12-26-2014, 12:00 AM
Poison - when other people generate highly positive feel-good endorphins in others, but those good feelings are under false pretenses, you have basically been poisoned.
This happens in failed love and many other disappointments in life. Its the same with drug addiction on a much more primitive level. Some drug or food makes you feel good but doesn't have any substance, it makes you dependent and saps your energy - its poison.
It seems very clear to me that you actually care a great deal about this guy on some level. I am not making a judgement here, in fact I really understand this and empathize. It is quite possible he may still be a warrior some day OR be miserable the rest of his life. It's not your game anymore.
You are more than capable of reclaiming whatever energy you may have lost. You put the intent out there and you must have no pity about it, ya know, just fucking take it back. And we've been blessed with a number of concrete techniques from various teachings (like the recapitulation) to help you take it back. And since you clearly state now that you would liek to have this energy back, that is the first step - at your core you are already stronger than the shadow of what Lujan Matus was to you, and you can confront that shadow.
It's YOUR energy - you have a right to it, take it please.
This happens in failed love and many other disappointments in life. Its the same with drug addiction on a much more primitive level. Some drug or food makes you feel good but doesn't have any substance, it makes you dependent and saps your energy - its poison.
It seems very clear to me that you actually care a great deal about this guy on some level. I am not making a judgement here, in fact I really understand this and empathize. It is quite possible he may still be a warrior some day OR be miserable the rest of his life. It's not your game anymore.
You are more than capable of reclaiming whatever energy you may have lost. You put the intent out there and you must have no pity about it, ya know, just fucking take it back. And we've been blessed with a number of concrete techniques from various teachings (like the recapitulation) to help you take it back. And since you clearly state now that you would liek to have this energy back, that is the first step - at your core you are already stronger than the shadow of what Lujan Matus was to you, and you can confront that shadow.
It's YOUR energy - you have a right to it, take it please.