02-02-2011, 12:00 AM
I'm having a lot of inner conflict recently about the prospect of system breakdown as we enter a period of increasing changes over the next few years. On the one hand I don't want to get into that paranoid defensive survivalist mode, get guns and flee the city, and on the other hand I want to make sensible decisions. Ive always wanted to live a more sustainable lifestyle on the land growing things and closer to nature, and it feels more and more of an appropriate way to live. So here's my splurging from my blog today. Be interested in your thoughts about what action if any you are taking.
A lot of writing today as the fears underneath the feelings of disquiet
are lodged out of their hiding holes and crevices. Another thought I
have been 'entertaining' created disquiet the last few days, and that
is, well some self doubt is present about where and how I am living.
Tobie and I were listening to a program yesterday on the radio, a woman
was talking about her greenhouses and the variety of vegetables she
grows on her little farm, the birdlife she has around her...
Tobie
reminisced about his grandparents farm and voiced with some depth of
feeling that is how he wants to live. Surrounded by nature, growing
things, and away form major population centres. Me too. Has always been
the case. And yet here I am in the city conducting business in suburbia.
I feel inner conflict. I see the perfection of my life as it is, (even
with the rain pouring in through the bathroom ceiling!) its a marvel my
life here.
I also have a nagging sense that the economic system is
seriously buckling and it may be wise to remove oneself from the city. I
have conflict about that because I recognise that a fear is motivating
that thought, and a desire to keep Tobie safe. Fear isn't enough to
motivate such a big change. And there's the economics and practicalities
of it. Also if push comes to shove and there is full system breakdown
and lawlessness, there is always uncle Cully's cottage on the Isle of
Luing! Though no soil there to grow things. I think I was kind of hoping
that this business would make enough money to widen my choices and I
could buy a place, but it hasn't so far. I have been looking at places
in the country to rent and those I like are too far away to operate a
business from. So I got all this ping ponging around in my head. I am
taking the possibility of system breakdown seriously, part of my inner
conflict has been facing this real possibility and not wanting to. I
feel a duty to provide a safe place for those close to me to go to...and
I want to make sure I get out in time. And the scary though enters that
it may be too late already, I really needed to have a place up and
running and producing by now. I'm feeling emotionally 'squeezed' by
these considerations.
A lot of writing today as the fears underneath the feelings of disquiet
are lodged out of their hiding holes and crevices. Another thought I
have been 'entertaining' created disquiet the last few days, and that
is, well some self doubt is present about where and how I am living.
Tobie and I were listening to a program yesterday on the radio, a woman
was talking about her greenhouses and the variety of vegetables she
grows on her little farm, the birdlife she has around her...
Tobie
reminisced about his grandparents farm and voiced with some depth of
feeling that is how he wants to live. Surrounded by nature, growing
things, and away form major population centres. Me too. Has always been
the case. And yet here I am in the city conducting business in suburbia.
I feel inner conflict. I see the perfection of my life as it is, (even
with the rain pouring in through the bathroom ceiling!) its a marvel my
life here.
I also have a nagging sense that the economic system is
seriously buckling and it may be wise to remove oneself from the city. I
have conflict about that because I recognise that a fear is motivating
that thought, and a desire to keep Tobie safe. Fear isn't enough to
motivate such a big change. And there's the economics and practicalities
of it. Also if push comes to shove and there is full system breakdown
and lawlessness, there is always uncle Cully's cottage on the Isle of
Luing! Though no soil there to grow things. I think I was kind of hoping
that this business would make enough money to widen my choices and I
could buy a place, but it hasn't so far. I have been looking at places
in the country to rent and those I like are too far away to operate a
business from. So I got all this ping ponging around in my head. I am
taking the possibility of system breakdown seriously, part of my inner
conflict has been facing this real possibility and not wanting to. I
feel a duty to provide a safe place for those close to me to go to...and
I want to make sure I get out in time. And the scary though enters that
it may be too late already, I really needed to have a place up and
running and producing by now. I'm feeling emotionally 'squeezed' by
these considerations.