10-22-2003, 12:00 AM
This thread makes me feel so much better. Even though I have an excellent memory, I seem to have a knack for erasing personal history with the exception of a few key events, which my memory distorts beyond recognition (I go back and read my journal and I'm like -- when did this happen?) I hear other people recount their childhoods or things they did last year or something they said last week in great detail and I'm like, "How do you remember all that stuff?"
I thought there was something wrong with me for the longest time, like I had self esteem issues, because I don't feel like it's appropriate to attach importance to who I am or anything I do. Sure, I have something to say, but it's like a fleeting creation that breaks up like a cloud a few seconds after the words leave my mouth and then I feel completely free to back pedal and defend the opposite position. I've been called "wishy washy" for this but it's not like I don't have convictions. I feel as long as my integrity is consistent, and my behavior reflects that, I'm doing okay. Respect for life doesn't require anyone remembering what I said or did, even five minutes ago.
I think pride is one of the seven deadly sins because it's a form of idolatry where you become a fixed god to yourself instead of a fluid being recreating itself in every moment. I try to replace that word with "satisfied" or "pleased", like I'm "pleased with myself" for finally painting my living room. In everything you do it's spirit moving through you, using your vehicle to express some infinite truth.
I read this thing today about how Buddhists liken this life as a bubble bursting or a cloud or a dream or a flash of ightening...puts it in perspective, doesn't it?
I thought there was something wrong with me for the longest time, like I had self esteem issues, because I don't feel like it's appropriate to attach importance to who I am or anything I do. Sure, I have something to say, but it's like a fleeting creation that breaks up like a cloud a few seconds after the words leave my mouth and then I feel completely free to back pedal and defend the opposite position. I've been called "wishy washy" for this but it's not like I don't have convictions. I feel as long as my integrity is consistent, and my behavior reflects that, I'm doing okay. Respect for life doesn't require anyone remembering what I said or did, even five minutes ago.
I think pride is one of the seven deadly sins because it's a form of idolatry where you become a fixed god to yourself instead of a fluid being recreating itself in every moment. I try to replace that word with "satisfied" or "pleased", like I'm "pleased with myself" for finally painting my living room. In everything you do it's spirit moving through you, using your vehicle to express some infinite truth.
I read this thing today about how Buddhists liken this life as a bubble bursting or a cloud or a dream or a flash of ightening...puts it in perspective, doesn't it?