03-10-2016, 12:00 AM
billy wrote:3/10/2016
3/10/2016
So, so much is going on. There was a shift that took place the night you intitiated chat (though I had a befuddled position as onlooker). The sense of my own strength the next morning made it clear that I was in an invulnerable mode, such that trust with 'vision' is beyond my questioning. That is, I am essentially 'told' that nothing I do in the tonal matters at all (my tonal is near perfect), but that things I need to do in other attentions matters a WHOLE LOT. This is not in the form of a pressing personal onus.*** Rather, I am being 'pushed firmly,' and I am unwaveringly being 'shown' what to do.
That you introduced Meditation to me was something you needed to do, and you did. I am getting inklings that you are also aware of my 'job' to improve my dreaming. . The display of inner 'faith' and energy is just plain getting stronger and stronger. There is no waning, and self-doubts are snuffed by the magnitude. The markings are all there; this is a freaky superb path we are on.
Throughout, notice I keep using accents on words, because these are all workings mostly beyond the conscious level; but the movement is experienced as very certain nonetheless. I want to be clear to you that any suspicion you could have is understandably just, yet I assure you beyond my common understanding, that generally 'THIS WHATEVER' is not vague to my spirit. It is fucking loaded that something good is happening.
I mentioned to 'forget that' and just have fun around it, just as if we are going on a trip to NY. However, several things on that. You CAN anticipate as freely and greedily as your heart desires. Trust me, it is okay! Get excited! No harm will come of your moods one way or the other--not even emotions of doubt or disbelief.
Somehow that post about controlled folly came out of me automatically. I recognize there are things you will be doing to prepare, and I believe you already are beginning to have a sense of this. This is an area not to concern yourself with. I want to addresss your possible uneasiness that you might feel somehow lacking. YOU ARE NOT LACKING!!! I would only suggest you get close to this path of your own heart and be warm (or cold) with that alone. Your doings and not-doings will practically arise by themselves. You will have whatever movements move you, and that will be more than sufficient without undue effort. Obviously, AWARENESS is important, but that is what we do anyways. There are to be no chains of your imagination here. Be free to be Kaomea. You will easily get beyond any fighting, liking, disliking, loving, connection, disconnection, anger, happiness, sexiness, stupidity, whatever between us. These will not affect the unitive state. Thank you for your videos. I have a big smile on my face. You are generous. I ALWAYS am reading between the lines what is obscure to others ..your darkness is so delicious. You have disarmed me. I AM the child of your deception. This is becoming more dangerously exhilerating. I hope you are fully aware of just what you are doing to me. I hope I am worthy. This is exactly why I have the upperhand so to speak. All I ever want to do is surrender. But, I can't quite do it. I'll try harder. Oh no, I don't crave this light to come at all. Yes, it is gloriously magnificent, but I WANT to be consumed by your dirty, obscene filthiness much MUCH more than any goodness in this eternity. How is THAT for truth and detachment?
You CAN have your cake and eat it too!!
Now I will Meditate.
I appreciate your expression of your inward experiences. As far as me getting excited and being eager, that's just not who I am now. Think of the devil, can you imagine what he would look like if he got excited like they way you do? It's refreshing, sure. I think it's great on you. There's a youthful virbrancy about that energy and I think you should carry it for as long as you're able. You have a love for life--keep it that way, youthful. I've experienced and witnessed many heavy experiences; so I just don't get excited the way you do. I feel excited, definitely. I'm often flooded with feelings of appreciation and amazement, I intensely adore many moments of closeness between people and their environment. I still feel; but my expression is a shade muted. So. I do get excited. I just don't show it the way you do. Be assured it's there.
Hmmm. On lacking. I think for anyone in a stage of growth, progress, or expansion there's always a feeling of lacking only because there is more to do yet. I don't think I'll ever be finished either. I appreciate your desire to make me feel like I'm enough; I do feel that way though. Yet--there's always more to do xP so in a way, it's a constant state of fulfillment and lacking. It's nice though, it doesn't bother me.
I'm glad you're engaged, there's a lot happening Oh speaking of that. There's a responsibility I feel toward you as you're shifting (as I'm sure Serloco feels as well). I could completely disregard that responsibility and let you spin-out wherever your energy takes you. However, I'd rather move chairs, tables, buildings, and people out of your way so that you do not accidentally injure yourself or others. Why? So that you may spin freely and completely immerse yourself in the experience. It's beautiful to watch, even if I'm not a part of it.
