08-03-2018, 12:00 AM
8/1-2/18
In it, in the darkness, Afraid, I'm in it. I'm in it...so win it. Yes win it.
- A silly title, but its something I found humor in when I tried to wake myself in a false waking. I turned it into a song. Last night I dreamed in a way and with an intensity, I have not for the past two years. I post dreams, what I remember, and it may sound the same, but it is not the same. Dreams with their own life, energy, that bring energy, don't take it. At least two years. Why and what would be another post, so ill just relate this one. This is the first time I've woken partially to take notes in 2-3 years as well.
Red lights, hungry eyes
Sucks like a space invader
The vacuum of its lies
Stealin' my strength, stealin' my time
It's raining in a world of traders
Let me keep on sleeping
Forget that I'm alone
One day of faceless living-
is twenty-four hours too long
- Moving in an elevator, vaguely upwards. I was gathered, its transcending awareness...from non-aware to aware. Vague figures in it with me. Becomes different as i move. It is "relatives". I believe my mother, others, but they/I aren't really there yet. It is a sensation like a quick elevator up a high rise....doors open...and its another level of energy, like im alive and before i was not.
- Its a plaza with marble benches. It is like a balcony between highrises, high. A transition space. Awnings. Quiet. But heavily used. Not a place for me, like a place in new your...a place for my cousin who is an investment banker, people like that. A party. For my sister (it is almost her birthday on Friday). People come out and begin setting up. effortlessly. Like the highly trained staff at expensive places. People start arriving, feels very imminent and real. Gathering. Everyone is well dressed. Im well dressed, but i wear it like a prop or uncomfortably.
- Building people, spirits i have not seen in so long. My mother. I am chocking, a line like the inside of my pumpkin out my mouth. I pull it tight to bit it off like i always do. Mother looking. I lift her to let her see inside. Her recoil. I am terminally ill, a reaction like that. I feel what she sees, the ball of germs or damage in brown. I close the peak. Its ok, i think, it always happens. And i pass out.
If there's a new way,
I'll be the first in line.
But it better work this time.
What do you mean, "I hurt your feelings"?
I didn't know you had any feelings.
What do you mean, "I ain't kind"?
Just not your kind.
What do you mean, "I couldn't be the President
Of the United States of America"?
Tell me something, it's still "We the people, " right?
If there's a new way
I'll be the first in line
But it better work this time
Can you put a price on peace?
- I wake, the same setting, but time has passed. Like i missed the party. I feel healed a bit. There are five beings. They radiate "wealth" in context. So i think of them as bankers ceo's. They are not, but its the context. I speak to them. I can barely make out the faces, becasue of the energy. There is small talk that is barely contained, polite. I look at them, they are asking me a bit about what i do. I remember my current job (union organizer) they nod politely with humor that maybe isnt good-natured? or is that a creep of darkness in me, shadow because of perceived difference...my feeling out of place?
- I ask them if they are "bankers" and one of them looks at the female i can make out more, with blond wavy hair. They say no, she would be 2 bankers at least and chuckle. I don't get it exactly but i do. they pull out wands to show cars. They flash like they are on an automatic wheel. Not cars like autos, more like vessels for the soul but with fancy brands. The swirling of so many is almost dizying. they start calling me Sen...Sen Sen Sen over and over....your car. In the center. Its a beat-up Honda with rust. I feel mockery or ashamed. And see levels of things. H for hell. A hell. Honda. Help...so many. I feel mocked? upset. I react but its not what i expect.
- Like a transparent overlay is pulled, now i see all sorts of normal, and even poor people, sick, etc, but wearing the color of the union i work for. Saying something. Lots of realizations at once. Sen...was a mockery of senator. But who is more likely to be one, or even president etc. A banker, or a person who can lead and empower others to do things. Flashes of nagual/sorcerer etc along the similar lines. Was an "oh...i had forgotten....or that's a clever delivery moment". Well nice, I'm going to wake and write this, when was the last time i really did that?
