Not Doing-what does it mean?

[Lea]

lol, I think the quitting smoking thing makes no sense for two reasons. I think that not doing as a concept is left side awareness and therefore not rational. The other reason is that personally I still have a hard time explaining myself. For many years I had smoked heavily and consistently. This was obviously habitual behavior but what is quite reasonable is that the act of smoking a cigarette is not habitual. A habit is all its parts, and smoking a cigarette funnily enough is only one part of the greater scheme of the habitual behavior. See? grin. The pressure on me is to say yes I am still a smoker because I still smoke but for the last three years I have done a not-doing. This is a real Headfuck excuse my french. I cant quite explain the fact that I stopped smoking for a month, started for an afternoon, stopped for a week, started again for an evening, stopped for three weeks, started for three days, stopped for a month.... etc sometimes I walk around as though nothing has changed, it is not odd or an issue that I smoke but it is not a big deal or an issue that I do not smoke. MY choice is to smoke less and enjoy smoking when I do. a habit is something that you always do and I defiantly do not always do. I not do. lol