11-08-2011, 12:00 AM
As a followup, If anybody reads that. I love my father, mother, all of them very much. Those that are still living and those who are now bones and ash. Yes i wish when i was more vulnerable they had been in more control of their selves, and actions, but that weakness is hardly, in any sort of just retrospect, a cause for hate and ignorance. Its not my intent to besmirch them, like characters of revulsion in some personal drama, making no allowances for their lives and expirences in said lives. Its not fair, or right,or just. That became more of an issue as i got older, say as s teen and young adult, but thats a story we all have gone through in one way or another. No need for me to act like im the first person to discover fire burns. My intent when i first sent this, and now years latter posted it was do explain and define the things from that time that shaped who i am how i see now. Not to extract some passive, cowardly retribution at the ghosts in my mind by creating a memory, a story, and casting them as the vilians. They arent that, many things we do that to, characters we make up in stories and mythologies, that we see in our dreams, arent that. On the other hand some are but theirs a logic to it. Even if its the peace of the tooth and justice of the claw. But its a disservice to ourselves, collectively and as individuales in our own souls, to deny the right of existance ecasue we hurt. or fear. Or condemn. Besides, im hardly breaking ground to say those actions, the very influence to do so is the only real power those who seek to control and use have, when it comes down to it. Even Robocop could say enough and be his own. Save the spare parts. And the oil. He still had to get those from OCP goods. Here it comes in my heart...angels and bellybuttons. the eternal debate. lol