Noteworthy Documents

[Julio Juliopolis]

Note: This is an open thread. Feel free to comment on any documents here or if you happen to know how to translate Juliopolitan into English and manage to translate a document you'd like to share by all means do so here. Be advised of course that all documents will be checked for authenticity.
My tireless translators are finding many documents they feel should be made available to others for their own own reading. This is the place where they will be stored.

[Julio Juliopolis]

One of my translated has offered up this document, containing a most unusual court ruling, for public perusual...Official Ruling in the Case of Mr Badgerus versus Mrs Badgerus et al:

Be it here decreed that I, Judge Haroldicus, having heard the testimony presented by all parties involved in this case, am compelled by sheer reason to agree fully with each and argument presented by Mr Badgerus during the trial. Therefore, I find the following...1. That Mrs. Badgerus did in fact with malicious intent deliberately burn Mr Badgerus' dinner on the night of March 14th, 18,702 BC2. That during the same dinner in order to prevent Mr Badgerus from enjoying any portion of the meal at all Mrs Badgerus did willfully apply too much salt to the potatoes3. That during the same night, the Badgerus' neighbor Mr. Rogerus did play his harp with excessive volume knowing that Mr. Badgerus had to arise earlier than normal the following morning and that his playing was interfering with Mr Badgerus's attempts to sleep in spite of the fact that Mr Badgerus never said a word of any of it to Mr Rogerus4. That Mrs Badgerus did, for the express purpose of waking Mr Badgerus 3 times during the night, snore "right in his ear"5. That any man who gone through a similar night would need a drink to face the next day, and that only those with the most restraint would limit themselves to less than four6. That Mr Badgerus did show such restraint and only consumed one glass of whisky, in spite of the eyewitness testimony of his neighbor Mrs Ockmonick, who claimed to see him consume 3 glasses through his window solely because she hates him7. That "they" do not build chariots like they used to, and it is a miracle that chariots aren't always crashing into people's barns8. That the city has been woefully negligent in filling up all the potholes on the roads, and that those whose job it is to maintain the roads have not done so to a reasonable standard because they are "just lazy"9. That Mr Badgerus was unjustly found guilty of crashing his chariot into a barn on the morning of March 15th and sentenced to pay 43 planktars to repair it10. That in order for real justice to prevail, all parties who have wronged Mr Badgerus must be held accountable
Therefore, I declare the defendants guilty. However before I determine their sentences, I require Mr Badgerus to produce a list of ALL parties he believes have ever wronged him so that, as he argued convincingly, justice can prevail. Furthermore I need an itemized list of each and every time he believes he was wronged by each of those people such that I can make sure that they are all fully accountable for their misdeeds. In order to assist Mr Badgerus in this, I offer to him a room setup for this purpose, which will be his alone that no one else may enter who might otherwise disturb him, save persons designated to, once per week, provide him with a week's worth of paper and ink with which he may continue writing his list.  In order for the wheels of justice to remain swift, Mr Badgerus will be confined to the room, (and it's adjacent bathroom), until this list is complete, as determined by a wizard appointed for the purpose of checking it to see if it does in fact contain every time in which Mr Badgerus believes he was wronged by another, (and returned for him to add more if it does not), or until Mr Badgerus decides to just drop it all.

[Guest]