02-22-2016, 12:00 AM
2/20-21/16 Witch, Death, Trimming my inner fibers
- I am exploring, and the way i move is by flicking through locations like a stone skipping on the surface of a pond. I find many locations. A tropical forest, a volcanic plane, a silent city, a beautiful meadow. One of the places i find is a magical faerie type glade. An animal comes up to me in this place. At first i think it is a lamb or a goat, it does not look like either of those things. It comes closer, and i open my hand. I am speaking to it in its mind, and it me. It relaxes, and from the goat like form emerges a man with animals hooved feet, like a satyr. Whatever It is, it is sad to share, it is the last of its kind, and it hides deep in these planes, to not be hunted. Also, it searches for others like itself. But not obsessively, it explores, and is wild. But its soul is tame, and larger then its form. I love it whatever it is, and it decides it can come with me.
- I am observed, we are observed. I see myself being watched. I am always monitored, but not directly. A frightening thing, a witch, but more; more like a god of some sort, supernatural. For a moment, i glimpse her desire. She catches things. Rare things, beautiful and monstrous things, to keep them safe, and yet, to make them suffer. Like a fine drug, a contradiction, something invigorating, power, that for a moment i fully comprehend. It is, she is, focussed on the man being that emerged, and, to a lesser extent, me, as it emerged to me, the wary unfindable being.
- I need to recall, immediately, as soon as i am not indwelling in that one's intent. I cant really hide from this being, unless i make myself like the satyr, and flick around forever, only staying in any one place for a few minutes. I recall to the place i was projecting from. Like an emergency recall.
- I dont return alone. there are so many people, at least 12, and about 40 spirit people...allies, self willed beings. there is a woman, who seemed to be directing the exploration and recovery efforts. She is trying to impose order, becasue its chaos. But i dont think she truly understands what is coming. I look at her. She does, more than me. She also knows there is no preparing for it. Even the strongest magical person, cant really stand against an elemental force akin to possessive envy, hunger. Because it permeates everything, like all elementals do.
- spirits are flying in big groups, through doors, swirling. People are making a show of getting ready. Some have no idea what this is, as they aren't lucid and never are. It wont be enough regardless. It begins to calm down. I am shocked to see my mother, sitting on the floor in the living room like space, confused, what this is. But wanting to help. More like that. Before the thing comes, a feeling comes. Probing, heavy, in the air, but more, in the spirits/souls. Heavy. I see people, grow silent, and curl into balls. I mimic this. I curl into a fetal ball, head down. To my shock, when i do, there is a timeless dream with understanding, but no form. Like a tombs air. I am in it for a few moments. I mange to shake it off, and emerge. I stand. All the others, even the spirits, are like that, silent, on the floor. Some people have laid down. I stand, despite the thickness of the air, and go to the bathroom, where i last saw the witch who was organizing the defense. She is frozen asleep, looking in a mirror. I shake her arm. Wake, you are all inert, frozen. She says she knows, it is inevitable, and smiles...starts to walk to organize in the livingroom. And stops and slumps against the wall, asleep again.
- My hands. Seem not clean to me because i had them curled, around my mouth, sticky, as i was inert. I go the bathroom the woman was in, and turn the water on. I place them under it, waiting for it to get warm, to revive or focuss. The showerheads erupt with streams of water, like fountains....the bubble up, then fall back on themselves. Everything in the bathroom does this. I stumble back. From one of those jets the witch starts forming. Greenish, scales that rapidly disappear. Frightening teeth...then her features normalize...and a person steps out. She looks at me with cold black eyes, and i fall backwards, now, i am stunned, and can not move. She emerges from the water.
- They Arranged all the sleepers, laid out, not moving, on the hard wood floor of the living room. It was more that the entity, she had many lesser beings, minions in a way, that did the work. She found a chair she sat on like a throne. She began to wake and dispense with the sleepers. A few had woken on their own, were aware, like me. These were the ones she claimed or divided up. She went to my mother. Felt her arm. Called her her lover, claimed her. My poor mom, confused, not real to her, not fully there. She turned her head and saw me and laughed, gallows humor. What could she do? She laughed that it seemed "she still remembered what people do between sheets, it had been so long, since dad died" A but of confused humor, then she falls silent. Next the entity looks at me. She says i am given to another, and that one surges with joy. I cant see who she speaks of. The entity then goes tot he satyr man, and licks his face. That one is hers, captured, finally. Other beings begin binding those she will takes hands together. Most of the spirits, she just leaves to wake and leave. She has no use or interest in them.
