10-09-2014, 12:04 AM
Book excerpt referring to my little boy dreams: "I am thickly rich in sensuality. There is a heightened awareness of being, and I am gobbling up the putrid sense of my own worthlessness. My existence is then peeled clean of dependencies, and I pleasure in pure withdrawal. ALL these dreams have an awareness within them of craving and reaching out for a sensational climax through my isolation!"
My book was a snapshot that carried no outward impetus to a whole life. My 'teachers' were builders-- they wanted me BIG. I had an ego too. I had to be ripe with maturity to go back to days of withdrawal. Note* I replaced the word shame with the word withdrawal to make it palatable for others, and in truth that is the evolved description to date.
It is one thing to talk withdrawal into an isolated state or emptiness, and another one to have emperical access to it. I don't know if its wise to tout it to others since the premise comes to roost. Someone without maturity is in for serious shock when isolation's meaninglessness becomes hooked onto to self-reflection. Detachment without the deathground experience is probably inadequate for the challenge of embracing (withstanding) the abyss.
You can't have my soul serloco-- it is long gone. I won't go near opening up for eternal hell or expect to see eternal bliss again either. I probably won't revisit Patrick Ness (a good good writer), or sorcery as a concerted effort. I got what I needed. The relations I 'messed' was surely my unconscious intent--another step deeper into acknowledging the truth of my own isolation-- Emptiness is powerful and peaceful. It is quite connected to the desire for negation or annihilation I do believe. How silly is that given the nature of energy. It is what it is. THIS is me. Not preaching to anyone. Though I could theorize.
My book was a snapshot that carried no outward impetus to a whole life. My 'teachers' were builders-- they wanted me BIG. I had an ego too. I had to be ripe with maturity to go back to days of withdrawal. Note* I replaced the word shame with the word withdrawal to make it palatable for others, and in truth that is the evolved description to date.
It is one thing to talk withdrawal into an isolated state or emptiness, and another one to have emperical access to it. I don't know if its wise to tout it to others since the premise comes to roost. Someone without maturity is in for serious shock when isolation's meaninglessness becomes hooked onto to self-reflection. Detachment without the deathground experience is probably inadequate for the challenge of embracing (withstanding) the abyss.
You can't have my soul serloco-- it is long gone. I won't go near opening up for eternal hell or expect to see eternal bliss again either. I probably won't revisit Patrick Ness (a good good writer), or sorcery as a concerted effort. I got what I needed. The relations I 'messed' was surely my unconscious intent--another step deeper into acknowledging the truth of my own isolation-- Emptiness is powerful and peaceful. It is quite connected to the desire for negation or annihilation I do believe. How silly is that given the nature of energy. It is what it is. THIS is me. Not preaching to anyone. Though I could theorize.