08-05-2018, 12:00 AM
Yes they do. They battle of my (anyone's) life.
When was the first exchange, on a personal level? You mentioned seeing the Tenant as a prepubescent girl....as opposed to a rotting corpse, depending on one's state. I had a second attention experience many years ago which reflected that moment when I gave in and said, in essence, "you can have me.....if you quit hounding me". This being named Agile....with highly reflective skin....chasing me mercilessly through a neighborhood. As fast as I was, I couldn't put any distance between me and him. Finally, when I knew I could never get away, I just stopped.....gave up. From a high tree branch, I called him forth, by name. He sauntered out and I did the deed. I told him that if he quit chasing me, he could have this girl. Beside him appeared a prepubescent girl dressed for school...looking terrified. He looked at me....sauntered over....and then wrenched her head back and fed on her neck with the most violent, sadistic, lust I've ever witnessed or imagined. Horrific. You can imagine my profound grief, emerging from that experience. That was my innocence, being sacrificed, for a sense of peace....or relief.....even though its just putting off the inevitable for a little while. Anything to stop the harrowing chase.
So, the impetus to go back and find those moments when I caved.....gave over. Childhood stuff and then the same moment reinforced over and over into adulthood. Core recap.....or root recap, as you say. I've found a bunch of them, with help. I don't know how many times I have to face those moments until this stuff is resolved. I guess the proof is in the pudding.
When was the first exchange, on a personal level? You mentioned seeing the Tenant as a prepubescent girl....as opposed to a rotting corpse, depending on one's state. I had a second attention experience many years ago which reflected that moment when I gave in and said, in essence, "you can have me.....if you quit hounding me". This being named Agile....with highly reflective skin....chasing me mercilessly through a neighborhood. As fast as I was, I couldn't put any distance between me and him. Finally, when I knew I could never get away, I just stopped.....gave up. From a high tree branch, I called him forth, by name. He sauntered out and I did the deed. I told him that if he quit chasing me, he could have this girl. Beside him appeared a prepubescent girl dressed for school...looking terrified. He looked at me....sauntered over....and then wrenched her head back and fed on her neck with the most violent, sadistic, lust I've ever witnessed or imagined. Horrific. You can imagine my profound grief, emerging from that experience. That was my innocence, being sacrificed, for a sense of peace....or relief.....even though its just putting off the inevitable for a little while. Anything to stop the harrowing chase.
So, the impetus to go back and find those moments when I caved.....gave over. Childhood stuff and then the same moment reinforced over and over into adulthood. Core recap.....or root recap, as you say. I've found a bunch of them, with help. I don't know how many times I have to face those moments until this stuff is resolved. I guess the proof is in the pudding.