11-01-2010, 12:00 AM
cool, sounds like you are more than comfortable with everything. I'm freaking out and have been in a living nightmare for three years I honestly feel like everything I do is useless but that I have to keep going , just for the sake of knowing weather I can have the chance of deciding to stay here and learning. I guess I am making this choice all along. It is easy for me to have delusions, I indulge them. I just don't seem to be able to face the tightness inside me. I don't have the power so instead I am having to avoid it and pretend it don't matter. I realy like that picture below. The wolf hiding behind the tree. To me a tree represents knowledge and the fact that half the wolfs face is covered makes me think about the tonal and nagal. I know that the spirit brings people together who belong together so in this sense I feel like a bit of an intruder. I was a member of Theun Mares group The Toltec Legacy. I went off the rails and left and feel that it is the right group for me. I am waiting to be able to pay for it though so really just was shopping around in the mean time. Strange to think about. I think usually I have never been aware of making those decisions that actually guide my life so now I find myself more and more being held accountable for them. I think I am wanting life on my own terms and of course power has other more universal plans. But then so often the spirit will take my mindless actions and still bring me face to face with something of value. I wonder.