12-04-2018, 12:00 AM
The answer to your question could go into a few directions.. but I'm picking this one:
I loved how stopping judgment freed some of my energy (I am thinking back to one concrete situation as I speak about it here/now). It took quite a while of holding the position of non-judgment. The situation kept developing but I managed not to tip this way or that way and kept the options and possibilities open, a couple at the same time. It was as if the universe had several conflicting layers at once that were not in conflict inside me
. I felt like it took gigantic effort sometimes to stay balancing on this razor sharp tip that I was walking on. I had to react in a way that was in sync with several conflicting layers, this was challenging and it was also interesting, to find the deeds and words that managed to do that. I had to withstand a lot of pressure sometimes because the situation (and other people and aspects of myself) wanted to tip me one way or the other (I had them pulling and pushing at me from various sides). But then with time it became almost effortless and I actually enjoyed it because (the aspects of myself grew more and more silent and) I could feel the energy starting to build up (I got somewhat excited by it, a bit more than I should have - here we are back again to the topic of the enticement of power).
In the end the energy went into deepening my connection with everything around me. It was much easier to hear the pre-echoes (and after echoes) of events and I felt my surroundings much better. The most comfortable thing about it was that there was no up and down, there were no extremes, it was a gentle sliding into and slow increase in the intensity of the state and then a slow subsiding and returning to a better level of what became normal. I think I was very lucky for encountering such a situation thanks to which I could in the end experience this in such pronounced and comfortable intensity.
As I said, the whole situation did exert quite a lot of pressure on me while it lasted (nor did it end there but the after pressure led to more learning because that part showed me where there was room for doing it better). I felt the shifting of energy over the months of having this experience, and then once the situation ended, more energy was released and it shifted me more (but to repeat, it was very comfortable and somewhat gradual - I value soft transitions). One element that was really important was that I did not use the ending boost of energy towards enhancing, solidifying or defending my own self image (I mention this because the situation had this option served on a silver platter. For example, other people judged me and that always pushes one to want to defend oneself. It also would have been quite natural to want to define myself in the new state that I found myself in and although a bit of energy went in this direction to look at myself it did not linger).
The whole non-judging dance was, in a way, like standing in the eye of a storm/tornado. Around you the pressure is building up and the wind is licking your skin and tugging at your hair and your clothes, it wants you to go this way or that, it screams at you but you keep your inner silence and stillness (you don't let that scream echo inside of you). You don't want to get into the whirlwind of it all because there there are only sides and no center (and because it seems to you more and more that out there it is crazy - this was something that was hard to reconcile with), and as you stand there you are at the same time bending with all the forces and at the same time standing still. It is not that you are rigid in your stance, no, you are supple, you do your own dance using the different currents but not allowing them to take or move you out of your center and catch you into their own direction and agenda. (The suppleness was a hard thing sometimes - I think there were some periods when I lost it and was becoming more rigid in my stance but luckily I managed to not get stuck in that direction and state.)
I think maybe this is the difference between the lazy type of no judgement and what I am describing. I was not lazy though I know which muscle was the one that got a break and I can quite easily just have that part of me take a break and be lazy if I want to. I think I gave it too big a rest afterwards just because I was hoping that doing that might have the same effect . And also because it was like taking a vacation lol. But in some sense people need judgement, it is just that judgement should not be so bound to our or others' self-importance and our self-image.
