01-10-2003, 12:00 AM
I asked a guestion, and you answered me from your truth.
I believe that life is measured out between the dreams of the night, and the hopes of the day. To some, the monsters of the night are only the residue of poorly digested meals, or unresolved issues of the past. To others dreams are more real than life itself, and the sole reason for living. I do not know for certain where the mundane begins, and the dream ends. I have experience both in my short life, and I know only awe. I can not say I understand the forces of the universe, but I know there is the positive, as well as the shadow side. I have felt my heart sway under the power of both, but I have tried to live my life as a warrior. And perhaps because of this I have been tested. But so is everyone, until the end.
I come from a northern town, and the winter can be brutal. People there must find shelter, or risk dying of exposure. To be homeless is a risky life at best, but in the north it is a deadly proposition. I have stopped many nights on the street, to waken a brother, only to find he preferred the icy dreams of his sidewalk slumber. All I know is there but for the heart of a warrior go I. And believe me, I do not call my self a warrior without knowing the slender path it is between this world and the next. And how many have lived and died, and will again, to fight the fight.
I spoke of the northern town where I am from, and how hard life can be there. I have seen people disengage from life there like it was a disease. I used to think it was the weather, and then as a joke, I said it must be the water. And now, I think it is a mind-set that takes on the form of a parasite. It is cruelty for pleasure, and to me the saddest thing. I know the place of no pity, and I accept that as an inescapable rule, but there was a time, I could not accept the pettiness, the poverty of spirit that I witnessed, and it epressed me. I was not dangerously depressed, not suicidal, but I felt a sadness that wouldn't go away. It haunted me, because I believed it was like a spell had been cast over a people, and they were unable to see it hurting them. I tell you this because it was like a day-dream that wouldn't end.
I considered seeking professional help, as if this might convince me it was my own poor reflection messing up the view. And then some things happened that changed my mind, and reminded me that I lived my life the way I did for a reason. I had no way of knowing just how much my life was worth. Not in some way I could measure, but in a way that gave other people strength.
We are here together, yet we forget we belong to each other. We have the energy to carve out a stronghold, and create a place in the dream for the least among us. It is a challenge worthy of a warrior, and can only be realized in the passing moments of life. Between the dreams of the night, and the dreams of the day we can catch the spirit and create beauty. That is my dream--to never forget I have something to give this world.
One day I was walking down the street, and my head was hanging low. Out of nowhere this wild and earthy Indian woman came up to me. She was big and brown, and laughing, and she grabbed ahold of me, and wraped me in a big warm bear hug--and she said, "Never forget that you are beautiful to me. You are my BILLY JACK."
I had never met her before, and I never saw her again, She was a true warrior goddess, and she humbled me to the spiritworld. I thank her--and will never forget.
Peace
I believe that life is measured out between the dreams of the night, and the hopes of the day. To some, the monsters of the night are only the residue of poorly digested meals, or unresolved issues of the past. To others dreams are more real than life itself, and the sole reason for living. I do not know for certain where the mundane begins, and the dream ends. I have experience both in my short life, and I know only awe. I can not say I understand the forces of the universe, but I know there is the positive, as well as the shadow side. I have felt my heart sway under the power of both, but I have tried to live my life as a warrior. And perhaps because of this I have been tested. But so is everyone, until the end.
I come from a northern town, and the winter can be brutal. People there must find shelter, or risk dying of exposure. To be homeless is a risky life at best, but in the north it is a deadly proposition. I have stopped many nights on the street, to waken a brother, only to find he preferred the icy dreams of his sidewalk slumber. All I know is there but for the heart of a warrior go I. And believe me, I do not call my self a warrior without knowing the slender path it is between this world and the next. And how many have lived and died, and will again, to fight the fight.
I spoke of the northern town where I am from, and how hard life can be there. I have seen people disengage from life there like it was a disease. I used to think it was the weather, and then as a joke, I said it must be the water. And now, I think it is a mind-set that takes on the form of a parasite. It is cruelty for pleasure, and to me the saddest thing. I know the place of no pity, and I accept that as an inescapable rule, but there was a time, I could not accept the pettiness, the poverty of spirit that I witnessed, and it epressed me. I was not dangerously depressed, not suicidal, but I felt a sadness that wouldn't go away. It haunted me, because I believed it was like a spell had been cast over a people, and they were unable to see it hurting them. I tell you this because it was like a day-dream that wouldn't end.
I considered seeking professional help, as if this might convince me it was my own poor reflection messing up the view. And then some things happened that changed my mind, and reminded me that I lived my life the way I did for a reason. I had no way of knowing just how much my life was worth. Not in some way I could measure, but in a way that gave other people strength.
We are here together, yet we forget we belong to each other. We have the energy to carve out a stronghold, and create a place in the dream for the least among us. It is a challenge worthy of a warrior, and can only be realized in the passing moments of life. Between the dreams of the night, and the dreams of the day we can catch the spirit and create beauty. That is my dream--to never forget I have something to give this world.
One day I was walking down the street, and my head was hanging low. Out of nowhere this wild and earthy Indian woman came up to me. She was big and brown, and laughing, and she grabbed ahold of me, and wraped me in a big warm bear hug--and she said, "Never forget that you are beautiful to me. You are my BILLY JACK."
I had never met her before, and I never saw her again, She was a true warrior goddess, and she humbled me to the spiritworld. I thank her--and will never forget.
Peace