- I forgot how difficult it can be to move between levels to wake. I woke into a body in a tube-like chamber room, with a spinning part with a blue LED light. It looked like the inside of a gaming computer was one wall. Neat. But a pod. But not yet real. even though it seems like a complete reality. Im remembering trying to envision the real world as we see it. Creeping along the edges for a proper door...i found it, it opened to nothing. Darkness. I went into the nothing. At ALL.
- It was scary to be in it fully aware/awake. I spoke out loud, to nothing, into the dark "I am in the dark, i fear it" But in it, i AM in it, so i WILL win it. (over it/own it etc the multiple meanings are funny to me in the moment). I laugh and sing it. And soon i hear another vice, reminds me of my nephew, hearing it and repeating it and it links and boom, im awake in my room. Need to write, i get up look for paper etc without fully waking. Write notes. Lay down. Only been asleep 1 1/2 hours. Back to sleep energized but not wide awake.
Without notes, i recalled another section of dreaming that continued on.
- So yes, I am Andrew, and my current job is what i do now. the first time a dream really acknowledged "what i do now". I dismissed dreams trying to merge now and past jobs old fears etc. No now not old stuff. I step into a challenge. People are speaking, what IS IT a person at my job does that makes them good at it. They inspire. They know how to set things up so people find their passion, and then take action, who otherwise maybe without the assistance would be powerless. Helpers who arent at the center of the stage, they allow and create a space for others to find that. But are well known in their own community. (the links to sorcerers/spirits were strong here) Its what i am, and do. It matches. And im one of the great ones at it. Well, ok, people will never know that, put some do. Not in life, or dreams, or at my real job, but in a way, it still applies. Too bad i can't just show it from the dream in real life right? i laugh at myself.
I take it with me to the real world, where I'm still kinda sick atm.
My outlook today was shifted and it was a relief in a way. less defensive slightly. And when i was, i caught it and explored it, like in dreams.
That was good.
In it, in the darkness, Afraid, I'm in it. I'm in it...so win it. Yes win it.
- A silly title, but its something I found humor in when I tried to wake myself in a false waking. I turned it into a song. Last night I dreamed in a way and with an intensity, I have not for the past two years. I post dreams, what I remember, and it may sound the same, but it is not the same. Dreams with their own life, energy, that bring energy, don't take it. At least two years. Why and what would be another post, so ill just relate this one. This is the first time I've woken partially to take notes in 2-3 years as well.
Red lights, hungry eyes
Sucks like a space invader
The vacuum of its lies
Stealin' my strength, stealin' my time
It's raining in a world of traders
Let me keep on sleeping
Forget that I'm alone
One day of faceless living-
is twenty-four hours too long
- Moving in an elevator, vaguely upwards. I was gathered, its transcending awareness...from non-aware to aware. Vague figures in it with me. Becomes different as i move. It is "relatives". I believe my mother, others, but they/I aren't really there yet. It is a sensation like a quick elevator up a high rise....doors open...and its another level of energy, like im alive and before i was not.
- Its a plaza with marble benches. It is like a balcony between highrises, high. A transition space. Awnings. Quiet. But heavily used. Not a place for me, like a place in new your...a place for my cousin who is an investment banker, people like that. A party. For my sister (it is almost her birthday on Friday). People come out and begin setting up. effortlessly. Like the highly trained staff at expensive places. People start arriving, feels very imminent and real. Gathering. Everyone is well dressed. Im well dressed, but i wear it like a prop or uncomfortably.
- Building people, spirits i have not seen in so long. My mother. I am chocking, a line like the inside of my pumpkin out my mouth. I pull it tight to bit it off like i always do. Mother looking. I lift her to let her see inside. Her recoil. I am terminally ill, a reaction like that. I feel what she sees, the ball of germs or damage in brown. I close the peak. Its ok, i think, it always happens. And i pass out.
