10-11-2005, 12:00 AM
During my vacations I recapitualted in dreaming:
I had a littel diaria and didn't sleep well therefor. Finally I fell asleep. I woke up, lying in my mother's bed in the room where we both used to sleep. I was about 6 or 7 years old. I was very happy, because I had seen all the people during the day and I had been with them and that made me very very happy and I was getting quiet inside because of that good feeling. My mother entered our bedroom, bent over me and stared at my face. Then she grabbed my neck with her hands and started to choke me. I felt once more everbody beeing with me in that moment, I saw thousands of colouful lights on my shoulders and started thinking: Eva (that's my real first name), you must have ended up with evil people. I even knew in that moment why my mother would do such a thing. She hated me because I had been company with everybody and everybody liked me and she was not loved and hated me therefor. Then everything went black and I lost consciousness.
I awoke in my bed where I spent my holidays. I felt relieved. Finally I could recapitualte this event. Long had I been feeling that something like that must have happend in my childhood. I smiled. My smile was completely different. Much easier, and really happy. I always knew that my smile hadn't been completely relieved. And only since that day I can fully smile at everbody.
I had a littel diaria and didn't sleep well therefor. Finally I fell asleep. I woke up, lying in my mother's bed in the room where we both used to sleep. I was about 6 or 7 years old. I was very happy, because I had seen all the people during the day and I had been with them and that made me very very happy and I was getting quiet inside because of that good feeling. My mother entered our bedroom, bent over me and stared at my face. Then she grabbed my neck with her hands and started to choke me. I felt once more everbody beeing with me in that moment, I saw thousands of colouful lights on my shoulders and started thinking: Eva (that's my real first name), you must have ended up with evil people. I even knew in that moment why my mother would do such a thing. She hated me because I had been company with everybody and everybody liked me and she was not loved and hated me therefor. Then everything went black and I lost consciousness.
I awoke in my bed where I spent my holidays. I felt relieved. Finally I could recapitualte this event. Long had I been feeling that something like that must have happend in my childhood. I smiled. My smile was completely different. Much easier, and really happy. I always knew that my smile hadn't been completely relieved. And only since that day I can fully smile at everbody.