07-26-2001, 12:00 AM
Hello, Lone Wolf. I must have been led by the spirit to your insights, because I am at a point in my path where they have helped me through some difficult battles with myself.
It all began about two years ago when I read a book called "The Mind Parasites" (which was in my house the whole time), by an author whose name I've forgotten . This book contained many interesting ideas to me at the time, although I also could not comprehend some ideas. One of these specific ideas was very similar to what I would now call "will". The main character used will as what he described,"like when you have an orgasm" or "my mental beam". Upon reading this, I immediately knew what he was talking about. I experimented with this although I had no application for it at the time, so it really didn't mean anything to me. I realized later that maybe was what total concentration meant, and used it in things such as drawing, skateboarding, and even eating. I also at one time used it while walking, and upon arriving back at my house I felt what at the time I could only describe as being high.
Time went by, I was into smoking weed a lot, playing a lot of video games, cutting school, and many other self destructive acts. I was at a low time, as my energy was taken up by these things. I felt as if I was spiraling downward into an abyss of depressed thoughts, all the while not giving heed to the actual existence of "Mind Parasites", which by the way were described almost exactly the same way as Flyers. I dropped out of high school in my Junior year, and decided to get my G.E.D. During the time between, I stumbled upon yet another book, this one entitled "Tales of Power" (also in my house the whole time) by who else. When I read this book, I automatically associated it with the "Mental Beam". I almost felt as if I was meant to find this knowledge. I was amazed at how much of the ideas in the book I could actually relate to. This book started me on the road I now tread.
At the same time that I was aquiring this knowledge, I felt as though there was something against me, like a barrier. One day, I went out to do the "Right Way of Walking", with my hands curled and my eyes crossed. I walked around the neighborhood for awhile like this, and I was feeling like my internal dialogue was shutting off because I felt light and almost high (I didn't yet know of the Assemblage Point yet),when the thought accoured to me that I would like to smoke some pot. Well I got my wish. One of my smoking buddies was walking down the same street I was. He told me he was going to his friends house to smoke. So I went with him and smoked. But before I did, I was feeling the effects of my walk quite exquisitely. Afterwards, I felt drained. I had in fact read "Journey to Ixtlan", or at least the version that was on the Internet, but this was before I was grasping the true meanings of what was being said, so I can't say that it wasn't my fault. Once again, I never suspected any "Parasites". It's as if, at the time I was reading " The Mind Parasites", they (Flyers/Parasites) were at work to divert my attention away from them.
Now to the present... The present is a whole other story...
that I will tell (if I can ever shut up). Recently, as in the past six months, I have had numerous experiences which have solidified my belief in sorcery as a real proposition. First, I will start with "Dreaming". My first experience of "Dreaming" was weird as hell to say the least. It consisted of me in a foreign bed with an abstract artish looking woman on top of me. I knew this was a dream immediately, and proceeded to my hands. My hands were not very appetizing. They shifted from one shape to the next, so I looked at the room, but saw more abstract art. I got up and walked out of the house, and then I remembered my "Mental Beam". It didn't work, yet I was still lucid, and was interested in a wall. Then my attention was captured by some females, and the "Dreaming" ended about there. Another interesting experience occurred when I woke up early one morning and decided to do some dreaming. I heard a bus outside, decided that in dreaming I would be on a bus, then get imagine where I wanted to go, and then get off. I actually saw the seats and the people in what I now call "The Gray Zone" or "Phantom Dream". My attention faltered though, and I felt as though I was stuck between the two worlds so woke up. Another very weird one happened when I woke up from a semi-dreaming state. It was such a sudden awakening that I was still dreaming. I actually "saw" a separate set of hands holding a book above me. I realized that I had controlled this vision with what now call "will" and not "Mental Beam". I think I have gotten very close to the third gate. One night I simply became aware that I was falling asleep, and literally "jumped" out my body. I knew it was dreaming somehow, and I was pretty sure that I was in my room, but it quickly lapsed into semi-dreaming.
I have encountered Scouts, and they usually are mean. The first time may have been bullshit, but it was still scary. I was in semi-dreaming, and I thought I saw my friend facing away from me. I said what's up to him and walked away, but he squeezed my arm painfully, and as I turned towards him he put his hand on my chest and asked me, "Are you reading to meet your death"? I woke up fast.
