10-03-2003, 12:00 AM
He started to laugh as if at a big joke; the more he laughed, the greater my annoyance.
I dont see whats so funny, I said.
Sometimes the underlying truth shouldnt be tampered with, he said. The underlying truth here is like a block at the bottom of a big pile of things, a cornerstone. If we take a hard look at the bottom block, we might not like the results. I prefer to avoid that.
He laughed again. His eyes, shining with mischievousness, seemed to invite me to pursue the subject further. And I insisted again that I had to know what he was talking about. I tried to sound calm but persistent.
Well, if that is what you want, he said with the air of one who had been overwhelmed by the request.
Tell me about it, don Juan! I exclaimed, irritated with his delaying tactics.
I want you to bear in mind that I am telling you at your insistence, he said, still smiling.
He paused again. By then I was fuming.
If you judge me by my actions with you, he said, you would have to admit that I have been a paragon of patience and consistency. But what you dont know is that to accomplish this I have had to fight for impeccability as I have never fought before. In order to spend time with you, I have had to transform myself daily, restraining myself with the most excruciating effort.
Don Juan had been right. I did not like what he said. I tried not to lose face and made a sarcastic comeback.
Im not that bad, don Juan, I said.
My voice sounded surprisingly unnatural to me.
Oh, yes, you are that bad, he said with a serious expression. You are petty, wasteful, opinionated, coercive, short-tempered, conceited. You are morose, ponderous, and ungrateful. You have an inexhaustible capacity for self-indulgence. And worst of all, you have an exalted idea of yourself, with nothing whatsoever to back it up.
I could sincerely say that your mere presence makes me feel like vomiting.
My expression, upon hearing the bottom truth, must have been something, for don Juan broke into such gales of laughter I though he was going to choke.
--From Carlos Castanedas book The Power of Silence
It is a curious thing to consider why, in all creation, Carlos Castaneda would have included this conversation with don Juan in his book series? Obviously he was not trying to build himself up in the eyes of his millions of fans. If this is the way don Juan purportedly actually felt about him then how should we feel about him?
When weighing out this conversation with don Juan against what actually transpired many years later when Carlos Castaneda decided to go public with his creation called Tensegrity it seems somewhat of a prophesy of how many, who knew him rather intimately, would eventually feel about Castaneda after he died.
Its interesting that those who supposedly knew him rather intimately would eventually practically mirror the underlying truth of how don Juan actually felt about Castaneda. Many were hurt by Castaneda because he used a mask of developed humor and apparent niceness to hide all these aspects of his character that don Juan blatantly revealed and were recorded in Carlos book The Power of Silence. Eventually those aspects of Castanedas character led to his downfall and disgraceful death.
Over and over the Spirit has revealed to me that Castaneda was incredibly frustrated because his fan base were comprised of people that he considered to be uninspiring moronic idiots. Those who he really wanted to respect and admire him had turned their backs and refused to think of him as anything other than a glory seeking liar. One of the reasons he went public was to do his part to cure all those who would follow someone like him as their leader. Carlos felt that eventually, after much pain, they would be healed of this desire to follow some charismatic leader and would never be tricked by any type of guru leader again.
Carlos was concerned about those who would inherit the Cleargreen he created. He didnt trust them to put the truth about him above their financial concerns. It was towards this end that, in private, he gave himself over to his indulgences to the point that he knew the crazy stories of his sexually indulgent and cruel private life would have no choice except to surface. If he was successful at nothing else Carlos was determined that no one would ever consider making him an official saint any time after he died.
The naysayers would have us all believe that because these things don Juan pointed out were true about the real Carlos Castaneda that automatically means there was no don Juan and thus none of the lessons of don Juan are worthy of emulation.
Well, first of all I will always admire the way don Juan would smile and laugh at situations that would have had me blowing my stack in anger
This is not an impossible a trait to develop within myself. Id say I am now closer to don Juans character in this area than ever before in my life.
Next I will always admire how don Juan was able, through his way of life, to prolong his youth and to be agile, flexible and energetically vibrant. For a man purportedly in his seventies he was really something physically inspiring indeed. At least in this aspect the health and fitness guru Jack LaLaine would indeed be proud
This also is not so impossible to accomplish and as I slowly approach the age of fifty I am indeed on the road towards living this aspect of don Juans character. Once I remember Castaneda, amazed at don Juans prowess, exclaiming, Youre not old at all, don Juan! To this I remember don Juan replying that he treated himself well. On any given day I can go to any shopping mall in the area and see that MOST Americans DO NOT treat themselves well. As a matter of fact they are a disgrace and a bad influence on anyone who wants to treat him or herself well. Nuff said on this issue.
Don Juan was on great terms with nature and the Spirit saw fit to guide, warn and protect him in his life. He was being led by the omens of the Spirit and lived in harmony with those omens
I am indeed learning how to be on great terms with nature and how to be embraced and led by omens towards a life of ever growing abundance and prosperity. This aspect of don Juans life is also not impossible to accomplish. At least not for me. In closing I will say that the most important thing I have ever learned from the lessons of don Juan is to have a deep and abiding love and respect for nature. By developing a romance with the Spirit I foresee a life of ever growing love and abundant prosperity that will stretch into eternal infinity. What more can a person possibly want from life?
