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Life is a lot more than I think it is. I have shifted through dark parts of my mind and gone to amazing and beautiful heights. I have given power to fear, desperation and stupidity and been in awful positions of awareness also to my love, hope and faith and flew high in my own perception... The last couple of days I feel bad. My confidence is crushed and I feel I'm losing my will to go on. I'm not going through a difficult time I'm simply making a fly into something huge and I realize this yet I keep going in that direction. I know it is a choice and a few energetic actions away to cut what makes me feel bad but does that make it go away or do I just bottle it up? Does shifting my perception actually make the world the way I intend it or is it all in my mind? I cling to hope and believe in things I haven't achieved very abstract and strange things I no longer know if they're possible or not... Have the books taught me a lesson or did damage to me? I was damaged before them for sure and I've been feeling better after what I learned in them but is it the right way? I no longer know what I want or how to achieve what I want even if I do. All you people are amazing and beautiful and have your own unique way of perceiving and acting and I appreciate this forum immensely. I've been having a hard time communicating with people and expressing myself this is a place I do it openly and I appreciate anyone who reads this. I'm in no need for replies I just wanted to share a bit about how stupid I am. Funny thing is I can still laugh at myself.. I think I might be crazy for real.
I know one thing for sure it is that love is amazing.
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After those posts I ended up having a dream where my parents had made an appointment to send me to the looney bin. They were determined that I am out of my mind while I knew I wasn't and tried tricking me and easing me into going. I ran away don't remember the rest of the dream.
I've been happier lately and regaining my will to live and fight. I see now that expanding my perception of what's possible breaks down my limits and makes me push forward to what I pursue and actually achieve it. What I want I have to choose once that's done the universe conspires in helping me get there. Having faith that it can be done and not-doing what usually sets me back brings about good results. It is my dream/life that I'm living and I am crafting it the way I choose it to be. I will work towards eliminating any external influence and become a master at control over myself and choice and actions. When I look inward instead of outward I have the whole universe in my hands. I am more fluid and able to retain cohesion constantly learning and on a good path. It is indeed the right way for me and it has shown me wonders beyond explanation. I will learn to recognize my triggers that make me fall down as in my first post and cut them away and grow stronger more confident and pursue my goals without letting myself or anything else get in my way as I know that when I set myself up for success that is what I will get.
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Funnyguy, I am here to help you laugh at yourself. Ahahaha. Also, I was in the madhouse 4 times. 27 y o, me. It's going nice, life, I have to say, I'm serious now on this last sentence.
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So you weren't serious on the other three?
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Its so cool how the mind works. Its like you desire something and then the mind finds the perfect path to what you desire. Like a drunken nagual. He has no idea how he gets there but he gets there nonetheless. Complete trust and abandonment is needed.
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Funnyguy: be more funny! I want 2 laugh!
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