Another time was similar. I was having ordinary dreams, when at one point I was directly in dreaming. My first thought was, " It's Bill Murray and Sigourney Weaver", but I knew better. I asked timidly, "who here is a Scout ?". No one answered. I remembered that you must speak your intent loudly. "Who here is a Scout"? Guess who answered. It was Sigourney. It freaked the *** out me when she answered. I asked her to leave. She got really pissed. I remembered that other experience with my friend. She charged at me and grabbed me in my ribcage area. My first instinct was to wake up. I didn't. Instead, I calmed my mind by thinking about my death, and looked at her, ready to bounce out. She was having a tantrum, shouting and cursing. I asked her to please leave. Eventually she did, I remembered to use my will to drive her out. It was a triumph to me to have stood against what I thought to be an invincible being, yet I also realize now that it was sort of my mind that created her assault. When I woke up I was out of my mind with fear because I must have been in a higher awareness. I really thought I was hearing footsteps in the basement near my room, yet I tried my best to remain sturdy just in case something popped out. I basically didn't let my mind run wild with images or thoughts so as not to create some sort of manifestation.
The next encounter did not goes as well. I was dreaming, and after awhile I was in a house that I thought to be mine and heard a T.V. playing very loudly to my right. I went in and saw my mom. I said "hi mom" :> I immediately wish I hadn't said anything because I knew for a fact that this was a Scout. I felt dread, I felt repulsed. I think I was transported to another room, and she followed me. I scared, so I jumped out the window and look from the backyard at her. She was more than pissed, she was insane. The look on her face was terrifying. She was tearing her clothes of in a rage (don't worry, I've never seen my mom naked :>). I wanted all this to end and asked her timidly to take me to the Inorganic Beings world. I woke up. Not as scared as last time, but almost.
Another one: I was in a regular uncontrolled dream. I walked around some kind of neighborhood, realized I was dreaming and looked at my hands. I alternated between a car and my hands, but the car turned into a mess, so I looked at a wall with some sort of emblem on it. A Scout I assume, disguised as George Castansa (I used to watched a lot of T.V.), came at me and grabbed me.
Now for the super dreaming experience (at I think it was pretty super). It starts out with me in semi-dreaming, in what I call "The Vibratory Zone". I was not aware that I was dreaming, but in another way I was. I thought I was awake and trying to do dreaming. I now think that I was approaching the fourth(double position) gate without even knowing it. I remembered in my dream that in such a state as "The Vibratory Zone", you would hear voices, and I did. It was my T.V. upstairs saying, "the vice president of the united states has died of a heart attack". I looked up and saw a ball of light on my ceiling. I woke up into another dream (2nd gate), and I was upstairs, not very lucid, but very vivid. Later, I was in a in classroom, and I was dreaming for real. At the front of the classroom there was a teacher, who I somehow knew was a Scout. I voiced my intent to see and everything went black save for a faint twine of lights to my left, where the teacher was last. I struggled to bring back the dream, then remembered to focus on an object in the dream. I focused on a pencil sharpener, and the dream slowly came back. When it was back, the teacher was looking at me. I must have lost control, because I asked her to suck my d*ck. She didnt quite succeed... yet. Later on, I was walking in a city at night and stopped at a corner to observe what was happening. I found that if I shut off my internal/infernal dialogue if only for a second, I could control the scene. Yet there are other forces. The Scouts. A woman bumped into me while my internal dialogue was off, so I knew she was a Scout. I walked over to a plaza and while I was walking, a pretty girl walked beside me with her arm out. I dumbly went with her. She wanted to suck my d*ck (or I wanted her to) And I dumbly let her. This is where an exchange happened, where she/it got some of my energy, and I got a burning pain in my midsection. I woke up a little later, and my midsection had a faint pain in it.
After that experience, I felt drained. I felt distracted and irritated all day. I still feel as its hard to concentrate, but if really discipline myself i can. I really do think that I was drained of some of my energy.
Now for the internal dialogue. Ive been able to shut if to a certain extent, but it seems as though something is blocking me from it. I did it successfully once in pitch blackness. I focused on my midsection and my body until I stopped being my thoughts. It was weird to hear the thoughts, because they almost seemed to come from outside of me. Once I realized this, I intended my body not to associate with the thoughts since they were so random. I found that what I usually take as my own thoughts were nothing but complete randomness. It was the feelings in my body that kept coming up and the thoughts would follow, then my body would associate with the thoughts since it was familiar with them.
For some reason though, something has been blocking me from getting to this state again. Its like I think I should focus on the thought to see how random they really are, but that only makes it worse.
Anyways, I just wanted to let it all out there in hopes of eleviating my blockage and also for a reply to these things. I had more typed out, but the spell check glitched. Ill be putting up more posts later, and maybe even start a topic. And may the force be- I mean... well... yeah, uh...
