Death of a grand illusion

[Julio Juliopolis]

I am not the child you wanted,I do not happily go to school each day,I don't know why I'm supposed to say please and thank you,My clothes get dirty, I'll be late for supper,Saying goodbye and hugging all my relatives after a visit is unimportant to me,I do not save up a months worth of excitement to release all at once when opening presents on Christmas just to help you maintain your illusion of how much fun you had on Christmas mornings when you were young,I even peeked in your closet every year to see what presents i would get in advance,I am willful and unrepetent,I've lied to you, I've broken your rules quite callously,I've said many horrible things about you, I do not bite my tongue so you won't be offended,I am not reverent in church and find it stupid and boring,I didn't always mean it when I said "I love you", but I usually didIf you hadn't forced me to say it when I felt otherwise, I'd never have lied to you about that,But don't expect me to love you all the time, I'm not capable of that, I constantly change,In all of these and many other things too numerous to list,I am not the child you wanted,Nor am I the friend that was wanted,Nor the employee, nor have I the opinions you want me too,Nor am I the lover, the brother, the uncle, the teacher, the student, etc. that you wanted me to be,If I have seemed otherwise it is only because I have been pretending,Sorry if this disappoints you, but it wasn't my intent to deceive,In truth I was so devious I fooled myself,Try not to become even more offended as I stop pretending,I must, as it's the only way I'll ever be able to meaningfully say,
I AM