12-06-2010, 12:00 AM
A mini novel, expressing my conscious experiences of amongst other things " how my future was ripped out under me" and how i received the joy of power through going through the pain. It is a long read, but then it was a whole month of my life.
Making it public, also fulfils my newest challenge." a shedding of the suit so that my limitations are so stretched away from me, i can never bump into them again.Forgive the editing...i didn't do any, otherwise i may not have posted it.
Take a deep breath Shamanka and, press paste and publish............
Shamanka Angel-Heart
The Power of The Dark Love
Preface
Wednesday 15th September 2010.
It was last night that ‘Don Juan’ showed himself to me for the first time. It wasn’t that
unexpected. I had just been through a merging of the self /no self and, had experienced a shift in energy that was not unlike a rebirth. It had taken me, into another point of perspective.
I had connected with another Nagual online. For the first time in my life, I had seen me in another.
“Are you going to visit me in the physical?” I asked.
“Not likely” he replied, “You have been trained to take instruction from spirit, this way it will be as it’s always been, for you”
I smiled.
“Are you going to be my teacher?” I asked again.
“Yes” he said, “But I won’t be the only one. This is my friend”
“What’s his name?” I said, seeing another form, standing beside him.
“Snake” he said.
“Doesn’t he have another name?” I asked.
Don Juan smiled, “Yes he has, but it’s such a long name, let’s just call him Snake”
I laughed out loud.
“OK” I said.
I’m used to questioning and holding conversations with spirit of all types, a conscious medium from the age of four, spiritual experiences and a constant Nagual throughout. It’s natural to me to have this sort of conversation alongside the visual. I remember being a child, seeing the air as swirling colours. My glossary of meanings, has grown over the years, as my experiences have become the foundation of my life. A database of vibrations and frequencies that I can receive, understand and utilise at will.
Always called a ‘Nagual‘, by spirit, I have been under constant instruction for myself and for the benefit of others throughout this lifetime. I have sometimes experienced the consequences of not following the advice. But I have learnt to trust, like a small child that other consciousnesses do exist and, some of them know more than me.
“Well as long as it’s working for the highest good of all” I tested.
Don Juan laughed.
“You’ve gone beyond that” he stated, suddenly serious.
“Oh!” I replied troubled, I always have been a ’stickler’ for ethics. I wondered what I should ask next. Don Juan interrupted my thoughts.
“If you want to accept the teachings” he said “You have to go and sit at your computer and write down what I tell you”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“We are going to write a book” he said.
“Ok” I said a bit hesitantly. I just know, that someone is going have a problem with that.
“Together” he said.
“Ok” I said again, “What’s the book called?”.
“The power of the dark love” he said.
I started. My mind raced away, thinking of Witchcraft, Wicca and all such stereotyped things that I had, up to this point experienced around me, but had personally avoided.
Don Juan just stood there.
“It’s not negative you know” he said.
“Mmmm” I replied.
“It’s just what you know to be the zero, the void, the magnetic, the space between” .
I recognised the truth of these words. It was not that he was going to instruct me, on being something I wasn’t. I’ve always known, that I am a ‘zero’ and not a ‘one‘ in binary terms of the universe. The dark in this case, was the void that I know to be existent and potent, full of limitless potential as yet not harnessed, by most humans and human kind.
I had travelled and utilised it in my journeying and multi dimensional working life, but I wasn’t sure on many of its qualities or, how to consciously harness it at all.
“So what do I have to do?” I asked.
“Go to the computer and write down that title” he said, “If you do, I will know, you have accepted me as your teacher and, it will begin.”
Not wishing to seem too eager, but suddenly exhilarated by the possibility of knowing more and
experiencing more of myself and my multidimensionality, I came in to the computer and brought up a blank word processing page.
“Here we go!” I said to myself, as I wrote centred, at the top of the page:
The Power of the Dark Love, by Shamanka, Don Juan, Snake et al, I laughed again out loud.
The following morning, I awoke to being very aware, that my family needed milk and I hurried out of the door at 7am. The supermarket is only minutes away and throughout the short drive, I was constantly checking to see if I still held the energy, that I had been introduced to the previous day. It was still there, not as potent as it was, but, if I breathed into it, I could tell the vibration could be strengthened and held.
Returning to the house, I was busy with my four children, three of them all looking hungry and expectant at the arrival of milk for their cereal. After their preschool fluster of packed lunches, missing P.E shorts and last minute demands for notes for various things, they all set off for the day.
I sat down and wrote this section. It seemed to flow and then stop at the exact moment of the present. It went no further into the future. I turned my attention to my youngest daughter, just turned two and, spent some time with her, before I put her down for her nap.
I hung out washing and put in some more, a constant cycle in this house and, turned my attention to finishing the washing up.
“You ready?” said the voice of Don Juan.
“Err, Can you give me a minute?” I asked “I just cannot work with mess in my environment.”
His energy faded.
I finished what I was doing, leaving the dishes to drain, I then went outside to the garage to have some dregs of cold tea and a quick cigarette.
I expected him to come in then, I really did.
“Was I ready?” that’s what he asked me. Well was I?
I tried to call him.
“Don Juan” I said, “Are you there?”
No answer.
It dawned on me, to check my energy field. Nothing wrong there, big pillar, ground to sky, me in it, about ¾ of the way up. I was able to travel up and down, viewing the same scene as I have been seeing for months. I see that I am sticking out of the summit of Mt Shasta, California. The mountainside is my skirt and, the surrounding forests and rivers, looking so small they remind me of velvet and silver threads.
The voice came again.
“You’ve been doing” he said. “For us to meet and be clear on this journey, you have to be, ‘being‘”
Immediately and obediently, I opened up my energy field and sank into the centre of it.
I pushed out the boundaries until it was bright and stable and, only my own whole self, present.
“That’s better” he said.
He was clearer now and, the shimmer of his energy was now visible, to my right hand side.
“But you are going to have to do those exercises, in order to keep the connection strong.” he said. He continued, “Every time you cannot find me, you must go back into being or, raise the energy by doing them, do you understand?”
Of course I did, ‘Magical passes’ or temerity as it is sometimes now known as and versions thereof, have been my, shall we say, sporadic companions for years. I first started doing them in trance, after I had been dancing, years ago. At that time, I did them without knowing what they were. I should clarify myself here, about my perception on drugs both chemical and from the natural world. It just isn’t my thing. Throughout my spiritual instruction I have asked about such things, but I have always been told that they are not for me and, that if I used them it would ruin what I already had. I also have had lots of ‘work’ over the years repairing peoples energy fields and removing unwanted ‘guests’ as a direct result of the person taking them.
This is not to say that this is ’correct’ for everyone. I just feel that through my experiences, it is truth for me.
A friend bought me the book “Magical Passes”, about 4 months later. It was an intuitive Christmas present. He said he thought that I might like it and, it had shown itself, as the present for me.
I was amazed at not only the complexity and depth of the passes, but that I had used some of them, both consciously and unconsciously, many times before.
I will admit, I’m not a great one for discipline. Well, not in the exercise department anyway.
I used to run so many miles, that one day my knee gave in and I had to give it all up. My ankles were too weak for ballet. I laugh now, at even the thought of me ballet dancing. I’m just not a pink tutu kind of girl and although I love the gym, I just don’t have the resources to go.
Now, after my fourth child, my back and stomach muscles are naff. An entopic pregnancy five years ago, has left me with a large scar and cut muscles.
I dread doing anything strenuous, in the fear, that my back will go out.
Look on the bright side Shamanka, I thought to myself. If you are going to do exercises, it might as well be these ones. Maybe this is the turning point for your, well, middle aged body.
I laugh at myself, but know that I should take my physical, a little more seriously.
After all, it does have to do the work here.
“Ok” I said eventually, “I understand.”
I take another break, another page done. I get another half cup of cold tea and, go out to the garage.
I roll a cigarette and can’t find my polo’s. Yeah, I’m addicted to polo’s with my cigarettes.
“Addiction” says Don Juan.
“I know” I said.
“Distraction” says Don Juan.
“Err yeah” I say, “I’m good at that”.
I stand up and go and get my jacket, where I know the offending mints are. I come out to the garage and sit down again. My mind drifts off to my husband in America, not to see if he’s Ok, but to see if I am keeping my one whole being steady, so that he can be his.
“Two Feathers, is his Nagual, don‘t you know?” said Don Juan.
My mind flicked back to 2004 and the dark shape, that I had seen in the tipi, when I was first with my husband. The energy then, was dark and thick. It seemed to be intimidating.
As I sit, the energy of Two Feathers, comes next to Don Juan, I can see or feel no difference.
“I’m sorry” I said, “I didn’t know that”.
Silence.
“Possession and Addiction” said Don Juan, “that’s the first lessons, about the power of the dark love”
“Right” I say.
“You will also learn about Avoiding and Perfection.”
I just acknowledge, that I heard what he said. I suddenly go sombre, It seems like, I’ve a great deal of work to do. My thoughts return to writing.
“So it’s a book is it, Don Juan?” I asked “How long is it going to take?”
“It will be finished in time, and although it can be edited, the content must not be changed”
This was the only information I received.
I come and write this section, and then go back into the garage. They are a constant presence in there. I think about the mundane stuff, that I really should be doing.
“You need an assistant” said Don Juan.
“Yes I do” I replied.
“Otherwise it’s going to stop you ‘being‘” he said
“Yes” I say.
“So why don’t you ask for one?“ He asks me.
As I open up my energy field to the possibility, a face appears in front of me. “Steve?” I asked.
“Yes” says Don Juan.
“Does he know about paperwork and stuff then?” I ask back.
“Why don’t you ask him, whether he would like to be your assistant” he said.
“If you think he would be interested” I said.
“Just email him” said Don Juan, “and see what he says“
“Ok, I will”, I reply. But the thoughts about equal exchange and such, crowd in, on my mind.
So I do. I get onto face book and look him up. I decide to private message him and don’t know what to write. Do I tell him what I’m doing? Tell him about Don Juan? Tell him about the assistant position? I squirm. I don’t even know what that is really. I end up writing:
“Steve, I require an assistant. I can’t really write much about it. I would like to speak to you.
Please phone me as soon as you can.
Love as always, Shamanka.”
I press the send button.
Then I realise I haven’t put my number down…****!
I bring up another message box.
Subject line: Forgot contact number… DOH!
Message: Phone me xxxxx xxxxxx Thanks, Love Shamanka.
We will see what happens. I write up this last experience.
I feel I have to, phone my friend. Her partner picks up the phone,
“She’s out for lunch with friends, be back around 3.”
“I shall phone her later then” I said.
I make myself a cup of tea and traipse out to the garage.
“I don’t know about all this” I say “I’ve got stuff to do”
“Like what?” came the reply.
“Well, I’ve just looked in my fridge and there are not many vegetables in there, I really need to go shopping this afternoon”
“What about online shopping?” I was asked.
“But that costs extra” I say, “I don’t really have the spare cash to do that”
“Ahh!, but you need to be ‘being’, not doing” was the reply.
I thought about it.
“You need to get your life in an order, where you are ‘being‘, more and more” I was told.
“Really?” I asked.
No reply.
“How do I go about that then?” I said sceptically.
“Let others do, the doing for you”
“But that’s just lazy!” I quickly replied.
No reply.
I turned my attention to the thoughts, I have on being lazy. I mean, can you really have a job that is about ‘being‘? and, what is lazy?, Isn’t that when you are supposed to do something, but avoid it. Or, is it another’s opinion that you are not doing, what THEY think, you should be?
The penny drops. This book, this dialogue, this job requires me to ‘be’, 100%.
Would I give it less than that?. Mmmm. My mind boggles.
“You had better work it out” said Don Juan cuts through my thoughts seriously,
“You are going to find it harder and harder to ‘do’ anything”
“****!” I think, “What the hell does that mean?”
I come in and dutifully write what was said.
Thursday 16th September 2010
It’s now three minutes past 7 in the evening and I have had the most interesting afternoon, I did go to
the shop and got myself and Sky out of the house. I spoke to my husband via Skype about his
Nagual and Steve has got back to me about the assistant position, he is interested…amazing.
I am noticing however, that my children are dealing with their own relationships in a most horrid way. For once, I don’t care who was right or wrong, I point out to them that they all create their own relationships and that has nothing to do with me. Neither son likes this news, but they react in different ways. One becomes defensive and the other, goes into spewing pent-up emotion, obviously looking for more attention. I sit and feel neither a pull one way nor another. I know I cannot change them, therefore my input is useless.
I go out to the garage again.
“Check the energy” Don Juan suggests.
I flick on my inner vision scanner, that details peoples grids and auras. I see something attached to my eldest son, upstairs in his room. I quickly ask,
“Oh my god, that is not his nagual is it?”
I sense a definate no, as the ten foot black mass turns towards my light. I throw out the gold light thread, and it starts to bind it from the bottom up, anticlockwise. The entity doesn’t really struggle, not like some of them.
