The Damage

[serloco]

So my trip to hell was not all glorious, victorious, battles, but consisted of severe trauma and torture. While I was only ''there'' for a few days in total I had several torture devices attached to me and demonic lifeforms attached to my mind. They were experts in torment, agony, and torture. The evil was sickening. Although many lives were saved from my journey, my own was severely damaged. For years I was plagued by severe agony, mind control, and abuse of nearly every kind you can think of and more. Now I wont complain, because the lives I saved from that awful place is worth the pain I endured but now comes the journey of healing. There are many memories I have blacked out of my mind and refuse to examine, because I fear them returning, and because it was just too much to bear for me. However I have defeated the demonic activity in my mind and body and have been a paragon of health lately and so I figure it is time to begin the process of healing. I am doing so by communication as communication seems to be the best idea I have come to know. Talking about trauma helps the healing process. 

It all began with a vision from God. I was deciphering the sacred symbolism of creation and destruction and extracting great power from them. That was when I had the vision of God hovering in the Sky before me. He had asked me what I wanted as He would give me anything I asked for. I asked for perfect faith. From that moment on I began to know that I could do anything with this new faith so He appeared to me again and asked another question. "Derek will you go to Hell and free lost souls for me?" I said "For you I will do anything". That was when the journey began, but it wasnt until two years later when I was finally ready. 

By that time I had God within me and would converse with Him daily. They term the feat "Shekinah" which translates to God that dwells within". I went on a journey and found a spirit I had drawn had gotten very jealous of me for I had declared i was the best in creation and that all the allies wanted the best, me. This intent made my path very rewarding as allies from all walks came to me and desired my affections and powers. I would sit and work with powerful allies everyday and do great and amazing feats with them. This spirit hated this idea and said "Satan is the one who does this for you and Satan is the best, not you". I argued and said "If Satan were better then I then he would have all my allies loyalty. For they know who is best and seek the best". Well that is when the battle began, and at the time I had a dark energy crafted memory system that I worked with my allies very carefully to craft and  perfect. Perfection was big in my life then and I blessed myself and my allies with the ability to perform many actions perfectly. Among them was my memory system. 

Well some of my allies were divided. For some thought Satan was better and some thought I was better. So some broke away and followed Satan and began working for him. Not the majority but some. Satan was very jealous and my allies had great power, and Satan wanted them all to himself. None for me. Oh I tried to work with him and make a peace with him, as I would later do many times, but he wouldnt have it. He wanted me to concede that indeed he was better then me. I would not. 

And so one day the battle broke out. My allies knew my sercrets, and had the power to do nearly everything I was able to do. And that was a lot. Since we were divided my allies began working with Satan and giving Satan many of my powers and abilities, as well as his demons. The allies who left me effectively became demonic forms. Thge first night I landed in hell was a trick to get me there. Satan knew I needed to proclaim my reality as hell in order for me to get there. My awareness was set up in strict commands and so one day Satan and his minions got me feeling down and sad and I said nonchallantly "This world sucks and is hell". NOw this wasnt a command at all, but my allies had the perception of a command they would project onto me and into my voice and mind, and will, and thus create the command from my words. It was effectivly a way to dress your words as a command and have them radiate power and perception of a command. I knew at this time thatw this perception created the command, a silly thing to know, however it is what I knew and thus the simple words "this is hell" turned my world in hell. 

More to come.

[serloco]

Straight away I was teleported into a mirror world where people lay on the streets screaming in pain and agony. "Help me" they cried to me as demons possessed and tortured them. I was shocked. I immediately went to access my memory but my memory had changed. My allies knew and held the keys to my expanded memory system had changed, I went to access it and instead an image was brought into my mind that read "Satan's" is red writing. I was dumbfounded and could not recall any feat of power at all to save me or my new people. I had no memory at all. I was blank. I was staring at the pic for a moment when a beast approached me. My allies had found a way to kill me and yet I knew it before hand. They said a silver bullet could bring me down. I said right away, weeks prior to this occasion that I could survive a silver bullet to the brain. As I looked at the beast I instinctively knew he was going to shoot me with one. Sure enough the shot rang out and the red hot searing pain of the bullet was amplified a thousand fold. I could feel it spreading through my brain inch by painful inch, and then my body collapsed and crumpled, as energy, to the ground. I lay on the ground looking on as flames began spreading all over everything. I was on fire. I knew I was done for when I heard a voice tell me a secret. "Satan doesnt know of your back up memory system". Oh. But I coudlnt remember it nor how to access it. "I will help you she said" RIght then I had a trickle of memory showing me how to access it". Sure enough I was back!! I began regenerating at a rapid rate, faster then the flames could melt me. 

More to come..