P.S. I gave up on pot and video games to save energy. **Geminius**
It all began about two years ago when I read a book called "The Mind Parasites" (which was in my house the whole time), by an author whose name I've forgotten . This book contained many interesting ideas to me at the time, although I also could not comprehend some ideas. One of these specific ideas was very similar to what I would now call "will". The main character used will as what he described,"like when you have an orgasm" or "my mental beam". Upon reading this, I immediately knew what he was talking about. I experimented with this although I had no application for it at the time, so it really didn't mean anything to me. I realized later that maybe was what total concentration meant, and used it in things such as drawing, skateboarding, and even eating. I also at one time used it while walking, and upon arriving back at my house I felt what at the time I could only describe as being high.
Time went by, I was into smoking weed a lot, playing a lot of video games, cutting school, and many other self destructive acts. I was at a low time, as my energy was taken up by these things. I felt as if I was spiraling downward into an abyss of depressed thoughts, all the while not giving heed to the actual existence of "Mind Parasites", which by the way were described almost exactly the same way as Flyers. I dropped out of high school in my Junior year, and decided to get my G.E.D. During the time between, I stumbled upon yet another book, this one entitled "Tales of Power" (also in my house the whole time) by who else. When I read this book, I automatically associated it with the "Mental Beam". I almost felt as if I was meant to find this knowledge. I was amazed at how much of the ideas in the book I could actually relate to. This book started me on the road I now tread.
At the same time that I was aquiring this knowledge, I felt as though there was something against me, like a barrier. One day, I went out to do the "Right Way of Walking", with my hands curled and my eyes crossed. I walked around the neighborhood for awhile like this, and I was feeling like my internal dialogue was shutting off because I felt light and almost high (I didn't yet know of the Assemblage Point yet),when the thought accoured to me that I would like to smoke some pot. Well I got my wish. One of my smoking buddies was walking down the same street I was. He told me he was going to his friends house to smoke. So I went with him and smoked. But before I did, I was feeling the effects of my walk quite exquisitely. Afterwards, I felt drained. I had in fact read "Journey to Ixtlan", or at least the version that was on the Internet, but this was before I was grasping the true meanings of what was being said, so I can't say that it wasn't my fault. Once again, I never suspected any "Parasites". It's as if, at the time I was reading " The Mind Parasites", they (Flyers/Parasites) were at work to divert my attention away from them.
Now to the present... The present is a whole other story...
that I will tell (if I can ever shut up). Recently, as in the past six months, I have had numerous experiences which have solidified my belief in sorcery as a real proposition. First, I will start with "Dreaming". My first experience of "Dreaming" was weird as hell to say the least. It consisted of me in a foreign bed with an abstract artish looking woman on top of me. I knew this was a dream immediately, and proceeded to my hands. My hands were not very appetizing. They shifted from one shape to the next, so I looked at the room, but saw more abstract art. I got up and walked out of the house, and then I remembered my "Mental Beam". It didn't work, yet I was still lucid, and was interested in a wall. Then my attention was captured by some females, and the "Dreaming" ended about there. Another interesting experience occurred when I woke up early one morning and decided to do some dreaming. I heard a bus outside, decided that in dreaming I would be on a bus, then get imagine where I wanted to go, and then get off. I actually saw the seats and the people in what I now call "The Gray Zone" or "Phantom Dream". My attention faltered though, and I felt as though I was stuck between the two worlds so woke up. Another very weird one happened when I woke up from a semi-dreaming state. It was such a sudden awakening that I was still dreaming. I actually "saw" a separate set of hands holding a book above me. I realized that I had controlled this vision with what now call "will" and not "Mental Beam". I think I have gotten very close to the third gate. One night I simply became aware that I was falling asleep, and literally "jumped" out my body. I knew it was dreaming somehow, and I was pretty sure that I was in my room, but it quickly lapsed into semi-dreaming.
I have encountered Scouts, and they usually are mean. The first time may have been bullshit, but it was still scary. I was in semi-dreaming, and I thought I saw my friend facing away from me. I said what's up to him and walked away, but he squeezed my arm painfully, and as I turned towards him he put his hand on my chest and asked me, "Are you reading to meet your death"? I woke up fast.