I throw some quick fire questions at it. “What do you want? Do you want negotiation? Are you lost?”
Don Juan is suddenly standing there.
“There is another way of doing this” he says. “They just want love and, to be healed from pain and the need that they feel, to feed”
“Really?” I asked “What all of them?”
“All of them feel the need to feed, to sustain themselves” he said. “Wouldn’t you, if it was a means to your survival?”
He brought down a golden globe above the entity and formed a funnel to the top of its ‘head’. The entity went up into the ball, like it was sucked up a chimney. I couldn’t see it inside; I guess it was changed or transmuted.
“Less of the warrior way, huh?” he said, “And it cleans itself up, they only want source, so you give them as much as it will take, for their vibration to change permanently. A little less effort than that ‘sucking and retching’ don’t you think?”
In the garage, I was almost blushing, I had always been shown how to take negativity of any description into my own body, to combust it, by surrounding it in my own energy.
“It’s ok” he said, “I’m just showing you another way. It’s horses for courses. This will just cause less expenditure of your own energy. You never know when you might need it all for yourself”
I nodded.
This evening I had a Skype call from my husband. I told him about the entity. We also talked about me binding his Nagual.
Ray still seemed quite put out by this previous action of mine.
“I hope you learned your lesson” he said.
“What.s that supposed to mean?” I replied defensively.
“Only that I asked you not to bind him, and I’ve been 6 years feeling that a piece of me is missing. When I called for assistance and he didn’t come” he explained.
“I said that I was sorry, and I thought that you had forgiven me” I said.
“I have forgiven you, I guess it.s just a matter of trust, I just hope you’ve learnt your lesson”
“Why didn’t you unbind him then?” I asked quite snappily
“Because I don’t know how” he replied “I don’t do what you do, I don’t own him, I don’t try to possess him, he is spirit”
“But he is part of you” I protested “and yet you say he is not a part of you, Maybe you should own your power?” I snapped
“So you haven.t learnt then?” he replied.
I gave it some thought and replied
“I will think about it and, if there is a lesson to be learnt I will learn it for myself. I feel bad enough about what I did, but I didn’t know any better at the time, as soon as I did, I did something about it”
“I didn’t mean to upset you” he said “I just feel I may have missed out on some stuff”
I didn’t say anymore. After the call, I went to the garage and asked if I could speak to Two Feathers.
“I’m here” he said.
I explained “I’m sorry for what I did, I found you very intimidating all those years ago, I was just trying to protect myself and I suppose my relationship. I did not realise what I had done”
I had been aware of his presence in the tipi, staring at me, quite intimidating, on numerous
occasions. He seemed to want to scare me in some way. Ray, it said was his. Whenever that energy was around, Ray would be, in my perception quite chaotic, trickster even. It seemed to want to be a wedge between us, not wanting us to be together, it seemed like it claimed
ownership of him. I had asked whether it was one of his guides, to which I received no reply. In fact, it didn’t wish to talk to me at all. Its looming presence and it’s dark shape suggested in my glossary hat it was an entity or watcher, of some kind. I asked it what it wanted and he was quite rude. He appeared to me like a pure black silhouette, arms crossed and the only
distinguishing feature I could make out was that he had two feathers, that stuck out above,
what was the outline of his head. So that was how I was to know him, as „Two Feathers..
I was insecure, in a country I did not know, where the only person that I knew there, had this
big black shadow seemed to be trying to get him to emotionally, shake me up. Every time, I
would appeal to both the spirit and Ray to stop it. I suppose I felt threatened by it, I definitely
didn’t feel loved by it, or that it wanted anything but to disrupt, the day to day balance of my
being. So after asking him to leave on numerous occasions, in my naiveté or unawareness,
I bound him in light, to get it to stop. I only knew he was Rays Nagual, when he showed up with Don Juan yesterday, and I recognised the similarity in energy vibration.
“Not a problem” he continued, “I suppose I was rather harsh with you”
“Just a bit” I nodded.
Two Feathers said softly “No harm has been done”
“Really?” I asked quietly
“Really” he replied, “and I will have words for him about what he said”
“I guess he was right though” I said “I feel awful”
Don Juan stepped forward and touched his hand on my back.
“Don’t get addicted to guilt” he said quietly “We can get addicted to many things, not just tobacco, drugs and alcohol, but emotions, like anger, guilt and fear”
“Oh” I said.
“You have to learn to not be possessive about your emotions, hanging on to them, like an addiction”
“Mmmm” I acknowledged.
“Guilt is one of your addictions” he continued.
“I can see that” I said, “I have felt guilty a lot in my past”
“I know” he said, “We will unpick it another time, you are getting tired now, so write up this last part for today and, get some rest”.
“I will” I said. And I have.
So before I went to sleep last night I pondered on guilt being one of my addictions, I also thought about any lessons I had to learn between myself and my husband, and about the act of forgiveness. I wished to know how long this difficult bit would last. You always get this refinement process, when you shift up, or add a level of vibration to your awareness. You have to travel back down and look at your lowest level of resonance, to clear the lowest with the highest vibration, so that complete integration of the new is possible in your daily consciousness. When this is done, I know, another level of ‘refinement‘ has taken place.
Don Juan offered “The guilt will be dealt with tomorrow”.
Somehow I knew it was not the end of my processing.
Friday 17th September 2010
So I awoke this morning to bright blue sky, came downstairs and learnt that my eldest son, now seventeen and a half, had taken himself off for the day to his volunteering job at the RSPCA.
The other two went off to school without a hitch, with my younger son wanting to take chicken salad for lunch. I was glad that I had provided salad and chicken, so that he could have that choice this morning. Allowing him access to a variety of healthy foods has always seemed important, but maybe more so today, I was grateful that I had.
I spent some time with my youngest daughter, an avid reader of first picture dictionaries and the like and yet again felt grateful for her inquisitive mind, her smile and her intelligence. We have never babied her and I know if I listen hard enough I can understand her needs and desires, without myself or her getting too frustrated.
I spent some time on Face book, catching up on gifting and visiting the games that I use for some ‘me’ time.. I love social networking. It’s just amazing what people post, what their interests and concerns are, sometimes you get insight into their lives and their minds and how they are feeling.
One such friend of mine, who I have met and I feel a connection with posted a status while I was online. It read:
It's hard to accept criticism, It makes us angry, and we try to justify ourselves to our critics and gain support from our friends. Grandfather says it is good to hear people say things against us, we can look at ourselves in a different way and see ways we can improve
our life and our relationships. Grandfather, thank you for what you taught me, I will smile and look within next time I hear words against me. Aho! (Francis Greywolf)
I found myself commenting:
I was told yesterday by spirit that people can become addicted to
guilt, that they hold on to it like a possession, can you throw any
light on this topic and how you let go of these emotional
addictions?...big love, and thank you for your wise words xxxxxxxxxx
I felt I had thrown it into the light of day, humbled myself to ask another and felt satisfied by the action. I waited for a while pondering and then I suddenly felt like asking more of the world so I went onto You-Tube and typed in to the search area: How do I release Guilt as an addiction?
It took me to an EFT (emotional freedom technique) lecture video, there were quite a few. I have knowledge of this technique through The Meridian Energy Therapy Year Book, that I had
requested once from the Association of Meridian Energy Therapies here in the UK. I clicked on
the first video, but after two minutes of introducing the technique which I already knew, I switched it off, placing intention of finding the video that would remind me of the techniques. It was in the next video I opened, about half way through, that the presenter showed the method. Which is to visualise a picture of an uprooted tree. Then tap on the points of the brow, the temples, the cheeks under the eyes, the collarbone and the wrists. He also tapped the meridian points under his nose and on his chin, which are the main male and female energy conductors in the body.
I drew a rough face and neck on my notepad, with black dots for the tapping points as a reference for me later. After I had watched it, I wished to acknowledge the fact that Grey Wolf had been part of my process. So I went back onto Facebook and posted another comment under my first:
Found one way.. thanks for the trigger and the loving connection
between us. xx http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGZ1VuJ21Uk EFT - quick tapping.
It was just after this that I saw that another one of my friends Lionfire, was online and I felt it would be good to say hi.
During our conversation I told him about Don Juan and the book and felt I would like to share the first few pages with him. I also asked him how he was, and he mentioned a particular block he was experiencing, so I sent him the EFT link. I believe we are all connected and that caring is sharing. What helps one of us, may help another and so, the love goes round.
I went back to Face book and someone else had posted a video on the subject of forgiveness. I
watched it, and let the words and music flow through my body alongside my intention of resolution. I put my toddler down for a nap and went and had a shower. I tapped away at all the points, noting any thoughts that arose to the surface of my consciousness.
i dried off and went to get dressed. I looked at the suede trousers I had worn for the last two days. Don Juan had told me I would be putting them on again that first morning, after he had shown himself to me, but I hadn’t. I had put on tracksuit bottoms instead (rebel). Then my daughter had told me about the loss of her PE shorts before school, as I couldn’t find a suitable alternative, apart from the track suit bottoms I was wearing, I went upstairs and giggled to myself whilst putting on the ‘prescribed’ pair. Once I had come downstairs to offer the alternative PE outfit and, had written a note, she suddenly found a pair in my older sons room.
So much for being rebellious I thought.
So I look at the trousers and I get the distinct impression, that I am to put them on again,
“I do hope you are going to allow me to wash them at some point” I said to the air.
No answer. I put them on anyway!
“Any particular top?” I joked. My jaguar print top that I use for ceremony, was vivid on the shelf.
“Ok” I said, and put it on. Sometimes it’s just easier to follow the instructions!
I came downstairs and sat and wrote this section. During which Grey Wolf sent me a chat message saying that he had replied to my comments. I went and looked at what he had put. It read:
“Absorbing guilt is absorbing blame and yet many things we blame ourselves for are quite simply not our fault and often the fault of others through misunderstanding, accidents or failure. By letting go we accept that we are not to blame and therefore not guilty. When we
let go, guilt cannot touch our inner selves, only the surface of our consciousness and passing emotions and so we move on. You are blessed Shamanka with a loving and caring soul and I hope my answer has helped you“. (Grey Wolf)
I reply with:
“Thanks lovely. I have been doing a lot of shifting in the last few days and have come back to refine again. I am to understand that guilt is one of my "emotional addictions" and your words on criticism touched me, so I thought I would "throw the question to the universe" via you.
I gratefully acknowledge your reply and will see if i can let go of some "more". Big big love, thank you for being part of my process. Shamanka xxxx”
I trust I will be able to share the book and this experience I am having, in more depth if appropriate, sometime soon.I sit here and realise that I haven’t tapped out ‘blame‘. So I go and have a cup of tea in the garage and consider ‘blame‘. I’m still considering it, as I write this.
But, I post my private chat reply, to the public comment on Greywolf.s page. I feel I must make my personal acknowledgement of him public, as well as my personal life and struggles. I find that the first acknowledgement easier than the second.
I take my youngest to the park for half an hour. The fresh air does us both good. We don’t just go on the swings and slides, she also guides me to the trees and bushes and at this time of year she draws my attention to the elderberries and blackberries.
“Be careful of the thorns” I hear myself saying.
We come home to tortilla wraps, cold chicken, salad and some raisins for Sky; she dutifully sits on the couch to eat. She asks for juice and I get her one.
I sit down and my mind wanders to my blog and a previous episode that happened about five days ago, where Spirit gave me information regarding my journey over to the USA to join my husband. He has recently flown over, planning to see his family and then try to set up domicile, so that we can apply for the correct visa’s. This has always been our joint intention, to move back to Northern California as soon as my older two children, (from a previous relationship), could make their own decisions about whether they, would like to move out there with us or not. I felt it related to what was my half of the jigsaw that I had to complete, before I was ‘allowed’ to move.
This is what I posted:
To create a rainbow across the nations,
To fire the clouds for the harvest of the journey,
To collect the seeds of the future so they are ready to plant when I touch land,
To fly and see the mountainside that others may climb,
To join in prayer for humble and successful service,
To call upon my allies in all dimensions, time and spaces for support and guidance,
To evoke the Spirit of the everywhere and the nowhere, so that I can be harnessed for humanities highest potential.
To pledge again and again through release of the past, in order to embrace the future.
To relinquish what I hold dear, without fear that it will not be returned to me from source.
To die another death, in order to be born anew, into a new world with a new perspective.
To move from one status to another, in the great plan of the cosmos.
To uproot, yet still remain grounded, to be the earth whilst in the air.
To move with the wind, be nurtured by the rain and to burn bright with the fire that I am.
I am Shamanka, I have moved into place, into receiving, into being. I am here and here I will remain, until the day we walk again in harmony with the sacred spectrum of all that is.
Aho.
I felt that I wished to know, how much of it I had accomplished so far. Mmmmm I thought, I still have a way to go. ‘A-way-to -go‘, interesting!. Yes it’s most definitely a journey, and I haven’t finished it yet!.
