quote=name] (without the spacebar).
Thanks
You are absolutely correct, there's no way I could have that level of control without some degree of the same over myself. Once again, I did not explain correctly. And the correct explanation was just in my head...but now it's lost. So I'll do my best to say what I can. At that "height," I was far from "absolute power," but that didn't stop me from believing too much in my own sense of power. I am not strictly toltec, but I have learned a great deal over the years. Many of my techniques are not taught by Castaneda or Ruiz, but nonetheless they have proven themselves through my experiments. The things I've seen myself do...I don't know how to describe it. I don't now is the time to try to, but I will later. Anyway, all of this "power" was coursing through me, the fabric of the universe was my oyster. But I had none of the wisdom necessary to wield it. I was well aware that a person can experience ego death, but never find enlightenment. On a side note, the first post I wanted to make in this forum was about the actual fate of Castaneda himself. Oddly enough, the sources I was going to use for my theory have been removed from the internet. Anyway, I was a hothead. Arrogant, easily offended, vindictive, and not always a pleasant person. I hurt a lot of people, and didn't seem to have a lot of interest in using my "power" for anything good. I was able to see what I was becoming, and feared what my fate would be if I continued. It was at that point that I withdrew from the abstract world and enlisted in the United States Army. My life was going to %##@, and I needed to correct course quickly. I knew that the army would grant me the opportunity to really hone those disciplines I lacked. As luck would have it, I was right. But along that new path, I refused all searches for "power" and "magic." I wanted wisdom, and every day I'm grateful I made the choice I did.
What I mean by "dying" was that from what my shaman friend had pointed out, I was right there at the precipice of ego death. But as I said above, I knew that didn't mean I was destined to become a good man. I know that there is no such thing as good and evil, and that all life is is a matter of choice. It's all just an experience. But I still have to live with what's in my heart, and I didn't want to be the man I was becoming.
The toltecs I knew were fine men, wonderful people. I can't speak too much for the teacher of my friend, as I did not have the chance to engage with him as much as I would've liked, but my friend himself was and is a good man. But he also had his own set of problems. I know that he had the "true sight." I saw him demonstrate true power, showing me things that ripped my mind apart. He was a true toltec, not a man beset by personal quests. But he was not me, and I was not strictly a toltec. He was much more indifferent to his fellow men than I was. My bleeding heart left a mess on the living room floor, and he would just shake his head. He was probably right to some degree, but I had many questions about how sane he actually was. I'm never given to trusting metaphysical knowledge before it's been proven, and he had not conclusively proven the points he was trying to teach me. I was on my own, as far as real learning goes. Was he a good role model? Well, he was himself. And I am myself. We are two different people on two different paths, holding two different sets of ideas. We learned much from each other, but in no way did I ever feel inclined to model myself after him. All I could do was observe his energetic being, and compare it to myself. And there's only so much I can learn through this method. I know that ultimately I am supposed to be indifferent, but I still have to be comfortable with who I am. I still have to live with myself, and the only way to do that is to follow the dictations that come from my heart. I did not share the ideas that their hearts spoke, so I could not use them as role models.
I'm interested in the flyers mind, but I'm not seeking answers I'm not ready for. I blamed the ego for my problems for many years, finally remembering that I have to take responsibility for who I am. It's just a creature that needs to feed, and who am I to judge? I eat the cattle and the chicken, just the same as it feeds on me. But blaming this thing gets me nowhere, it's my job to take control of my life. I'm interested in learning more about flyers, but I'm not seeking confrontation just yet.
To answer what propels me onward into shamanism, I think, requires a bit of backstory. In a nutshell, I was raised in a strong christian household. In my teen years, I was able to see the flaws in their logic, but I could never shake the idea of God. I looked at the world around me, the question of who and what I really was never stopped burning within me. I was aware. I was alive. There were so many mysteries going on around me. Life itself was the great question. Once I turned from the church, I began to practice "magic." I had a friend that helped me learn how to do my first few spells, and that changed everything. After successful spell after successful spell, the truth became evident. At that point, I knew there was nothing more important I could do with my life than pursue the answer to the question of what was really going on here. I kept asking more questions, finding more answers, and I have no regrets about any of it.
