03-16-2011, 12:00 AM
During a certain 2-3 year period of my life I was undergoing extensive spiritual practice, prayer, fasting, meditation, solitude, retreats, and silence etc. Engaging reality and myself as deeply as I possibly could through the tools and practices I had at hand at that time.
Such practice was producing an acute “spiritual” distress in me of which I was at a loss to account for. All I knew was that I had to continue, which I did. An old Jewish saying comes to mind.
One is hanging by a thread over a dark abyss and a hurricane is approaching and no amount of spiritual advice can help.
And that was it. Something was approaching and it was producing in me a sense of dread and awe. At times as I lay on my bed there were moments when it seemed like the internal landscape was momentarily illumined as if by lightning. I am not being poetic here, that is what it was like. With each flash I strained to accustom myself to that landscape. Straining to see. With each glimpse I became more alert acutely ready for the next flash. Then in the height of this readiness the next flash came and instead of just a landscape, this time there was something there and it jolted me and made me recoil in panic dripping in dread! But there was nowhere to run or hide and I would have if it were an option. There were a couple more intense luminous jolts, each jolt more revealing and closer!
Then it happened with the final flash there was a sound but not just any sound. It was as if the fog horn of the Queen Mary ship had just sounded right inside my head! It felt like someone had taken a stout iron bar and smashed my head with it. The thud made me nauseous and literally “shattered” me into countless pieces. I was aware I was each shattered piece, and each piece was aware of this presence that had delivered the blow. It was devastating. I was utterly helpless and beyond hope. All life drained out of me. The image was of laying dead on a battle field a sword blow had torn me open from neck to thigh and my life just seeped away.
For three days I barely left my bed unable to communicate, ever aware of this state worse than death, there was no relief. Then suddenly, I was filled with power and energy like nothing I had ever tasted before. I was strengthened and relieved. Power and energy surged through every fiber of my being. I remember thinking if I were to just walk by someone who had cancer they would be healed.
For the next few months the power and energy remained and I started to accustom myself to this new state which began to feel normal. But curiously I had been fully admitted to the landscape that was being illumined by the flashes. Not only was I walking around in my everyday life but I was also conscious of being “there”. I was being given a grand tour of “there”. In particular I was being shown the unassailability of that “place”. I was also being shown an array of weaponry at my disposal that was not for defensive purposes but totally offensive for the purpose of assailing that which could be assailed. I was being prepared for battle.
Delilah, personally I think Tales Of Power can be very entertaining but are not always helpful to our understanding.
Such practice was producing an acute “spiritual” distress in me of which I was at a loss to account for. All I knew was that I had to continue, which I did. An old Jewish saying comes to mind.
One is hanging by a thread over a dark abyss and a hurricane is approaching and no amount of spiritual advice can help.
And that was it. Something was approaching and it was producing in me a sense of dread and awe. At times as I lay on my bed there were moments when it seemed like the internal landscape was momentarily illumined as if by lightning. I am not being poetic here, that is what it was like. With each flash I strained to accustom myself to that landscape. Straining to see. With each glimpse I became more alert acutely ready for the next flash. Then in the height of this readiness the next flash came and instead of just a landscape, this time there was something there and it jolted me and made me recoil in panic dripping in dread! But there was nowhere to run or hide and I would have if it were an option. There were a couple more intense luminous jolts, each jolt more revealing and closer!
Then it happened with the final flash there was a sound but not just any sound. It was as if the fog horn of the Queen Mary ship had just sounded right inside my head! It felt like someone had taken a stout iron bar and smashed my head with it. The thud made me nauseous and literally “shattered” me into countless pieces. I was aware I was each shattered piece, and each piece was aware of this presence that had delivered the blow. It was devastating. I was utterly helpless and beyond hope. All life drained out of me. The image was of laying dead on a battle field a sword blow had torn me open from neck to thigh and my life just seeped away.
For three days I barely left my bed unable to communicate, ever aware of this state worse than death, there was no relief. Then suddenly, I was filled with power and energy like nothing I had ever tasted before. I was strengthened and relieved. Power and energy surged through every fiber of my being. I remember thinking if I were to just walk by someone who had cancer they would be healed.
For the next few months the power and energy remained and I started to accustom myself to this new state which began to feel normal. But curiously I had been fully admitted to the landscape that was being illumined by the flashes. Not only was I walking around in my everyday life but I was also conscious of being “there”. I was being given a grand tour of “there”. In particular I was being shown the unassailability of that “place”. I was also being shown an array of weaponry at my disposal that was not for defensive purposes but totally offensive for the purpose of assailing that which could be assailed. I was being prepared for battle.
Delilah, personally I think Tales Of Power can be very entertaining but are not always helpful to our understanding.