I make a cup of tea and go out to the garage. The energy is present as usual. I sit down and roll a cigarette.
“It hasn’t happened, on this level yet” I pondered aloud.
My daughter came in and handed me a book she had received for her birthday in early September. A Disney book called ‘The Magical Garden‘. She opened it up at the first page and I started to read. It was the princess Aurora and how although she was happy, being married and living in a beautiful palace and gardens, she wasn’t completely happy and she didn’t know why. Sky flicked the pages to the middle of the book and I caught glimpse of ‘a missing type of flower that she couldn’t find in her palace garden. Again the pages were turned and the page said:
“The three good fairies couldn’t contain their excitement a moment longer and flew out from where they had been hiding in the trees. They explained to the delighted Princess how they had used their magic to create special roses without thorns.
“Very funny” I said “I suppose you are the three good Naguals”.
I was laughing inside; I love it when Spirit makes me laugh. Their energy shimmered just enough for me to know that they were all there,
Don Juan, Snake and Two Feathers. My mind suddenly hit another realisation, I had been told about Rho’s and Thorns years ago. I remember that I may have scanned it into my computer. I am good at keeping information Spirit give to me, knowing it all to be probably relevant to me at some point in time, even if not in the moment it’s received. Of course, I go to my file of stuff that I have scanned in and I can’t find it. I know it’s about here somewhere. So what can I remember? Rho was looked up and found to mean ‘circle‘. There was another piece to it too, about “Can you Handell the pressure?”
Handell was spelt like the composer. Mmmm, I wish I could find the original piece of paper.
I look through my large cardboard box under my desk as I have been scanning everything in to the computer so I can just take an external hard drive over to the USA and I won’t have ‘lost’ anything.
Not there. I go upstairs and sitting on the floor (I didn’t put it there!) in front of the bookcase I see a purple box file. I smile when I open it up. Inside I see all my channelled work that I havent got to yet. I send silent thanks and joyful acknowledgement to the three of them. I flick through it excited, but I still can’t find it.
I find other stuff at which I throw a cursory glance “integrating the self
can take a while…Merlin….Thoth1…..Ankh…… Mer Ka Ba….the music of the spheres…….
Mmm, all relevant I feel…it’s not going to be just about one piece of paper…..I bring it all down to the computer and write this section.
This afternoon my friend, her partner, two of her children and her two grandchildren come over for tea.We have worked with each other and together, on many different energetic levels, over the last four years. I do not feel it necessary to go into our relationship in this book, needless to say we are very close and energetically ‘in tune’
We go to the garage for a cigarette. She knows and acknowledges that the Naguals are present.
I introduce them. “Don Juan, Snake and Two Feathers, this is my friend”.
My friend asks why Two Feathers is with me, rather than with my husband, if he is his Nagual. By way of a response Two Feathers fades out and fades in again, several times rapidly, indicating that it doesn’t take him long to be in either place. I smile. It’s nice to know she can feel and hear them too.
They talk to her about moving stuff on in her life; we look on her life „conveyer belt. to see what’s coming up next. She reassures them that she is on the case and will keep up with me on the learning curve. Over the last year we have become more and more intertwined in our learning, our processing and our experiences. We hold each other’s space as well as mutually bully, encourage and nudge each other along!
We go back to the house. With tea over, the visitors leave. I read Sky a couple more stories
Before bed, whilst tucking her in, I say my normal ‘One kiss from Mummy and, one kiss from Daddy’
“Night night, Daddy” she says, looking up at the ceiling.
It nearly has me in tears.
I come downstairs, Sky is a little unsettled, unusual for her but with the explanation that the noises outside are the diggers that are resurfacing the road to the roundabout near us, seemed to do the trick and she snuggled down and fell asleep.
I came down and asked silently “what’s next?” I could feel that I hadn’t done for the night. I go onto Face Book and spend ten minutes on there and then go to my email box. There is an email from Steve:
Shamanka,
A starter for 10. Keep being, I'll do some doing. Met a publisher for the first time in my life today, weird! If you keep sending me the conversations I will put them together, if
you are happy with that of course.
Cheers,
Steve
Attached is a PDF version of what I had already written, with a cover and everything. It is AMAZING!
I send him a reply:
Steve, thats just f***ing awesome!!!!!!!!!!! I am so gobsmacked and so grateful
thank you soooooooooooo much, I really love you from the centre of my being. Im sending todays over right now. xxxxx shamanka xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Don Juan is just smiling and nodding.
Of course I forget in my excitement to attach today’s writing so I send him it with another message:
“Steve,
This is today’s instalment I think I’ve got it, from where I got to
yesterday. I hope I didn’t have to post back the PDF.
I haven’t finished tonight’s yet, sure I’ve got something to write
about receiving your gift via email!!! you are fantastic and I acknowledge you for all that you are. thank you, Shamanka xxxxx”
I press the send button. I have to phone my friend , its half past nine but I know she will be up. Her partner answers and is just about to pass me over, when I click on my email box again and she has sent me a reply to the instalment email.
“Hey you” I said excitedly, “you’ll never guess what, but Steve has sent me my transcript all in a PDF. It’s bloody awesome, It’s got a cover and everything”
I clicked on her email as I was talking to her. She had put:
“Shamanka Don Juan Snake and Two Feathers,
Enlightening although I do not feel there are words to explore or
express the being at this present, acknowledgement Love and blessings
Em man u elle very interesting.. xxxx lessons learnt learning and
reflected and for that I thank you it is here shamanka I am told I do
not need punctuation ??? will ring you .x “
We talked about her name being chopped up like that and what it might mean and also that she was about to ring me. I asked if she liked what I’d written, she replied that words like ‘lovely‘. or ‘good‘ wouldn’t say what she wanted to say.
I asked:
“Does it do the job it’s meant to do?”
“*** yeah!” came the reply.
We laughed, she said it was the energy bubbling inside her and told me she was going to bed and would do her own self reflection on ‘guilt’ before sleeping. She felt she should let me get off the telephone now, as I had more writing to do.
“Yes” I said, “I had better get on, otherwise it’s going to be a late night”.
I put down the phone after our normal “I love you”, “love you too” ending.
I smiled. I do love her too, I acknowledged to the universe. My son had got me a cup of tea, and I knew I had to go and get the next ‘instalment’ from the garage straight away. I went in and sat down.
“That’s amazing” I said.
They just stood there and nodded.
“I asked about the publisher Steve had met, but they didn’t say anything”. I got the distinct impression it wasn’t my business, I let the question go unanswered without further prompting.
“Just keep being” said Don Juan. “Everything will come if you just keep being“.
“It’s amazing what you can manifest” I said.
Don Juan moved closer. “With a little help from your friends” he pointed out.
“Yes, with my friends” I said.
“We are all here for you” he said “Spirit and human alike”
I suddenly felt overwhelmed and tears came to my eyes.
“Thank you so much” I said.
“It’s you doing the work” he pointed out again.
“It is intense” I said “But I will finish it”
My mind drifted to the fact that this writing may continue for some time, possibly until I leave for
America. I could see a new book starting for me at the airport, I am leaving. The word ‘advance‘. came into my head and I gasped. This book could possibly be the means to me getting over to America to be with my husband sooner rather than later. I started crying. “I think that’s amazing” I said.
“Keep being” Don Juan said.
I came in and wrote this section down.
I nip to the loo and then sit down again. Suddenly my husband calls me on Skype. I tell him about what Steve has done for me, we chat a little about friends and life and I mention the question we had asked about Two Feathers, still being around me. Before I could finish, about him fading out and in again, My husband cut through with,
“Maybe, he still feels bound to you”
My energy jolted, I finished what I was saying, about being in the two places at once.
“I don’t really want to get into this conversation” he replied.
He also said something else, but the sound cut out. When I asked him to repeat what he said, because I hadn’t heard him, he just said
“Maybe you were not meant to hear, what I said”
I thought “What is that supposed to mean?”
We finished up the conversation with the niceties, but I felt an edge with him. I asked what he was doing over the weekend. He said he didn’t know as everyone wouldn’t be working tomorrow, as it was Saturday. I asked if he was warning me that there was going to be no call tomorrow. He just said
“Well if I don’t, then don’t think I’m avoiding you”
Mmmmm, I thought.
I came off of the call, needing a cup of tea, but I wrote up this section first. I made my tea and went into the garage, the energy of large mass met me at the door, it is night by now and I switched on the light, slightly apprehensive at what I was going to talk to them about.
“Two Feathers” I asked humbly, “ Are you bound to me still?”
“Only by ethics” he said
“What ethics?” I asked.
“A Naguals ethics” he replied.
“What are those?” I asked
“When one feels one is worthy of us” he replied.
I got the distinct impression I was not going to like his explanation. “What do you mean?” I asked hesitantly.
“One keeps the connection, by acknowledging and working with us” he replied.
“But didn’t I cut you off from him?” I asked
“No, but he thinks you did, it allows him to blame you, don’t you see”
“I don’t have to put this in the book, do I?” I asked “I really think this, is not necessary to include”
“You have to write it” said Don Juan, cutting in. “It’s part of the whole thing”
“Can’t I make it better?” I asked, really uncomfortable.
“It’s not your job” he replied.
“So, can I ask how he can get you back?” I said almost desperate.
“He has to make himself worthy of me again” said Two Feathers. “He gave me up”
“Oh” I said.
“It.s no good you telling him either” said Don Juan. “He has to work it out for himself”.
I felt really sad. I knew I was going to have to write this and I didn’t want to. I really love and admire my husband for who he is. It’s not nice, when you are told you cannot help someone you love.
“What happens now?” I asked.
“You just continue to be” was the reply.
I came and wrote this section. That was very difficult.
Saturday 18th September 2010
Before I went to bed last night I went for a final cigarette, still troubled. I really wanted to understand what the deal was between Two Feathers and my Husband and my part in it all.
“It was a test for him, back then” was the initial response from Don Juan. “He gave away his power to you”.
“You mean he didn’t own it?” I asked
“He didn’t put his connection with Spirit first” said Don Juan
“You mean, you didn’t squeeze him into a contract?” I asked cheekily.
“Exactly” said Two Feathers, “But we will”.
I went up to bed, I was told to take pen and pad with me. What now I thought. It was 11:30pm. My bedroom door was closed, halfway into the frame. As I pushed on it, it opened and the sound of my cat purring, greeted me.
“Oh Charlie” I said “Have you been having a snooze and you couldn’t get out?”
I remember vaguely recalling that I hadn’t seen him around all evening. I had been busy writing, but neither I nor the children, had bothered to consciously look for him.
He continued to purr, but looked vaguely hopeful at the door. I knew he was hungry. I went downstairs to feed him and filled his bowls with both soft meat and biscuits, he started to eat hungrily. I decided to go and get changed into my pyjamas and come down again and let him out after that, to do his business. When I came down again (I have a three storey house) he was hovering by the back door. I opened it, but because of the noisy din of the diggers and rollers continuing to work on resurfacing the road, he was really wary.
I tried coaxing him out, even going outside myself with bare feet, to show him that it was safe.
Eventually, I left the back door closed but not fastened, knowing he could push it open, if he wanted to, and that he could get back in too, as I’ve seen him do this with his paw, a million times before.
I went upstairs and wrote down the happenings. Don Juan suddenly said, “it was an analogue“.
I heard a noise and some scrabbling from my cat. I got up again and went downstairs. The diggers suddenly ceased their noise, it must have been midnight. I picked up Charlie and took him into the garden, shut the door and sat on the couch and waited for him. I could see him sniffing the herbs in my large container pot before he went round the corner. I waited for a full five minutes before he returned. I let him in and shut the back door for the night and then came up to bed and wrote down this section.
“What.s all that about?” I asked Don Juan, “What do you mean by an analogue?”
“It.s the situation” he said. He continued, “The cat got accidentally got shut away in a room at the top of your house and although you knew he wasn’t around you, as he normally is during the evening, no one went to find him. When he was found, he was ok but his needs had to be met, you fed him, you ran up and down stairs for him and you waited for him, while he was doing his business, knowing and trusting he would return to the house when he was ready.”
“Yes” I said
Don Juan continued.
You did this because you care for your cat and you put yourself out, because you didn.t want him to **** in your house, right?”
“Right”, I said “No I didn’t”, I was inwardly shocked and giggly at the same time, that Don Juan had said the word ‘****’ to me.
“Well then, you did all that, because you blamed yourself for not looking for him and tending to him earlier”
“Yes that.s true” I confirmed.
“You could have left him” Don Juan continued,
“But your reasonable logic supposed there would be consequences if you did, and you didn’t wish him to go hungry”
“Right” I said.
“That is why your husband is mad” he explained “Because he blames himself for not looking for his Nagual earlier, even though he felt he was missing, he didn’t go look for him. He used the excuse that he didn’t know how to find him. Then he pops up and starts talking to you, you could have unbound him at any time, but did he ask you too?”