I dont see whats so funny, I said.
Sometimes the underlying truth shouldnt be tampered with, he said. The underlying truth here is like a block at the bottom of a big pile of things, a cornerstone. If we take a hard look at the bottom block, we might not like the results. I prefer to avoid that.
He laughed again. His eyes, shining with mischievousness, seemed to invite me to pursue the subject further. And I insisted again that I had to know what he was talking about. I tried to sound calm but persistent.
Well, if that is what you want, he said with the air of one who had been overwhelmed by the request.
Tell me about it, don Juan! I exclaimed, irritated with his delaying tactics.
I want you to bear in mind that I am telling you at your insistence, he said, still smiling.
He paused again. By then I was fuming.
If you judge me by my actions with you, he said, you would have to admit that I have been a paragon of patience and consistency. But what you dont know is that to accomplish this I have had to fight for impeccability as I have never fought before. In order to spend time with you, I have had to transform myself daily, restraining myself with the most excruciating effort.
Don Juan had been right. I did not like what he said. I tried not to lose face and made a sarcastic comeback.
Im not that bad, don Juan, I said.
My voice sounded surprisingly unnatural to me.
Oh, yes, you are that bad, he said with a serious expression. You are petty, wasteful, opinionated, coercive, short-tempered, conceited. You are morose, ponderous, and ungrateful. You have an inexhaustible capacity for self-indulgence. And worst of all, you have an exalted idea of yourself, with nothing whatsoever to back it up.
I could sincerely say that your mere presence makes me feel like vomiting.
My expression, upon hearing the bottom truth, must have been something, for don Juan broke into such gales of laughter I though he was going to choke.
--From Carlos Castanedas book The Power of Silence
It is a curious thing to consider why, in all creation, Carlos Castaneda would have included this conversation with don Juan in his book series? Obviously he was not trying to build himself up in the eyes of his millions of fans. If this is the way don Juan purportedly actually felt about him then how should we feel about him?
When weighing out this conversation with don Juan against what actually transpired many years later when Carlos Castaneda decided to go public with his creation called Tensegrity it seems somewhat of a prophesy of how many, who knew him rather intimately, would eventually feel about Castaneda after he died.
Its interesting that those who supposedly knew him rather intimately would eventually practically mirror the underlying truth of how don Juan actually felt about Castaneda. Many were hurt by Castaneda because he used a mask of developed humor and apparent niceness to hide all these aspects of his character that don Juan blatantly revealed and were recorded in Carlos book The Power of Silence. Eventually those aspects of Castanedas character led to his downfall and disgraceful death.
Over and over the Spirit has revealed to me that Castaneda was incredibly frustrated because his fan base were comprised of people that he considered to be uninspiring moronic idiots. Those who he really wanted to respect and admire him had turned their backs and refused to think of him as anything other than a glory seeking liar. One of the reasons he went public was to do his part to cure all those who would follow someone like him as their leader. Carlos felt that eventually, after much pain, they would be healed of this desire to follow some charismatic leader and would never be tricked by any type of guru leader again.
Carlos was concerned about those who would inherit the Cleargreen he created. He didnt trust them to put the truth about him above their financial concerns. It was towards this end that, in private, he gave himself over to his indulgences to the point that he knew the crazy stories of his sexually indulgent and cruel private life would have no choice except to surface. If he was successful at nothing else Carlos was determined that no one would ever consider making him an official saint any time after he died.
The naysayers would have us all believe that because these things don Juan pointed out were true about the real Carlos Castaneda that automatically means there was no don Juan and thus none of the lessons of don Juan are worthy of emulation.
Well, first of all I will always admire the way don Juan would smile and laugh at situations that would have had me blowing my stack in anger
This is not an impossible a trait to develop within myself. Id say I am now closer to don Juans character in this area than ever before in my life.
Next I will always admire how don Juan was able, through his way of life, to prolong his youth and to be agile, flexible and energetically vibrant. For a man purportedly in his seventies he was really something physically inspiring indeed. At least in this aspect the health and fitness guru Jack LaLaine would indeed be proud
This also is not so impossible to accomplish and as I slowly approach the age of fifty I am indeed on the road towards living this aspect of don Juans character. Once I remember Castaneda, amazed at don Juans prowess, exclaiming, Youre not old at all, don Juan! To this I remember don Juan replying that he treated himself well. On any given day I can go to any shopping mall in the area and see that MOST Americans DO NOT treat themselves well. As a matter of fact they are a disgrace and a bad influence on anyone who wants to treat him or herself well. Nuff said on this issue.
Don Juan was on great terms with nature and the Spirit saw fit to guide, warn and protect him in his life. He was being led by the omens of the Spirit and lived in harmony with those omens
I am indeed learning how to be on great terms with nature and how to be embraced and led by omens towards a life of ever growing abundance and prosperity. This aspect of don Juans life is also not impossible to accomplish. At least not for me. In closing I will say that the most important thing I have ever learned from the lessons of don Juan is to have a deep and abiding love and respect for nature. By developing a romance with the Spirit I foresee a life of ever growing love and abundant prosperity that will stretch into eternal infinity. What more can a person possibly want from life?