07-26-2001, 12:00 AM
Thank you very much for your reply. I have done flying numerous times, but usually not for very long. I will sort of feel how you're supposed to fly (by "will") and then I'll fly for awhile, but sometimes it's very difficult, and either fall or stay suspended in one place. I think that I may have first learned how to fly even before I got into sorcery. It must have been about a year ago (maybe more maybe less), I had a dream that I was walking through a green pasture and I suddenly realized I was dreaming. I'd always wanted to fly in my dreams, so I sort of just did it without being able to explain how. I had a couple other dreams like this in the next three days, but eventually I couldn't do it anymore.
Last night something came to me. Here is what I wrote about it: There is a voice that is mine, yet it is not mine. It tells me things, and I believe them. When I am enlightened with insight, it says, "I'm hungry, I'm going to watch some T.V."
When I want to do sorcery, it says, "I can't do it, I'm not ready yet, not enough energy. This is not what I want". When someone talks to me, it asks, "why are you talking to me?" When someone does something that I don't like, it says, "f*cking sh8 man, I wanna make that son of a b**ch pay".
I have found it's weakness though. It's weakness is intent and impeccability (proper use of energy). My intent is to do sorcery, and to do that I need to be impeccable. The voice takes almost all my energy. It is dangerous in any case: if I go against it, it punishes me with stress, headaches, and hopelessness, it could even kill me. If I agree with it, it still torments me. I want to change, or I should say that it feels right for me to change, and it asks, "why change now when you've got plenty of time?" and I respond, "because now is the only time there is".
I am headed only towards death, and that means that I should live as happily as possible. I should be free from this voice and it's shifty ideas.The only problem is that it sounds just like me! I really believe that these are my thoughts! If so, then how can it be that I would go against my own deepest wishes? How can that be? Because of the voice that is mine, yet is not mine.
the end...of that part.
PART 2...
And so I entered a most difficult battle. I tried to use my intent as my sword, yet the voice had many tricks. It would sound very sincere when I was at the struggling stage, but once I recognized the voice for what it was, it went crazy with rage. It overloaded me with random thoughts, and then in my voice told me that these thoughts are mine. It was a most trying battle, but the trick was not to battle with thoughts, but with "will". The voice is the antithesis of the spirit, yet it is part of the spirit. Yet it cannot stand against intent for long, and soon is revealed as it truly is: an alien voice that makes you believe that it is you. I have not won anything yet though. The voice is crafty enough to even divert my intent. And the war continues....
**Geminius**
Last night something came to me. Here is what I wrote about it: There is a voice that is mine, yet it is not mine. It tells me things, and I believe them. When I am enlightened with insight, it says, "I'm hungry, I'm going to watch some T.V."
When I want to do sorcery, it says, "I can't do it, I'm not ready yet, not enough energy. This is not what I want". When someone talks to me, it asks, "why are you talking to me?" When someone does something that I don't like, it says, "f*cking sh8 man, I wanna make that son of a b**ch pay".
I have found it's weakness though. It's weakness is intent and impeccability (proper use of energy). My intent is to do sorcery, and to do that I need to be impeccable. The voice takes almost all my energy. It is dangerous in any case: if I go against it, it punishes me with stress, headaches, and hopelessness, it could even kill me. If I agree with it, it still torments me. I want to change, or I should say that it feels right for me to change, and it asks, "why change now when you've got plenty of time?" and I respond, "because now is the only time there is".
I am headed only towards death, and that means that I should live as happily as possible. I should be free from this voice and it's shifty ideas.The only problem is that it sounds just like me! I really believe that these are my thoughts! If so, then how can it be that I would go against my own deepest wishes? How can that be? Because of the voice that is mine, yet is not mine.
the end...of that part.
PART 2...
And so I entered a most difficult battle. I tried to use my intent as my sword, yet the voice had many tricks. It would sound very sincere when I was at the struggling stage, but once I recognized the voice for what it was, it went crazy with rage. It overloaded me with random thoughts, and then in my voice told me that these thoughts are mine. It was a most trying battle, but the trick was not to battle with thoughts, but with "will". The voice is the antithesis of the spirit, yet it is part of the spirit. Yet it cannot stand against intent for long, and soon is revealed as it truly is: an alien voice that makes you believe that it is you. I have not won anything yet though. The voice is crafty enough to even divert my intent. And the war continues....
**Geminius**