06-15-2017, 12:01 AM
rosygyro, good for you on that subjectivity bent. Thus, it begins there.
My impeccable recap lasted for several months (5-7). I hardly ever slept more than a few hours. Though objectiviy is the tool, subjectivity surely is the entire body of recap. I was consumingly, wholly myself to the exclusion of an external world.
What I did was amazing, and I wanted even more. So a few months after the that recap concluded I went ALL IN. I wanted to destroy myself with shame, self hatred, and self-negation generally with avid recap fixed on just those things mentioned. About a month into this I began having identical, repeat nightmares that were morbidly reeking of death and foreboding. Yet, when I realized these were going to recur nightly without exception, I began to anticipate and embrace the nightmare. Even so, the jolt to my system was massively intrusive. Interestingly, Susan would begin screaming from her sleep state silmutaneously each and every time without exception. This happened for two weeks.
Then, one morning I woke up with unequivocal knowledge that this happening was abruptly at cessation. I had utter comprehension that I was disengaged from the world as I had experienced it before. That is, I was factually detached without my doing. I was empty. I had no clue what to do with my self, with my thoughts and emotions. These had no quality of connection or import. Technically I was insane, except for that I was able to drop down into the quiet empty at anytime. I tried to emerge many times as a viable party to the world, but it was useless because my emotions would careen so wildly and without sense that I could only drop back into peace at the bottom. After a couple weeks I realized what a 'gift' I had inherited. I would only move out from the tranquil emptiness. I had near perfect equanimity, and understood to be even more detached and aware when thoughts and emotions stabilized some. What I had not learned at this juncture was how to control the subjectivity for creative, objective value.
Then I accidentally came here, and immediately serloco began showing me. But, serloco is not entirely grounded and so I entered a sorceric limbo. Kaomea began stalking me, and more [MORE] or less made a fool out of me by manipulating me into her wholehearted submissive. Kaomea {whether by being thoughtful or careless (or both)} did show me the error of my ways. She taught me subjectivity and sorcery required a goodly mixture of fluidity and objectivity together. As an example, a sorcerer can be likened to a manager of workers. If she/he is to get the optimum responses and productive outcomes, she/he must objectify the entities. Though I project, I yell at this one, have patience with that one, and encourage another with compliments because the entities respond differently. I pay attention in my fully subjective autonomy, and I objectify in the forthcoming time. I can SEE [KNOW] if I practice this. Interacting with reflective dialogue only complicates what should be simple, as I already know HOW and WHY to act. Do I really need to entertain the others' emanations through linguistics? If I ask, I am partially enslaved to another's script in the play. When focused on the HOW and WHY of my being, I readily CHOOSE to command the outcomes based on SEEING [KNOWING] what is what.
watergaze will kindly sharpen this aspect of potential manifestation. She will show me that fluidity is NOT divergent from the objective moving into corporeal.. AND THIS while I retain the entirety of my own subjectivity, else there be no integrity. In return, I will show her that sorcerers as myself can MANIFEST hugely (and kindly).
I AM authentic as there ever will be. I AM passionate and empathetic too. I AM GOOD!
My impeccable recap lasted for several months (5-7). I hardly ever slept more than a few hours. Though objectiviy is the tool, subjectivity surely is the entire body of recap. I was consumingly, wholly myself to the exclusion of an external world.
What I did was amazing, and I wanted even more. So a few months after the that recap concluded I went ALL IN. I wanted to destroy myself with shame, self hatred, and self-negation generally with avid recap fixed on just those things mentioned. About a month into this I began having identical, repeat nightmares that were morbidly reeking of death and foreboding. Yet, when I realized these were going to recur nightly without exception, I began to anticipate and embrace the nightmare. Even so, the jolt to my system was massively intrusive. Interestingly, Susan would begin screaming from her sleep state silmutaneously each and every time without exception. This happened for two weeks.
Then, one morning I woke up with unequivocal knowledge that this happening was abruptly at cessation. I had utter comprehension that I was disengaged from the world as I had experienced it before. That is, I was factually detached without my doing. I was empty. I had no clue what to do with my self, with my thoughts and emotions. These had no quality of connection or import. Technically I was insane, except for that I was able to drop down into the quiet empty at anytime. I tried to emerge many times as a viable party to the world, but it was useless because my emotions would careen so wildly and without sense that I could only drop back into peace at the bottom. After a couple weeks I realized what a 'gift' I had inherited. I would only move out from the tranquil emptiness. I had near perfect equanimity, and understood to be even more detached and aware when thoughts and emotions stabilized some. What I had not learned at this juncture was how to control the subjectivity for creative, objective value.
Then I accidentally came here, and immediately serloco began showing me. But, serloco is not entirely grounded and so I entered a sorceric limbo. Kaomea began stalking me, and more [MORE] or less made a fool out of me by manipulating me into her wholehearted submissive. Kaomea {whether by being thoughtful or careless (or both)} did show me the error of my ways. She taught me subjectivity and sorcery required a goodly mixture of fluidity and objectivity together. As an example, a sorcerer can be likened to a manager of workers. If she/he is to get the optimum responses and productive outcomes, she/he must objectify the entities. Though I project, I yell at this one, have patience with that one, and encourage another with compliments because the entities respond differently. I pay attention in my fully subjective autonomy, and I objectify in the forthcoming time. I can SEE [KNOW] if I practice this. Interacting with reflective dialogue only complicates what should be simple, as I already know HOW and WHY to act. Do I really need to entertain the others' emanations through linguistics? If I ask, I am partially enslaved to another's script in the play. When focused on the HOW and WHY of my being, I readily CHOOSE to command the outcomes based on SEEING [KNOWING] what is what.
watergaze will kindly sharpen this aspect of potential manifestation. She will show me that fluidity is NOT divergent from the objective moving into corporeal.. AND THIS while I retain the entirety of my own subjectivity, else there be no integrity. In return, I will show her that sorcerers as myself can MANIFEST hugely (and kindly).
I AM authentic as there ever will be. I AM passionate and empathetic too. I AM GOOD!