- We are standing in a line. In Front of me is the satyr. Our legs are cut free, but our hands are bound behind our backs. All the ones taken, there hands are connected by a rope, in small groups of 3-5. I am not bound to a group. The female i was given to, i can see now. She is dressed, in something that looks like a videogame villainesses semi S&M esque outfit. With high heels. She is holding a thing whip in her hand, black leather, shiny silver top. She cracks it to get us moving. she is standing in back of me, i am closest to her, at the end. It seems i dont move fast enough. She begins lashing my legs with it. It feels muted to me. Also, it feels somewhat good, exciting, but in detached way. I can feel her pleasure in it as well. the effect is a thoughtless, warm, slow excitement but muted. I walk. And it gets more frequent, and that excitement builds. I see myself from outside, and something is a bit off.
- My body is more soft. My legs and hips are seen as, have shifted on one level, to be more female. I have grown breasts, but not lost my male parts. I dont understand. Also i can still see myself, and on another level, i look stylized like a body builder. The two exist side by side. What is being seen, is emerging, but so is the other. A contradiction. there is something female about that form, integrated with more extreme male. Like aspects of character manifesting in another's pleasure and perception. I notice myself and the one with the whip are farther behind. She says i must move faster. I reply that "i have only one speed of movement, the speed i move" there is no hurrying or slowing. The others are far ahead. they stop, as we draw closer. Looking back.
- the one with the whip, and myself, are shifted out more and more in some weird understanding and joining. She stops me and asks me. "Are you ( )? Please answer truly, for i am that as well" I dont have the capacity to lie like this, deeper, i say yes. then there is something else, like an quiet ecstasy as i move. For me. We are catching up. when we do, the one that held the lash, is like in a trance, inward. I am only partially so. The entity looks. At her, and then at me. One of the minions starts to hiss questioningly. Then something breaks, like a climax. I could have brought her back, i wanted to. I liked something deeper. But not like this, attached to another. the context demanded outcomes, as inevitably as my speed of walking. So the woman with the lash, she falls over. Dead, her eyes roll up. Now the entity confers with her helpers. "she is dead?" "how is that so?" is asked. The entity woman says "it is not so, unless he called death into the dream state" They look at me warily. I speak up. "Perhaps i did not call death, perhaps i am death, the devil...the master". they pulled back and stared at me, considering. the satyr turns to me. He says "If that was so, then you could command them away, if you are, do it"
- So i try and see if that's the truth, its an open question. What comes out of me is a song. An epic, metal/hard rock song. As i sing, i form a guitar. And music. I begin to flick around, but more so, in this clearing space. Within a few moments, it is clear that, i am in fact not, death, or the devil. But i am, connected in some way. All of my soul bleeds out the guitar, perfect music for what it was intended. Like a cross between megadeath and motley crue i imagine. flicking faster and faster...loud riffs, emphasis. So i dont command them. But what i do scatters them Far far away, realms, levels of reality. I was not free, i felt, to do this before. So i was caught. no i am. Its becomes hard to explain, the sensations, flicking, pure loud music, like my soul surging around. All of them, that entity, are scattered. The satyr, others, blown back where they should be. But there is a cost, a heavy cost in doing this, in revealing myself inside out. This will, inevitably, lead to my death. I am about to die.
- Death is in the sky. there was a helicopter, in the sky, like filming a music video. But one of the waves of sound revealed it as death hovering. It explodes when i push the entity back to its realm. I'm still playing, song is not done. I can't stop playing. Once i started, it would complete itself. And death finds me. At first i see blades, like from a chopper, falling towards me. I change chords, and move. It follows me. And now becomes invisible, but i feel it. So i play another change, and move. It follows again, invisible, now without sound. Again, and again. Each time, death loses one more identifiable warning. It is almost the end. One last flourish, many jumps...A final chord. I stand. there is nothing left in the dream. All objects blown away. A flat plain. Here...now...it hits me. And i am dead. A few eyes, distant observed.
- When im dead, im dead. I am akin to a thin layer of oil, on a flat, dark piece of glass. Like the cap of a tomb. My essence is that oil. In it, are simple thoughts. they look like biology or chemistry strands. H23eg - e45cr That branch, like a diagram, organic, simple. And yet in those, is everything i am, this branching energy tree. I am relieved. To be back like this, safe, in the space i call home. this was really, it seems the only way to escape., both for myself, and the woman who i helped by setting free in some way. Other side of the tomb. and yet, immediately, my body, in that energy, my soul begins reforming...after a few moments, there is enough of me to safely wake. I like being like this. Dead. But i have very complete recall, and its time to wake. So i do. And take notes. And smile. I am happy, for some reason. I go back to sleep, and for awhile, i do not have recall. But latter, when i'm completely reformed, dreaming continues that i am aware of.