And that is, by the way, the problem with Amy's book. I got this book as a gift from another warrior who bought it, read it and didn't want it hehe. he thought I might want a peek so he gave it to me to do with as I pleased. I started reading it but did not get very far because I didn't need to. I read the under layers of that book quite fast. Maybe it is easier for foreigners to do because it was something of a typically American flavor (a way of expressing oneself to sound a certain way that is not that common where I'm from or at least in my circles). Now that we talk about it here I can express it within the context of our discussion as.. she wanted to judge Carlos and she also wanted to vindicate herself. Her bias was too clear for me to want to read the book further... the flavor of it was spoiling my reading experience. I am not talking now about whether what she writes is true or not, but the flavor of this (if) truth was bad. It was not something I wanted to digest (it would be like eating a strawberry that might be delicious on its own but here in a bunch of goo... hence not really being able to properly taste the strawberry anyway). Plus it was not like she was telling me anything new as such - this kind of option was already available from other sources. I just added her person to one side of the argument and I didn't need to read all of her book any more, it wouldn't change anything that mattered (but it could poison a part of me with its flavor). Somehow I felt as if reading the first few pages was like reading the whole book. You take a bite out of an apple and you know how sour and how sweet it is, you can estimate how full you'd be or how you'd feel if you took so and so many bites to eat the whole apple or part of it etc.
The books is an interesting keepsake for me. I have it in my library and once or twice I told myself that I would read it sometime, but I never take it out. When I see it it reminds me of the pitfalls of power and of the bad odor of judgment, wounded pride and gossip. But you see.. is it not fascinating that I share my judgement of the book and the state of it's author when she was writing it. The difference is that I have nothing at stake when I write this... and she had everything at stake. So I share my findings, impressions and judgments but I am supple in this, not invested. I might read the next chapter in the book and prove myself wrong or right without feeling bad or good about it (what I might feel is all open to me - it could be surprise or curiosity or excitement or I might just curse and throw it away). It would be easy for me to change my opinion based on my impressions. But somehow I doubt that the Amy who wrote the book (as in at the time she wrote it) had that same attitude . (if she did she'd not have written the book the way she did. But, it is about a part of her life and how she sees herself - so in some sense it is unfair to compare it. So, in that regard, sorry Amy.)
Jos3ph, what has been your experience with suspending judgment?
The experience I describe was a landmark experience in how I use and understand judgement and suspending judgment. Since then I manage to notice much better when my own self-image is thrust forward or mixed into it when I make judgements. It is great to be aware of that imo. Keeps things a bit more sober. But that doesn't mean the battle is won - one slowly starts to understand the face of the 3rd enemy.
I loved how stopping judgment freed some of my energy (I am thinking back to one concrete situation as I speak about it here/now). It took quite a while of holding the position of non-judgment. The situation kept developing but I managed not to tip this way or that way and kept the options and possibilities open, a couple at the same time. It was as if the universe had several conflicting layers at once that were not in conflict inside me
. I felt like it took gigantic effort sometimes to stay balancing on this razor sharp tip that I was walking on. I had to react in a way that was in sync with several conflicting layers, this was challenging and it was also interesting, to find the deeds and words that managed to do that. I had to withstand a lot of pressure sometimes because the situation (and other people and aspects of myself) wanted to tip me one way or the other (I had them pulling and pushing at me from various sides). But then with time it became almost effortless and I actually enjoyed it because (the aspects of myself grew more and more silent and) I could feel the energy starting to build up (I got somewhat excited by it, a bit more than I should have - here we are back again to the topic of the enticement of power). In the end the energy went into deepening my connection with everything around me. It was much easier to hear the pre-echoes (and after echoes) of events and I felt my surroundings much better. The most comfortable thing about it was that there was no up and down, there were no extremes, it was a gentle sliding into and slow increase in the intensity of the state and then a slow subsiding and returning to a better level of what became normal. I think I was very lucky for encountering such a situation thanks to which I could in the end experience this in such pronounced and comfortable intensity.
As I said, the whole situation did exert quite a lot of pressure on me while it lasted (nor did it end there but the after pressure led to more learning because that part showed me where there was room for doing it better). I felt the shifting of energy over the months of having this experience, and then once the situation ended, more energy was released and it shifted me more (but to repeat, it was very comfortable and somewhat gradual - I value soft transitions). One element that was really important was that I did not use the ending boost of energy towards enhancing, solidifying or defending my own self image (I mention this because the situation had this option served on a silver platter. For example, other people judged me and that always pushes one to want to defend oneself. It also would have been quite natural to want to define myself in the new state that I found myself in and although a bit of energy went in this direction to look at myself it did not linger).
