01-08-2018, 12:00 AM
Reading your post made me feel very nice. I agree with all that you've observed and suggested. Yes, I do experiment a lot. I like to understand how nouns work (people, places, and things). I want to become an expert on whatever interests me. I'm very much a nerd. I also do shift a lot, into many things, and that can be scary for people who don't understand the stretchiness I utilize.
I realize that I do scare people. It's typically a defense mechanism to push people away, to make me unreachable, because they've stumbled over a vulnerability. It's like stepping on my toe.... the moment I'm stepped on, I punch that person away because I'm in pain. The first time I'm stepped on I might gently move the person off me. For repeat offenders, I just shoot them when they enter the room. My reactions are different depending on the circumstance and the people involved. But yes, the bottom line is I'm very good at scaring people. Yet, I don't see this as a problem for me. It might be a problem for the person I shoot, but it's not a problem for me. Yes, it might limit friends, but if I'm going to shoot someone, odds are I don't want them as a friend.
Then, there are the unfortunate people I REALLY enjoy, but I can't tolerate certain things about them. Those are tough because I'm extremely honest. They'll step on my toes, I'll step on theirs, and then it goes from accidental missteps to intentional missteps. The passive aggressive behavior settles in and we push one another away due to misunderstandings/miscommunication. These people think I've shot them when I've just pushed them into another room until I can learn to tolerate them. I'm bent in that I have extremely high expectations of people. I expect high intelligence, morals, and ethics. This often makes people feel like they've failed me in some way... and I often feel like they have, so they aren't imagining the disappointment. I wish I wasn't like that, I wish that I accepted people as they are, flaws and all. To cope, I keep people far enough away so they can't offend me. To unbend my bent personality, I've had to accept that I'm a freak of nature and just different than others. If I'm the one that's different, then other people are normal, and that makes them okay to be different than me. I don't know why this is what fixes things for me, but it does, and I find I'm a lot less frustrated with people. That said, I still keep people away because I prefer my own company because I find it exceptionally easy to make myself happy (because I understand myself).
It's me who is different and quite bent when seen by others. I love my bends though, so while it disturbs others, it doesn't disturb me--and all things considered, I'm more interested in being happy with myself than in making others happy. Not that I don't want to make other people happy, but that if I'm forced to choose between satisfying myself or others, I make myself the priority. That and any quality friend would never make me choose between my self-interest or theirs. I hope that I would never make someone choose between their self-interest or mine. Then again, when I shift there have been times when I've thrown people against their will--but I see it as me helping them adhere to their self-interest... sadly, I justify this by believing it's on behalf of their spirit and not their mind. I do the things that go against their tonal to support their double--because that's what allows me to sleep at night. I can live with myself when I know I've served their spirit to the best of my ability. Now, whether or not that's what is truly best for their spirit or what the other person believes best for them is an entirely different perspective. I'm not saying what I do is right or correct. I'm saying what I do is right and correct for me.
I'm more bent than most of the human population. Yet, I get a lot done with my bends. I do the stuff I want to do. I love the people in my life. I have "enemies" who support me by challenging me and pushing me to be a better version of myself. My bends have brought me here. I like here. I REALLY like here. So. I've heard that people want me to work on my bends, but, I'm kinda liking how they impact my life. The only bend I want to straighten a bit is the one where I expect too much from people. I need to learn to be more tolerant of incompetence xD OR! I need to hire a middle-man, with a delightful personality, to speak on my behalf
I appreciate you seeing me without judgment. I needed that.
I enjoy your version of goo. You have this refreshing acceptance for everyone. A trait someone like me couldn't do. I'm so critical of people, society, HUMANITY. Lol. You're willing to be kind instead of critical. People like you need to be here (on this planet), you're what gives people hope and that's a priceless gift. As much as I think you ought to punch more people in the face (including me, at times), I love that you love them before you punch them in the face. Like, you believe it's important to intend well before you act. It's nice to see there is kindness left in the world. My spirit wishes it saw more of that kind of love for others in the world. My tonal gives no f*cks on what it sees. Life is weird.
