04-12-2014, 12:01 AM
10/2-3/13
Steve McQueen/Rotating Dance class/A great story
We are gathered, in the classroom. We are children, elementary school age, all of us. Today is different, the teacher is not here, instead, we have a man, who Is sitting in for a special presentation, more like a guest lecturer, observing, then a substitute. The man is so luminous, deep silver, almost shining hair, and his face...i am drawn to his face...its looks like Steve Martin, and Chevy chase, a mix, in the features to me. I am very exited, by his presence My friend sits next to me, also around 9 years of age in the dream. I whisper to my friend, ( ), excited, maybe we will have a comedy lesson!
She whispers back “no this...is a famous actor”...i whisper back “comedians also act” but shes shaking her head and would say more, but the man stands to speak so we fall silent. He greets us all, and with a gentle sense of humor, presence, writes his name on the chalkboard. “Mr Steve McQueen”
this means nothing to me...i think lightning McQueen? Ohhhh I love the movie cars I think, was he the voice actor? Then he speaks to us. ( ) makes an excited noise, and I think “Yea that must be it, she likes that movie too that’s our favorite game time toy”. Now I listen to his speaking. He says “today is a special day, I have come to play a game! I will be the host, and all you need to do is find your puppets...put on a play, with hand puppets, that is YOU. So all us children scramble to the toy boxes, to find the right puppets. There is no question for me, I know which ones I need, I open a box, and pull out a Ralph puppet...the piano playing dog from the Muppet show, and then a Raggedy Andy doll...that will be me, and Ralph will be the other me character. Its not organized, we all just start doing out interaction...the one hand interacting with the puppet on the other. I really get into mine, and poor Andy is sad, then Ralph the dog is playing on the piano, and the Andy dances...and I end it by the Andy puppet, in a laugh, leaves my hand and flies across the room...and an amazing thing, the puppet turns as if alive and bows, and the Ralph puppet plays the piano, an exit room song. And im smiling looking around. I see Mr McQueen looking at my smiling, approving. So I feel happy. Then I watch others presentations. ( ) does something with a cat, Felix the cat, and big plush...dog. Its so fun...he likes that too. He comes up to us where we are sitting, and gives us some toys. I keep thinking of him as lightning McQueen, so I get that car...a great big one I can push. I think he gives ( ) a airplane from the same series. So now its free play time. And we are on our hands and knees, im pushing the car around, the edges of the room, and she has the airplane, and shes flying it around where I drive, and we are having chases and landing and a fun toy time. The day is almost over, and he calls us over to the desk. Now he shakes our hands, and smiles, and talks a bit about getting out of where he is at now...how fun we make it, students, to do that. He hands us each a business card. Somehow, we are our real ages now...which is funny one moment we were playing with toys, and the next moment, without break, we are two adults talking to another adult. He says he has seen us before, once, a few years ago, and this is his second visit. He will visit 2 more times in the next two years, and then, we can go to him for work when we are done, to visit him...keep the cards to find him. So in 4 years...right, when im 41 sounds good. Then we go back to being children, and we start playing again. But im looking at my card, confused. It does not say Steve, it says Terrance. I ask ( ) who is Terrance? She says that’s his real name...hes not the guy from the movie cars or Steve martin crossed with chevy chase...don’t I know? No, I laugh, I guess I don’t hehe. “Well keep it” she says, “he is a HUGE actor”
Well,Life's like a road that you travel on
There's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There's a world outside every darkened door
Where blues won't haunt you anymore where the brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won't hesitate
To break down the garden gate
There's not much time left today, yeah
Life is a highway, I wanna ride it
All night long
If you're going my way, I wanna drive it
All night long
Through all these cities and all these towns
It's in my blood and all around
I love you now like I loved you then
This is the road and these are the hands
From Mozambique to those Memphis nights
The Khyber Pass to Vancouver's lights
Knock me down and back up again
You're in my blood, I'm not a lonely man
There's no load I can't hold
The road's so rough this I know
I'll be there when the light comes in tell 'em we're survivors
Life is a highway, I wanna ride it
All night long
If your going my way, I wanna drive it
All night long
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, yeah
Another classroom, a latter time. I am now 16-17 yrs of age, with others of a similar age. It is not instruction time, its social, talking, between class. There is a disruption, a boy stands in the center of the room, and for lack of a better, word, starts bullying the school, with a forceful, ordering energy...he looks like such a person, I knew, from my youth. But like that person, from the past, he was not bad, just lashing out, refusing something...wanting things certain ways that weren’t the ways things really were. So we...we understood. There was a girl, with vibrant, long curly hair, standing near me...Stunningly vibrant and aware, like all of us here. Somehow...we all just KNEW, the whole school...what to do. Movement, interaction, organization...energy, alive, flowing, sharing. People organized...into small groups, and began to act, play, the play...theater, was the interactions of the people, groups. I take a seat, and watch, because an amazing thing, the school shifted, to a vast space, with tall modern pillars of red marble, a towering ceiling where crystal light flooded...magical, alive, vibrant. I find a seat, with the red haired girl, on the sides, where the observers sit. The floor...it rotates, like a circle, slowly...and the theater, are these little groups, standing in place, energy, speaking, singing, but its all one song! One thing! So in one group, is the cheerleaders, jumping, singing...but then they interact with the athletic guys on one side, and then the nerds on the other, an interplay see? But all one song. It rotates, then its overweight girls,. The shunned, but they are alive, shining, all are shining...they boldly show their legs...thick and cellulite...but in the light, their song, to the others, with the others...all is perfect, all are perfect, interacting, in the light...sound..movement...like... the scene from westside story, a fight, a speech...but all one dance, wondrous, my mouth...open...stunned. By the awareness, and how much energy...meaning! Beyond comprehension, certainly beyond my meager words and memory now. It rotates again, and now the cheerleader girl at the top, of that social pyramid, is looking at me, smiling...she understands...what this is...they all do...these aren’t ordinary students, they feel the archetypes and meaning....nagual beings...alive...aware...beyond words. A voice, from the side, at first I don’t hear it, I am still awestruck...then...a tentative squeeze of my hand. This lets me focus one her. I hear “you must think me a silly tween, to show you this” this startles me to turn, and look at her, really see, open. So...alive. “no, no not at all” I say. “this” gesturing at it all... “this...no one has ever, shown so much, so much meaning, alive...no one has ever shared, done something like this...”
