01-26-2014, 12:00 AM
Hello. I have not yet managed to be an active member of a forum for any length of time due to infrequent internet access but I think I have that settled now. A few of you, LoneWolf in particular may have seen a few posts under the name Windrose in the past few years. I have been engaged in Toltec pursuits since I was 13 and I am now 45. I feel that although I have made considerable progress I still have many gray areas where my knowledge is unclear. I am going to be honest about my experiences and the type of person I feel myself to be. I am doing so because I believe in being open hearted even though I sometimes think I have no emotions especially since I went through a period of madness that lasted about 5 years. quite literally I am asking for guidance in my attempt to understand the teachings. I am very bright(borderline genius) where reason is concerned but I feel that this makes me doubt my intuition. I have had myriad experiences in lucid dreaming and beginning last year I believe I have begun to have oobe's. In 2005 I began to feel an emptiness within but now this emptiness brings a strange peace. I feel sometimes that all I need is to wait for the answers I am seeking but I think that It would be foolish to never ask because of pride. I experimented heavily with LSD between the ages of 21 to 25 and about the only thing I do now is take narcotics for back pain due to scoliosis. my first major question, and I feel stupid for asking it, is that I need to know what direction I belong to. The second is can anyone explain to me how to use the jewels of awareness in daily practice. if these are inappropriate or inane questions please feel free to put me in my place. Thank you and Good Day.