I realize that I do scare people. It's typically a defense mechanism to push people away, to make me unreachable, because they've stumbled over a vulnerability. It's like stepping on my toe.... the moment I'm stepped on, I punch that person away because I'm in pain. The first time I'm stepped on I might gently move the person off me. For repeat offenders, I just shoot them when they enter the room. My reactions are different depending on the circumstance and the people involved. But yes, the bottom line is I'm very good at scaring people. Yet, I don't see this as a problem for me. It might be a problem for the person I shoot, but it's not a problem for me. Yes, it might limit friends, but if I'm going to shoot someone, odds are I don't want them as a friend.
Then, there are the unfortunate people I REALLY enjoy, but I can't tolerate certain things about them. Those are tough because I'm extremely honest. They'll step on my toes, I'll step on theirs, and then it goes from accidental missteps to intentional missteps. The passive aggressive behavior settles in and we push one another away due to misunderstandings/miscommunication. These people think I've shot them when I've just pushed them into another room until I can learn to tolerate them. I'm bent in that I have extremely high expectations of people. I expect high intelligence, morals, and ethics. This often makes people feel like they've failed me in some way... and I often feel like they have, so they aren't imagining the disappointment. I wish I wasn't like that, I wish that I accepted people as they are, flaws and all. To cope, I keep people far enough away so they can't offend me. To unbend my bent personality, I've had to accept that I'm a freak of nature and just different than others. If I'm the one that's different, then other people are normal, and that makes them okay to be different than me. I don't know why this is what fixes things for me, but it does, and I find I'm a lot less frustrated with people. That said, I still keep people away because I prefer my own company because I find it exceptionally easy to make myself happy (because I understand myself).
It's me who is different and quite bent when seen by others. I love my bends though, so while it disturbs others, it doesn't disturb me--and all things considered, I'm more interested in being happy with myself than in making others happy. Not that I don't want to make other people happy, but that if I'm forced to choose between satisfying myself or others, I make myself the priority. That and any quality friend would never make me choose between my self-interest or theirs. I hope that I would never make someone choose between their self-interest or mine. Then again, when I shift there have been times when I've thrown people against their will--but I see it as me helping them adhere to their self-interest... sadly, I justify this by believing it's on behalf of their spirit and not their mind. I do the things that go against their tonal to support their double--because that's what allows me to sleep at night. I can live with myself when I know I've served their spirit to the best of my ability. Now, whether or not that's what is truly best for their spirit or what the other person believes best for them is an entirely different perspective. I'm not saying what I do is right or correct. I'm saying what I do is right and correct for me.
I'm more bent than most of the human population. Yet, I get a lot done with my bends. I do the stuff I want to do. I love the people in my life. I have "enemies" who support me by challenging me and pushing me to be a better version of myself. My bends have brought me here. I like here. I REALLY like here. So. I've heard that people want me to work on my bends, but, I'm kinda liking how they impact my life. The only bend I want to straighten a bit is the one where I expect too much from people. I need to learn to be more tolerant of incompetence xD OR! I need to hire a middle-man, with a delightful personality, to speak on my behalf
I appreciate you seeing me without judgment. I needed that.
I enjoy your version of goo. You have this refreshing acceptance for everyone. A trait someone like me couldn't do. I'm so critical of people, society, HUMANITY. Lol. You're willing to be kind instead of critical. People like you need to be here (on this planet), you're what gives people hope and that's a priceless gift. As much as I think you ought to punch more people in the face (including me, at times), I love that you love them before you punch them in the face. Like, you believe it's important to intend well before you act. It's nice to see there is kindness left in the world. My spirit wishes it saw more of that kind of love for others in the world. My tonal gives no f*cks on what it sees. Life is weird.