“thank you so much”. And then I lean in, and give her a soft kiss on the cheek, and then we lean into each other a bit sitting, still holding hands, and just watch it all...so...wondrous.
Here I am, once again
Feeling lost but now and then
I breath it in to let it go
And you don't know
where you are now
Or what it would come to
if only somebody could hear
When you figure out how
your lost in the moment
you disappear
(Chorus)
You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action
you're never gonna fade you'll be the main attraction
Not a fantasy
Just remember me
when it turns out right
'cause you if know that if you live in your imagination
tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination
In my victory
Just remember me
when i make it shine!
(2nd verse)
Reaching high
feeling low
I'm holding on but letting go
I like to shine
I'll shine for you
And it's time to show the world how
it's a little bit closer
as long as I'm ready to go
All we have is right now
as long as you feel it inside you know ....
(Chorus)
You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action
your never gonna fade you'll be the main attraction
not a fantasy
just remember me
when it turns out right
'cuz you know that if you live in your imagination
tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination
in my victory
just remember me
when I make it shine!
(Bridge)
Everyone can tell you how it's all been said and done
That harder times will change your mind and make you wanna run
But you want it
And you need it
Like you need to breath the air
If they doubt you
Just believe it
That's enough to get you there
(Chorus)
You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action
your never gonna fade you'll be the main attraction
not a fantasy
just remember me
when it turns out right
'cuz you know that if you live in your imagination
tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination
in my victory
just remember me
when I make it SHINE!
Later, I find myself outside a great house, more of a manor. There are three of us there, standing outside. Somehow, we have Acquired, or been given, a great red Semi Truck and trailer, and I carefully park it in the driveway to the garage, but it will not fit. We wonder what to do with it, how to use it...we can not leave it parked outside here, it would not be allowed. We are speaking among ourselves what to do...it is also, a very DANGEROUS thing, if not properly handled. We decide, that we need money, energy, so we decide to make a shipping company. I contemplate painting “Sanford & Son's Hauling” as a joke on the side...but I dare not...that is how powerful of an object this is. While we are doing this, a fourth man, but also a child, in power, climbs into the cab and starts the ignition. He wants to drive...take it, but if he does, it will ruin...cause great ruin, in his state of being at this time.
He is child, and a friend, I can remove him...but I cant...we cant cause him such hurt...so I speak to him...in energy, he is crazy, all over, unsettled, and I understand this, from my past. I speak gently, about the future...past...calm...to share. He doesn’t drive off with this dangerous thing...more to himself then anyone else, but then, we shift to what we deem to be “the emergency plan”. Somehow this involves going to another house, changing...a great manor, but more compact, by some cliffs by the sea.
It had been hit by a great storm, and half...exactly half, had been shorn off. We...bought it from some workmen...their work...modern. So stepping inside, lets say the kitchen, their was Tiffany glass, ornate, that made up the facing of the cabinets...but then...half of them were gone...so workman had built simple wood ones over the remaining part that needed replacing...it felt temporary. It was odd, and detailed, in energy, and this, this was the emergency plan. We got a place, half then and half now, by the sea, and this move...change...half ornate like a dream, half domestic, and a bit drab, was the emergency plan for the man gone a bit mad in powers grip. An older lady then us, wise, managed this transition. And it worked...stabilizing on the man who climbed into the cab. But not...completely....successfully. The child in the truck, it moves now, despite this. When the truck moves, with unstable energy at the wheel...or rather raw energy, like partially formed cheese. It triggers the great disaster we feared...also known as... “the greatest story ever told”.
The truck tears along a country road, and soon, as it had such power, it no longer needs a road, it slices reality like a scalpel, and the two sides of the dream reality, fall away, like a split cloth...soon, the truck is charging through a void, like it pierced the curtain of reality itself. Due to the rendering of the veil, we are chased, we are seen. A great army, in pursuit, of the out of control truck...tanks, aircraft, flowing into the tear in reality, and following in the energy wake of the truck, which is becoming a shadow of the world that was torn, like a still, lifeless, but solid negative image. We...had been hanging onto the outside of the doors of the truck, and now, we managed to open them and climb in...the man was paralyzed, not knowing which way to go or what to do...like a statue. I moved him...and he crumbled. His spirit, energy, had left...this was like a paper mache...imprint...which meant he was fine, elsewhere...but we we stuck in this barreling truck...slowly, I applied the brakes, and it came to a stop. We got out of the cab of the truck, into a solid, yet lifeless, still, shadow world...we were on the outskirts of a mid sized town...lights were on...but utterly still, silent dream that formed around the wound. And behind us...we were not alone...an army...an army was approaching, to fight and destroy whatever had done this...we...flee, up to a hill. Now there is myself, another man, who I call Loki...he has face paint like the character from the series “vikings” and the...red haired woman! None of us were really shinning now, in this lifeless place...we were getting to cover, trying to hide from the approaching army.