I never really thought about how that meditation affects the body. I don't think I'm aware of the body in the same way you are, so your insight is very helpful. I've honestly never observed a negative effect from these meditations, but there may have been some on a level I was not aware of. If there was any, and honestly this might be a good explanation, it would be that my body has a hard time relaxing. I am always tense, always ready for the fight. I have always seen the value in this, but rarely stop to think about the negative aspects. This deserves serious attention. To give a little backstory, before I found Castaneda, I had developed the idea that a man confronted with death will exhibit more focus and power than ever before in his life. I pondered upon the idea of using this state of mind on a daily basis, constantly living in this frame of mind. I was actually fairly successful in inducing it, but I never stopped to think of the consequences. Now that I think about it, I am always tense and ready to move. I move in a straight line, and I don't like obstructions. Relaxation is a feat I'm rarely capable of. You've given me something valuable to think about, and I am very grateful for it. This is what I came here for, exactly this.
I have not had serious magical discussions in nearly eight years, and I miss them very much. Magic has more or less been absent from my life for nearly eight years. There are hints of it here and there, always lurking behind the edges of reality. But it hasn't been "real" in a very long time. In future posts, I might explain why I am just now coming back to this side of life. Even my old shaman friend has been reluctant to have these conversations with me, as much as I beg him. He has his reasons, but I have no contact left to the other side. This place, I'm hoping, can help me once more step back into that great unknown. Speaking and writing of magic is of great help to me, gets the mind back into all that abstract. If all goes well, I don't intend to veer away from this forum anytime soon. All of you have all of my gratitude, and all of my heartfelt thanks.
Thanks for the welcome(?). I don't mind the welcome wagon, but right now I'm particular about who I would prefer to interact with. When I say I've met many shaman before, not all of them were enjoyable company. But I'm sure you know how that goes. I don't mind people being what they've chosen to be, but that doesn't mean I want to have anything to do with it. There's something to be learned in every encounter, I can only hope to retain enough presence to understand what it is. Anyway, thank you.
watergaze,
Here comes the long response. I was aware that I skipped the question about formless men, but did not have time to explain it earlier. I'll go ahead and start with that now.
Now, I'm a simple man of simple intelligence, and I never made it as far as some of my associates. But I do remember energetic signatures of people quite well. As I discovered later in life, I have been seeing the energetic structure of people my entire life, and have always relied heavily upon those impressions in dealing with anyone. Now the men I know that I say have lost their form all had one thing in common, they were inaccessible. These men were always beyond reach, never predictable, and could see right through you every step of the way. They were never given to the reactions you might expect of them, they didn't follow the "rules" of normal behavior. Their motives were always unclear, and they felt threatening because you knew they were always beyond your reach. They didn't share the common concerns of the common people, you could tell their eyes were always set on some point hidden behind the stars. They were strange creatures, and barely recognizable as humans at all. I've only met two that have achieved this feat, my best friend and the man who taught him. Hope this clarifies.
The mind was clinging to the proverbial shores of the great river, not wanting to let go and enjoy the ride. No doubt that if I had let go, I would have realized there was little to worry about in the first place. I simply didn't like where I was. The mind is flexible, but how quickly our own blinders can make it rigid. I just didn't feel ready for the steps I was about to take, so I withdrew.
The metaphor of the dream was used only to point out that we will not take our riches and treasures with us into whatever lays beyond this life. Maybe we'll remember what happened in this life, maybe our soul will intrinsically remember the lessons it has learned. But the numbers reflected in my bank account today will mean nothing in that next life. I definitely agree that there is much to be learned from our dreams, and I treat them as being just as real as the waking life. But when that dream is over, all that remains is its memory.
