01-24-2012, 12:00 AM
I saw one of those bark things, not the yarn ones of my fathers my sister hung it on the wall. I was...reminded of a wolf, or maybe that's just what i formed, its not of a wolf per say. Same one i had asked about in say 1997 my dad had let me take to school when i saw a anthropology lecture on that tribe. Hoichol. Wolf. Shamans. Search terms in my awareness so i took it to google. It answered the question i had when i looked at the object. But it was also more. That's how i found this.
My body still feels broken I'm not even asleep its 3:30. I reacted to the thought of assaulting the tenant, not my thought. I saw it in anothers. In that same space i saw that, not in my mind how do i say....After prayers when i lay down, I had many strange still space now rantic visions. Of wanting to merge? With the tenant, becasue i felt she was not given due deferance? Or maybe you and raven, yes, threatened somehow by disrespect. But it was not clear, all i perceived in chaos was a snarling wolf, a lunging wolf, me. i kept trying to merge into it, and i could then i would fall out and just see it so fierce, not at me, at...i don't know. Whatever i was reacting too. I couldn't merge very long. I tried dealing with this, merging in many ways. My toes cramped and they curled, my fingers, my arms, my muscles in my back. All at once, so much pain, trying to merge with wolf. I was a ball, of writhing tense, i didn't really feel the pain, i did but it didn't hurt. I curled up. I **** and pissed myself a little, but that was because of curling all my muscles. I remembered I'm a shield, not a sword. A shield can bash, its a weapon, but it lets others strike and reacts against it. It doesn't slash. I fed the wolf deer, but it was angry. So i made my weird impressions into a swine. It took it by the throat. A swine looks kind of like a man. the wolf, was calm, it took the throat. And the muzzle was covered with blood, and it howled. I uncurled, but i almost could swear i was growling. And then i again reaffirmed my nature, to be a shield, to guard, not to strike. And i calmed. I stayed curled, i remember a wolf in den of wolves, i was here but also that not merged again half and half. And slept to my normal time. Then i cleaned myself. And watched funny youtube videos.
that one thing about what i posted here i think. I messaged raven when this started, and today after. I'm confused. Was i really trying to become a real wolf...if it had happened, then, i would have believed it. I could or would not, not with an attacking one. Not for more then a few moments. My body well i explained that. I'm still confused. Well i thought id ask you about it. Im not worried or amazed it just was but i need to pay more attention? Not lash i don't know.
My body still feels broken I'm not even asleep its 3:30. I reacted to the thought of assaulting the tenant, not my thought. I saw it in anothers. In that same space i saw that, not in my mind how do i say....After prayers when i lay down, I had many strange still space now rantic visions. Of wanting to merge? With the tenant, becasue i felt she was not given due deferance? Or maybe you and raven, yes, threatened somehow by disrespect. But it was not clear, all i perceived in chaos was a snarling wolf, a lunging wolf, me. i kept trying to merge into it, and i could then i would fall out and just see it so fierce, not at me, at...i don't know. Whatever i was reacting too. I couldn't merge very long. I tried dealing with this, merging in many ways. My toes cramped and they curled, my fingers, my arms, my muscles in my back. All at once, so much pain, trying to merge with wolf. I was a ball, of writhing tense, i didn't really feel the pain, i did but it didn't hurt. I curled up. I **** and pissed myself a little, but that was because of curling all my muscles. I remembered I'm a shield, not a sword. A shield can bash, its a weapon, but it lets others strike and reacts against it. It doesn't slash. I fed the wolf deer, but it was angry. So i made my weird impressions into a swine. It took it by the throat. A swine looks kind of like a man. the wolf, was calm, it took the throat. And the muzzle was covered with blood, and it howled. I uncurled, but i almost could swear i was growling. And then i again reaffirmed my nature, to be a shield, to guard, not to strike. And i calmed. I stayed curled, i remember a wolf in den of wolves, i was here but also that not merged again half and half. And slept to my normal time. Then i cleaned myself. And watched funny youtube videos.
that one thing about what i posted here i think. I messaged raven when this started, and today after. I'm confused. Was i really trying to become a real wolf...if it had happened, then, i would have believed it. I could or would not, not with an attacking one. Not for more then a few moments. My body well i explained that. I'm still confused. Well i thought id ask you about it. Im not worried or amazed it just was but i need to pay more attention? Not lash i don't know.