A great battle erupts. A great, epic battle. We now are wearing bone shirts...like ghost dance, and have painted on our faces, and gathered weapons. Explosions, troops streaming...they fight...something else. Another force, came to the same spot, for the same reason. The quality of the action, frenetic, visceral, was...overpowering. We seem to observe, from a hill. When we fight, or fire, its to shift the invading army that followed us towards the force from the other side...We have a plan it seems. Suddenly, a troop transport aircraft...a great C-17 transport, loaded with troops flies low towards the hill. They want to drop them on top of us...take the hill. For the first time, we target a thing, rather then shoot around them to herd them. Loki fires his gun, weapon, and it splits the transport low to the ground...it slides along the ground, spilling troops out, and a wing goes past my head. The noise! Heat...sound...its...wow. So real! And it shakes me. Most of the men and women survive, and rather then take the hill...they stream back to their front line with the unseen energetic force they battle. I watch them...how the march in lines..three parallel lines. One female, two men. Woman on left, then a
man, then another man, but so one long line of women, and two of men next to them, in unison...this is energetic, how they fight! There are people like us, with the unseen force, dressed the same, these are what these soldiers focus on. The three of us speak...what to do now. We decide, since we are cut off...both armies now, are cut off...the energy rift the truck made sealed healed...now we are cut off. We decide to don the uniforms of some fallen soldiers, and infiltrate the soldiers. See, some of the lines, were not fully formed...we could slot in in energy, and march unseen! So we do this...Me and Loki walk besides a woman, and the head of a broken line...she has a really cute pony tail...ahh....its the girl I looked at in the “let it shine” dance. And we march....the red haired girl find a empty spot next to two men, and then we end up going separate directions...the battle slows down...it seems these soldiers have won.
I look around, Loki is with me...the pony tail woman is besides us. We find a building they made the base camp...in the still dead world. These soldiers don’t know what to do next, they are regrouping. Loki and I go to the restroom...it looks like a public gym to talk, but we only have a few moments. We converse...where is the red haired girl? She got away, and slipped ahead, towards...well, towards the fey world which is where the army with slaves came from...human slaves. Soon the pony tail girl come sin as well, and then another group of 2 men and a woman. The pony tail girl...is the commander of this army it seems. “So” she says, “who are you?” We had the presence of mind to sorta burn out uniforms a bit, convincingly, in such a way it had obscured the name etc...and had taken dog tags and choked ourselves with them a bit...so it looked like they had been removed by great force then discarded them...thinking ahead. I spoke “we are reservists with the 52 mechanized infantry mam” She peers at us with narrowed eyes. “you were not on the transport, where did you come from”. “sir...we were captured on recon by the slaves...we managed to escape, we disguised our faces with this paint” (we had forgotten to remove it and she noticed). “well, you are quite the super soldiers for reservists...tell me...how did you escape...with what weapons?” Loki speaks... “a shank, man, a little metal shank we made”. Really...a shank....i find it hard to believe...” and it got tense. Then I spoke some more. While I spoke, Loki somehow merged with the shadow, and put the little blade to her neck...impossibly, like his arm twisted... he nicked her neck in such a way it bled slightly, but she didn’t even feel it. “We did it just how we did it to you” and she gasped...touched her neck...a drop of blood...and saw that Loki somehow got behind her. “Well Goddamn...Goddamn...you boys are super soldiers, and laughed, smiling. Then she asked, wondering. “why do you call the enemy slaves?” We say...that’s what they told us...they were slaves, to the ruling power beyond...wherever this is....and they all looked around, its sinking in...they didn’t have a clue what was going on.
Time passes, montage, further and further this army from the other side, our side...goes. A slow march, towards an unknown (to them) Goal. Things have changed, somewhat. The main enemy force has withdrawn to their core lands, and the closer the army gets, the dream realms become alive again. Villages of people, the slaves, greet them as liberators, share food and energy, let them rest. We come to the last village...the last village based on our world...a small place, but in the alive lands...beyond...is the mysterious beyond...a wall of clouds, and a forest, with a single meadow along a river, the gateway to this inner realm. I come too, see myself, from above. I am laying on my back, my hands behind my head, looking at the ceiling. The blond pony tail woman, is nude besides me, spread out on the blankets, in a light sleep. The bedsheets are twisted, and the blanket tossed aside...as apparently, are our uniforms. Ahh...battlefield love I think...or something, laughing in a voice outside myself. This makes the me in the bed smile. He reaches over the sleeping woman, to grab his cigarettes, which are on her side of the bed. At this she stirs, and rolls over, and catches his...my...arm, smiling. She states, simply. “I know your not a soldier...who are you, one of the slaves?” I smile, and slowly pull my arm away, smiling...very slowly, I pull out cigarette, and put it in my mouth, in no hurry to light it. “no...we were not slaves...we are the ones who ripped the hole you came to seal, the ones you came to destroy”. She just grunts at this, and I see myself looking around for my metal lighter. I look towards her, and she has it open, flame lit...and I lean in and she lights my smoke. “that was you huh?” I say...carefully...”that was us...” and there is a long pause, and I take a deep drag on the smoke. “But, I continue, we didn’t intend for that to happen...we had this “truck” and a kid decided to take the wheel...and it went from “Sanford and sons” trucking too... war of the worlds” Took another drag, and now she sat up next to me real close...she looked like she did not know to strike me, laugh, or scream...she settled in a slow chuckle. Then she asks... “the Intel you give me...its real? What you said?” “yea” I say... ne of us went ahead...you see we are trapped here now too...we all need to get home. “home” she says as if unsure what that really means anymore. “So if we go ahead, we find” “the enemy...the slave masters” I say. “but beyond that?” she asks me. “beyond that, the way home...Freedom” Home, has a different meaning to both of us now, not what it was at the start. My smoke is half gone. She is deep in thought... “you know, I saw you right away...no one can move like that....i knew, even if I didn’t know what...i SAW you” I look a bit confused... “that was not me...that was the other guy with me...Loki” I say. Now she has a big coy smile. “there was no other guy...just you...you didn’t know...it was all you...and I SAW” Now im the one dumbstruck. She takes the cigarette from my hand, where it was dangling...took a deep drag, smoked the rest of it in one long draw. With a single movement, she flicked it, uncaring against the wall...and I saw it bounce, the sparks. While I was distracted, she grasped my face, and with a great open mouthed kiss. Blew half a cigarettes worth of smoke out of her lungs into mine...it had no where to go, some went back to her, through my mouth, but most came out my nose, as I sputtered, and then laughed. She drew me back down to the bed, and then, Well...you know. Got to keep this pg-13 and all. As the scene faded to black...i heard laughter...deep laughter. It was Loki...whatever that is...who that is. I had a funny thought, such a cheeky little wanker, hes the kind that apparently likes to just watch...and in that laughing, the scene fades to black, like a film.