I actually started fleshing out a post on identity and personality, but it's going to take time to complete before I post it. I tend to be a bit busier these days, and I'm still trying to get my mind to fluently think in abstract ways. It is coming though.
I actually love the golden rule. I aim to be as helpful as possible to everyone I meet in life. I greet every stranger with a smile, and rarely hesitate to extend a helping hand. I will go far out of my way to aid anyone that needs it, within reason. I've learned a lot about helping others, and the great trick is to not further enable a person's sense of dependency on the aid of others. There is no "blanket technique" that applies to everyone. Learning how to effectively and genuinely help others requires a lot of trial and error experience, at least in my case. However, for better or for worse, I do not stand down when confronted. Not when I realize what is at stake. I have to keep in mind what the actual goal is when faced with opposition. Sometimes you're confronted with a person who does need to be shut down, a man that needs to be "stopped" before he injures himself or others. And I certainly don't profess to be a master in this arena, I am still quit humbled by my failures in this regard. Hindsight is always 20/20. I don't know if my way of doing this is really impeccable or not, but I could never stand seeing "truth" be crushed by "evil." I always felt that as much pride as I take in this sense of honor and integrity, it could easily become a weakness. I will have to think on this a bit more closely.
I am glad that you and others came forth, because I was seriously starting to reconsider my choice to interact. I'm not claiming my level of understanding surpasses that of others, but I do wish to be a bit particular about who I interact with. This is a conversation much more my pace and tune, so I thank you from the heart.
I should have clarified on the comment about not being willing to change, because you are right. We need to be fluid and adaptable, and that's something I knew and believed when I made that comment. The point of the comment is that I am not yielding or compromising my stance just for the comfort of others, not that I won't adjust if something I need to know is presented to me. My fault for not clarifying.
watergaze wrote:You type [ quote] (without the spacebar) then you copy paste the sentence you want to quote and finish with [/ quote] (again without the spacebar). If you would like to indicate who the quote is from you type at the beginning [ quote=name] (without the spacebar).
Thanks
You are absolutely correct, there's no way I could have that level of control without some degree of the same over myself. Once again, I did not explain correctly. And the correct explanation was just in my head...but now it's lost. So I'll do my best to say what I can. At that "height," I was far from "absolute power," but that didn't stop me from believing too much in my own sense of power. I am not strictly toltec, but I have learned a great deal over the years. Many of my techniques are not taught by Castaneda or Ruiz, but nonetheless they have proven themselves through my experiments. The things I've seen myself do...I don't know how to describe it. I don't now is the time to try to, but I will later. Anyway, all of this "power" was coursing through me, the fabric of the universe was my oyster. But I had none of the wisdom necessary to wield it. I was well aware that a person can experience ego death, but never find enlightenment. On a side note, the first post I wanted to make in this forum was about the actual fate of Castaneda himself. Oddly enough, the sources I was going to use for my theory have been removed from the internet. Anyway, I was a hothead. Arrogant, easily offended, vindictive, and not always a pleasant person. I hurt a lot of people, and didn't seem to have a lot of interest in using my "power" for anything good. I was able to see what I was becoming, and feared what my fate would be if I continued. It was at that point that I withdrew from the abstract world and enlisted in the United States Army. My life was going to %##@, and I needed to correct course quickly. I knew that the army would grant me the opportunity to really hone those disciplines I lacked. As luck would have it, I was right. But along that new path, I refused all searches for "power" and "magic." I wanted wisdom, and every day I'm grateful I made the choice I did.
What I mean by "dying" was that from what my shaman friend had pointed out, I was right there at the precipice of ego death. But as I said above, I knew that didn't mean I was destined to become a good man. I know that there is no such thing as good and evil, and that all life is is a matter of choice. It's all just an experience. But I still have to live with what's in my heart, and I didn't want to be the man I was becoming.