“No” I replied “he asked me not to, when I told him I had done it though”
Don Juan prompted. “So he knew where he was and, what had happened to him then?”
“Yes I told him straight, what I had done” I said.
“Well then it’s his neglect to figure out what he could have done about it then” Don Juan continued.
“He gave his power away, believing he did not know how to re connect with his own Nagual. Inside he knows that he has to service Two Feathers needs and requirements, to build up that trust again”.
Here is a pause. Don Juan lets that information sink in, then he continues
“He says, he does not want him.”
“No”, I cut in hurriedly, “That’s not true, and I know he feels a piece of him has been missing”
““But he doesn’t want to claim him as his own, he does not want to own what having a Nagual
means. It is a two way process. Would you give up who you are and your connection?”
“No” I said, “definitely not! You have always been there for me. I wouldn’t give you up for anything. Sometimes spirit were my only friends in the world, the only ones who understood me, the only ones who I felt loved me.
“So it’s a precious thing that you value then?” smiled Don Juan
“More than anything” I said.
“That’s what your husband has to acknowledge”, he looked at me and I knew what that look meant.
“The contract!” I said quietly.
“Exactly” said Don Juan “if he values that missing piece high enough. If he thinks he’s worth it, Two Feathers will return to him”.
I go to the garage and have the cup of tea my son kindly made me. I smoke a quick cigarette and my mind wanders to the ‘rho’s and thorns‘. and the piece of paper I couldn’t find yesterday.
Don Juan interjects my thoughts.
“What are the thorns for?” he asks me quietly.
“Self protection” I said, confidently.
“It’s when you become the rose without thorns yourself, that you truly are at one with the universe” he stated.
“Yes” I said “it’s just a matter of level of trust” I added. “This writing is definitely baring my all”.
“Exactly” he said as he faded out again.
I came in and wrote down this conversation.
Whilst getting dressed for the day (I can wash my suede trousers apparently and put some tracksuit bottoms on!) it felt I was going to get a short time off, so I turned my attention to my children, their chores and getting my youngest down for a nap. I thought about what I have not written yet and what I may have to write next.
“It will all come in order” was the knowing.
I went onto the internet and caught up with my games, it was whilst being occupied with this that a notification came up to say Grey Wolf.s posting had been commented on by another.
“Yes it is true that it is good to hear criticism about ourselves, but then we must look as to what it is we are receiving. We must look as it is either positive or negative and the reason it is being
conveyed. If it is positive, then yes, we can listen and with Spirits help we can take the lessons of the words in. However, if it is negative, then there is no reason to bring them to us or within our lives. Spirit teaches that things we may not like in others, can be a reflection of something within ourselves that we may need to look at. Herein lays the distinction between positive and negative and the acceptance of it or not. Because of these things, Spirit also teaches
that we must also proceed with caution when we may want to criticize others. The biggest lesson that Spirit teaches is that we must be strong and confident within ourselves and within what we believe, think, feel and follow. We must be willing to die for the things we
believe and follow. If we are not then what is the use in believing them. This does not mean to be arrogant in our ways with others. It actually means, we must be humble in all things we do whether with other people, spirit or even the Creator. Humbleness however does not
mean weak. My people were never known as weak in anything. This is included dealing with spirit. When we go on the mountain for Vision Quest to find our purpose in life, we go in a humble way, but never weak. We do not pray that we are weak and for the Creator to have
mercy on us and please give us a vision. We pray that we have prepared, learned, done the things and ceremonies that are necessary to bring us to this point.
My final point is in two parts. 1, is never accepting any guilt that others may try to put on us that is not ours. 2, is my apologies to my brother that this is too long, but I was told it was needed to be said.”
Personally I thought that this was really relevant and concluded the previous conversation nicely. I opened up a message box and sent the following comment:
“May i share these words with acknowledgement to you? it is totally relevant to what i am doing at the moment. i wish to share further, but am told it's not appropriate in this
moment? Can I add you as a friend, so I can share it, when it is. Apologies for the cryptic. Tune in and see my energy for yourself. Be guided on what you say to me.
Blessings, Shamanka xxxx”
I just have to trust now that I have permission to include it in this dialogue. I need another cup of tea. I get one and I go out to the garage. My youngest son 9, comes in and tells me about the one wart that has appeared on his middle finger. I tell him to see it we have any „Wartner.. Snake is talking to me in the background. “Mint poultice” he says.
“Mint?” I acknowledge him silently. I will look that up on the internet ‘Mint and warts‘. Thanks.
I can see a pestle and mortar in my mind’s eye. I am called away by the arrival of my eldest daughter who says
“Mum, we got this note from the new neighbours through the door”.
I read it:
18th September, 2010
“Just to let you know, that over the next few weeks we will be carrying out some
work to our house. We want to apologise for any noise caused,
If you have children, please feel free to advise us of any bedtimes etc and we will do
our best not to work past these times.”
G and K
How nice I thought, what a lovely letter. Of course, in the back of my mind, was „ structural changes being made in my energy field„, a reflection of the internal being present in the external world, male side of myself, well that’s relevant isn’t it! The previous owners moved out the week Ray had flown off to America. The same week my other neighbours put up a „For Sale. sign outside their house. I got the feeling that when they sold and moved out, I would be too. It’s very interesting who you get for neighbours, your energy field does meet theirs. I know my energy is very powerful and I try through maintaining boundaries that I don’t affect them too much, but I recall the time that the neighbours on the left of me tried to tend my garden in the front and they asked us if they could put down a slate covering to match with theirs, around my visitor car parking space. My husband had answered for me at the time,
“Yes that will be fine” he said. “You do anything you want, we will be moving soon and so it’s no
concern of ours”
I thought differently, they were asking to come over my boundaries energetically. I wasn’t against the idea, only that I did not want my energy to be influenced by them. About three weeks later, the neighbour weeded and dug the area in readiness for the slate chippings. I happened to be coming out to the car later that day whilst the neighbour was getting out of his car.
“I don.t believe it” he said “the supplier that I got our slate chippings from, has run out of stock. I don.t know when we will be able to get any more of the same colour.”
“That.s Ok” I said “Not to worry”
Boundaries maintained then! I thought to myself. That will not change, until I am ready to move out. The energy for writing had stopped. I felt that L.B. had responded to my posting.
Simply put it said:
Yes you can add me
I replied to the post saying,
“Thank you xxxx”
I wrote a note back for next door. It said:
18th September 2010.
“Hi G and K,
Thank you so much for your note. Yes I do have children. My youngest is 2 and
her bedtime is around 8pm. I believe her bedroom wall is ‘attached‘. to your second
level. Do not worry too much about „normal. noise. May we take this opportunity to wish
you every happiness in your new home.
We look forward to seeing you both soon.
Love and best wishes,
Shamanka x “
(and family)
I go onto face book, after about 5 minutes I feel the need to check my email. There is one
from Steve. He writes:
“Shamanka,
I'm pleased you liked it, second instalment attached. You don't need to keep returning it, if you send me your words I will edit them and put them in the 'book' as long as you are happy with
that. I have some comments in here, maybe when we meet we can clear them up together. Doing this sort of thing by email would be a pain for us both!
Do you know, I find it interesting reading the mundane and the mystical if I may put it like that. I used to have to interrupt meetings at work in the past due to the fact that matter was pouring
from my third eye, or my crown opened dramatically, sometimes with very fine smoke / gas rising from it as I was sure people could see it and it made me feel 'weird'.
So I like this aspect of your book immensely. We'll speak soon I am certain. If you need to speak to me ever, in case there is anything more immediate to being your assistant, the best number would be my mobile which goes everywhere with me. That is *****-******. We still need to talk so I understand what it is, but maybe when you understand more eh? In the meantime I can try to help you by putting your book together. I've only put it in PDF format in case you don't have Word 2007, and because I am always worried, that someone might update one while I am updating the other and we would get out of step. Seem OK?
Boomshanka Shamanka,
Steve :0)”
I go and check the comments on the PDF
“It.s just editing” said Don Juan. “You can do that together. Don’t get distracted”
“Ok” I said.
I make myself a cup of tea, grab a packet of crisps and a few brazil nuts and almonds, I hear they are good for your mineral balance. Not the crisps, the nuts! I see that we are nearly out of bananas and the kids need stuff for packed lunches. I go out to the garage.
“You’ll have to get a dictation machine” says Don Juan.
“I’ve got an MP3 player, that records” I said.
“Well you had better get the bits and pieces out for it then, otherwise you won’t be able to leave the house”
Great! I thought.
“And check whether Steve has the software for transcribing it” he said “No point in you doing it twice. You are going to have to get organised he said. This is going to be the next 3 to 4 years of your life”.
“Oh my god!” I said
“So get used to it” was all he said.
I came in and typed this up.
I go and reply to Steve, I say:
“Steve, Its all perfect.....and it's wonderful. i know we will edit, when we get together. you are doing an awesome job! PDF is perfect too. you were right i don’t have word 2007, but i do
have adobe acrobat installed. so glad you like it. I trust that we will be able to discuss all of
our experiences soon. For now they are asking me to get a Dictaphone or use my MP3
player/recorder when i go out. Do you have software for easily transcribing audio files.....help, I
don't even know what you need. ok I feel that worry takes me out of being....i must just trust what's happening and we will be provided for. thanks for your contact number all flowing.... VERY quickly. Love to you. Shamankaxx
p.s. i will send last nights episode and this mornings xx up to now
in fact.
I get drawn again to look at my email box. I can see L. B. has sent me a message on Face book. It reads:
Subject: Hi
“In what we do is walk a spiritual. this is the most difficult there is. feel free to write me anytime here or at my email. my private email is ************.com”.
I am touched. I feel I need to send him the whole lot. I hesitate, but why? I decide to go and talk to Don juan. I get up and go to the garage.
“ its one of your thorns” he said “release it”
I dutifully tap out “all mistrust”.
When I open my eyes, I know my energy has changed.
I sit in it, for a minute and let it was over me. Then I return to the keyboard and write down what
was said.I go to compose in my email and send lightning bear this email with this as an attached document:
“Dear L. B.,
Attached is the file i am writing. I trust you like reading![[Image: smile.gif]](http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif)
I will let you read and trust again in your response. you too, can contact me, either by face book or by this email. Much love to you and thank you for being part of my process and journey.
i am going to send the same file to Francis, for he has been an ally on my adventure also.
if you would like to be kept updated, please let me know xxx
Much love and many blessing to you and all relations
In integrity and with gratefulness, Shamanka xxx”
Then I go and send Grey wolf and his wife this email:
“Attached is the file i am writing.It is being edited by someone as I go.
I trust you like reading
i have sent this document to L.B. also, as I feel guided to do, for he has been an ally on my
adventure also. I will let you read and trust again in your response.
Much love to you and thank you for being part of my process and journey..
if you would like to be kept updated, please let me know xxx
Much love and many blessing to you and all relations
In integrity and with gratefulness, Shamanka xxx”
The feeling I get is, not only should I trust in the response that I get, but, that I am acknowledging everyone, that it is part of this process.
Acknowledgement is so important, I have always known that as part of my inner integrity.
Not to do it out of fear of not being accepted or believed. The end would not justify the means.
I tap out “fear of non acceptance” and “fear of not being believed”.
Again when I finish, I notice a shift in vibration.
I take a short break, get Sky from her nap, get her some lunch, write down a few things that we need in the house. Eventually I feel the tug to my email box. Another email had arrived from Steve:
“Shamanka,
Here you go, everything within up to date. I don't need to send you these if it does distract you, can just keep it safe and let you have it when you need it. Transcribing MP3's might be a good idea for both of us! I'll have a look. If you can send me a recording via email I'll test a couple out. I might be out of the picture for a couple of days now (other than mobile just in case) but back around to catch up with the new stuff soon.
Love and light, Steve”
I had a break this afternoon, it all went quiet. A pause I’m guessing. I was starting to feel rather tired. I took daughter to the park, chatted with some friends, cooked and ate a good tea and bathed my little one and read her some stories. I guess I’m still integrating too, I used the tapping techniques several times this afternoon for ‘distrust‘, ‘self criticism‘, ‘impatience’ and ‘intolerance’ amongst others. I feel I am waiting, but I am happy this evening to continue waiting for the next surge.
Sunday 19th September, 2010
Today I awoke to the distinct impression I had to go back and edit, what had been formatted so far. Also, I was to catch up with what was required to be done, with others in my life. I have no inclination to put any of other peoples business in my book and so therefore I shall say that it was a nice day, sharing and maintaining connections with friends and family alike.
This afternoon however I could feel the pull again to the computer and I sat and expanded on parts of previous text and addressed the points that Steve, had commented on, as he had edited. The Naguals, were present all day with me as I walked about, „Snake. showed particular interest in instructing my eldest, in how to make a chicken broth in the slow cooker, a recipe that I would never of dreamed of, including a broth mix which I’ve had in the cupboard for a couple of weeks, picking it up to use as part of a medicine wheel, I had been asked to create at a recent festival. The ‘medicinal’ ingredient I was told was mint
Making it public, also fulfils my newest challenge." a shedding of the suit so that my limitations are so stretched away from me, i can never bump into them again.Forgive the editing...i didn't do any, otherwise i may not have posted it.
