04-24-2014, 12:00 AM
Dear all,
I wonder what to share or if to share anythng at all and came up with this horrowing tale of sorcery.
I started smoking age 11, when my mum caught me and made me smoke a whole pack I could not do it and cried but instead of throwing them away she kept them in the cupboard and actually let me have the rest of them, silly mum. After that smoking became a seemingly indispensible part of my image, a rebal school boy, a topless workman, a guitar playing hippy, I maintained that things were just better if I had a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. But walking the Warriors path does tend to make us re evaluate things and smoking was on my list. Not so much for the health implications of smoking but very much more so the behaviours and attitudes that came with it.
I have never had very much money, my parent always just about scraped by and there was not usually anything fancy or extra consequently Smoking is a habbit I have not always been able to afford but thats ok, people will give us cigarettes if we ask. I found out that In social situations I always seem to have a list of needs which as long as they are met mean I will be happy. If I was at the pub I would need beer, ciggaretts, short list really but if these two requirment were met I would usually be happy, If I did not have one or either of these things I would set about trying to get them. I would wait for the right oppertunity to ask for a ciggaretta or perhaps find an abandoned drink : )
In my search for becoming a warrior I found that I spend alott of time focussing on what I need and needing things and I found that this interal dialouge always seemed to make me out of rythm with my circumstances, I would be worring about myself so much that I would feel agitated. Eventually I began to not do my habitual behaviour. Every time I would ask a person for a ciggarette it would be an uncomfortable experience so I just stopped doing it. I stopped doing other things too and began to see life differntly. I started to experience the joy of someone offering me something I would like without me having to ask, I dont think I ever appreciated this before becuase before I stopped asking for things I wanted I would never appreciate being offered something because i would already have what I wanted having already asked for it. (headf*** alert)
Now that I have consistantly let go of my wanting behaviour I have found a new stength! To a non smoker this may seem like no big deal but for me giving up smoking was once a difficult thing to do and now its not. Kablah!
I wonder what to share or if to share anythng at all and came up with this horrowing tale of sorcery.
I started smoking age 11, when my mum caught me and made me smoke a whole pack I could not do it and cried but instead of throwing them away she kept them in the cupboard and actually let me have the rest of them, silly mum. After that smoking became a seemingly indispensible part of my image, a rebal school boy, a topless workman, a guitar playing hippy, I maintained that things were just better if I had a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. But walking the Warriors path does tend to make us re evaluate things and smoking was on my list. Not so much for the health implications of smoking but very much more so the behaviours and attitudes that came with it.
I have never had very much money, my parent always just about scraped by and there was not usually anything fancy or extra consequently Smoking is a habbit I have not always been able to afford but thats ok, people will give us cigarettes if we ask. I found out that In social situations I always seem to have a list of needs which as long as they are met mean I will be happy. If I was at the pub I would need beer, ciggaretts, short list really but if these two requirment were met I would usually be happy, If I did not have one or either of these things I would set about trying to get them. I would wait for the right oppertunity to ask for a ciggaretta or perhaps find an abandoned drink : )
In my search for becoming a warrior I found that I spend alott of time focussing on what I need and needing things and I found that this interal dialouge always seemed to make me out of rythm with my circumstances, I would be worring about myself so much that I would feel agitated. Eventually I began to not do my habitual behaviour. Every time I would ask a person for a ciggarette it would be an uncomfortable experience so I just stopped doing it. I stopped doing other things too and began to see life differntly. I started to experience the joy of someone offering me something I would like without me having to ask, I dont think I ever appreciated this before becuase before I stopped asking for things I wanted I would never appreciate being offered something because i would already have what I wanted having already asked for it. (headf*** alert)
Now that I have consistantly let go of my wanting behaviour I have found a new stength! To a non smoker this may seem like no big deal but for me giving up smoking was once a difficult thing to do and now its not. Kablah!