- I begin my next life by waking in what seems to be a dorm room. I have a roommate. He is upset, he believes i am using all of the dreaming bandwidth, that i must be. I show him what i am using. Its a computer, my state of cognition, from 1996. I assure him that it only has dial up. He then changes tone, and says i really should have broadband. I say i know, this room is broadband, fiber optic, but, recently, i've only been connecting with others at dial up speeds with huge data loss and bottlenecks. This seems funny to me, that i've been knocked back so. But i know soon i will be using my newer abilities.
- Leaving campus, i come upon a liquor store. It sells treats i like to eat, and i get coffee there. I see the lines and stop. Its for the lottery. Well what do i care, ill buy a ticket and get my normal. And some smokes. People come, from Rf, to find me. They find me in line, just getting my coffee i've already drank half of. A man i dont recognize is with them. After i make my ironic purchases, i am standing int he parking lot. I want to smoke. But first i am talking. I begin coughing.m Large amount of liquid comes up, mucus. I cough it into my hand and flick it. also out of my mouth, comes those strands that emerge from me. The man asks...says...this cant be healthy. The Rf people, dreamlyn wg sw others, say "its not" like a ironic observation. I smile. I begin using my teeth to do what i always do...sever the bottom of the strands. this time, there is one, i cant quite sever. Most i do, and throw away. My teeth hurt from trying. So i laugh and shrug and swallow it all back down. I look up and say "so what are we doing?" recall fades there. After some time, i wake.
I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain
To see for certain what I thought I knew
Far far away someone was weeping
But the world was sleeping, any dream will do
I wore my coat with golden lining
Bright colors shining, wonderful and new
And in the east the dawn was breaking
The world was waking, any dream will do
A crash of drums, a flash of light
My golden cloak flew out of sight
The colors faded into darkness
I was left alone
May I return to the beginning
The light is dimming and the dream is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating, any dream will do
- I am exploring, and the way i move is by flicking through locations like a stone skipping on the surface of a pond. I find many locations. A tropical forest, a volcanic plane, a silent city, a beautiful meadow. One of the places i find is a magical faerie type glade. An animal comes up to me in this place. At first i think it is a lamb or a goat, it does not look like either of those things. It comes closer, and i open my hand. I am speaking to it in its mind, and it me. It relaxes, and from the goat like form emerges a man with animals hooved feet, like a satyr. Whatever It is, it is sad to share, it is the last of its kind, and it hides deep in these planes, to not be hunted. Also, it searches for others like itself. But not obsessively, it explores, and is wild. But its soul is tame, and larger then its form. I love it whatever it is, and it decides it can come with me.
- I am observed, we are observed. I see myself being watched. I am always monitored, but not directly. A frightening thing, a witch, but more; more like a god of some sort, supernatural. For a moment, i glimpse her desire. She catches things. Rare things, beautiful and monstrous things, to keep them safe, and yet, to make them suffer. Like a fine drug, a contradiction, something invigorating, power, that for a moment i fully comprehend. It is, she is, focussed on the man being that emerged, and, to a lesser extent, me, as it emerged to me, the wary unfindable being.
- I need to recall, immediately, as soon as i am not indwelling in that one's intent. I cant really hide from this being, unless i make myself like the satyr, and flick around forever, only staying in any one place for a few minutes. I recall to the place i was projecting from. Like an emergency recall.
- I dont return alone. there are so many people, at least 12, and about 40 spirit people...allies, self willed beings. there is a woman, who seemed to be directing the exploration and recovery efforts. She is trying to impose order, becasue its chaos. But i dont think she truly understands what is coming. I look at her. She does, more than me. She also knows there is no preparing for it. Even the strongest magical person, cant really stand against an elemental force akin to possessive envy, hunger. Because it permeates everything, like all elementals do.