Take a deep breath Shamanka and, press paste and publish............
Shamanka Angel-Heart
The Power of The Dark Love
Preface
Wednesday 15th September 2010.
It was last night that ‘Don Juan’ showed himself to me for the first time. It wasn’t that
unexpected. I had just been through a merging of the self /no self and, had experienced a shift in energy that was not unlike a rebirth. It had taken me, into another point of perspective.
I had connected with another Nagual online. For the first time in my life, I had seen me in another.
“Are you going to visit me in the physical?” I asked.
“Not likely” he replied, “You have been trained to take instruction from spirit, this way it will be as it’s always been, for you”
I smiled.
“Are you going to be my teacher?” I asked again.
“Yes” he said, “But I won’t be the only one. This is my friend”
“What’s his name?” I said, seeing another form, standing beside him.
“Snake” he said.
“Doesn’t he have another name?” I asked.
Don Juan smiled, “Yes he has, but it’s such a long name, let’s just call him Snake”
I laughed out loud.
“OK” I said.
I’m used to questioning and holding conversations with spirit of all types, a conscious medium from the age of four, spiritual experiences and a constant Nagual throughout. It’s natural to me to have this sort of conversation alongside the visual. I remember being a child, seeing the air as swirling colours. My glossary of meanings, has grown over the years, as my experiences have become the foundation of my life. A database of vibrations and frequencies that I can receive, understand and utilise at will.
Always called a ‘Nagual‘, by spirit, I have been under constant instruction for myself and for the benefit of others throughout this lifetime. I have sometimes experienced the consequences of not following the advice. But I have learnt to trust, like a small child that other consciousnesses do exist and, some of them know more than me.
“Well as long as it’s working for the highest good of all” I tested.
Don Juan laughed.
“You’ve gone beyond that” he stated, suddenly serious.
“Oh!” I replied troubled, I always have been a ’stickler’ for ethics. I wondered what I should ask next. Don Juan interrupted my thoughts.
“If you want to accept the teachings” he said “You have to go and sit at your computer and write down what I tell you”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“We are going to write a book” he said.
“Ok” I said a bit hesitantly. I just know, that someone is going have a problem with that.
“Together” he said.
“Ok” I said again, “What’s the book called?”.
“The power of the dark love” he said.
I started. My mind raced away, thinking of Witchcraft, Wicca and all such stereotyped things that I had, up to this point experienced around me, but had personally avoided.
Don Juan just stood there.
“It’s not negative you know” he said.
“Mmmm” I replied.
“It’s just what you know to be the zero, the void, the magnetic, the space between” .
I recognised the truth of these words. It was not that he was going to instruct me, on being something I wasn’t. I’ve always known, that I am a ‘zero’ and not a ‘one‘ in binary terms of the universe. The dark in this case, was the void that I know to be existent and potent, full of limitless potential as yet not harnessed, by most humans and human kind.
I had travelled and utilised it in my journeying and multi dimensional working life, but I wasn’t sure on many of its qualities or, how to consciously harness it at all.
“So what do I have to do?” I asked.
“Go to the computer and write down that title” he said, “If you do, I will know, you have accepted me as your teacher and, it will begin.”
Not wishing to seem too eager, but suddenly exhilarated by the possibility of knowing more and
experiencing more of myself and my multidimensionality, I came in to the computer and brought up a blank word processing page.
“Here we go!” I said to myself, as I wrote centred, at the top of the page:
The Power of the Dark Love, by Shamanka, Don Juan, Snake et al, I laughed again out loud.
The following morning, I awoke to being very aware, that my family needed milk and I hurried out of the door at 7am. The supermarket is only minutes away and throughout the short drive, I was constantly checking to see if I still held the energy, that I had been introduced to the previous day. It was still there, not as potent as it was, but, if I breathed into it, I could tell the vibration could be strengthened and held.
Returning to the house, I was busy with my four children, three of them all looking hungry and expectant at the arrival of milk for their cereal. After their preschool fluster of packed lunches, missing P.E shorts and last minute demands for notes for various things, they all set off for the day.
I sat down and wrote this section. It seemed to flow and then stop at the exact moment of the present. It went no further into the future. I turned my attention to my youngest daughter, just turned two and, spent some time with her, before I put her down for her nap.
I hung out washing and put in some more, a constant cycle in this house and, turned my attention to finishing the washing up.
“You ready?” said the voice of Don Juan.
“Err, Can you give me a minute?” I asked “I just cannot work with mess in my environment.”
His energy faded.
I finished what I was doing, leaving the dishes to drain, I then went outside to the garage to have some dregs of cold tea and a quick cigarette.
I expected him to come in then, I really did.
“Was I ready?” that’s what he asked me. Well was I?
I tried to call him.
“Don Juan” I said, “Are you there?”
No answer.
It dawned on me, to check my energy field. Nothing wrong there, big pillar, ground to sky, me in it, about ¾ of the way up. I was able to travel up and down, viewing the same scene as I have been seeing for months. I see that I am sticking out of the summit of Mt Shasta, California. The mountainside is my skirt and, the surrounding forests and rivers, looking so small they remind me of velvet and silver threads.
The voice came again.
“You’ve been doing” he said. “For us to meet and be clear on this journey, you have to be, ‘being‘”
Immediately and obediently, I opened up my energy field and sank into the centre of it.
I pushed out the boundaries until it was bright and stable and, only my own whole self, present.
“That’s better” he said.
He was clearer now and, the shimmer of his energy was now visible, to my right hand side.
“But you are going to have to do those exercises, in order to keep the connection strong.” he said. He continued, “Every time you cannot find me, you must go back into being or, raise the energy by doing them, do you understand?”
Of course I did, ‘Magical passes’ or temerity as it is sometimes now known as and versions thereof, have been my, shall we say, sporadic companions for years. I first started doing them in trance, after I had been dancing, years ago. At that time, I did them without knowing what they were. I should clarify myself here, about my perception on drugs both chemical and from the natural world. It just isn’t my thing. Throughout my spiritual instruction I have asked about such things, but I have always been told that they are not for me and, that if I used them it would ruin what I already had. I also have had lots of ‘work’ over the years repairing peoples energy fields and removing unwanted ‘guests’ as a direct result of the person taking them.
This is not to say that this is ’correct’ for everyone. I just feel that through my experiences, it is truth for me.
A friend bought me the book “Magical Passes”, about 4 months later. It was an intuitive Christmas present. He said he thought that I might like it and, it had shown itself, as the present for me.
I was amazed at not only the complexity and depth of the passes, but that I had used some of them, both consciously and unconsciously, many times before.
I will admit, I’m not a great one for discipline. Well, not in the exercise department anyway.
I used to run so many miles, that one day my knee gave in and I had to give it all up. My ankles were too weak for ballet. I laugh now, at even the thought of me ballet dancing. I’m just not a pink tutu kind of girl and although I love the gym, I just don’t have the resources to go.
Now, after my fourth child, my back and stomach muscles are naff. An entopic pregnancy five years ago, has left me with a large scar and cut muscles.
I dread doing anything strenuous, in the fear, that my back will go out.
Look on the bright side Shamanka, I thought to myself. If you are going to do exercises, it might as well be these ones. Maybe this is the turning point for your, well, middle aged body.
I laugh at myself, but know that I should take my physical, a little more seriously.
After all, it does have to do the work here.
“Ok” I said eventually, “I understand.”
I take another break, another page done. I get another half cup of cold tea and, go out to the garage.
I roll a cigarette and can’t find my polo’s. Yeah, I’m addicted to polo’s with my cigarettes.
“Addiction” says Don Juan.
“I know” I said.
“Distraction” says Don Juan.
“Err yeah” I say, “I’m good at that”.
I stand up and go and get my jacket, where I know the offending mints are. I come out to the garage and sit down again. My mind drifts off to my husband in America, not to see if he’s Ok, but to see if I am keeping my one whole being steady, so that he can be his.
“Two Feathers, is his Nagual, don‘t you know?” said Don Juan.
My mind flicked back to 2004 and the dark shape, that I had seen in the tipi, when I was first with my husband. The energy then, was dark and thick. It seemed to be intimidating.
As I sit, the energy of Two Feathers, comes next to Don Juan, I can see or feel no difference.
“I’m sorry” I said, “I didn’t know that”.
Silence.
“Possession and Addiction” said Don Juan, “that’s the first lessons, about the power of the dark love”
“Right” I say.
“You will also learn about Avoiding and Perfection.”
I just acknowledge, that I heard what he said. I suddenly go sombre, It seems like, I’ve a great deal of work to do. My thoughts return to writing.
“So it’s a book is it, Don Juan?” I asked “How long is it going to take?”
“It will be finished in time, and although it can be edited, the content must not be changed”
This was the only information I received.
I come and write this section, and then go back into the garage. They are a constant presence in there. I think about the mundane stuff, that I really should be doing.
“You need an assistant” said Don Juan.
“Yes I do” I replied.
“Otherwise it’s going to stop you ‘being‘” he said
“Yes” I say.
“So why don’t you ask for one?“ He asks me.
As I open up my energy field to the possibility, a face appears in front of me. “Steve?” I asked.
“Yes” says Don Juan.
“Does he know about paperwork and stuff then?” I ask back.
“Why don’t you ask him, whether he would like to be your assistant” he said.
“If you think he would be interested” I said.
“Just email him” said Don Juan, “and see what he says“
“Ok, I will”, I reply. But the thoughts about equal exchange and such, crowd in, on my mind.
So I do. I get onto face book and look him up. I decide to private message him and don’t know what to write. Do I tell him what I’m doing? Tell him about Don Juan? Tell him about the assistant position? I squirm. I don’t even know what that is really. I end up writing:
“Steve, I require an assistant. I can’t really write much about it. I would like to speak to you.
Please phone me as soon as you can.
Love as always, Shamanka.”
I press the send button.
Then I realise I haven’t put my number down…****!
I bring up another message box.
Subject line: Forgot contact number… DOH!
Message: Phone me xxxxx xxxxxx Thanks, Love Shamanka.
We will see what happens. I write up this last experience.
I feel I have to, phone my friend. Her partner picks up the phone,
“She’s out for lunch with friends, be back around 3.”
“I shall phone her later then” I said.
I make myself a cup of tea and traipse out to the garage.
“I don’t know about all this” I say “I’ve got stuff to do”
“Like what?” came the reply.
“Well, I’ve just looked in my fridge and there are not many vegetables in there, I really need to go shopping this afternoon”
“What about online shopping?” I was asked.
“But that costs extra” I say, “I don’t really have the spare cash to do that”
“Ahh!, but you need to be ‘being’, not doing” was the reply.
I thought about it.
“You need to get your life in an order, where you are ‘being‘, more and more” I was told.
“Really?” I asked.
No reply.
“How do I go about that then?” I said sceptically.
“Let others do, the doing for you”
“But that’s just lazy!” I quickly replied.
No reply.
I turned my attention to the thoughts, I have on being lazy. I mean, can you really have a job that is about ‘being‘? and, what is lazy?, Isn’t that when you are supposed to do something, but avoid it. Or, is it another’s opinion that you are not doing, what THEY think, you should be?
The penny drops. This book, this dialogue, this job requires me to ‘be’, 100%.
Would I give it less than that?. Mmmm. My mind boggles.
“You had better work it out” said Don Juan cuts through my thoughts seriously,
“You are going to find it harder and harder to ‘do’ anything”
“****!” I think, “What the hell does that mean?”
I come in and dutifully write what was said.
Thursday 16th September 2010
It’s now three minutes past 7 in the evening and I have had the most interesting afternoon, I did go to
the shop and got myself and Sky out of the house. I spoke to my husband via Skype about his
Nagual and Steve has got back to me about the assistant position, he is interested…amazing.
I am noticing however, that my children are dealing with their own relationships in a most horrid way. For once, I don’t care who was right or wrong, I point out to them that they all create their own relationships and that has nothing to do with me. Neither son likes this news, but they react in different ways. One becomes defensive and the other, goes into spewing pent-up emotion, obviously looking for more attention. I sit and feel neither a pull one way nor another. I know I cannot change them, therefore my input is useless.
I go out to the garage again.
“Check the energy” Don Juan suggests.
I flick on my inner vision scanner, that details peoples grids and auras. I see something attached to my eldest son, upstairs in his room. I quickly ask,
“Oh my god, that is not his nagual is it?”
I sense a definate no, as the ten foot black mass turns towards my light. I throw out the gold light thread, and it starts to bind it from the bottom up, anticlockwise. The entity doesn’t really struggle, not like some of them.
I throw some quick fire questions at it. “What do you want? Do you want negotiation? Are you lost?”