The toltecs I knew were fine men, wonderful people. I can't speak too much for the teacher of my friend, as I did not have the chance to engage with him as much as I would've liked, but my friend himself was and is a good man. But he also had his own set of problems. I know that he had the "true sight." I saw him demonstrate true power, showing me things that ripped my mind apart. He was a true toltec, not a man beset by personal quests. But he was not me, and I was not strictly a toltec. He was much more indifferent to his fellow men than I was. My bleeding heart left a mess on the living room floor, and he would just shake his head. He was probably right to some degree, but I had many questions about how sane he actually was. I'm never given to trusting metaphysical knowledge before it's been proven, and he had not conclusively proven the points he was trying to teach me. I was on my own, as far as real learning goes. Was he a good role model? Well, he was himself. And I am myself. We are two different people on two different paths, holding two different sets of ideas. We learned much from each other, but in no way did I ever feel inclined to model myself after him. All I could do was observe his energetic being, and compare it to myself. And there's only so much I can learn through this method. I know that ultimately I am supposed to be indifferent, but I still have to be comfortable with who I am. I still have to live with myself, and the only way to do that is to follow the dictations that come from my heart. I did not share the ideas that their hearts spoke, so I could not use them as role models.
I'm interested in the flyers mind, but I'm not seeking answers I'm not ready for. I blamed the ego for my problems for many years, finally remembering that I have to take responsibility for who I am. It's just a creature that needs to feed, and who am I to judge? I eat the cattle and the chicken, just the same as it feeds on me. But blaming this thing gets me nowhere, it's my job to take control of my life. I'm interested in learning more about flyers, but I'm not seeking confrontation just yet.
To answer what propels me onward into shamanism, I think, requires a bit of backstory. In a nutshell, I was raised in a strong christian household. In my teen years, I was able to see the flaws in their logic, but I could never shake the idea of God. I looked at the world around me, the question of who and what I really was never stopped burning within me. I was aware. I was alive. There were so many mysteries going on around me. Life itself was the great question. Once I turned from the church, I began to practice "magic." I had a friend that helped me learn how to do my first few spells, and that changed everything. After successful spell after successful spell, the truth became evident. At that point, I knew there was nothing more important I could do with my life than pursue the answer to the question of what was really going on here. I kept asking more questions, finding more answers, and I have no regrets about any of it.
I never really thought about how that meditation affects the body. I don't think I'm aware of the body in the same way you are, so your insight is very helpful. I've honestly never observed a negative effect from these meditations, but there may have been some on a level I was not aware of. If there was any, and honestly this might be a good explanation, it would be that my body has a hard time relaxing. I am always tense, always ready for the fight. I have always seen the value in this, but rarely stop to think about the negative aspects. This deserves serious attention. To give a little backstory, before I found Castaneda, I had developed the idea that a man confronted with death will exhibit more focus and power than ever before in his life. I pondered upon the idea of using this state of mind on a daily basis, constantly living in this frame of mind. I was actually fairly successful in inducing it, but I never stopped to think of the consequences. Now that I think about it, I am always tense and ready to move. I move in a straight line, and I don't like obstructions. Relaxation is a feat I'm rarely capable of. You've given me something valuable to think about, and I am very grateful for it. This is what I came here for, exactly this.
I have not had serious magical discussions in nearly eight years, and I miss them very much. Magic has more or less been absent from my life for nearly eight years. There are hints of it here and there, always lurking behind the edges of reality. But it hasn't been "real" in a very long time. In future posts, I might explain why I am just now coming back to this side of life. Even my old shaman friend has been reluctant to have these conversations with me, as much as I beg him. He has his reasons, but I have no contact left to the other side. This place, I'm hoping, can help me once more step back into that great unknown. Speaking and writing of magic is of great help to me, gets the mind back into all that abstract. If all goes well, I don't intend to veer away from this forum anytime soon. All of you have all of my gratitude, and all of my heartfelt thanks.