- spirits are flying in big groups, through doors, swirling. People are making a show of getting ready. Some have no idea what this is, as they aren't lucid and never are. It wont be enough regardless. It begins to calm down. I am shocked to see my mother, sitting on the floor in the living room like space, confused, what this is. But wanting to help. More like that. Before the thing comes, a feeling comes. Probing, heavy, in the air, but more, in the spirits/souls. Heavy. I see people, grow silent, and curl into balls. I mimic this. I curl into a fetal ball, head down. To my shock, when i do, there is a timeless dream with understanding, but no form. Like a tombs air. I am in it for a few moments. I mange to shake it off, and emerge. I stand. All the others, even the spirits, are like that, silent, on the floor. Some people have laid down. I stand, despite the thickness of the air, and go to the bathroom, where i last saw the witch who was organizing the defense. She is frozen asleep, looking in a mirror. I shake her arm. Wake, you are all inert, frozen. She says she knows, it is inevitable, and smiles...starts to walk to organize in the livingroom. And stops and slumps against the wall, asleep again.
- My hands. Seem not clean to me because i had them curled, around my mouth, sticky, as i was inert. I go the bathroom the woman was in, and turn the water on. I place them under it, waiting for it to get warm, to revive or focuss. The showerheads erupt with streams of water, like fountains....the bubble up, then fall back on themselves. Everything in the bathroom does this. I stumble back. From one of those jets the witch starts forming. Greenish, scales that rapidly disappear. Frightening teeth...then her features normalize...and a person steps out. She looks at me with cold black eyes, and i fall backwards, now, i am stunned, and can not move. She emerges from the water.
- They Arranged all the sleepers, laid out, not moving, on the hard wood floor of the living room. It was more that the entity, she had many lesser beings, minions in a way, that did the work. She found a chair she sat on like a throne. She began to wake and dispense with the sleepers. A few had woken on their own, were aware, like me. These were the ones she claimed or divided up. She went to my mother. Felt her arm. Called her her lover, claimed her. My poor mom, confused, not real to her, not fully there. She turned her head and saw me and laughed, gallows humor. What could she do? She laughed that it seemed "she still remembered what people do between sheets, it had been so long, since dad died" A but of confused humor, then she falls silent. Next the entity looks at me. She says i am given to another, and that one surges with joy. I cant see who she speaks of. The entity then goes tot he satyr man, and licks his face. That one is hers, captured, finally. Other beings begin binding those she will takes hands together. Most of the spirits, she just leaves to wake and leave. She has no use or interest in them.
- We are standing in a line. In Front of me is the satyr. Our legs are cut free, but our hands are bound behind our backs. All the ones taken, there hands are connected by a rope, in small groups of 3-5. I am not bound to a group. The female i was given to, i can see now. She is dressed, in something that looks like a videogame villainesses semi S&M esque outfit. With high heels. She is holding a thing whip in her hand, black leather, shiny silver top. She cracks it to get us moving. she is standing in back of me, i am closest to her, at the end. It seems i dont move fast enough. She begins lashing my legs with it. It feels muted to me. Also, it feels somewhat good, exciting, but in detached way. I can feel her pleasure in it as well. the effect is a thoughtless, warm, slow excitement but muted. I walk. And it gets more frequent, and that excitement builds. I see myself from outside, and something is a bit off.
- My body is more soft. My legs and hips are seen as, have shifted on one level, to be more female. I have grown breasts, but not lost my male parts. I dont understand. Also i can still see myself, and on another level, i look stylized like a body builder. The two exist side by side. What is being seen, is emerging, but so is the other. A contradiction. there is something female about that form, integrated with more extreme male. Like aspects of character manifesting in another's pleasure and perception. I notice myself and the one with the whip are farther behind. She says i must move faster. I reply that "i have only one speed of movement, the speed i move" there is no hurrying or slowing. The others are far ahead. they stop, as we draw closer. Looking back.
