absolution

[Guest]

fiend is good as well billy. im well aware of how this is not the most exciting post in the world, it is fun for me tho. im learning of my ignorance. for a long time the world wasnt magic, or i should say it was magical but i felt that the magic was against me, and to be fair i was ignorant and depressed in years of self pity it was literally pathetic, so it was really the opposite, the world was against me cos i hated things. the one constant in my life is playing the fool, like dj said im a expert at fooling myself. i have only been reading castaneda for twelve years. this was the introduction to the world as a magical place. before that i was religious in the sense that i knew God existed and i found God would help me in some points in my life but most of the time i was deeply worried and would always be searching for a reason why God seemed to have put me in the positions i found myself. im sure that for a while i didnt believe that magic even existed, that this world was completely mundane, it is like i held two opposing worlds, but couldnt resolve things. so i had weird beliefs about God and magic, that masked the world that i lived in and made it seem mundane. it has been /is difficult for me to remember this and apply it, ive made a new intent to learn faster tho, as i feel i am way behind, in the sense that theres so much more i could have done over the years.