11-08-2014, 12:00 AM
Littlepaw wrote: Music is like a language which is learned and all teachers really do is take the time and patience to repeat the language in a way the student might be able to understand.
Dreaming: When I recapitulated, I recalled recurring starkly vivid dreams as a little boy 'expressed and to be accepted' that I was alone in a meaningless existence. I did not realize then of course what a gift that was. I do now.
My dreams also told me of futile separation from otherness, and I was to be treated by otherness only as an object. As I dealt with recapitulating this, I understood that my relegation to being an object was not possible, and pointed only to highlighting my OWN awareness and liveliness (another gift). The way this was manifested in the dream, was to conclude in my awashness with shame. (literally in dreamstate, girls of my school pissed on me, and when this happened I entered euphoria). {An anomoly of my childhood was that I was held in good esteem in my neighborhood environment but was tagged as stupid and laughable in the separate Catholic school environment with different kids}
I lived a completely normal life thereafter (childhood and dreams forgotten), but grew spiritually throughout. When I recapitulated, and then tried to relive the experiences I found a principle that works for me (I explain logically why so in personal writings).
Instead of contempt for a world that is not even real to me on many levels, I discovered that an EFFORT at self-contempt wrought states of mind the could only have the opposite effect. When trying to conceptually destroy myself and esteem, I only affirmed and bolstered myself.
The more I go into myself to convince myself that I deserve condemnation and should experience no joy, the freer I become, and I DO have joy. I may write a book someday, but probably not--- I am becoming the consumate solipsist. When I bitched up some family matters, serloco said he felt my doom. Me hearing doom, after having recovered my bearings, was like lobster with drawn butter (yum).
Nothing can do injury to a soul despised by itself, that is nothing in its OWN account.
Dreaming: When I recapitulated, I recalled recurring starkly vivid dreams as a little boy 'expressed and to be accepted' that I was alone in a meaningless existence. I did not realize then of course what a gift that was. I do now.
My dreams also told me of futile separation from otherness, and I was to be treated by otherness only as an object. As I dealt with recapitulating this, I understood that my relegation to being an object was not possible, and pointed only to highlighting my OWN awareness and liveliness (another gift). The way this was manifested in the dream, was to conclude in my awashness with shame. (literally in dreamstate, girls of my school pissed on me, and when this happened I entered euphoria). {An anomoly of my childhood was that I was held in good esteem in my neighborhood environment but was tagged as stupid and laughable in the separate Catholic school environment with different kids}
I lived a completely normal life thereafter (childhood and dreams forgotten), but grew spiritually throughout. When I recapitulated, and then tried to relive the experiences I found a principle that works for me (I explain logically why so in personal writings).
Instead of contempt for a world that is not even real to me on many levels, I discovered that an EFFORT at self-contempt wrought states of mind the could only have the opposite effect. When trying to conceptually destroy myself and esteem, I only affirmed and bolstered myself.
The more I go into myself to convince myself that I deserve condemnation and should experience no joy, the freer I become, and I DO have joy. I may write a book someday, but probably not--- I am becoming the consumate solipsist. When I bitched up some family matters, serloco said he felt my doom. Me hearing doom, after having recovered my bearings, was like lobster with drawn butter (yum).
Nothing can do injury to a soul despised by itself, that is nothing in its OWN account.