It fades like a film, because it was a film. I am now, my awareness, in a movie theater, modern, in a town. Watching this film. And here, it goes...magical. Scenes like a montage, like the end of mad max, no dialogue. The army...it enters the valley, with the river, and crosses the fog. Music plays...tanks and helicopters, and a thousand marching soldiers, including me...into the fog...and then a dramatic camera angle...a sun...an eternal sun, like daybreak, or sunset...a land alive, with magic. Power. Winged dragons, centaurs, creatures of history and mythology. These...greet the army, those that aren’t thralls...join with it. It swells. Men holding assault riffles, riding on the backs of great basilisks. The villages of people...they have never seen technology, its like cold iron...fire. They worship those that can wield it, add their magic to the cause...a great host, like a sea, men and beast, ride...the blonde woman looses the pony tail...and takes up a sword...and rides atop a great dragon, instead of a Humvee. The army...like a river...comes to a great river...a boundary. An impossibly large log, of knotted wood...the begin to cross. On the other side, a great giant rises, from fallen stone, and wood...green plants spring from him...he wears a slave collar. He roars, as large as a mountain. A tank fires...hits his leg, and he falls, and as he does...he swings his club, and knocks the tank into the water...as this happens, the woman...she runs over, and cuts his shackles...they know where to strike the chords now. And the giant looks up, with a large tear, and says simply...”friend”. And the camera pulls out, the army...the crusade...for freedom...home...continues...it passes Stonehenge, and as it passes, the flat grassy plain is alive with trees, and singing...now the land pules with the army...the eternal setting or rising sun shines through Stonehenge, and the earth grids...the real ones, are alive now...magic. I...cry In the theater, soft, quiet tears...the camera pulls out, and shows a massive city, like the ship in krull...the home of the masters... and the end credits roll. Rest is in the next chapter its a three pater I know...i love those dreams...it will come. Like little mouse...three books, in three separate years. The lights in the theater go on. People rise. Some look moved like me. Some are angry...one woman with particularly vile energy says “this is blasphemous, all wrong...war...soldiers are all bad” She is hanging in the doorway, at the back of the theater...i tell her...his... “you know nothing!” She scoffs at me and huffs off. I stand there, by the door, thinking. The theater is empty....or so I think...a voice...a man says “excuse me do you have a moment?”.
I turn, and sitting in a seat in the last row, is a man...a bit pudgy, thick glasses, brown eyes and hair. A bit...mousey. He finished writing in his notepad, and places it in his jacket and stands, and extends a hand. He greets me “John Ellison, City Daily news film reviewer” He continues... “I want to ask you, what did you mean when you said you know nothing to that woman...to be honest, I almost expected you add Jon snow at the end...but you don’t look like a bridget” At this I relax, and chuckle... “no no...what I meant was, her expectation, what she expected to see, doesn’t make this untrue I....” when I hesitate, he nods towards the door. “Walk with me, just one second, I need to call a cab” and we walk out together, out of the brightly lit lobby...and out onto a rain soaked city street. There is a light drizzle, and fog...their is an awning all along the city, block, and when hes finished with his call, we slowly walk to the end of the block talking...i see it from above...its like a film noir scene, moving between light of lamps and shadow...through the dripping fog. I continue were I left off, and decide to tell him...really tell him what I meant. “what I meant is you know nothing...because I was THERE”. When I say this he stops, and looks at me, with a hardness. “You were a soldier...” the way he says it is like a curse...this is not a place that condones armies somehow. I take my time...and pull a cigarette out of my jacket pocket, and light it right in front of him...his face tenses like he is offended...but I light it anyway. And I smoke it, quickly, in silence. And continue...clearly, he is hooked, whatever his reaction. “no I mean....i was there...i am there...it is my story”. This confuses him, and then slowly, something dawns, I see his eyes look surprised. He takes out his notepad, as if to write...his nervous habit...but what can he write? He closes it and puts it away. He then...asks for a cigarette...which I give him. I lean over to light it, but he waves it away...he acted like he wasn’t a smoker, but he had a lighter...interesting....appropriate. After a few puffs he continues. “even if you were...there...he says with some disbelief, how could you prove it...that was...a story, removed. Not an event. Next you will tell me you a frodo baggins...i think you can see the root of my skepticism... I look at him, lock my gaze to his, and begin to shift, like Loki...into the shadow, into the light, around the light pole and I say, hiss. “I was THERE, and it is my story...you know nothing! Noooooooooooothing I say, like a ghost. He sees! He...shakes...the cigarette dangles, limp from his lip, as he sees...and shivers, in the mist, under the lamp. Even int hat form, I take the cigarette from his mouth, and now he looks like he wants to run, and as a cloud, smoke, and release a cloud of smoke into his face. I say “I am Loki, I was there, and it is my story...you know NOTHING”....nothing...it echoes in the rain...for now the man is alone, and he...sees. And I wake. Fin
Steve McQueen/Rotating Dance class/A great story
We are gathered, in the classroom. We are children, elementary school age, all of us. Today is different, the teacher is not here, instead, we have a man, who Is sitting in for a special presentation, more like a guest lecturer, observing, then a substitute. The man is so luminous, deep silver, almost shining hair, and his face...i am drawn to his face...its looks like Steve Martin, and Chevy chase, a mix, in the features to me. I am very exited, by his presence My friend sits next to me, also around 9 years of age in the dream. I whisper to my friend, ( ), excited, maybe we will have a comedy lesson!