If there's a new way,
I'll be the first in line.
But it better work this time.
What do you mean, "I hurt your feelings"?
I didn't know you had any feelings.
What do you mean, "I ain't kind"?
Just not your kind.
What do you mean, "I couldn't be the President
Of the United States of America"?
Tell me something, it's still "We the people, " right?
If there's a new way
I'll be the first in line
But it better work this time
Can you put a price on peace?
- I wake, the same setting, but time has passed. Like i missed the party. I feel healed a bit. There are five beings. They radiate "wealth" in context. So i think of them as bankers ceo's. They are not, but its the context. I speak to them. I can barely make out the faces, becasue of the energy. There is small talk that is barely contained, polite. I look at them, they are asking me a bit about what i do. I remember my current job (union organizer) they nod politely with humor that maybe isnt good-natured? or is that a creep of darkness in me, shadow because of perceived difference...my feeling out of place?
- I ask them if they are "bankers" and one of them looks at the female i can make out more, with blond wavy hair. They say no, she would be 2 bankers at least and chuckle. I don't get it exactly but i do. they pull out wands to show cars. They flash like they are on an automatic wheel. Not cars like autos, more like vessels for the soul but with fancy brands. The swirling of so many is almost dizying. they start calling me Sen...Sen Sen Sen over and over....your car. In the center. Its a beat-up Honda with rust. I feel mockery or ashamed. And see levels of things. H for hell. A hell. Honda. Help...so many. I feel mocked? upset. I react but its not what i expect.
- Like a transparent overlay is pulled, now i see all sorts of normal, and even poor people, sick, etc, but wearing the color of the union i work for. Saying something. Lots of realizations at once. Sen...was a mockery of senator. But who is more likely to be one, or even president etc. A banker, or a person who can lead and empower others to do things. Flashes of nagual/sorcerer etc along the similar lines. Was an "oh...i had forgotten....or that's a clever delivery moment". Well nice, I'm going to wake and write this, when was the last time i really did that?
- I forgot how difficult it can be to move between levels to wake. I woke into a body in a tube-like chamber room, with a spinning part with a blue LED light. It looked like the inside of a gaming computer was one wall. Neat. But a pod. But not yet real. even though it seems like a complete reality. Im remembering trying to envision the real world as we see it. Creeping along the edges for a proper door...i found it, it opened to nothing. Darkness. I went into the nothing. At ALL.
- It was scary to be in it fully aware/awake. I spoke out loud, to nothing, into the dark "I am in the dark, i fear it" But in it, i AM in it, so i WILL win it. (over it/own it etc the multiple meanings are funny to me in the moment). I laugh and sing it. And soon i hear another vice, reminds me of my nephew, hearing it and repeating it and it links and boom, im awake in my room. Need to write, i get up look for paper etc without fully waking. Write notes. Lay down. Only been asleep 1 1/2 hours. Back to sleep energized but not wide awake.
Without notes, i recalled another section of dreaming that continued on.
- So yes, I am Andrew, and my current job is what i do now. the first time a dream really acknowledged "what i do now". I dismissed dreams trying to merge now and past jobs old fears etc. No now not old stuff. I step into a challenge. People are speaking, what IS IT a person at my job does that makes them good at it. They inspire. They know how to set things up so people find their passion, and then take action, who otherwise maybe without the assistance would be powerless. Helpers who arent at the center of the stage, they allow and create a space for others to find that. But are well known in their own community. (the links to sorcerers/spirits were strong here) Its what i am, and do. It matches. And im one of the great ones at it. Well, ok, people will never know that, put some do. Not in life, or dreams, or at my real job, but in a way, it still applies. Too bad i can't just show it from the dream in real life right? i laugh at myself.
I take it with me to the real world, where I'm still kinda sick atm.
My outlook today was shifted and it was a relief in a way. less defensive slightly. And when i was, i caught it and explored it, like in dreams.
That was good.