07-26-2008, 12:00 AM
And how does one know when he lost his form? I read C.C. and I experienced something similar to that what he explained. For years (nearly all my life) I tried
to decrease my self-importance and tried not to get offended by thinking that it doesn't really matter, that it is stupid to get offended and to feel bad.
I don't know why but people never liked me, they always made fun of me, but as a cancer (horoscope) I was very sensitive and had more problems with that.
Well I found out that nearly all my life I have lived as a warrior (maybe I wasn't following the warriors path 100%, but even 70-80% ain't bad if you
count that I found that out by myself, that I do not know any other way to live). Anyway after couple of months of regularly doing tensegrity and spending
nearly all my time in inner silence something happened. I had severe headache or pressure inside head (I never have/had it) and felt odd for couple of days.
And then suddenly it happened/felt (and still feels) just as C.C. wrote: "Without knowing how or even realizing what had happened, I found myself in a
most unfamiliar state. I felt detached; unbiased. What I felt was not a willed indifference, nor negligence to act. Neither was it alienation, nor even the
desire to be alone. Rather, it was an alien feeling of aloofness; a capability of immersing myself in the moment, and of having no thoughts whatever about
anything else. People's actions no longer affected me because I had no more expectations of any kind. A strange peace became the ruling force in my life. I
felt I had somehow adopted one of the concepts of a warrior's life: detachment."
And it felt/feels like I can "zoom in or out", I can choose whether I will feel some feelings or not. I can watch life as spectator (like a movie) or
I can be part of it and play it.
But I still cry, though differently and I can still feel sadness. When I am sad, its like I am shivering and trembling from inside and when I cry just some
tears drop down, one by one.
And I haven't seen any eye in front of me, ever. Maybe because I still can't "dream", I can't even find my hands in my dreams. Well
probably because I am lazy and didn't try not even a bit. Well I am working on it now, or not...
Anyway I'd like to know what is that what happened to me. I can't really believe that I lost human form at my age without any1 teaching me (though I
believe the spirit or some1/something is teaching me all my life).
Thank you for your answers and your time
to decrease my self-importance and tried not to get offended by thinking that it doesn't really matter, that it is stupid to get offended and to feel bad.
I don't know why but people never liked me, they always made fun of me, but as a cancer (horoscope) I was very sensitive and had more problems with that.
Well I found out that nearly all my life I have lived as a warrior (maybe I wasn't following the warriors path 100%, but even 70-80% ain't bad if you
count that I found that out by myself, that I do not know any other way to live). Anyway after couple of months of regularly doing tensegrity and spending
nearly all my time in inner silence something happened. I had severe headache or pressure inside head (I never have/had it) and felt odd for couple of days.
And then suddenly it happened/felt (and still feels) just as C.C. wrote: "Without knowing how or even realizing what had happened, I found myself in a
most unfamiliar state. I felt detached; unbiased. What I felt was not a willed indifference, nor negligence to act. Neither was it alienation, nor even the
desire to be alone. Rather, it was an alien feeling of aloofness; a capability of immersing myself in the moment, and of having no thoughts whatever about
anything else. People's actions no longer affected me because I had no more expectations of any kind. A strange peace became the ruling force in my life. I
felt I had somehow adopted one of the concepts of a warrior's life: detachment."
And it felt/feels like I can "zoom in or out", I can choose whether I will feel some feelings or not. I can watch life as spectator (like a movie) or
I can be part of it and play it.
But I still cry, though differently and I can still feel sadness. When I am sad, its like I am shivering and trembling from inside and when I cry just some
tears drop down, one by one.
And I haven't seen any eye in front of me, ever. Maybe because I still can't "dream", I can't even find my hands in my dreams. Well
probably because I am lazy and didn't try not even a bit. Well I am working on it now, or not...
Anyway I'd like to know what is that what happened to me. I can't really believe that I lost human form at my age without any1 teaching me (though I
believe the spirit or some1/something is teaching me all my life).
Thank you for your answers and your time