She whispers back “no this...is a famous actor”...i whisper back “comedians also act” but shes shaking her head and would say more, but the man stands to speak so we fall silent. He greets us all, and with a gentle sense of humor, presence, writes his name on the chalkboard. “Mr Steve McQueen”
this means nothing to me...i think lightning McQueen? Ohhhh I love the movie cars I think, was he the voice actor? Then he speaks to us. ( ) makes an excited noise, and I think “Yea that must be it, she likes that movie too that’s our favorite game time toy”. Now I listen to his speaking. He says “today is a special day, I have come to play a game! I will be the host, and all you need to do is find your puppets...put on a play, with hand puppets, that is YOU. So all us children scramble to the toy boxes, to find the right puppets. There is no question for me, I know which ones I need, I open a box, and pull out a Ralph puppet...the piano playing dog from the Muppet show, and then a Raggedy Andy doll...that will be me, and Ralph will be the other me character. Its not organized, we all just start doing out interaction...the one hand interacting with the puppet on the other. I really get into mine, and poor Andy is sad, then Ralph the dog is playing on the piano, and the Andy dances...and I end it by the Andy puppet, in a laugh, leaves my hand and flies across the room...and an amazing thing, the puppet turns as if alive and bows, and the Ralph puppet plays the piano, an exit room song. And im smiling looking around. I see Mr McQueen looking at my smiling, approving. So I feel happy. Then I watch others presentations. ( ) does something with a cat, Felix the cat, and big plush...dog. Its so fun...he likes that too. He comes up to us where we are sitting, and gives us some toys. I keep thinking of him as lightning McQueen, so I get that car...a great big one I can push. I think he gives ( ) a airplane from the same series. So now its free play time. And we are on our hands and knees, im pushing the car around, the edges of the room, and she has the airplane, and shes flying it around where I drive, and we are having chases and landing and a fun toy time. The day is almost over, and he calls us over to the desk. Now he shakes our hands, and smiles, and talks a bit about getting out of where he is at now...how fun we make it, students, to do that. He hands us each a business card. Somehow, we are our real ages now...which is funny one moment we were playing with toys, and the next moment, without break, we are two adults talking to another adult. He says he has seen us before, once, a few years ago, and this is his second visit. He will visit 2 more times in the next two years, and then, we can go to him for work when we are done, to visit him...keep the cards to find him. So in 4 years...right, when im 41 sounds good. Then we go back to being children, and we start playing again. But im looking at my card, confused. It does not say Steve, it says Terrance. I ask ( ) who is Terrance? She says that’s his real name...hes not the guy from the movie cars or Steve martin crossed with chevy chase...don’t I know? No, I laugh, I guess I don’t hehe. “Well keep it” she says, “he is a HUGE actor”
Well,Life's like a road that you travel on
There's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There's a world outside every darkened door
Where blues won't haunt you anymore where the brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won't hesitate
To break down the garden gate
There's not much time left today, yeah
Life is a highway, I wanna ride it
All night long
If you're going my way, I wanna drive it
All night long
Through all these cities and all these towns
It's in my blood and all around
I love you now like I loved you then
This is the road and these are the hands
From Mozambique to those Memphis nights
The Khyber Pass to Vancouver's lights
Knock me down and back up again
You're in my blood, I'm not a lonely man
There's no load I can't hold
The road's so rough this I know
I'll be there when the light comes in tell 'em we're survivors
Life is a highway, I wanna ride it
All night long
If your going my way, I wanna drive it
All night long
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, yeah
Another classroom, a latter time. I am now 16-17 yrs of age, with others of a similar age. It is not instruction time, its social, talking, between class. There is a disruption, a boy stands in the center of the room, and for lack of a better, word, starts bullying the school, with a forceful, ordering energy...he looks like such a person, I knew, from my youth. But like that person, from the past, he was not bad, just lashing out, refusing something...wanting things certain ways that weren’t the ways things really were. So we...we understood. There was a girl, with vibrant, long curly hair, standing near me...Stunningly vibrant and aware, like all of us here. Somehow...we all just KNEW, the whole school...what to do. Movement, interaction, organization...energy, alive, flowing, sharing. People organized...into small groups, and began to act, play, the play...theater, was the interactions of the people, groups. I take a seat, and watch, because an amazing thing, the school shifted, to a vast space, with tall modern pillars of red marble, a towering ceiling where crystal light flooded...magical, alive, vibrant. I find a seat, with the red haired girl, on the sides, where the observers sit. The floor...it rotates, like a circle, slowly...and the theater, are these little groups, standing in place, energy, speaking, singing, but its all one song! One thing! So in one group, is the cheerleaders, jumping, singing...but then they interact with the athletic guys on one side, and then the nerds on the other, an interplay see? But all one song. It rotates, then its overweight girls,. The shunned, but they are alive, shining, all are shining...they boldly show their legs...thick and cellulite...but in the light, their song, to the others, with the others...all is perfect, all are perfect, interacting, in the light...sound..movement...like... the scene from westside story, a fight, a speech...but all one dance, wondrous, my mouth...open...stunned. By the awareness, and how much energy...meaning! Beyond comprehension, certainly beyond my meager words and memory now. It rotates again, and now the cheerleader girl at the top, of that social pyramid, is looking at me, smiling...she understands...what this is...they all do...these aren’t ordinary students, they feel the archetypes and meaning....nagual beings...alive...aware...beyond words. A voice, from the side, at first I don’t hear it, I am still awestruck...then...a tentative squeeze of my hand. This lets me focus one her. I hear “you must think me a silly tween, to show you this” this startles me to turn, and look at her, really see, open. So...alive. “no, no not at all” I say. “this” gesturing at it all... “this...no one has ever, shown so much, so much meaning, alive...no one has ever shared, done something like this...”