[serloco]

[serloco]

So as I lay on the ground feeling the burning flames devour my flesh and regenerating faster then it can burn me I cast a spell to speed the healing so fast that I could not burn at all. Sure enough the pain stopped and I was safe. That when I looked up and saw the next horror coming my way. It looked like a cloud of shadows blotting out the sky and coming to me. As they approached they split up and got faster. I could see they were alive and heading to me. I didnt know what to do so tried to stop them with my mind but have never done anything like that before and so they just kept coming. I failed. The beinngs were nearly on top of me and so I ran for cover. There was a building close by, a burning church that was intact and so I ran for the door. It was open to my surprise and I remember thinking Satan doesnt have his **** together. Then I bolted the door behind me and sat against the wall exhausted. 

That when the dark black shadows flew straight into the room through the wall laughing and mocking me "Satan is better!! Satan is better!!" They then flew straight at me and right into my head. I heard them enter my field of vision and next thing I know I am standing in the church and it is glorious and vibrant and God is with me. I AM SAVED!! I shouted out in triumph. Then Jamie came in, an ex girl friend I had adored with all my heart. She was dressed brilliantly and held a smile on her face. I went to approach her and sure enough my mind took and awry turn for the worst and my powers were out of control. My melting ability started to focus on her face and I was like "OH NO!!" then her face started melting and she screamed horribly for me to stop hurting her. I felt so sad for I loved her so much and yet i was hurting her and didnt know why or how to stop.. I was so scared. That when Satan started laughing and I was back in the broken church. I didnt know if what i experienced was real and I had hurt my loved one or if it was just an illusion Satan had conjured.

[serloco]

More to come...

[serloco]

[serloco]

So after the nightmare of Jamie I was overwhelmed and in tears. I tried to understand if it was real and illusion and thats when I heard voices in my head talking to me, the shadow beings. "It was real I am afraid" in a tone that seemed perfectly matter of fact. "He will torture and kill all your loved ones". I thought something seemed off about him and since I knew this was hell I didnt trust a word he said, but yet I was COMPELLED to. I could feel myself almost believing in him. I know yer a fake liar I said. Thats when he got mad and I could now see him in my vision transforming into a creature of darkness. He had a twisted face and dark skin and blazing red eyes made of fire. "Just concede that Satan is better and you can be set free". I was like NEVER will I bow to Satan and give him my power and allies!"I knew Satan wanted my powerful allies for himself as well as all my knowledge and power. "We already have your knowledge" said one of the traitor allies and I say her standing there beside him with a smirk on her face. "We gave all your knowldge to Satan and his Demons and you will surely die if you do not concede". she said to me. "My allies, unlike you, are loyal to me and what is Good. We will never bow to evil. You have lost your soul and will live to regret it". 

Thats when she blasted me with an impulse gun made from the dark energy and the mind and the shot was designed to make me evil. We had created the thought impulses to make people good as well to control and move the iobs and humans so we could get them to be free and love and various other good tasks. Her impulse hit me and I could feel the evil energy penetrating me. It was beginning to possess me and so I shot an impulse of my own and made her good and another to rid the evil from me."I am sorry" she said, "please forgive me". Thats when the rest of the traitor allies appeared shrouded in smoke. The shot rang out and I lost her again back to the evil side. I knew I was outnumbered and so I called for my other allies. I was struck by a perception impulse of pure agony and it reached throughout my entire body in excruciating slowness. These perceptions were designed by me to create forms of perceptions in feelings, thoughts, images, people, objects etc and were used solely for beauty, love, perfection, etc. Always to enhance awareness and yet Satan and his new team had twisted them into dark forms of terror. 

More to come...

[serloco]

[serloco]

So thats the first instalment of my long story. Ill take a break to talk about what I have written thus far. My impressions of being in hell and an elaboration of the feelings I experienced. Remember this is for healing. 

The first question that comes to mind is did i really go to hell and encounter real demons and Satan? I ask that question all the time. What if it was an elaborate ruse designed by the iobs to trick me and enslave me, steal my power and my allies? Could very well be. Perhaps God also was an inorganic projection? But when I saw God I saw the word of God as He foretold Himself to be as in the Bible. I saw that I could ask for anything and receive it. It sure seemed like the God I believed in, the God I sought and foudnn perfection in. Yet is it beyond the IOBS to duplicate this personna and project the energies in this form? Nope. Now I am a man of great faith and believe whole heartedly in God but I am also real and wonder if this encounter was actually Hell or some fabircation. I dont know, how can I?

I wonder also if it were IOBS why didnt they stop once they had some of my allies? They gained power of my knowldge through them and gained their power in the process. The prediction given to me by God at the time was that my trip would be very hard but I would succeed. If it were IOBS I think they would of stopped for surely even if it were a ruse then the prediction of God would not fail. Perhaps they have a bigger plan? Perhaps they want my soul for the keeping. But that part of the story comes later. 