The whole non-judging dance was, in a way, like standing in the eye of a storm/tornado. Around you the pressure is building up and the wind is licking your skin and tugging at your hair and your clothes, it wants you to go this way or that, it screams at you but you keep your inner silence and stillness (you don't let that scream echo inside of you). You don't want to get into the whirlwind of it all because there there are only sides and no center (and because it seems to you more and more that out there it is crazy - this was something that was hard to reconcile with), and as you stand there you are at the same time bending with all the forces and at the same time standing still. It is not that you are rigid in your stance, no, you are supple, you do your own dance using the different currents but not allowing them to take or move you out of your center and catch you into their own direction and agenda. (The suppleness was a hard thing sometimes - I think there were some periods when I lost it and was becoming more rigid in my stance but luckily I managed to not get stuck in that direction and state.)
I think maybe this is the difference between the lazy type of no judgement and what I am describing. I was not lazy though I know which muscle was the one that got a break and I can quite easily just have that part of me take a break and be lazy if I want to
. I think I gave it too big a rest afterwards just because I was hoping that doing that might have the same effect . And also because it was like taking a vacation lol. But in some sense people need judgement, it is just that judgement should not be so bound to our or others' self-importance and our self-image. And that is, by the way, the problem with Amy's book. I got this book as a gift from another warrior who bought it, read it and didn't want it hehe. he thought I might want a peek so he gave it to me to do with as I pleased. I started reading it but did not get very far because I didn't need to. I read the under layers of that book quite fast. Maybe it is easier for foreigners to do because it was something of a typically American flavor (a way of expressing oneself to sound a certain way that is not that common where I'm from or at least in my circles). Now that we talk about it here I can express it within the context of our discussion as.. she wanted to judge Carlos and she also wanted to vindicate herself. Her bias was too clear for me to want to read the book further... the flavor of it was spoiling my reading experience. I am not talking now about whether what she writes is true or not, but the flavor of this (if) truth was bad. It was not something I wanted to digest (it would be like eating a strawberry that might be delicious on its own but here in a bunch of goo... hence not really being able to properly taste the strawberry anyway). Plus it was not like she was telling me anything new as such - this kind of option was already available from other sources. I just added her person to one side of the argument and I didn't need to read all of her book any more, it wouldn't change anything that mattered (but it could poison a part of me with its flavor). Somehow I felt as if reading the first few pages was like reading the whole book. You take a bite out of an apple and you know how sour and how sweet it is, you can estimate how full you'd be or how you'd feel if you took so and so many bites to eat the whole apple or part of it etc.
The books is an interesting keepsake for me. I have it in my library and once or twice I told myself that I would read it sometime, but I never take it out. When I see it it reminds me of the pitfalls of power and of the bad odor of judgment, wounded pride and gossip. But you see.. is it not fascinating that I share my judgement of the book and the state of it's author when she was writing it
. The difference is that I have nothing at stake when I write this... and she had everything at stake. So I share my findings, impressions and judgments but I am supple in this, not invested. I might read the next chapter in the book and prove myself wrong or right without feeling bad or good about it (what I might feel is all open to me - it could be surprise or curiosity or excitement or I might just curse and throw it away). It would be easy for me to change my opinion based on my impressions. But somehow I doubt that the Amy who wrote the book (as in at the time she wrote it) had that same attitude . (if she did she'd not have written the book the way she did. But, it is about a part of her life and how she sees herself - so in some sense it is unfair to compare it. So, in that regard, sorry Amy.)Jos3ph, what has been your experience with suspending judgment?
The experience I describe was a landmark experience in how I use and understand judgement and suspending judgment. Since then I manage to notice much better when my own self-image is thrust forward or mixed into it when I make judgements. It is great to be aware of that imo. Keeps things a bit more sober. But that doesn't mean the battle is won - one slowly starts to understand the face of the 3rd enemy.