“thank you so much”. And then I lean in, and give her a soft kiss on the cheek, and then we lean into each other a bit sitting, still holding hands, and just watch it all...so...wondrous.
Here I am, once again
Feeling lost but now and then
I breath it in to let it go
And you don't know
where you are now
Or what it would come to
if only somebody could hear
When you figure out how
your lost in the moment
you disappear
(Chorus)
You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action
you're never gonna fade you'll be the main attraction
Not a fantasy
Just remember me
when it turns out right
'cause you if know that if you live in your imagination
tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination
In my victory
Just remember me
when i make it shine!
(2nd verse)
Reaching high
feeling low
I'm holding on but letting go
I like to shine
I'll shine for you
And it's time to show the world how
it's a little bit closer
as long as I'm ready to go
All we have is right now
as long as you feel it inside you know ....
(Chorus)
You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action
your never gonna fade you'll be the main attraction
not a fantasy
just remember me
when it turns out right
'cuz you know that if you live in your imagination
tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination
in my victory
just remember me
when I make it shine!
(Bridge)
Everyone can tell you how it's all been said and done
That harder times will change your mind and make you wanna run
But you want it
And you need it
Like you need to breath the air
If they doubt you
Just believe it
That's enough to get you there
(Chorus)
You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action
your never gonna fade you'll be the main attraction
not a fantasy
just remember me
when it turns out right
'cuz you know that if you live in your imagination
tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination
in my victory
just remember me
when I make it SHINE!
Later, I find myself outside a great house, more of a manor. There are three of us there, standing outside. Somehow, we have Acquired, or been given, a great red Semi Truck and trailer, and I carefully park it in the driveway to the garage, but it will not fit. We wonder what to do with it, how to use it...we can not leave it parked outside here, it would not be allowed. We are speaking among ourselves what to do...it is also, a very DANGEROUS thing, if not properly handled. We decide, that we need money, energy, so we decide to make a shipping company. I contemplate painting “Sanford & Son's Hauling” as a joke on the side...but I dare not...that is how powerful of an object this is. While we are doing this, a fourth man, but also a child, in power, climbs into the cab and starts the ignition. He wants to drive...take it, but if he does, it will ruin...cause great ruin, in his state of being at this time.
He is child, and a friend, I can remove him...but I cant...we cant cause him such hurt...so I speak to him...in energy, he is crazy, all over, unsettled, and I understand this, from my past. I speak gently, about the future...past...calm...to share. He doesn’t drive off with this dangerous thing...more to himself then anyone else, but then, we shift to what we deem to be “the emergency plan”. Somehow this involves going to another house, changing...a great manor, but more compact, by some cliffs by the sea.
It had been hit by a great storm, and half...exactly half, had been shorn off. We...bought it from some workmen...their work...modern. So stepping inside, lets say the kitchen, their was Tiffany glass, ornate, that made up the facing of the cabinets...but then...half of them were gone...so workman had built simple wood ones over the remaining part that needed replacing...it felt temporary. It was odd, and detailed, in energy, and this, this was the emergency plan. We got a place, half then and half now, by the sea, and this move...change...half ornate like a dream, half domestic, and a bit drab, was the emergency plan for the man gone a bit mad in powers grip. An older lady then us, wise, managed this transition. And it worked...stabilizing on the man who climbed into the cab. But not...completely....successfully. The child in the truck, it moves now, despite this. When the truck moves, with unstable energy at the wheel...or rather raw energy, like partially formed cheese. It triggers the great disaster we feared...also known as... “the greatest story ever told”.
The truck tears along a country road, and soon, as it had such power, it no longer needs a road, it slices reality like a scalpel, and the two sides of the dream reality, fall away, like a split cloth...soon, the truck is charging through a void, like it pierced the curtain of reality itself. Due to the rendering of the veil, we are chased, we are seen. A great army, in pursuit, of the out of control truck...tanks, aircraft, flowing into the tear in reality, and following in the energy wake of the truck, which is becoming a shadow of the world that was torn, like a still, lifeless, but solid negative image. We...had been hanging onto the outside of the doors of the truck, and now, we managed to open them and climb in...the man was paralyzed, not knowing which way to go or what to do...like a statue. I moved him...and he crumbled. His spirit, energy, had left...this was like a paper mache...imprint...which meant he was fine, elsewhere...but we we stuck in this barreling truck...slowly, I applied the brakes, and it came to a stop. We got out of the cab of the truck, into a solid, yet lifeless, still, shadow world...we were on the outskirts of a mid sized town...lights were on...but utterly still, silent dream that formed around the wound. And behind us...we were not alone...an army...an army was approaching, to fight and destroy whatever had done this...we...flee, up to a hill. Now there is myself, another man, who I call Loki...he has face paint like the character from the series “vikings” and the...red haired woman! None of us were really shinning now, in this lifeless place...we were getting to cover, trying to hide from the approaching army.
