05-29-2011, 12:00 AM
”Nu Land” wrote:I'd say after reading all this, there is one true horror and that is apathy...to not feel. Sadness as you say, can be a form of joy, of presence and being alive and connected to somethign greater then ourselves. Learning to balance joy and sadness may be the survial factor, so the extremes do not overwhelm us.
Oh yes, apathy. That word sounds negative. But if we just say absence of feeling, we have a different feeling (heh) of the whole thing. Absence of feeling is also something useful (a long time ago I was very scared of this when I saw the possibility that I could be absent of feeling, I was afraid to cross into such a reality, afraid of who I will be, what will happen to me, that I will lose an important part, that I will become somebody else, somebody cold, frozen, I was not sure I could survive that and come back to myself again).
Sometimes I know how I feel even when not feeling the feeling. Might sound strange, but that is how it is in a nutshell. For example I know I love someone but I do not feel the feeling of love spreading through my body. Or when someone dies I am sad, but do not feel sad, do not experience the feeling itself. Some emotions maybe drain you and so one does not have to feel them all the time, or at all. But one can consciously allow himself to feel or want to feel them and they emerge then (but it takes a kind of resetting). Apathy for me is a kind of semi-consciousness, stupefaction. This is not what I am talking about here. One is totally by one's senses, with an acute mind. Maybe ruthlessness is what it can be called (i had a slightly different notion of ruthlessness but now that I think of it I guess it could go with that term as well), maybe in between normal and ruthlessness.
Apathy also implies a certain indifference, not so with (partial) ruthlessness. I always used the word ruthless when in a situation where one had to act impeccably and where feelings get in the way so one has to get over himself (get into a state where one is over himself) so to speak for the sake of the highest possible option.
I am very aware that it is just a position of the AP, thus the resetting if one wants it differently, one needs to jump back to a different position. Some feelings drain you of power/energy so bad you get tired and even need to go sleep. Some just take a lot of attention, like love - in certain moments it is counterproductive to have the feeling. The best thing is to let 'the other' decide this, it just kind of naturally hapens a lot of the times. And I just realize where I am and decide if it is where i want to be. So I feel it is more natural and less likely that i will mess up due to my ignorance .
I suppose it could be seen as part of self control. For example not to fall in love when one does not let oneself. If I do not want to put myself in that position, if I do not open myself, then it is not possible.
May people experiences the falling in love in spite of themselves and think falling in love just happens, that it cannot be controlled. Not true. But a different thing is if it is good to control or not. I am not going into that part of thought now . I'd just say that we should always know what we are doing..
Oh yes, apathy. That word sounds negative. But if we just say absence of feeling, we have a different feeling (heh) of the whole thing. Absence of feeling is also something useful (a long time ago I was very scared of this when I saw the possibility that I could be absent of feeling, I was afraid to cross into such a reality, afraid of who I will be, what will happen to me, that I will lose an important part, that I will become somebody else, somebody cold, frozen, I was not sure I could survive that and come back to myself again).
Sometimes I know how I feel even when not feeling the feeling. Might sound strange, but that is how it is in a nutshell. For example I know I love someone but I do not feel the feeling of love spreading through my body. Or when someone dies I am sad, but do not feel sad, do not experience the feeling itself. Some emotions maybe drain you and so one does not have to feel them all the time, or at all. But one can consciously allow himself to feel or want to feel them and they emerge then (but it takes a kind of resetting). Apathy for me is a kind of semi-consciousness, stupefaction. This is not what I am talking about here. One is totally by one's senses, with an acute mind. Maybe ruthlessness is what it can be called (i had a slightly different notion of ruthlessness but now that I think of it I guess it could go with that term as well), maybe in between normal and ruthlessness.
Apathy also implies a certain indifference, not so with (partial) ruthlessness. I always used the word ruthless when in a situation where one had to act impeccably and where feelings get in the way so one has to get over himself (get into a state where one is over himself) so to speak for the sake of the highest possible option.
I am very aware that it is just a position of the AP, thus the resetting if one wants it differently, one needs to jump back to a different position. Some feelings drain you of power/energy so bad you get tired and even need to go sleep. Some just take a lot of attention, like love - in certain moments it is counterproductive to have the feeling. The best thing is to let 'the other' decide this, it just kind of naturally hapens a lot of the times. And I just realize where I am and decide if it is where i want to be. So I feel it is more natural and less likely that i will mess up due to my ignorance .
I suppose it could be seen as part of self control. For example not to fall in love when one does not let oneself. If I do not want to put myself in that position, if I do not open myself, then it is not possible.
May people experiences the falling in love in spite of themselves and think falling in love just happens, that it cannot be controlled. Not true. But a different thing is if it is good to control or not. I am not going into that part of thought now . I'd just say that we should always know what we are doing..