Don Juan is suddenly standing there.
“There is another way of doing this” he says. “They just want love and, to be healed from pain and the need that they feel, to feed”
“Really?” I asked “What all of them?”
“All of them feel the need to feed, to sustain themselves” he said. “Wouldn’t you, if it was a means to your survival?”
He brought down a golden globe above the entity and formed a funnel to the top of its ‘head’. The entity went up into the ball, like it was sucked up a chimney. I couldn’t see it inside; I guess it was changed or transmuted.
“Less of the warrior way, huh?” he said, “And it cleans itself up, they only want source, so you give them as much as it will take, for their vibration to change permanently. A little less effort than that ‘sucking and retching’ don’t you think?”
In the garage, I was almost blushing, I had always been shown how to take negativity of any description into my own body, to combust it, by surrounding it in my own energy.
“It’s ok” he said, “I’m just showing you another way. It’s horses for courses. This will just cause less expenditure of your own energy. You never know when you might need it all for yourself”
I nodded.
This evening I had a Skype call from my husband. I told him about the entity. We also talked about me binding his Nagual.
Ray still seemed quite put out by this previous action of mine.
“I hope you learned your lesson” he said.
“What.s that supposed to mean?” I replied defensively.
“Only that I asked you not to bind him, and I’ve been 6 years feeling that a piece of me is missing. When I called for assistance and he didn’t come” he explained.
“I said that I was sorry, and I thought that you had forgiven me” I said.
“I have forgiven you, I guess it.s just a matter of trust, I just hope you’ve learnt your lesson”
“Why didn’t you unbind him then?” I asked quite snappily
“Because I don’t know how” he replied “I don’t do what you do, I don’t own him, I don’t try to possess him, he is spirit”
“But he is part of you” I protested “and yet you say he is not a part of you, Maybe you should own your power?” I snapped
“So you haven.t learnt then?” he replied.
I gave it some thought and replied
“I will think about it and, if there is a lesson to be learnt I will learn it for myself. I feel bad enough about what I did, but I didn’t know any better at the time, as soon as I did, I did something about it”
“I didn’t mean to upset you” he said “I just feel I may have missed out on some stuff”
I didn’t say anymore. After the call, I went to the garage and asked if I could speak to Two Feathers.
“I’m here” he said.
I explained “I’m sorry for what I did, I found you very intimidating all those years ago, I was just trying to protect myself and I suppose my relationship. I did not realise what I had done”
I had been aware of his presence in the tipi, staring at me, quite intimidating, on numerous
occasions. He seemed to want to scare me in some way. Ray, it said was his. Whenever that energy was around, Ray would be, in my perception quite chaotic, trickster even. It seemed to want to be a wedge between us, not wanting us to be together, it seemed like it claimed
ownership of him. I had asked whether it was one of his guides, to which I received no reply. In fact, it didn’t wish to talk to me at all. Its looming presence and it’s dark shape suggested in my glossary hat it was an entity or watcher, of some kind. I asked it what it wanted and he was quite rude. He appeared to me like a pure black silhouette, arms crossed and the only
distinguishing feature I could make out was that he had two feathers, that stuck out above,
what was the outline of his head. So that was how I was to know him, as „Two Feathers..
I was insecure, in a country I did not know, where the only person that I knew there, had this
big black shadow seemed to be trying to get him to emotionally, shake me up. Every time, I
would appeal to both the spirit and Ray to stop it. I suppose I felt threatened by it, I definitely
didn’t feel loved by it, or that it wanted anything but to disrupt, the day to day balance of my
being. So after asking him to leave on numerous occasions, in my naiveté or unawareness,
I bound him in light, to get it to stop. I only knew he was Rays Nagual, when he showed up with Don Juan yesterday, and I recognised the similarity in energy vibration.
“Not a problem” he continued, “I suppose I was rather harsh with you”
“Just a bit” I nodded.
Two Feathers said softly “No harm has been done”
“Really?” I asked quietly
“Really” he replied, “and I will have words for him about what he said”
“I guess he was right though” I said “I feel awful”
Don Juan stepped forward and touched his hand on my back.
“Don’t get addicted to guilt” he said quietly “We can get addicted to many things, not just tobacco, drugs and alcohol, but emotions, like anger, guilt and fear”
“Oh” I said.
“You have to learn to not be possessive about your emotions, hanging on to them, like an addiction”
“Mmmm” I acknowledged.
“Guilt is one of your addictions” he continued.
“I can see that” I said, “I have felt guilty a lot in my past”
“I know” he said, “We will unpick it another time, you are getting tired now, so write up this last part for today and, get some rest”.
“I will” I said. And I have.
So before I went to sleep last night I pondered on guilt being one of my addictions, I also thought about any lessons I had to learn between myself and my husband, and about the act of forgiveness. I wished to know how long this difficult bit would last. You always get this refinement process, when you shift up, or add a level of vibration to your awareness. You have to travel back down and look at your lowest level of resonance, to clear the lowest with the highest vibration, so that complete integration of the new is possible in your daily consciousness. When this is done, I know, another level of ‘refinement‘ has taken place.
Don Juan offered “The guilt will be dealt with tomorrow”.
Somehow I knew it was not the end of my processing.
Friday 17th September 2010
So I awoke this morning to bright blue sky, came downstairs and learnt that my eldest son, now seventeen and a half, had taken himself off for the day to his volunteering job at the RSPCA.
The other two went off to school without a hitch, with my younger son wanting to take chicken salad for lunch. I was glad that I had provided salad and chicken, so that he could have that choice this morning. Allowing him access to a variety of healthy foods has always seemed important, but maybe more so today, I was grateful that I had.
I spent some time with my youngest daughter, an avid reader of first picture dictionaries and the like and yet again felt grateful for her inquisitive mind, her smile and her intelligence. We have never babied her and I know if I listen hard enough I can understand her needs and desires, without myself or her getting too frustrated.
I spent some time on Face book, catching up on gifting and visiting the games that I use for some ‘me’ time.. I love social networking. It’s just amazing what people post, what their interests and concerns are, sometimes you get insight into their lives and their minds and how they are feeling.
One such friend of mine, who I have met and I feel a connection with posted a status while I was online. It read:
It's hard to accept criticism, It makes us angry, and we try to justify ourselves to our critics and gain support from our friends. Grandfather says it is good to hear people say things against us, we can look at ourselves in a different way and see ways we can improve
our life and our relationships. Grandfather, thank you for what you taught me, I will smile and look within next time I hear words against me. Aho! (Francis Greywolf)
I found myself commenting:
I was told yesterday by spirit that people can become addicted to
guilt, that they hold on to it like a possession, can you throw any
light on this topic and how you let go of these emotional
addictions?...big love, and thank you for your wise words xxxxxxxxxx
I felt I had thrown it into the light of day, humbled myself to ask another and felt satisfied by the action. I waited for a while pondering and then I suddenly felt like asking more of the world so I went onto You-Tube and typed in to the search area: How do I release Guilt as an addiction?
It took me to an EFT (emotional freedom technique) lecture video, there were quite a few. I have knowledge of this technique through The Meridian Energy Therapy Year Book, that I had
requested once from the Association of Meridian Energy Therapies here in the UK. I clicked on
the first video, but after two minutes of introducing the technique which I already knew, I switched it off, placing intention of finding the video that would remind me of the techniques. It was in the next video I opened, about half way through, that the presenter showed the method. Which is to visualise a picture of an uprooted tree. Then tap on the points of the brow, the temples, the cheeks under the eyes, the collarbone and the wrists. He also tapped the meridian points under his nose and on his chin, which are the main male and female energy conductors in the body.
I drew a rough face and neck on my notepad, with black dots for the tapping points as a reference for me later. After I had watched it, I wished to acknowledge the fact that Grey Wolf had been part of my process. So I went back onto Facebook and posted another comment under my first:
Found one way.. thanks for the trigger and the loving connection
between us. xx http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGZ1VuJ21Uk EFT - quick tapping.
It was just after this that I saw that another one of my friends Lionfire, was online and I felt it would be good to say hi.
During our conversation I told him about Don Juan and the book and felt I would like to share the first few pages with him. I also asked him how he was, and he mentioned a particular block he was experiencing, so I sent him the EFT link. I believe we are all connected and that caring is sharing. What helps one of us, may help another and so, the love goes round.
I went back to Face book and someone else had posted a video on the subject of forgiveness. I
watched it, and let the words and music flow through my body alongside my intention of resolution. I put my toddler down for a nap and went and had a shower. I tapped away at all the points, noting any thoughts that arose to the surface of my consciousness.
i dried off and went to get dressed. I looked at the suede trousers I had worn for the last two days. Don Juan had told me I would be putting them on again that first morning, after he had shown himself to me, but I hadn’t. I had put on tracksuit bottoms instead (rebel). Then my daughter had told me about the loss of her PE shorts before school, as I couldn’t find a suitable alternative, apart from the track suit bottoms I was wearing, I went upstairs and giggled to myself whilst putting on the ‘prescribed’ pair. Once I had come downstairs to offer the alternative PE outfit and, had written a note, she suddenly found a pair in my older sons room.
So much for being rebellious I thought.
So I look at the trousers and I get the distinct impression, that I am to put them on again,
“I do hope you are going to allow me to wash them at some point” I said to the air.
No answer. I put them on anyway!
“Any particular top?” I joked. My jaguar print top that I use for ceremony, was vivid on the shelf.
“Ok” I said, and put it on. Sometimes it’s just easier to follow the instructions!
I came downstairs and sat and wrote this section. During which Grey Wolf sent me a chat message saying that he had replied to my comments. I went and looked at what he had put. It read:
“Absorbing guilt is absorbing blame and yet many things we blame ourselves for are quite simply not our fault and often the fault of others through misunderstanding, accidents or failure. By letting go we accept that we are not to blame and therefore not guilty. When we
let go, guilt cannot touch our inner selves, only the surface of our consciousness and passing emotions and so we move on. You are blessed Shamanka with a loving and caring soul and I hope my answer has helped you“. (Grey Wolf)
I reply with:
“Thanks lovely. I have been doing a lot of shifting in the last few days and have come back to refine again. I am to understand that guilt is one of my "emotional addictions" and your words on criticism touched me, so I thought I would "throw the question to the universe" via you.
I gratefully acknowledge your reply and will see if i can let go of some "more". Big big love, thank you for being part of my process. Shamanka xxxx”
I trust I will be able to share the book and this experience I am having, in more depth if appropriate, sometime soon.I sit here and realise that I haven’t tapped out ‘blame‘. So I go and have a cup of tea in the garage and consider ‘blame‘. I’m still considering it, as I write this.
But, I post my private chat reply, to the public comment on Greywolf.s page. I feel I must make my personal acknowledgement of him public, as well as my personal life and struggles. I find that the first acknowledgement easier than the second.
I take my youngest to the park for half an hour. The fresh air does us both good. We don’t just go on the swings and slides, she also guides me to the trees and bushes and at this time of year she draws my attention to the elderberries and blackberries.
“Be careful of the thorns” I hear myself saying.
We come home to tortilla wraps, cold chicken, salad and some raisins for Sky; she dutifully sits on the couch to eat. She asks for juice and I get her one.
I sit down and my mind wanders to my blog and a previous episode that happened about five days ago, where Spirit gave me information regarding my journey over to the USA to join my husband. He has recently flown over, planning to see his family and then try to set up domicile, so that we can apply for the correct visa’s. This has always been our joint intention, to move back to Northern California as soon as my older two children, (from a previous relationship), could make their own decisions about whether they, would like to move out there with us or not. I felt it related to what was my half of the jigsaw that I had to complete, before I was ‘allowed’ to move.
This is what I posted:
To create a rainbow across the nations,
To fire the clouds for the harvest of the journey,
To collect the seeds of the future so they are ready to plant when I touch land,
To fly and see the mountainside that others may climb,
To join in prayer for humble and successful service,
To call upon my allies in all dimensions, time and spaces for support and guidance,
To evoke the Spirit of the everywhere and the nowhere, so that I can be harnessed for humanities highest potential.
To pledge again and again through release of the past, in order to embrace the future.
To relinquish what I hold dear, without fear that it will not be returned to me from source.
To die another death, in order to be born anew, into a new world with a new perspective.
To move from one status to another, in the great plan of the cosmos.
To uproot, yet still remain grounded, to be the earth whilst in the air.
To move with the wind, be nurtured by the rain and to burn bright with the fire that I am.
I am Shamanka, I have moved into place, into receiving, into being. I am here and here I will remain, until the day we walk again in harmony with the sacred spectrum of all that is.
Aho.
I felt that I wished to know, how much of it I had accomplished so far. Mmmmm I thought, I still have a way to go. ‘A-way-to -go‘, interesting!. Yes it’s most definitely a journey, and I haven’t finished it yet!.
I make a cup of tea and go out to the garage. The energy is present as usual. I sit down and roll a cigarette.
