12-23-2014, 12:00 AM
It has been 3 years since my nagual was damaged. At that time I was experiencing much synchronicity and clairvoyance; aspects natural to the nagual. I could see things about people that were not usually visible to me. The one defining aspect of this time was a sensation of power around my body, as though some energetic field encased my physical body. This energetic field was growing larger and denser as time went on. It is this field of energy I am calling my nagual, that was damaged. In actual fact the sensation was more a ripping away, as though I was assaulted and flayed to bits; pillaged and brutalised. As time went on the loss of this energy left me with no will to live, life was just some barbaric aberration; a tomb filled with soulless, mechanical life forms.
In a interaction with LM I experienced a piercing and ripping apart of something in my chest and solar plexus. The injustice of this stunned me. How could this man, who can see, not see me. How can he not see the impact and damage the energy of his words had on my nagual. I see he is blind to what happened. How could he not see me when I could see him, know when his life was in danger, when he was withdrawing. For a time there he felt like he was a part of me, sharing as aspect of my life blood and soul. Could he not see this, feel this as I did?
Only recently do I feel the stirrings of this energy as they start to gather. It is still very weak and fragile. It needs to be protected and fortified from any kind of damage. I have to be wide awake now that it is growing again; prepared and armed lest the same thing happens again. I don't particularly expect anything at this stage, but rather later when it is 'ripe for the picking'. Harvest time is a way off, which gives me time to prepare some kind of offering in lieu of my energy.
I have found that what happened as happens with all interactions is that energy was exchanged. I had his energy and he had some of mine, that is why I could sense him, why he felt so familiar. My mistake was been naive like a child instead of taking the stance of a warrior. A bigger mistake was not recapping continually and consistently. It is evident to me now that it is imperative to reclaim ones energy and expel the energy of others to remain sovereign. Not doing so leaves one vulnerable to the vagaries of other peoples intentions.
Perhaps he ejected my energy from him and I experienced this as an assault. As I can only speak of my own experience I can only say that to me he seems blind and I am to blame for what ever expectation I formed of him and what kind of tonal he should have.
At the end of it all I am responsible for what happened, it was my weakness. My tonal is weak and my energy is low, that is why he is my enemy. As my power increases this will change and I will accept him for who he is as I will accept all life.
edit: removed 29 post's at Absyllyon's request
In a interaction with LM I experienced a piercing and ripping apart of something in my chest and solar plexus. The injustice of this stunned me. How could this man, who can see, not see me. How can he not see the impact and damage the energy of his words had on my nagual. I see he is blind to what happened. How could he not see me when I could see him, know when his life was in danger, when he was withdrawing. For a time there he felt like he was a part of me, sharing as aspect of my life blood and soul. Could he not see this, feel this as I did?
Only recently do I feel the stirrings of this energy as they start to gather. It is still very weak and fragile. It needs to be protected and fortified from any kind of damage. I have to be wide awake now that it is growing again; prepared and armed lest the same thing happens again. I don't particularly expect anything at this stage, but rather later when it is 'ripe for the picking'. Harvest time is a way off, which gives me time to prepare some kind of offering in lieu of my energy.
I have found that what happened as happens with all interactions is that energy was exchanged. I had his energy and he had some of mine, that is why I could sense him, why he felt so familiar. My mistake was been naive like a child instead of taking the stance of a warrior. A bigger mistake was not recapping continually and consistently. It is evident to me now that it is imperative to reclaim ones energy and expel the energy of others to remain sovereign. Not doing so leaves one vulnerable to the vagaries of other peoples intentions.
Perhaps he ejected my energy from him and I experienced this as an assault. As I can only speak of my own experience I can only say that to me he seems blind and I am to blame for what ever expectation I formed of him and what kind of tonal he should have.
At the end of it all I am responsible for what happened, it was my weakness. My tonal is weak and my energy is low, that is why he is my enemy. As my power increases this will change and I will accept him for who he is as I will accept all life.
edit: removed 29 post's at Absyllyon's request