07-10-2006, 12:00 AM
Yeah, old huge guilt is probably the motivator. And yes, the brakes are on. The trouble is that I have such an affinity to each one; we got along fabulously..you know...like how warriors feel in the company of other warriors. Their betrayal was completely unexpected and blindsided me. It wasn't just one incident but spanned years of lying and sustained attempts to sabotage my reputation.
Both did so because of sexual issues. The woman is bisexual and wanted both her husband and me. The man is a sex addict and wanted both me and his promiscuous lifestyle. They refused to understand why their situation was unacceptable to me. The woman wanted me to be bisexual, when I'm not. The man wanted me to be a swinger, when I'm not. They both hated my groundedness and when each saw that I was steadfast in my orientation, they LASHED OUT in a most vicious and sustained manner.
So you see the base of it all and how I HATE how sexuality colors relationships. Without sexuality, my relationship with each was sublime, essential and the type that soothes the very soul and brings relief, comfort and joy. That's why their betrayal cut to the quick.
To lay myself bare to either of them is truly a life or death decision. I suppose the only solution is to stalk them and abandon all vestiges of my first attention needs of solace, comfort and companionship.
It's the story of my life... And now: back to your regularly scheduled (de)programming...
Both did so because of sexual issues. The woman is bisexual and wanted both her husband and me. The man is a sex addict and wanted both me and his promiscuous lifestyle. They refused to understand why their situation was unacceptable to me. The woman wanted me to be bisexual, when I'm not. The man wanted me to be a swinger, when I'm not. They both hated my groundedness and when each saw that I was steadfast in my orientation, they LASHED OUT in a most vicious and sustained manner.
So you see the base of it all and how I HATE how sexuality colors relationships. Without sexuality, my relationship with each was sublime, essential and the type that soothes the very soul and brings relief, comfort and joy. That's why their betrayal cut to the quick.
To lay myself bare to either of them is truly a life or death decision. I suppose the only solution is to stalk them and abandon all vestiges of my first attention needs of solace, comfort and companionship.
It's the story of my life... And now: back to your regularly scheduled (de)programming...