“It hasn’t happened, on this level yet” I pondered aloud.
My daughter came in and handed me a book she had received for her birthday in early September. A Disney book called ‘The Magical Garden‘. She opened it up at the first page and I started to read. It was the princess Aurora and how although she was happy, being married and living in a beautiful palace and gardens, she wasn’t completely happy and she didn’t know why. Sky flicked the pages to the middle of the book and I caught glimpse of ‘a missing type of flower that she couldn’t find in her palace garden. Again the pages were turned and the page said:
“The three good fairies couldn’t contain their excitement a moment longer and flew out from where they had been hiding in the trees. They explained to the delighted Princess how they had used their magic to create special roses without thorns.
“Very funny” I said “I suppose you are the three good Naguals”.
I was laughing inside; I love it when Spirit makes me laugh. Their energy shimmered just enough for me to know that they were all there,
Don Juan, Snake and Two Feathers. My mind suddenly hit another realisation, I had been told about Rho’s and Thorns years ago. I remember that I may have scanned it into my computer. I am good at keeping information Spirit give to me, knowing it all to be probably relevant to me at some point in time, even if not in the moment it’s received. Of course, I go to my file of stuff that I have scanned in and I can’t find it. I know it’s about here somewhere. So what can I remember? Rho was looked up and found to mean ‘circle‘. There was another piece to it too, about “Can you Handell the pressure?”
Handell was spelt like the composer. Mmmm, I wish I could find the original piece of paper.
I look through my large cardboard box under my desk as I have been scanning everything in to the computer so I can just take an external hard drive over to the USA and I won’t have ‘lost’ anything.
Not there. I go upstairs and sitting on the floor (I didn’t put it there!) in front of the bookcase I see a purple box file. I smile when I open it up. Inside I see all my channelled work that I havent got to yet. I send silent thanks and joyful acknowledgement to the three of them. I flick through it excited, but I still can’t find it.
I find other stuff at which I throw a cursory glance “integrating the self
can take a while…Merlin….Thoth1…..Ankh…… Mer Ka Ba….the music of the spheres…….
Mmm, all relevant I feel…it’s not going to be just about one piece of paper…..I bring it all down to the computer and write this section.
This afternoon my friend, her partner, two of her children and her two grandchildren come over for tea.We have worked with each other and together, on many different energetic levels, over the last four years. I do not feel it necessary to go into our relationship in this book, needless to say we are very close and energetically ‘in tune’
We go to the garage for a cigarette. She knows and acknowledges that the Naguals are present.
I introduce them. “Don Juan, Snake and Two Feathers, this is my friend”.
My friend asks why Two Feathers is with me, rather than with my husband, if he is his Nagual. By way of a response Two Feathers fades out and fades in again, several times rapidly, indicating that it doesn’t take him long to be in either place. I smile. It’s nice to know she can feel and hear them too.
They talk to her about moving stuff on in her life; we look on her life „conveyer belt. to see what’s coming up next. She reassures them that she is on the case and will keep up with me on the learning curve. Over the last year we have become more and more intertwined in our learning, our processing and our experiences. We hold each other’s space as well as mutually bully, encourage and nudge each other along!
We go back to the house. With tea over, the visitors leave. I read Sky a couple more stories
Before bed, whilst tucking her in, I say my normal ‘One kiss from Mummy and, one kiss from Daddy’
“Night night, Daddy” she says, looking up at the ceiling.
It nearly has me in tears.
I come downstairs, Sky is a little unsettled, unusual for her but with the explanation that the noises outside are the diggers that are resurfacing the road to the roundabout near us, seemed to do the trick and she snuggled down and fell asleep.
I came down and asked silently “what’s next?” I could feel that I hadn’t done for the night. I go onto Face Book and spend ten minutes on there and then go to my email box. There is an email from Steve:
Shamanka,
A starter for 10. Keep being, I'll do some doing. Met a publisher for the first time in my life today, weird! If you keep sending me the conversations I will put them together, if
you are happy with that of course.
Cheers,
Steve
Attached is a PDF version of what I had already written, with a cover and everything. It is AMAZING!
I send him a reply:
Steve, thats just f***ing awesome!!!!!!!!!!! I am so gobsmacked and so grateful
thank you soooooooooooo much, I really love you from the centre of my being. Im sending todays over right now. xxxxx shamanka xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Don Juan is just smiling and nodding.
Of course I forget in my excitement to attach today’s writing so I send him it with another message:
“Steve,
This is today’s instalment I think I’ve got it, from where I got to
yesterday. I hope I didn’t have to post back the PDF.
I haven’t finished tonight’s yet, sure I’ve got something to write
about receiving your gift via email!!! you are fantastic and I acknowledge you for all that you are. thank you, Shamanka xxxxx”
I press the send button. I have to phone my friend , its half past nine but I know she will be up. Her partner answers and is just about to pass me over, when I click on my email box again and she has sent me a reply to the instalment email.
“Hey you” I said excitedly, “you’ll never guess what, but Steve has sent me my transcript all in a PDF. It’s bloody awesome, It’s got a cover and everything”
I clicked on her email as I was talking to her. She had put:
“Shamanka Don Juan Snake and Two Feathers,
Enlightening although I do not feel there are words to explore or
express the being at this present, acknowledgement Love and blessings
Em man u elle very interesting.. xxxx lessons learnt learning and
reflected and for that I thank you it is here shamanka I am told I do
not need punctuation ??? will ring you .x “
We talked about her name being chopped up like that and what it might mean and also that she was about to ring me. I asked if she liked what I’d written, she replied that words like ‘lovely‘. or ‘good‘ wouldn’t say what she wanted to say.
I asked:
“Does it do the job it’s meant to do?”
“*** yeah!” came the reply.
We laughed, she said it was the energy bubbling inside her and told me she was going to bed and would do her own self reflection on ‘guilt’ before sleeping. She felt she should let me get off the telephone now, as I had more writing to do.
“Yes” I said, “I had better get on, otherwise it’s going to be a late night”.
I put down the phone after our normal “I love you”, “love you too” ending.
I smiled. I do love her too, I acknowledged to the universe. My son had got me a cup of tea, and I knew I had to go and get the next ‘instalment’ from the garage straight away. I went in and sat down.
“That’s amazing” I said.
They just stood there and nodded.
“I asked about the publisher Steve had met, but they didn’t say anything”. I got the distinct impression it wasn’t my business, I let the question go unanswered without further prompting.
“Just keep being” said Don Juan. “Everything will come if you just keep being“.
“It’s amazing what you can manifest” I said.
Don Juan moved closer. “With a little help from your friends” he pointed out.
“Yes, with my friends” I said.
“We are all here for you” he said “Spirit and human alike”
I suddenly felt overwhelmed and tears came to my eyes.
“Thank you so much” I said.
“It’s you doing the work” he pointed out again.
“It is intense” I said “But I will finish it”
My mind drifted to the fact that this writing may continue for some time, possibly until I leave for
America. I could see a new book starting for me at the airport, I am leaving. The word ‘advance‘. came into my head and I gasped. This book could possibly be the means to me getting over to America to be with my husband sooner rather than later. I started crying. “I think that’s amazing” I said.
“Keep being” Don Juan said.
I came in and wrote this section down.
I nip to the loo and then sit down again. Suddenly my husband calls me on Skype. I tell him about what Steve has done for me, we chat a little about friends and life and I mention the question we had asked about Two Feathers, still being around me. Before I could finish, about him fading out and in again, My husband cut through with,
“Maybe, he still feels bound to you”
My energy jolted, I finished what I was saying, about being in the two places at once.
“I don’t really want to get into this conversation” he replied.
He also said something else, but the sound cut out. When I asked him to repeat what he said, because I hadn’t heard him, he just said
“Maybe you were not meant to hear, what I said”
I thought “What is that supposed to mean?”
We finished up the conversation with the niceties, but I felt an edge with him. I asked what he was doing over the weekend. He said he didn’t know as everyone wouldn’t be working tomorrow, as it was Saturday. I asked if he was warning me that there was going to be no call tomorrow. He just said
“Well if I don’t, then don’t think I’m avoiding you”
Mmmmm, I thought.
I came off of the call, needing a cup of tea, but I wrote up this section first. I made my tea and went into the garage, the energy of large mass met me at the door, it is night by now and I switched on the light, slightly apprehensive at what I was going to talk to them about.
“Two Feathers” I asked humbly, “ Are you bound to me still?”
“Only by ethics” he said
“What ethics?” I asked.
“A Naguals ethics” he replied.
“What are those?” I asked
“When one feels one is worthy of us” he replied.
I got the distinct impression I was not going to like his explanation. “What do you mean?” I asked hesitantly.
“One keeps the connection, by acknowledging and working with us” he replied.
“But didn’t I cut you off from him?” I asked
“No, but he thinks you did, it allows him to blame you, don’t you see”
“I don’t have to put this in the book, do I?” I asked “I really think this, is not necessary to include”
“You have to write it” said Don Juan, cutting in. “It’s part of the whole thing”
“Can’t I make it better?” I asked, really uncomfortable.
“It’s not your job” he replied.
“So, can I ask how he can get you back?” I said almost desperate.
“He has to make himself worthy of me again” said Two Feathers. “He gave me up”
“Oh” I said.
“It.s no good you telling him either” said Don Juan. “He has to work it out for himself”.
I felt really sad. I knew I was going to have to write this and I didn’t want to. I really love and admire my husband for who he is. It’s not nice, when you are told you cannot help someone you love.
“What happens now?” I asked.
“You just continue to be” was the reply.
I came and wrote this section. That was very difficult.
Saturday 18th September 2010
Before I went to bed last night I went for a final cigarette, still troubled. I really wanted to understand what the deal was between Two Feathers and my Husband and my part in it all.
“It was a test for him, back then” was the initial response from Don Juan. “He gave away his power to you”.
“You mean he didn’t own it?” I asked
“He didn’t put his connection with Spirit first” said Don Juan
“You mean, you didn’t squeeze him into a contract?” I asked cheekily.
“Exactly” said Two Feathers, “But we will”.
I went up to bed, I was told to take pen and pad with me. What now I thought. It was 11:30pm. My bedroom door was closed, halfway into the frame. As I pushed on it, it opened and the sound of my cat purring, greeted me.
“Oh Charlie” I said “Have you been having a snooze and you couldn’t get out?”
I remember vaguely recalling that I hadn’t seen him around all evening. I had been busy writing, but neither I nor the children, had bothered to consciously look for him.
He continued to purr, but looked vaguely hopeful at the door. I knew he was hungry. I went downstairs to feed him and filled his bowls with both soft meat and biscuits, he started to eat hungrily. I decided to go and get changed into my pyjamas and come down again and let him out after that, to do his business. When I came down again (I have a three storey house) he was hovering by the back door. I opened it, but because of the noisy din of the diggers and rollers continuing to work on resurfacing the road, he was really wary.
I tried coaxing him out, even going outside myself with bare feet, to show him that it was safe.
Eventually, I left the back door closed but not fastened, knowing he could push it open, if he wanted to, and that he could get back in too, as I’ve seen him do this with his paw, a million times before.
I went upstairs and wrote down the happenings. Don Juan suddenly said, “it was an analogue“.
I heard a noise and some scrabbling from my cat. I got up again and went downstairs. The diggers suddenly ceased their noise, it must have been midnight. I picked up Charlie and took him into the garden, shut the door and sat on the couch and waited for him. I could see him sniffing the herbs in my large container pot before he went round the corner. I waited for a full five minutes before he returned. I let him in and shut the back door for the night and then came up to bed and wrote down this section.
“What.s all that about?” I asked Don Juan, “What do you mean by an analogue?”
“It.s the situation” he said. He continued, “The cat got accidentally got shut away in a room at the top of your house and although you knew he wasn’t around you, as he normally is during the evening, no one went to find him. When he was found, he was ok but his needs had to be met, you fed him, you ran up and down stairs for him and you waited for him, while he was doing his business, knowing and trusting he would return to the house when he was ready.”
“Yes” I said
Don Juan continued.
You did this because you care for your cat and you put yourself out, because you didn.t want him to **** in your house, right?”
“Right”, I said “No I didn’t”, I was inwardly shocked and giggly at the same time, that Don Juan had said the word ‘****’ to me.
“Well then, you did all that, because you blamed yourself for not looking for him and tending to him earlier”
“Yes that.s true” I confirmed.
“You could have left him” Don Juan continued,
“But your reasonable logic supposed there would be consequences if you did, and you didn’t wish him to go hungry”
“Right” I said.
“That is why your husband is mad” he explained “Because he blames himself for not looking for his Nagual earlier, even though he felt he was missing, he didn’t go look for him. He used the excuse that he didn’t know how to find him. Then he pops up and starts talking to you, you could have unbound him at any time, but did he ask you too?”
“No” I replied “he asked me not to, when I told him I had done it though”
Don Juan prompted. “So he knew where he was and, what had happened to him then?”