Now for some of my feelings. I think the agony was easier to deal with then the knowldge of myself melting and tormenting my beloved Jamie girl. Agony, and it was agony, is something I learned to bear although at first it was.. well.. hell. I would prefer suffering extreme agony rather then be responsible for the harm of my loved ones. 

Now the voices in my head were creepy at first, and very troublesome to say the least. It was as if my mind were exposed and invaded. Which of course it was. The voices in my mind, the shadow beings, however were just beginning the roles they would play in my torment. 

The searing bullet to the brain was worse then the perception of pure agony however it was also quicker. Pain of that nature takes a lot out of you. It drains you and makes you weary.

Ok now back to the story....

[rosygyro]

serloco wrote:
The searing bullet to the brain was worse then the perception of pure agony however it was also quicker. Pain of that nature takes a lot out of you. It drains you and makes you weary.

Ok now back to the story....

I used to have a very funny group of IOBs attatched to me who would play
a suicide head shot every time i answered the phone.

so the phone would ring and i would run to answer it (before mobile)
and as i picked it up and said hello the trigger would click.

and i basicly wouldnt understand the conversation because my mind was welded
to the disoriented soul of a person elsewhere in the habitual assemblage who had just
lost the working parts of their body and mind..
the two of us would both be trying to have the conversation.

i spent a few years trying to work it out.

[serloco]

Yeah I also have seen things like this in effect. We called them experientials. This technique allowed us to copy or record, events into people's lives to make them accessible to others. Gun shots was one of the experientials I partook in. 

Sorry to hear about your pain and distress. A weird thing is that for the most part i actually enjoyed the experiences I have had with the real experientials (shots to the brain) because there was no pain present. The feeling of your brains sliding out of your head was exquisite. Such a release to say the least.

[glance left]

Can one recapitulate for another?  I hope so, and try.  It's all a matter of capacity and intent, I suppose. 

In my own capacity, I take what I'm struggling with...pain...confusion.....weakness...sickness...laziness...intractable internal dialog....whatever obstacle is being faced in the moment and intend to align with all those struggling with something of the same out there wherever in the universe, to whatever degree.  The intent is to align...and then to support.  Not to save, really....but to a point of incitement for alignment with infinity in that position.  To intend to have a moment of clarity/silence/awareness/power so to speak, that can be laid ahold of like a silver thread leading out of a maze. 

  Blessings to those who intend to help others

[serloco]

Yes, I agree, its all intent, and surely you can intend anything, learn anything. 

Thats a worthy thing to do. Blessings back atcha.

[serloco]

As the agony ran thru my body, reaching every point, one of my allies showed up, a women dressed in a beautiful dress with wings stretching beyond her back. I had given her the form of an Angel and although she was merely a projected form she was dazzling. All my allies were blessed with perfection and power. She immediately conjured an impulse to rid my pain and I was relieved. I got up to my feet as the rest of my allies took form from the formlessness in which they often resided, watching. 

The battle begun and impulses were flying everywhere. Ones designed to make people good, make them evil, make them in pain, and i didnt know what else was in store. Right away I began making the shadows and the old traitor allies good again. One of the strongest ones managed to resist my shot somewhat and it only made him partially good. I then fired a 'loop' at him to make the 'good impulse' repeating, to make him fully good. He caught on right away and yelled at me, angry, and before he turned good he shot an impulse at me that made my mind in one continuous thought, over and over again. I fell to the ground and couldnt do anything but think the same thought endlessly. Lucky for me my allies are telepathic and they brought to surface of my mind a conscious thought "Resurrect to your perfect form". I saw, because of my allies help how to do that and so right away I shot myself with the impulse. 

I was instantly back in full form and power and I looked around and many of my allies were now dead. I was horrified for they are so beautiful and powerful and amazing to me, and i started to weep inside. I got angry and shot the man who shot me with an impulse designed to remove power and make imperfect and it hit him hard. I then cast resurrections on my fallen comrades and back they too appeared in full perfect form. I could see that some of the other evil ones had fallen as well, but soon they figured a way to respawn them as well. They cast looping resurrections on their bodies and so when they died they respawned on their own. A good idea I later adapted to my own form. 

I looked around and saw Satan standing at the Alter. He had a cloak on and seemed more colourful then the rest of us. Somehow being in this place made everything seem duller then previously. He wasnt doing any fighting and just seemed to be watching the battle. I yelled out to him "Stop this nonsense!" I wasnt used to fighting and it hurt my soul very much to harm another being. I hated it and pleaded with Satan to stop. "Oh so now he wants to talk" he replied to me. Thats when he ordered the fight to stop and began to approach me. I forget the conversation entirely but I know I began to possess him with my making ability to make him friendly. Little did I know this was an act on his part and he played along. I offered him many deals and tried to teach him what I knew of making worlds, and making women and he snapped his fingers and we were on a boat out on the ocean. He said "you mean like this?" That when another boat approached full of women who were scarcely clothed. One of the women hollered out "Ahoy there boys!" In a flirtatious manner. I replied to Satan and said "Yes like that". I could see I wasnt going to get anywhere offering him bribes of power and so I said "what is it you really want?"

