Casual Conversation

[Billy]

I have mentioned having emptiness and dark night of soul; I had never had 'clinical' depression for lack of words until now.  Like many of my experiences I can almost be enamored with it a few moments for reprieve.  I miss having a happy moving thought or a burst of positive juices in response to an external.

   I share this objectively without emphasis on any self-pity that may accompany my state.  Though, I have not exerted concerted energy in decades in matters of mind.  I go with 'it.'

   I now know Joe (friend/teacher) probably went to difficult places in later years.  This isn't quieting my image at all, is it?  I spoke out of turn and confused you, when I said you answered AMAZINGLY quick.  I wasn't sarcastic as you interpreted; I wrongly thought I got my own answer to quieting my image via your vibe.  Truthfully I am so f***ed up that all I can do is laugh at myself. 

   Still, I hopefully have room to listen to any hardship of yours--- I now realize how endlessly deep the darkness seems if only an illusion (which I don't surmise one way or the other).

    Words are my best medium (outside of impromptu empiricism).  You mentioned a place you wrote about words (artform) where?

   
   Am I okay with no vitality? SMILING yet true.  Why bother with me?  STAY!