07-27-2008, 12:00 AM
Bob May , you have focused on the very thing that led me to what I am about in the present. Again, I restate what I said when LW asked me about FI. Cataneda
called it a foreign mind. I expand on this , with help from what I read , as false ideas or beliefs which come from many sourcses, which , from Carlos , start
with the baby and the parents.
My Mother was the beginning source of my own false ideas ,and that was reinforced by the 'collective' society or mind. Several things opened me up .
Those TV ads about child abuse were a start. I thought , HEY! that's me. And , where I had been accepting blame for my supposed failures,as other people
accused , I began to realize that I was caught in something that I did not choose. My Father , of course , supported my Mother , and never reconciled with me
before his death. Something in me knew that Mother was dangerous. I left in 1969 , and never saw her again , although she tried to recapture me using various
legal means.
In 1990 , I met and lived with a woman which I stayed with for 12 years. I became a part of her extended family. A very Abusive family , as it turned out. She
was exactly like your description of your Father. I thought it was alcoholism but it was much worse , a she was also a prescription drug user and doctor
shopper. One difference was that when really high , she only saw those she hated. I took many blows as someone other than who I was. Her two sons and I
thought it was schizophrenia and may be it was.
When all this ended , I began to explore what had led me into such a mess. First, I was an enabler. Secondly , I had acted from the Law of Attraction, using
the negative , to draw someone into my life that was a lesson in total negativity , and , from Castaneda , self-pity and indulgence. I began to realize the
action and re-action that had led me to this place. I began to see the depth of my self-hatred. It was there all along.
There is so much I could say about this to the point of exhaustion. It has been behind most serious posts I have ever put on these sites. I went into various
religious teachings , most Christian oriented. I will not deny that I learned useful things, although I am not about those things , now.
A woman friend gave me a book which has been as informative to me as anything I can recall , although it was primarily meant for Women with abusive partners.
It described the , shall we call it black magic , that those with no Personal Power , the author used those words , will use to maintain control over others.
The idea is that a person can not reason these things out. That love , forgiveness , intellect , what have you , has no effect whatsoever. Some suggestions
were given for how to at least put a stop to the abuse. Of course , we all know that it can increase to violent levels. Then , the only solution is to leave
or perhaps die.
Does it bother you as much as it bothers me when someone you knows talks about "I could kill...." Oh yeah , they say it's just an expression. I
don't buy it.
The book was (as it is out of print-I got a used copy from www.powells.com) ,
"The Verbally Abusive Relationship " , by Patricia Evans , a counselor in San Francisco , California. She can be found at www.verbalabuse.com Get it if you can and spread it around.
I close with the mention that some on this forum, no sense naming names , were engaged in verbal abuse disguised as spiritual progress. I do not deny that I
played along for awhile , as my insult reflex was grabbed for awhile. That goes for Sustained Reaction as well. If some want to accuse (isn't Satan
called the accuser?) and blame, my choice , as I said to them , is to go elsewhere.
Control is not a choice. Being available to Spirit or mystery or infinity or whatever , is. You cannot petition the Lord with prayer-Jim Morrison
called it a foreign mind. I expand on this , with help from what I read , as false ideas or beliefs which come from many sourcses, which , from Carlos , start
with the baby and the parents.
My Mother was the beginning source of my own false ideas ,and that was reinforced by the 'collective' society or mind. Several things opened me up .
Those TV ads about child abuse were a start. I thought , HEY! that's me. And , where I had been accepting blame for my supposed failures,as other people
accused , I began to realize that I was caught in something that I did not choose. My Father , of course , supported my Mother , and never reconciled with me
before his death. Something in me knew that Mother was dangerous. I left in 1969 , and never saw her again , although she tried to recapture me using various
legal means.
In 1990 , I met and lived with a woman which I stayed with for 12 years. I became a part of her extended family. A very Abusive family , as it turned out. She
was exactly like your description of your Father. I thought it was alcoholism but it was much worse , a she was also a prescription drug user and doctor
shopper. One difference was that when really high , she only saw those she hated. I took many blows as someone other than who I was. Her two sons and I
thought it was schizophrenia and may be it was.
When all this ended , I began to explore what had led me into such a mess. First, I was an enabler. Secondly , I had acted from the Law of Attraction, using
the negative , to draw someone into my life that was a lesson in total negativity , and , from Castaneda , self-pity and indulgence. I began to realize the
action and re-action that had led me to this place. I began to see the depth of my self-hatred. It was there all along.
There is so much I could say about this to the point of exhaustion. It has been behind most serious posts I have ever put on these sites. I went into various
religious teachings , most Christian oriented. I will not deny that I learned useful things, although I am not about those things , now.
A woman friend gave me a book which has been as informative to me as anything I can recall , although it was primarily meant for Women with abusive partners.
It described the , shall we call it black magic , that those with no Personal Power , the author used those words , will use to maintain control over others.
The idea is that a person can not reason these things out. That love , forgiveness , intellect , what have you , has no effect whatsoever. Some suggestions
were given for how to at least put a stop to the abuse. Of course , we all know that it can increase to violent levels. Then , the only solution is to leave
or perhaps die.
Does it bother you as much as it bothers me when someone you knows talks about "I could kill...." Oh yeah , they say it's just an expression. I
don't buy it.
The book was (as it is out of print-I got a used copy from www.powells.com) ,
"The Verbally Abusive Relationship " , by Patricia Evans , a counselor in San Francisco , California. She can be found at www.verbalabuse.com Get it if you can and spread it around.
I close with the mention that some on this forum, no sense naming names , were engaged in verbal abuse disguised as spiritual progress. I do not deny that I
played along for awhile , as my insult reflex was grabbed for awhile. That goes for Sustained Reaction as well. If some want to accuse (isn't Satan
called the accuser?) and blame, my choice , as I said to them , is to go elsewhere.
Control is not a choice. Being available to Spirit or mystery or infinity or whatever , is. You cannot petition the Lord with prayer-Jim Morrison