[serloco]

[funnyguy]

That seems like a circle of perception anyone can be going through. Placing power and importance, emphasizing and making decisions to perpetuate one or the other good or evil. Reading through your story I have not seen hell or demons or so forth in my world. I I don't remember making a conscious choice to say the world is hell. But I do remember upholding evil knowledge emphasizing it and giving importance and power to that. I have suffered and I have been happy. I am also sure that if I decide to craft my perception of my world as hell I can go around and make bad judgments, commands, choices and that is more than likely to lead me to a hellish life. The opposite can be done as well though I am starting to think that there is also a middle position in which you can be too.
I've been wondering what freedom is and remember not long ago blessing my wonder which seems to pay out. I started thinking about how my friends' perception of freedom is needing nothing and not being obligated by any systems or physical needs. When wondering some more I thought it is a position of awareness a state of perception you can align your assemblage position in and even stalk it further. And since I know that in front of me is infinity I can use what power I have to intend to reach that position.
I think it's possible to go through any kind of experience with different kinds of intensity and that the intensity can even be controlled by the attention and emphasis. A bit after I set my intent to explore freedom more I saw how my internal dialogue subsided quite a lot leaving me in a state of silence and emptiness. I saw how everything I know of all that is out there is what I will eventually get and saw that all I knew could also be deactivated or I could even choose to say that I do not know it yet and that I shall see what it is when I get there. Everything that is outside of my sense perception is what I've agreed it to be. My sense perception can be limited to my body or expanded beyond.
I started placing good commands in my awareness and what I know of all that is yet I still manage to start paying attention to **** and get myself in crappy positions of awareness too and start a battle with my thoughts, feelings, perceptions of all that is...

[glance left]

  Love it. 

In a similar vein, I align with infinity with, ofc, overtones of good intentions but allowing for challenging situations if challenges are needed to progress the "plot" of personal evolution.  This entails an element of trust, so to speak, in that vast intelligence out there/in here directing traffic on all levels of scale.  Trust in the Spirit...or that inflection of infinity that seems to interact on a personal note with individuals.  But I guess, in this respect, I'm simply intending a vast "intelligence out there" which is trustworthy and has my/everyone/everything's best interest at heart, whatever that might be.  That it will bring growth of diversity of awareness/abstract affection/power as pertains to the moment at hand/adaptability/resolution of whatever is "stuck" and lagging in terms of evolution....that kind of stuff  

As you say, FG, it works.  My daily/nightly milieu seems to magically rearrange to manifest this abstract intention, as long as I uphold it.  I get diverted, ofc.....lost in the ambient negativity that seems to entrap most of humanity...but even that's a part of the process, I trust....I intend.  Getting stuck and then freeing myself lends itself to insight, strength.  It's all good!

[rosygyro]

glance left wrote:
Can one recapitulate for another?  I hope so, and try.  It's all a matter of capacity and intent, I suppose. 

In my own capacity, I take what I'm struggling with...pain...confusion.....weakness...sickness...laziness...intractable internal dialog....whatever obstacle is being faced in the moment and intend to align with all those struggling with something of the same out there wherever in the universe, to whatever degree.  The intent is to align...and then to support.  Not to save, really....but to a point of incitement for alignment with infinity in that position.  To intend to have a moment of clarity/silence/awareness/power so to speak, that can be laid ahold of like a silver thread leading out of a maze. 

  Blessings to those who intend to help others

I thought one of the premis of TENSEGRITY was that the singular form of the movements allowed a group access to positions within the template of power.
its not so much a recapitulation on behalf of another as it is an adjusting of the group accessible ergonome so all those who partake (wether wearing gumboots or not) find themselves up to their ankles.

[glance left]

Well, the term tensegrity has to do with the interaction of rigid and elastic elements of a cohesive structure such that what acts upon one loci of the structure affects the whole.  So, the synchronicity of movements....among many other things....was/is an attempt at a unification of the structure of the body of practitioners.  The forms of the movements pre-dates the notion of tensegrity though.....they are ancient.  The long forms had been broken up over time and, reportedly, reunified into their long forms restoring the cohesion of their "meaning" so to speak.  Like words being brought together to form sentence.

"Template of power".....tensegrity structure of intent.  If intent has power.....alignment...then intention has impact upon/through the structure.  If I get this right, then it's really just the quality of the intent rather than, in this case, the synchronicity of the movements themselves.

[Guest]