absolution

[transitions4]

throughout my life i have experienced setbacks, blockages. yes, sometimes things have gone well, yet i could probably count those times on one hand. I know that this is not self pity, i didnt intend to have all of these problems when i was a kid, i know i could have run away or something, but that wasnt my path, and i guess that wouldnt have worked. i left home as soon as i could and moved away when i was 18. the problems continued and i experienced many things that no one should ever have to go through, and i have faced situations that have tested me, and I have had to find the strength to deal with these things, and i have never given up. where i am now, i know that i am just beginning to overcome the negative experiences in my life, and i know that self-pity would be to claim that i am somehow worse off than other people. i know this is definitely not the case. im sure that there are plenty of people worse off. all im trying to say here is that i dont know that i have ever been truly happy, i dont remember a time when i havent felt like there was something wrong. this lead me to intend failure and misery, i lost nearly all my friends in the process and im ashamed by this. depression took over my life many times, and i didnt trust medication to help me at all, i knew that this was not the answer, and i didnt know what to do.

meeting serloco here was a turning point in my life, im sure he was aware of the pain and suffering i have endured and overcome, he helped me to realise that there is hope, that i can find a way out, that my life can change. you see that i didnt think this before i met him. i had figured it was my destiny to end up a victim of my circumstances, no matter how hard i tried i could not get over the problems in my life, altho i never will give up, i know that i was fighting a losing battle against depression.

i found it difficult to trust in the unknown, as i was intending misery, and this is what i found. serloco has shown me that the unknown is perfect, and that i can "trust that things will work out". i know that thanks to his help i have found the strength to overcome depression, at least that when it hits me that it doesnt affect me at all in the same way it used to, i know i can change my life, set my dreams and be what i always wanted to be, do what i always wanted to do. i know that im getting old and i may have made a mess of my life so far, yet i know that my persistance, my reluctance to give up has paid off eventually. i may have been slow to get this, yet i know that now things are very different.

i am so thankful for this site, serloco and everyone else here.