Another time was similar. I was having ordinary dreams, when at one point I was directly in dreaming. My first thought was, " It's Bill Murray and Sigourney Weaver", but I knew better. I asked timidly, "who here is a Scout ?". No one answered. I remembered that you must speak your intent loudly. "Who here is a Scout"? Guess who answered. It was Sigourney. It freaked the *** out me when she answered. I asked her to leave. She got really pissed. I remembered that other experience with my friend. She charged at me and grabbed me in my ribcage area. My first instinct was to wake up. I didn't. Instead, I calmed my mind by thinking about my death, and looked at her, ready to bounce out. She was having a tantrum, shouting and cursing. I asked her to please leave. Eventually she did, I remembered to use my will to drive her out. It was a triumph to me to have stood against what I thought to be an invincible being, yet I also realize now that it was sort of my mind that created her assault. When I woke up I was out of my mind with fear because I must have been in a higher awareness. I really thought I was hearing footsteps in the basement near my room, yet I tried my best to remain sturdy just in case something popped out. I basically didn't let my mind run wild with images or thoughts so as not to create some sort of manifestation.
The next encounter did not goes as well. I was dreaming, and after awhile I was in a house that I thought to be mine and heard a T.V. playing very loudly to my right. I went in and saw my mom. I said "hi mom" :> I immediately wish I hadn't said anything because I knew for a fact that this was a Scout. I felt dread, I felt repulsed. I think I was transported to another room, and she followed me. I scared, so I jumped out the window and look from the backyard at her. She was more than pissed, she was insane. The look on her face was terrifying. She was tearing her clothes of in a rage (don't worry, I've never seen my mom naked :>). I wanted all this to end and asked her timidly to take me to the Inorganic Beings world. I woke up. Not as scared as last time, but almost.
Another one: I was in a regular uncontrolled dream. I walked around some kind of neighborhood, realized I was dreaming and looked at my hands. I alternated between a car and my hands, but the car turned into a mess, so I looked at a wall with some sort of emblem on it. A Scout I assume, disguised as George Castansa (I used to watched a lot of T.V.), came at me and grabbed me.
Now for the super dreaming experience (at I think it was pretty super). It starts out with me in semi-dreaming, in what I call "The Vibratory Zone". I was not aware that I was dreaming, but in another way I was. I thought I was awake and trying to do dreaming. I now think that I was approaching the fourth(double position) gate without even knowing it. I remembered in my dream that in such a state as "The Vibratory Zone", you would hear voices, and I did. It was my T.V. upstairs saying, "the vice president of the united states has died of a heart attack". I looked up and saw a ball of light on my ceiling. I woke up into another dream (2nd gate), and I was upstairs, not very lucid, but very vivid. Later, I was in a in classroom, and I was dreaming for real. At the front of the classroom there was a teacher, who I somehow knew was a Scout. I voiced my intent to see and everything went black save for a faint twine of lights to my left, where the teacher was last. I struggled to bring back the dream, then remembered to focus on an object in the dream. I focused on a pencil sharpener, and the dream slowly came back. When it was back, the teacher was looking at me. I must have lost control, because I asked her to suck my d*ck. She didnt quite succeed... yet. Later on, I was walking in a city at night and stopped at a corner to observe what was happening. I found that if I shut off my internal/infernal dialogue if only for a second, I could control the scene. Yet there are other forces. The Scouts. A woman bumped into me while my internal dialogue was off, so I knew she was a Scout. I walked over to a plaza and while I was walking, a pretty girl walked beside me with her arm out. I dumbly went with her. She wanted to suck my d*ck (or I wanted her to) And I dumbly let her. This is where an exchange happened, where she/it got some of my energy, and I got a burning pain in my midsection. I woke up a little later, and my midsection had a faint pain in it.
After that experience, I felt drained. I felt distracted and irritated all day. I still feel as its hard to concentrate, but if really discipline myself i can. I really do think that I was drained of some of my energy.
Now for the internal dialogue. Ive been able to shut if to a certain extent, but it seems as though something is blocking me from it. I did it successfully once in pitch blackness. I focused on my midsection and my body until I stopped being my thoughts. It was weird to hear the thoughts, because they almost seemed to come from outside of me. Once I realized this, I intended my body not to associate with the thoughts since they were so random. I found that what I usually take as my own thoughts were nothing but complete randomness. It was the feelings in my body that kept coming up and the thoughts would follow, then my body would associate with the thoughts since it was familiar with them.
For some reason though, something has been blocking me from getting to this state again. Its like I think I should focus on the thought to see how random they really are, but that only makes it worse.
Anyways, I just wanted to let it all out there in hopes of eleviating my blockage and also for a reply to these things. I had more typed out, but the spell check glitched. Ill be putting up more posts later, and maybe even start a topic. And may the force be- I mean... well... yeah, uh...
P.S. I gave up on pot and video games to save energy. **Geminius**