A great battle erupts. A great, epic battle. We now are wearing bone shirts...like ghost dance, and have painted on our faces, and gathered weapons. Explosions, troops streaming...they fight...something else. Another force, came to the same spot, for the same reason. The quality of the action, frenetic, visceral, was...overpowering. We seem to observe, from a hill. When we fight, or fire, its to shift the invading army that followed us towards the force from the other side...We have a plan it seems. Suddenly, a troop transport aircraft...a great C-17 transport, loaded with troops flies low towards the hill. They want to drop them on top of us...take the hill. For the first time, we target a thing, rather then shoot around them to herd them. Loki fires his gun, weapon, and it splits the transport low to the ground...it slides along the ground, spilling troops out, and a wing goes past my head. The noise! Heat...sound...its...wow. So real! And it shakes me. Most of the men and women survive, and rather then take the hill...they stream back to their front line with the unseen energetic force they battle. I watch them...how the march in lines..three parallel lines. One female, two men. Woman on left, then a
man, then another man, but so one long line of women, and two of men next to them, in unison...this is energetic, how they fight! There are people like us, with the unseen force, dressed the same, these are what these soldiers focus on. The three of us speak...what to do now. We decide, since we are cut off...both armies now, are cut off...the energy rift the truck made sealed healed...now we are cut off. We decide to don the uniforms of some fallen soldiers, and infiltrate the soldiers. See, some of the lines, were not fully formed...we could slot in in energy, and march unseen! So we do this...Me and Loki walk besides a woman, and the head of a broken line...she has a really cute pony tail...ahh....its the girl I looked at in the “let it shine” dance. And we march....the red haired girl find a empty spot next to two men, and then we end up going separate directions...the battle slows down...it seems these soldiers have won.
I look around, Loki is with me...the pony tail woman is besides us. We find a building they made the base camp...in the still dead world. These soldiers don’t know what to do next, they are regrouping. Loki and I go to the restroom...it looks like a public gym to talk, but we only have a few moments. We converse...where is the red haired girl? She got away, and slipped ahead, towards...well, towards the fey world which is where the army with slaves came from...human slaves. Soon the pony tail girl come sin as well, and then another group of 2 men and a woman. The pony tail girl...is the commander of this army it seems. “So” she says, “who are you?” We had the presence of mind to sorta burn out uniforms a bit, convincingly, in such a way it had obscured the name etc...and had taken dog tags and choked ourselves with them a bit...so it looked like they had been removed by great force then discarded them...thinking ahead. I spoke “we are reservists with the 52 mechanized infantry mam” She peers at us with narrowed eyes. “you were not on the transport, where did you come from”. “sir...we were captured on recon by the slaves...we managed to escape, we disguised our faces with this paint” (we had forgotten to remove it and she noticed). “well, you are quite the super soldiers for reservists...tell me...how did you escape...with what weapons?” Loki speaks... “a shank, man, a little metal shank we made”. Really...a shank....i find it hard to believe...” and it got tense. Then I spoke some more. While I spoke, Loki somehow merged with the shadow, and put the little blade to her neck...impossibly, like his arm twisted... he nicked her neck in such a way it bled slightly, but she didn’t even feel it. “We did it just how we did it to you” and she gasped...touched her neck...a drop of blood...and saw that Loki somehow got behind her. “Well Goddamn...Goddamn...you boys are super soldiers, and laughed, smiling. Then she asked, wondering. “why do you call the enemy slaves?” We say...that’s what they told us...they were slaves, to the ruling power beyond...wherever this is....and they all looked around, its sinking in...they didn’t have a clue what was going on.
Time passes, montage, further and further this army from the other side, our side...goes. A slow march, towards an unknown (to them) Goal. Things have changed, somewhat. The main enemy force has withdrawn to their core lands, and the closer the army gets, the dream realms become alive again. Villages of people, the slaves, greet them as liberators, share food and energy, let them rest. We come to the last village...the last village based on our world...a small place, but in the alive lands...beyond...is the mysterious beyond...a wall of clouds, and a forest, with a single meadow along a river, the gateway to this inner realm. I come too, see myself, from above. I am laying on my back, my hands behind my head, looking at the ceiling. The blond pony tail woman, is nude besides me, spread out on the blankets, in a light sleep. The bedsheets are twisted, and the blanket tossed aside...as apparently, are our uniforms. Ahh...battlefield love I think...or something, laughing in a voice outside myself. This makes the me in the bed smile. He reaches over the sleeping woman, to grab his cigarettes, which are on her side of the bed. At this she stirs, and rolls over, and catches his...my...arm, smiling. She states, simply. “I know your not a soldier...who are you, one of the slaves?” I smile, and slowly pull my arm away, smiling...very slowly, I pull out cigarette, and put it in my mouth, in no hurry to light it. “no...we were not slaves...we are the ones who ripped the hole you came to seal, the ones you came to destroy”. She just grunts at this, and I see myself looking around for my metal lighter. I look towards her, and she has it open, flame lit...and I lean in and she lights my smoke. “that was you huh?” I say...carefully...”that was us...” and there is a long pause, and I take a deep drag on the smoke. “But, I continue, we didn’t intend for that to happen...we had this “truck” and a kid decided to take the wheel...and it went from “Sanford and sons” trucking too... war of the worlds” Took another drag, and now she sat up next to me real close...she looked like she did not know to strike me, laugh, or scream...she settled in a slow chuckle. Then she asks... “the Intel you give me...its real? What you said?” “yea” I say... ne of us went ahead...you see we are trapped here now too...we all need to get home. “home” she says as if unsure what that really means anymore. “So if we go ahead, we find” “the enemy...the slave masters” I say. “but beyond that?” she asks me. “beyond that, the way home...Freedom” Home, has a different meaning to both of us now, not what it was at the start. My smoke is half gone. She is deep in thought... “you know, I saw you right away...no one can move like that....i knew, even if I didn’t know what...i SAW you” I look a bit confused... “that was not me...that was the other guy with me...Loki” I say. Now she has a big coy smile. “there was no other guy...just you...you didn’t know...it was all you...and I SAW” Now im the one dumbstruck. She takes the cigarette from my hand, where it was dangling...took a deep drag, smoked the rest of it in one long draw. With a single movement, she flicked it, uncaring against the wall...and I saw it bounce, the sparks. While I was distracted, she grasped my face, and with a great open mouthed kiss. Blew half a cigarettes worth of smoke out of her lungs into mine...it had no where to go, some went back to her, through my mouth, but most came out my nose, as I sputtered, and then laughed. She drew me back down to the bed, and then, Well...you know. Got to keep this pg-13 and all. As the scene faded to black...i heard laughter...deep laughter. It was Loki...whatever that is...who that is. I had a funny thought, such a cheeky little wanker, hes the kind that apparently likes to just watch...and in that laughing, the scene fades to black, like a film.
