Casual Conversation

[Billy]

Pardon the double entendre of 'match.'  Not to compete whatsoever, but to point out the wonderful symmetry.  I do get you and I am connected.

The first mentor put me to the task immediately about the importance of being decisional--put it right on me.  Then gifted me with the "Art of War."  Brought awareness to being decisional and bringing one's self to death ground.  AND it came upon me too, and I was ready--(very special).

The second mentor wanted me to SEE more around me by focusing on the work (awareness) one does.  Showed me how pain could be pleasure.  He did the most amazing thing in being part of bringing me to the state of nirvana-- he made me detach and SEE the whys and hows RIGHT IN THE F***ING MIDDLE of nirvana.  How many could ever be given THAT gift?  The nirvana itself--but the DETACHMENT AWARENESS TOO!!!

Now you serloco.  You facilitated cutting my last ties.  I gave up attachment to my daughter-- and later told my siblings in a nice way I planned NOT to engage them.  This was not contrived.  I SAW the price I was paying. 

Yes, I met the devil manifestation--yes he brought me through his eyes into the horror of that eternity called hell.  Yes I met an angel (a girl), and was brought through her eyes into the bliss of that eternity called heaven.  I am not using hyperbole. Nirvana which is a most perfect energetic state of being is not close to the ceaseless JOY in that stopping of time in one gaze.  AND I have had other marvelously euphoric transcendencies that do not compare with the state of nirvana.

  We are going to have fun, You and I.  It is like the Phildel song "Beside You."  This amounts to self-dialogue really.  Figuratively, maybe I will 'b**** slap you right into nirvana-ha, ha, ha.  I had not had that in my vernacular, and told my wife how you were going to 'b**** slap' me out of my mortality limitations.  The death defier idea is planted in me now serloco.  {Not that I ever wanted it (smiling)}  Thank you for the compliment that I leap with power.         By the way, my wife was plenty familiar with the concept 'b**** slapping' and she showed one of her few lighter moments.  She asked me how much I was paying you for sorcery mentoring.  I laughed about how cheap I was, and especially about my not having any soul.  Recapitulation took care of that.  And you have finished off the power of lingering flyers from having fascilitated me into that bizarre second attention at the ritz of ritz wedding receptions.

Also, I was always aware that stress caused my body illness-- I rarely got sick in life and take no pills.  A few times in life I allowed myself sickness (cold and head stuff) because it made more sense than the stress battle.  I took on major stress the last months moving myself to accept your gestures and knew I could not afford coming down via illness during this time of power.  I did not (pat myself).

There were definite fertile fields prior to the teachers and most certainly for your arrival.  I don't like to ponder these possibilities, but from what I am conditioned to calculate...(Hmm)

There were some fall-out periods in the thirty years with my first mentor, but he definitely had the grounding and could be counted on 100%  Where 'spirit' was concerned troubles got dropped.  AND, if he said he would meet you somewhere at some time in the future, he was 100% because he was committed to his decisions.

    I am not nearly as strong.  I do however know to know I am weak as such.  I have a knack for retreating and finding a way.  I will be invaluable to you because I am virtually REAL (truthful to myself).
I doubt you know such a person, accepting now you do.  I don't know if you are a devil and I don't care.  I know to know that still at times I may shake with fear.  Still, I know better to SEE the truth. 
If you just want to flash Rock Star Apparel I am not interested.  From now on it is you.  Note how Phildel could not help herself but to be more naturally direct.  Yet I fully understand when you use the indirect, it is for a reason. 

My Christmases were very nostalgically nice.  You said you did not have that.  I will share some Christmas with you.  I will make it easy for you to come back to other emotions you may miss in the sorcerer's world-- to feel them genuinely and still you will be with one who is detached enough.  Think of me as your alter neuron (I think that's it).

  I know you are holding me up for now.  I will catch up.  You told me you gave me extended being-- I have used that to my advantage.  It evens me out.  You have helped empower me greatly.  I thank you serloco.
Tell me about your Thanksgiving if you wish.  My wife went to spend it with my daughter (gone for a couple weeks)  I am very good alone. 

OMG ALONE is who I am.  OMG ALONE makes me happy.  SEE why I like Phildel singing "Switchblade?"