11-11-2018, 12:00 AM
Is it okay to feel sad?
Is it okay to have a weakness?
Is it okay to have fear?
I can go on and on...
Am I alone in this world..?
The battle I lead is not with who stands in front of me. It is an inner struggle. The source of my fear and shame has never been what the other might think, say, or do if I say this or do that. It was always of the next feeling or self-deprecating thought I would have and how I myself would handle the situation/s after that. However, unlike some others I tend to assume responsibility for my actions and don't go around pointing the finger for my distress if there is any. That is I have found the only way that I can have control over myself. When nothing depends on others be it allies or people or whatever it's solely up to me to make myself be this way or another way. The source of all of it is me and I cast the world and myself. By the way is it okay to struggle..?
I have a goal to cut off dependencies of any sort. And I do, trust me it's fun and for myself worth it. I've been observing others and wondering why are they so predictable, so easy to read. Well it is actually funny because the more I assume responsibility and make conscious decisions I can see what the outcome of them will be well before I make them that is to say it becomes easy to assess situations and others. Mainly because that is not what they do which is the scary part. I've noticed they tend to "go with the flow" which I call sleep-walking or just being a zombie. Well you see once I realized there is a consequence to every action even if I decide not to act and began making conscious decisions I saw that I am not reacting anymore. Not to my own thoughts or emotions and not even to other peoples thoughts, emotions, or actions.
So what are zombies? They're the others who do not do what I do but instead unconsciously react to the situation they are presented with in other words they experience time in a very different way than I do and don't have that split second to realize what's even going on clearly. They're hit by time while I don't get pinned down by it in the same way because I'm not compelled to react to whatever arises which gives me that split second they lack to do with it what I choose instead of "go with the flow". Don't get me wrong here "going with the flow" can be a choice too but not in the sense the zombies use it. Because I'd still have the time to decide that I want to "go with the flow" where as their attention gets pinned down by what arises and they're compelled to do something and in most cases that is just a reaction.
And once one knows the habitual position of humans and what their quirks and behavior is it's soo easy to predict where the arising situation will lead them in terms of thoughts, choices, and actions... I like neutral not because I can't get punched in the face but because it's where I have the leeway to move from in one direction or the other or... I will play around with some alternative knowledge of humans.
I am also in a pit, literally in a fucked up scenario ("I blame you God!" haha, is this sarcasm?). Sometimes I feel low, sad, fear, shame, etc... But do you know what I found out? When I read an amazing book and it ends I'm left kind of naked because it was a great book but it had to end and what do I do now..? Well I found that all this above is content, material that can be used that I can play with and oh boy are there gems in all of it... It's food and it's good food. So, is it okay?
Spoiler Alert!
Questions are for yourselves to answer...
By the way you're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. (oops)
Stalk.
Is it okay to have a weakness?
Is it okay to have fear?
I can go on and on...
Am I alone in this world..?
The battle I lead is not with who stands in front of me. It is an inner struggle. The source of my fear and shame has never been what the other might think, say, or do if I say this or do that. It was always of the next feeling or self-deprecating thought I would have and how I myself would handle the situation/s after that. However, unlike some others I tend to assume responsibility for my actions and don't go around pointing the finger for my distress if there is any. That is I have found the only way that I can have control over myself. When nothing depends on others be it allies or people or whatever it's solely up to me to make myself be this way or another way. The source of all of it is me and I cast the world and myself. By the way is it okay to struggle..?
I have a goal to cut off dependencies of any sort. And I do, trust me it's fun and for myself worth it. I've been observing others and wondering why are they so predictable, so easy to read. Well it is actually funny because the more I assume responsibility and make conscious decisions I can see what the outcome of them will be well before I make them that is to say it becomes easy to assess situations and others. Mainly because that is not what they do which is the scary part. I've noticed they tend to "go with the flow" which I call sleep-walking or just being a zombie. Well you see once I realized there is a consequence to every action even if I decide not to act and began making conscious decisions I saw that I am not reacting anymore. Not to my own thoughts or emotions and not even to other peoples thoughts, emotions, or actions.
So what are zombies? They're the others who do not do what I do but instead unconsciously react to the situation they are presented with in other words they experience time in a very different way than I do and don't have that split second to realize what's even going on clearly. They're hit by time while I don't get pinned down by it in the same way because I'm not compelled to react to whatever arises which gives me that split second they lack to do with it what I choose instead of "go with the flow". Don't get me wrong here "going with the flow" can be a choice too but not in the sense the zombies use it. Because I'd still have the time to decide that I want to "go with the flow" where as their attention gets pinned down by what arises and they're compelled to do something and in most cases that is just a reaction.
And once one knows the habitual position of humans and what their quirks and behavior is it's soo easy to predict where the arising situation will lead them in terms of thoughts, choices, and actions... I like neutral not because I can't get punched in the face but because it's where I have the leeway to move from in one direction or the other or... I will play around with some alternative knowledge of humans.
I am also in a pit, literally in a fucked up scenario ("I blame you God!" haha, is this sarcasm?). Sometimes I feel low, sad, fear, shame, etc... But do you know what I found out? When I read an amazing book and it ends I'm left kind of naked because it was a great book but it had to end and what do I do now..? Well I found that all this above is content, material that can be used that I can play with and oh boy are there gems in all of it... It's food and it's good food. So, is it okay?
Spoiler Alert!
Questions are for yourselves to answer...
By the way you're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. (oops)
Stalk.