3/10/2016
So, so much is going on. There was a shift that took place the night you intitiated chat (though I had a befuddled position as onlooker). The sense of my own strength the next morning made it clear that I was in an invulnerable mode, such that trust with 'vision' is beyond my questioning. That is, I am essentially 'told' that nothing I do in the tonal matters at all (my tonal is near perfect), but that things I need to do in other attentions matters a WHOLE LOT. This is not in the form of a pressing personal onus.*** Rather, I am being 'pushed firmly,' and I am unwaveringly being 'shown' what to do.
That you introduced Meditation to me was something you needed to do, and you did. I am getting inklings that you are also aware of my 'job' to improve my dreaming. . The display of inner 'faith' and energy is just plain getting stronger and stronger. There is no waning, and self-doubts are snuffed by the magnitude. The markings are all there; this is a freaky superb path we are on.
Throughout, notice I keep using accents on words, because these are all workings mostly beyond the conscious level; but the movement is experienced as very certain nonetheless. I want to be clear to you that any suspicion you could have is understandably just, yet I assure you beyond my common understanding, that generally 'THIS WHATEVER' is not vague to my spirit. It is fucking loaded that something good is happening.
I mentioned to 'forget that' and just have fun around it, just as if we are going on a trip to NY. However, several things on that. You CAN anticipate as freely and greedily as your heart desires. Trust me, it is okay! Get excited! No harm will come of your moods one way or the other--not even emotions of doubt or disbelief.
Somehow that post about controlled folly came out of me automatically. I recognize there are things you will be doing to prepare, and I believe you already are beginning to have a sense of this. This is an area not to concern yourself with. I want to addresss your possible uneasiness that you might feel somehow lacking. YOU ARE NOT LACKING!!! I would only suggest you get close to this path of your own heart and be warm (or cold) with that alone. Your doings and not-doings will practically arise by themselves. You will have whatever movements move you, and that will be more than sufficient without undue effort. Obviously, AWARENESS is important, but that is what we do anyways. There are to be no chains of your imagination here. Be free to be Kaomea. You will easily get beyond any fighting, liking, disliking, loving, connection, disconnection, anger, happiness, sexiness, stupidity, whatever between us. These will not affect the unitive state. Thank you for your videos. I have a big smile on my face. You are generous. I ALWAYS am reading between the lines what is obscure to others ..your darkness is so delicious. You have disarmed me. I AM the child of your deception. This is becoming more dangerously exhilerating. I hope you are fully aware of just what you are doing to me. I hope I am worthy. This is exactly why I have the upperhand so to speak. All I ever want to do is surrender. But, I can't quite do it. I'll try harder. Oh no, I don't crave this light to come at all. Yes, it is gloriously magnificent, but I WANT to be consumed by your dirty, obscene filthiness much MUCH more than any goodness in this eternity. How is THAT for truth and detachment?
You CAN have your cake and eat it too!!
Now I will Meditate.
I appreciate your expression of your inward experiences. As far as me getting excited and being eager, that's just not who I am now. Think of the devil, can you imagine what he would look like if he got excited like they way you do? It's refreshing, sure. I think it's great on you. There's a youthful virbrancy about that energy and I think you should carry it for as long as you're able. You have a love for life--keep it that way, youthful. I've experienced and witnessed many heavy experiences; so I just don't get excited the way you do. I feel excited, definitely. I'm often flooded with feelings of appreciation and amazement, I intensely adore many moments of closeness between people and their environment. I still feel; but my expression is a shade muted. So. I do get excited. I just don't show it the way you do. Be assured it's there.
Hmmm. On lacking. I think for anyone in a stage of growth, progress, or expansion there's always a feeling of lacking only because there is more to do yet. I don't think I'll ever be finished either. I appreciate your desire to make me feel like I'm enough; I do feel that way though. Yet--there's always more to do xP so in a way, it's a constant state of fulfillment and lacking. It's nice though, it doesn't bother me.
I'm glad you're engaged, there's a lot happening Oh speaking of that. There's a responsibility I feel toward you as you're shifting (as I'm sure Serloco feels as well). I could completely disregard that responsibility and let you spin-out wherever your energy takes you. However, I'd rather move chairs, tables, buildings, and people out of your way so that you do not accidentally injure yourself or others. Why? So that you may spin freely and completely immerse yourself in the experience. It's beautiful to watch, even if I'm not a part of it.