It fades like a film, because it was a film. I am now, my awareness, in a movie theater, modern, in a town. Watching this film. And here, it goes...magical. Scenes like a montage, like the end of mad max, no dialogue. The army...it enters the valley, with the river, and crosses the fog. Music plays...tanks and helicopters, and a thousand marching soldiers, including me...into the fog...and then a dramatic camera angle...a sun...an eternal sun, like daybreak, or sunset...a land alive, with magic. Power. Winged dragons, centaurs, creatures of history and mythology. These...greet the army, those that aren’t thralls...join with it. It swells. Men holding assault riffles, riding on the backs of great basilisks. The villages of people...they have never seen technology, its like cold iron...fire. They worship those that can wield it, add their magic to the cause...a great host, like a sea, men and beast, ride...the blonde woman looses the pony tail...and takes up a sword...and rides atop a great dragon, instead of a Humvee. The army...like a river...comes to a great river...a boundary. An impossibly large log, of knotted wood...the begin to cross. On the other side, a great giant rises, from fallen stone, and wood...green plants spring from him...he wears a slave collar. He roars, as large as a mountain. A tank fires...hits his leg, and he falls, and as he does...he swings his club, and knocks the tank into the water...as this happens, the woman...she runs over, and cuts his shackles...they know where to strike the chords now. And the giant looks up, with a large tear, and says simply...”friend”. And the camera pulls out, the army...the crusade...for freedom...home...continues...it passes Stonehenge, and as it passes, the flat grassy plain is alive with trees, and singing...now the land pules with the army...the eternal setting or rising sun shines through Stonehenge, and the earth grids...the real ones, are alive now...magic. I...cry In the theater, soft, quiet tears...the camera pulls out, and shows a massive city, like the ship in krull...the home of the masters... and the end credits roll. Rest is in the next chapter its a three pater I know...i love those dreams...it will come. Like little mouse...three books, in three separate years. The lights in the theater go on. People rise. Some look moved like me. Some are angry...one woman with particularly vile energy says “this is blasphemous, all wrong...war...soldiers are all bad” She is hanging in the doorway, at the back of the theater...i tell her...his... “you know nothing!” She scoffs at me and huffs off. I stand there, by the door, thinking. The theater is empty....or so I think...a voice...a man says “excuse me do you have a moment?”.
I turn, and sitting in a seat in the last row, is a man...a bit pudgy, thick glasses, brown eyes and hair. A bit...mousey. He finished writing in his notepad, and places it in his jacket and stands, and extends a hand. He greets me “John Ellison, City Daily news film reviewer” He continues... “I want to ask you, what did you mean when you said you know nothing to that woman...to be honest, I almost expected you add Jon snow at the end...but you don’t look like a bridget” At this I relax, and chuckle... “no no...what I meant was, her expectation, what she expected to see, doesn’t make this untrue I....” when I hesitate, he nods towards the door. “Walk with me, just one second, I need to call a cab” and we walk out together, out of the brightly lit lobby...and out onto a rain soaked city street. There is a light drizzle, and fog...their is an awning all along the city, block, and when hes finished with his call, we slowly walk to the end of the block talking...i see it from above...its like a film noir scene, moving between light of lamps and shadow...through the dripping fog. I continue were I left off, and decide to tell him...really tell him what I meant. “what I meant is you know nothing...because I was THERE”. When I say this he stops, and looks at me, with a hardness. “You were a soldier...” the way he says it is like a curse...this is not a place that condones armies somehow. I take my time...and pull a cigarette out of my jacket pocket, and light it right in front of him...his face tenses like he is offended...but I light it anyway. And I smoke it, quickly, in silence. And continue...clearly, he is hooked, whatever his reaction. “no I mean....i was there...i am there...it is my story”. This confuses him, and then slowly, something dawns, I see his eyes look surprised. He takes out his notepad, as if to write...his nervous habit...but what can he write? He closes it and puts it away. He then...asks for a cigarette...which I give him. I lean over to light it, but he waves it away...he acted like he wasn’t a smoker, but he had a lighter...interesting....appropriate. After a few puffs he continues. “even if you were...there...he says with some disbelief, how could you prove it...that was...a story, removed. Not an event. Next you will tell me you a frodo baggins...i think you can see the root of my skepticism... I look at him, lock my gaze to his, and begin to shift, like Loki...into the shadow, into the light, around the light pole and I say, hiss. “I was THERE, and it is my story...you know nothing! Noooooooooooothing I say, like a ghost. He sees! He...shakes...the cigarette dangles, limp from his lip, as he sees...and shivers, in the mist, under the lamp. Even int hat form, I take the cigarette from his mouth, and now he looks like he wants to run, and as a cloud, smoke, and release a cloud of smoke into his face. I say “I am Loki, I was there, and it is my story...you know NOTHING”....nothing...it echoes in the rain...for now the man is alone, and he...sees. And I wake. Fin