“Yes I told him straight, what I had done” I said.
“Well then it’s his neglect to figure out what he could have done about it then” Don Juan continued.
“He gave his power away, believing he did not know how to re connect with his own Nagual. Inside he knows that he has to service Two Feathers needs and requirements, to build up that trust again”.
Here is a pause. Don Juan lets that information sink in, then he continues
“He says, he does not want him.”
“No”, I cut in hurriedly, “That’s not true, and I know he feels a piece of him has been missing”
““But he doesn’t want to claim him as his own, he does not want to own what having a Nagual
means. It is a two way process. Would you give up who you are and your connection?”
“No” I said, “definitely not! You have always been there for me. I wouldn’t give you up for anything. Sometimes spirit were my only friends in the world, the only ones who understood me, the only ones who I felt loved me.
“So it’s a precious thing that you value then?” smiled Don Juan
“More than anything” I said.
“That’s what your husband has to acknowledge”, he looked at me and I knew what that look meant.
“The contract!” I said quietly.
“Exactly” said Don Juan “if he values that missing piece high enough. If he thinks he’s worth it, Two Feathers will return to him”.
I go to the garage and have the cup of tea my son kindly made me. I smoke a quick cigarette and my mind wanders to the ‘rho’s and thorns‘. and the piece of paper I couldn’t find yesterday.
Don Juan interjects my thoughts.
“What are the thorns for?” he asks me quietly.
“Self protection” I said, confidently.
“It’s when you become the rose without thorns yourself, that you truly are at one with the universe” he stated.
“Yes” I said “it’s just a matter of level of trust” I added. “This writing is definitely baring my all”.
“Exactly” he said as he faded out again.
I came in and wrote down this conversation.
Whilst getting dressed for the day (I can wash my suede trousers apparently and put some tracksuit bottoms on!) it felt I was going to get a short time off, so I turned my attention to my children, their chores and getting my youngest down for a nap. I thought about what I have not written yet and what I may have to write next.
“It will all come in order” was the knowing.
I went onto the internet and caught up with my games, it was whilst being occupied with this that a notification came up to say Grey Wolf.s posting had been commented on by another.
“Yes it is true that it is good to hear criticism about ourselves, but then we must look as to what it is we are receiving. We must look as it is either positive or negative and the reason it is being
conveyed. If it is positive, then yes, we can listen and with Spirits help we can take the lessons of the words in. However, if it is negative, then there is no reason to bring them to us or within our lives. Spirit teaches that things we may not like in others, can be a reflection of something within ourselves that we may need to look at. Herein lays the distinction between positive and negative and the acceptance of it or not. Because of these things, Spirit also teaches
that we must also proceed with caution when we may want to criticize others. The biggest lesson that Spirit teaches is that we must be strong and confident within ourselves and within what we believe, think, feel and follow. We must be willing to die for the things we
believe and follow. If we are not then what is the use in believing them. This does not mean to be arrogant in our ways with others. It actually means, we must be humble in all things we do whether with other people, spirit or even the Creator. Humbleness however does not
mean weak. My people were never known as weak in anything. This is included dealing with spirit. When we go on the mountain for Vision Quest to find our purpose in life, we go in a humble way, but never weak. We do not pray that we are weak and for the Creator to have
mercy on us and please give us a vision. We pray that we have prepared, learned, done the things and ceremonies that are necessary to bring us to this point.
My final point is in two parts. 1, is never accepting any guilt that others may try to put on us that is not ours. 2, is my apologies to my brother that this is too long, but I was told it was needed to be said.”
Personally I thought that this was really relevant and concluded the previous conversation nicely. I opened up a message box and sent the following comment:
“May i share these words with acknowledgement to you? it is totally relevant to what i am doing at the moment. i wish to share further, but am told it's not appropriate in this
moment? Can I add you as a friend, so I can share it, when it is. Apologies for the cryptic. Tune in and see my energy for yourself. Be guided on what you say to me.
Blessings, Shamanka xxxx”
I just have to trust now that I have permission to include it in this dialogue. I need another cup of tea. I get one and I go out to the garage. My youngest son 9, comes in and tells me about the one wart that has appeared on his middle finger. I tell him to see it we have any „Wartner.. Snake is talking to me in the background. “Mint poultice” he says.
“Mint?” I acknowledge him silently. I will look that up on the internet ‘Mint and warts‘. Thanks.
I can see a pestle and mortar in my mind’s eye. I am called away by the arrival of my eldest daughter who says
“Mum, we got this note from the new neighbours through the door”.
I read it:
18th September, 2010
“Just to let you know, that over the next few weeks we will be carrying out some
work to our house. We want to apologise for any noise caused,
If you have children, please feel free to advise us of any bedtimes etc and we will do
our best not to work past these times.”
G and K
How nice I thought, what a lovely letter. Of course, in the back of my mind, was „ structural changes being made in my energy field„, a reflection of the internal being present in the external world, male side of myself, well that’s relevant isn’t it! The previous owners moved out the week Ray had flown off to America. The same week my other neighbours put up a „For Sale. sign outside their house. I got the feeling that when they sold and moved out, I would be too. It’s very interesting who you get for neighbours, your energy field does meet theirs. I know my energy is very powerful and I try through maintaining boundaries that I don’t affect them too much, but I recall the time that the neighbours on the left of me tried to tend my garden in the front and they asked us if they could put down a slate covering to match with theirs, around my visitor car parking space. My husband had answered for me at the time,
“Yes that will be fine” he said. “You do anything you want, we will be moving soon and so it’s no
concern of ours”
I thought differently, they were asking to come over my boundaries energetically. I wasn’t against the idea, only that I did not want my energy to be influenced by them. About three weeks later, the neighbour weeded and dug the area in readiness for the slate chippings. I happened to be coming out to the car later that day whilst the neighbour was getting out of his car.
“I don.t believe it” he said “the supplier that I got our slate chippings from, has run out of stock. I don.t know when we will be able to get any more of the same colour.”
“That.s Ok” I said “Not to worry”
Boundaries maintained then! I thought to myself. That will not change, until I am ready to move out. The energy for writing had stopped. I felt that L.B. had responded to my posting.
Simply put it said:
Yes you can add me
I replied to the post saying,
“Thank you xxxx”
I wrote a note back for next door. It said:
18th September 2010.
“Hi G and K,
Thank you so much for your note. Yes I do have children. My youngest is 2 and
her bedtime is around 8pm. I believe her bedroom wall is ‘attached‘. to your second
level. Do not worry too much about „normal. noise. May we take this opportunity to wish
you every happiness in your new home.
We look forward to seeing you both soon.
Love and best wishes,
Shamanka x “
(and family)
I go onto face book, after about 5 minutes I feel the need to check my email. There is one
from Steve. He writes:
“Shamanka,
I'm pleased you liked it, second instalment attached. You don't need to keep returning it, if you send me your words I will edit them and put them in the 'book' as long as you are happy with
that. I have some comments in here, maybe when we meet we can clear them up together. Doing this sort of thing by email would be a pain for us both!
Do you know, I find it interesting reading the mundane and the mystical if I may put it like that. I used to have to interrupt meetings at work in the past due to the fact that matter was pouring
from my third eye, or my crown opened dramatically, sometimes with very fine smoke / gas rising from it as I was sure people could see it and it made me feel 'weird'.
So I like this aspect of your book immensely. We'll speak soon I am certain. If you need to speak to me ever, in case there is anything more immediate to being your assistant, the best number would be my mobile which goes everywhere with me. That is *****-******. We still need to talk so I understand what it is, but maybe when you understand more eh? In the meantime I can try to help you by putting your book together. I've only put it in PDF format in case you don't have Word 2007, and because I am always worried, that someone might update one while I am updating the other and we would get out of step. Seem OK?
Boomshanka Shamanka,
Steve :0)”
I go and check the comments on the PDF
“It.s just editing” said Don Juan. “You can do that together. Don’t get distracted”
“Ok” I said.
I make myself a cup of tea, grab a packet of crisps and a few brazil nuts and almonds, I hear they are good for your mineral balance. Not the crisps, the nuts! I see that we are nearly out of bananas and the kids need stuff for packed lunches. I go out to the garage.
“You’ll have to get a dictation machine” says Don Juan.
“I’ve got an MP3 player, that records” I said.
“Well you had better get the bits and pieces out for it then, otherwise you won’t be able to leave the house”
Great! I thought.
“And check whether Steve has the software for transcribing it” he said “No point in you doing it twice. You are going to have to get organised he said. This is going to be the next 3 to 4 years of your life”.
“Oh my god!” I said
“So get used to it” was all he said.
I came in and typed this up.
I go and reply to Steve, I say:
“Steve, Its all perfect.....and it's wonderful. i know we will edit, when we get together. you are doing an awesome job! PDF is perfect too. you were right i don’t have word 2007, but i do
have adobe acrobat installed. so glad you like it. I trust that we will be able to discuss all of
our experiences soon. For now they are asking me to get a Dictaphone or use my MP3
player/recorder when i go out. Do you have software for easily transcribing audio files.....help, I
don't even know what you need. ok I feel that worry takes me out of being....i must just trust what's happening and we will be provided for. thanks for your contact number all flowing.... VERY quickly. Love to you. Shamankaxx
p.s. i will send last nights episode and this mornings xx up to now
in fact.
I get drawn again to look at my email box. I can see L. B. has sent me a message on Face book. It reads:
Subject: Hi
“In what we do is walk a spiritual. this is the most difficult there is. feel free to write me anytime here or at my email. my private email is ************.com”.
I am touched. I feel I need to send him the whole lot. I hesitate, but why? I decide to go and talk to Don juan. I get up and go to the garage.
“ its one of your thorns” he said “release it”
I dutifully tap out “all mistrust”.
When I open my eyes, I know my energy has changed.
I sit in it, for a minute and let it was over me. Then I return to the keyboard and write down what
was said.I go to compose in my email and send lightning bear this email with this as an attached document:
“Dear L. B.,
Attached is the file i am writing. I trust you like reading
I will let you read and trust again in your response. you too, can contact me, either by face book or by this email. Much love to you and thank you for being part of my process and journey.
i am going to send the same file to Francis, for he has been an ally on my adventure also.
if you would like to be kept updated, please let me know xxx
Much love and many blessing to you and all relations
In integrity and with gratefulness, Shamanka xxx”
Then I go and send Grey wolf and his wife this email:
“Attached is the file i am writing.It is being edited by someone as I go.
I trust you like reading
i have sent this document to L.B. also, as I feel guided to do, for he has been an ally on my
adventure also. I will let you read and trust again in your response.
Much love to you and thank you for being part of my process and journey..
if you would like to be kept updated, please let me know xxx
Much love and many blessing to you and all relations
In integrity and with gratefulness, Shamanka xxx”
The feeling I get is, not only should I trust in the response that I get, but, that I am acknowledging everyone, that it is part of this process.
Acknowledgement is so important, I have always known that as part of my inner integrity.
Not to do it out of fear of not being accepted or believed. The end would not justify the means.
I tap out “fear of non acceptance” and “fear of not being believed”.
Again when I finish, I notice a shift in vibration.
I take a short break, get Sky from her nap, get her some lunch, write down a few things that we need in the house. Eventually I feel the tug to my email box. Another email had arrived from Steve:
“Shamanka,
Here you go, everything within up to date. I don't need to send you these if it does distract you, can just keep it safe and let you have it when you need it. Transcribing MP3's might be a good idea for both of us! I'll have a look. If you can send me a recording via email I'll test a couple out. I might be out of the picture for a couple of days now (other than mobile just in case) but back around to catch up with the new stuff soon.
Love and light, Steve”
I had a break this afternoon, it all went quiet. A pause I’m guessing. I was starting to feel rather tired. I took daughter to the park, chatted with some friends, cooked and ate a good tea and bathed my little one and read her some stories. I guess I’m still integrating too, I used the tapping techniques several times this afternoon for ‘distrust‘, ‘self criticism‘, ‘impatience’ and ‘intolerance’ amongst others. I feel I am waiting, but I am happy this evening to continue waiting for the next surge.
Sunday 19th September, 2010
Today I awoke to the distinct impression I had to go back and edit, what had been formatted so far. Also, I was to catch up with what was required to be done, with others in my life. I have no inclination to put any of other peoples business in my book and so therefore I shall say that it was a nice day, sharing and maintaining connections with friends and family alike.
This afternoon however I could feel the pull again to the computer and I sat and expanded on parts of previous text and addressed the points that Steve, had commented on, as he had edited. The Naguals, were present all day with me as I walked about, „Snake. showed particular interest in instructing my eldest, in how to make a chicken broth in the slow cooker, a recipe that I would never of dreamed of, including a broth mix which I’ve had in the cupboard for a couple of weeks, picking it up to use as part of a medicine wheel, I had been asked to create at a recent festival. The ‘medicinal’ ingredient I was told was mint