- the one with the whip, and myself, are shifted out more and more in some weird understanding and joining. She stops me and asks me. "Are you ( )? Please answer truly, for i am that as well" I dont have the capacity to lie like this, deeper, i say yes. then there is something else, like an quiet ecstasy as i move. For me. We are catching up. when we do, the one that held the lash, is like in a trance, inward. I am only partially so. The entity looks. At her, and then at me. One of the minions starts to hiss questioningly. Then something breaks, like a climax. I could have brought her back, i wanted to. I liked something deeper. But not like this, attached to another. the context demanded outcomes, as inevitably as my speed of walking. So the woman with the lash, she falls over. Dead, her eyes roll up. Now the entity confers with her helpers. "she is dead?" "how is that so?" is asked. The entity woman says "it is not so, unless he called death into the dream state" They look at me warily. I speak up. "Perhaps i did not call death, perhaps i am death, the devil...the master". they pulled back and stared at me, considering. the satyr turns to me. He says "If that was so, then you could command them away, if you are, do it"
- So i try and see if that's the truth, its an open question. What comes out of me is a song. An epic, metal/hard rock song. As i sing, i form a guitar. And music. I begin to flick around, but more so, in this clearing space. Within a few moments, it is clear that, i am in fact not, death, or the devil. But i am, connected in some way. All of my soul bleeds out the guitar, perfect music for what it was intended. Like a cross between megadeath and motley crue i imagine. flicking faster and faster...loud riffs, emphasis. So i dont command them. But what i do scatters them Far far away, realms, levels of reality. I was not free, i felt, to do this before. So i was caught. no i am. Its becomes hard to explain, the sensations, flicking, pure loud music, like my soul surging around. All of them, that entity, are scattered. The satyr, others, blown back where they should be. But there is a cost, a heavy cost in doing this, in revealing myself inside out. This will, inevitably, lead to my death. I am about to die.
- Death is in the sky. there was a helicopter, in the sky, like filming a music video. But one of the waves of sound revealed it as death hovering. It explodes when i push the entity back to its realm. I'm still playing, song is not done. I can't stop playing. Once i started, it would complete itself. And death finds me. At first i see blades, like from a chopper, falling towards me. I change chords, and move. It follows me. And now becomes invisible, but i feel it. So i play another change, and move. It follows again, invisible, now without sound. Again, and again. Each time, death loses one more identifiable warning. It is almost the end. One last flourish, many jumps...A final chord. I stand. there is nothing left in the dream. All objects blown away. A flat plain. Here...now...it hits me. And i am dead. A few eyes, distant observed.
- When im dead, im dead. I am akin to a thin layer of oil, on a flat, dark piece of glass. Like the cap of a tomb. My essence is that oil. In it, are simple thoughts. they look like biology or chemistry strands. H23eg - e45cr That branch, like a diagram, organic, simple. And yet in those, is everything i am, this branching energy tree. I am relieved. To be back like this, safe, in the space i call home. this was really, it seems the only way to escape., both for myself, and the woman who i helped by setting free in some way. Other side of the tomb. and yet, immediately, my body, in that energy, my soul begins reforming...after a few moments, there is enough of me to safely wake. I like being like this. Dead. But i have very complete recall, and its time to wake. So i do. And take notes. And smile. I am happy, for some reason. I go back to sleep, and for awhile, i do not have recall. But latter, when i'm completely reformed, dreaming continues that i am aware of.
- I begin my next life by waking in what seems to be a dorm room. I have a roommate. He is upset, he believes i am using all of the dreaming bandwidth, that i must be. I show him what i am using. Its a computer, my state of cognition, from 1996. I assure him that it only has dial up. He then changes tone, and says i really should have broadband. I say i know, this room is broadband, fiber optic, but, recently, i've only been connecting with others at dial up speeds with huge data loss and bottlenecks. This seems funny to me, that i've been knocked back so. But i know soon i will be using my newer abilities.
- Leaving campus, i come upon a liquor store. It sells treats i like to eat, and i get coffee there. I see the lines and stop. Its for the lottery. Well what do i care, ill buy a ticket and get my normal. And some smokes. People come, from Rf, to find me. They find me in line, just getting my coffee i've already drank half of. A man i dont recognize is with them. After i make my ironic purchases, i am standing int he parking lot. I want to smoke. But first i am talking. I begin coughing.m Large amount of liquid comes up, mucus. I cough it into my hand and flick it. also out of my mouth, comes those strands that emerge from me. The man asks...says...this cant be healthy. The Rf people, dreamlyn wg sw others, say "its not" like a ironic observation. I smile. I begin using my teeth to do what i always do...sever the bottom of the strands. this time, there is one, i cant quite sever. Most i do, and throw away. My teeth hurt from trying. So i laugh and shrug and swallow it all back down. I look up and say "so what are we doing?" recall fades there. After some time, i wake.
I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain
To see for certain what I thought I knew
Far far away someone was weeping
But the world was sleeping, any dream will do
I wore my coat with golden lining
Bright colors shining, wonderful and new
And in the east the dawn was breaking
The world was waking, any dream will do
A crash of drums, a flash of light
My golden cloak flew out of sight
The colors faded into darkness
I was left alone
May I return to the beginning
The light is dimming and the dream is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating, any dream will do