09-14-2014, 12:02 AM
PERSPECTIVE* Billy is in a little world, with sometimes penetrating imagination. He really does love himself. He has no friends, no family (his daughter most probably won't ever talk to him again), he has no income, he has no goals--- yet he is happier than 99% of humanity. I think if someone took away espn (sports TV channel) I will feel some minor loss. I feel big and small because I am real, in a world where I have yet to know anyone as honest as myself. I had to chuckle when you spoke of taking me to hell--fear never felt so warm to me. I really did laugh internally--I am in hell--I am in heaven. You move me Dereckh==my emptiness I mean.
Sure, you have power to use in ways I might not understand---but that is not where we are going together. A time may come when we part. We will part being better persons--you a better vampire, a BETTER sorcerer. I am a freak. I mean that in the way of a Secretariat, a Tiger Woods, a Jim Brown, a Babe Ruth and also part eccentric. I do NOT want ANYTHING more than what I have right now. DO YOU understand that is essentially true for me? THAT alone makes me a freak. You come to me so naturally--AND it is a beautiful thing. I love how I don't need to read more into than that which you give me. So you can forget sly suggestions if that suits you. Tell me openly as you do so well. Recognize my humanity--that I will dangle without a clue at times---BUT mostly I will get it. My life has had large cycles concerning ups and downs.
Two periods of over six months, where I did not want sleep---could not wait to jump out of bed with greedy lust of life. I had downs to match. I love that all the growingin life has an upward trajectory. I wondered if it was possible I could crash--I did not care as much as that is possible for me not to care. I only know I get higher all the time. I wait patiently for that next cycle. I see the wonder of how I am learning to absorb pain. I think about absorbing the world's pain (a first for me). I HATE MARTYRS === I DON"T THINK LIKE THAT------I HATE PITY---PITY IS the ONLY sin I can think of. I have it too, I guess-NOT OFTEN.
You are BIG. I like THAT. I am little. I like THAT. You are full--I am empty. I don't need to learn--I just learn what I do. I don't think you feel a need to teach me--you just do.
Sure, you have power to use in ways I might not understand---but that is not where we are going together. A time may come when we part. We will part being better persons--you a better vampire, a BETTER sorcerer. I am a freak. I mean that in the way of a Secretariat, a Tiger Woods, a Jim Brown, a Babe Ruth and also part eccentric. I do NOT want ANYTHING more than what I have right now. DO YOU understand that is essentially true for me? THAT alone makes me a freak. You come to me so naturally--AND it is a beautiful thing. I love how I don't need to read more into than that which you give me. So you can forget sly suggestions if that suits you. Tell me openly as you do so well. Recognize my humanity--that I will dangle without a clue at times---BUT mostly I will get it. My life has had large cycles concerning ups and downs.
Two periods of over six months, where I did not want sleep---could not wait to jump out of bed with greedy lust of life. I had downs to match. I love that all the growingin life has an upward trajectory. I wondered if it was possible I could crash--I did not care as much as that is possible for me not to care. I only know I get higher all the time. I wait patiently for that next cycle. I see the wonder of how I am learning to absorb pain. I think about absorbing the world's pain (a first for me). I HATE MARTYRS === I DON"T THINK LIKE THAT------I HATE PITY---PITY IS the ONLY sin I can think of. I have it too, I guess-NOT OFTEN.
You are BIG. I like THAT. I am little. I like THAT. You are full--I am empty. I don't need to learn--I just learn what I do. I don't think you feel a need to teach me--you just do.