Question about circumstances

[warfcat]

So I am trying to figure out. What causes circumstances. Is it literally the sum of all our choices? Wouldn't that imply karma. I guess I'm trying to figure out how I can choose what's happening to me. Or is that not possible. I dunno if I am sensitive or just in the wrong place at the wrong time buts it's almost as if I get into situations I can't deal with. Maybe it's lack of energy. I tend to pick up very well on social inflections. I can usually know what's going on and intentions of people when things are said. But is shadow playing a part in this? Or am I just taking in too much at a time. I can't figure out if it's me or my circumstances. Can anyone help me resolve this?

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[Julio Juliopolis]

Great question. I've been working on that one myself lately. I'm not sure I've got it all figured out, but I'll tell you how it seems to me and then someone who might or might not be wiser can come in and explain how I've got it all wrong.

I don't see circumstances as being caused so much by our choices. That seems to imply there's some sort of judge whose weighing our actions and deciding what we're worthy of, then giving it to us. If we do good things good things happen back. Same with evil. Or if you want to take out the judgement than whatever we're doing comes back. If we're being loving, love comes back. That's kind of true, but that depends on others agreeing that we're being loving and then behaving likewise to us. It doesn't seem to work with anything outside of personal relationships. No matter how much I love coffee it won't love me back.

To me, it looks more accurate to say our circumstances being created by our emotions, beliefs, and focus. When used deliberately, this could be called intent. Usually though, people do this with no idea they are creating future outcomes for themselves. For example, if you fear being attacked by a mountain goat every time you walk across your yard, you're influencing that to occur. Yours isn't the only influence though. This is a great collective dream after all. If you don't live anywhere near any mountain goats, have a fenced in yard, etc. most people's belief system would not allow much chance for that possibility. Not to mention the influence of mountain goats themselves, who might have a great preference for peace. So it becomes a matter of which possibility gets the most energy. If you put enough energy into your fear of it then it will find a way to happen. A semi hauling mountain goats rolls over on the nearest main road, one of the goats flies out of the back, hits a trampoline and is sprung over your fence. It sees you and attacks in a blind panic. "That guy was afraid of being attacked by a mountain goat all his life. Who knew someday it would actually happen?" your neighbors might say afterward.

For things that work pretty easily within our belief structures less energy is required. Habitually negative people often lament "I knew that was going to happen" whenever something they don't like occurs. They don't realize they are influencing those circumstances to occur. 

Additionally, action can help. If you want to change your circumstances so that you get a new 100" television set, you could sit around and try to meditate on changing your belief structure to allow for one to simply appear in the world right in front of you, while simultaneously putting plenty of energy into some emotion that might make that happen. Most people find it easier to just work weekends for a month or two until they can afford it.

[warfcat]

Julio Juliopolis wrote:
Great question. I've been working on that one myself lately. I'm not sure I've got it all figured out, but I'll tell you how it seems to me and then someone who might or might not be wiser can come in and explain how I've got it all wrong.

I don't see circumstances as being caused so much by our choices. That seems to imply there's some sort of judge whose weighing our actions and deciding what we're worthy of, then giving it to us. If we do good things good things happen back. Same with evil. Or if you want to take out the judgement than whatever we're doing comes back. If we're being loving, love comes back. That's kind of true, but that depends on others agreeing that we're being loving and then behaving likewise to us. It doesn't seem to work with anything outside of personal relationships. No matter how much I love coffee it won't love me back.

To me, it looks more accurate to say our circumstances being created by our emotions, beliefs, and focus. When used deliberately, this could be called intent. Usually though, people do this with no idea they are creating future outcomes for themselves. For example, if you fear being attacked by a mountain goat every time you walk across your yard, you're influencing that to occur. Yours isn't the only influence though. This is a great collective dream after all. If you don't live anywhere near any mountain goats, have a fenced in yard, etc. most people's belief system would not allow much chance for that possibility. Not to mention the influence of mountain goats themselves, who might have a great preference for peace. So it becomes a matter of which possibility gets the most energy. If you put enough energy into your fear of it then it will find a way to happen. A semi hauling mountain goats rolls over on the nearest main road, one of the goats flies out of the back, hits a trampoline and is sprung over your fence. It sees you and attacks in a blind panic. "That guy was afraid of being attacked by a mountain goat all his life. Who knew someday it would actually happen?" your neighbors might say afterward.

For things that work pretty easily within our belief structures less energy is required. Habitually negative people often lament "I knew that was going to happen" whenever something they don't like occurs. They don't realize they are influencing those circumstances to occur. 

Additionally, action can help. If you want to change your circumstances so that you get a new 100" television set, you could sit around and try to meditate on changing your belief structure to allow for one to simply appear in the world right in front of you, while simultaneously putting plenty of energy into some emotion that might make that happen. Most people find it easier to just work weekends for a month or two until they can afford it.

Thanks for your reply. What is your take on more information or language based circumstances. Like for example tonight I was just over all feeling overwhelmed for no apparent reason. Maybe just my current circumstances in life. And I tried alleviating the pressure by trying to see the beauty of the moment. It worked for a minute. Then my sisters boyfriend was just like outta control upset and just saying he couldn't exist. And ranting and raving. Then it turned into some big concerned unusually loud dialogue between the whole family about his kid. Just the energy was going nuts. And finally right when I was about to reach my limit for the ranting and raving. They went out side. I feel like I'm mostly not trying to front any sort of mood myself. Just trying to be a witness and be silent in my mind.

[Kaomea]

The issues described sound like happiness concerns. Happiness is an internal setting.

If it upsets you to be around a stressful environment then exert control over your environment. Keep tweaking the things that rub you the wrong way. At the same time tweak yourself so that you become more tolerant of things you can't control.

Control what you can, cope with what you can't. Adjust as necessary.

[warfcat]

Thank you kaomea. What do you mean tweak the things that rub me the wrong way? Like I know what you mean but. Tweak my perception of them? How do I go about controlling them?

[Kaomea]

I mean, if the people in your environment stress you, then remove yourself from the environment. Leave the house. Go for a walk. Move out.

If people you can't avoid stress you out then learn to tolerate them. Understand them. Sympathize with them. See things how they see things then take action to be a productive participant to work toward resolution of issues.

[funnyguy]

Maybe you should read up petty tyrants and how to deal with them.
It's not easy to move the world if you can't keep your own feet on the ground while the world is moving around you.

Circumstances are just that nothing more and nothing else. You choose consciously or not how to react or act to the situations you face. The whole point of being a warrior is not to let the circumstances/situations and anything else besides your choice move you in any way.


A dude on the street asked a warrior once.

"How do you deal with peoples negativity around you when they seem to be passing it on to you?"

 - "I never gave them the privilege to affect my state of being."

So have you?

[Kaomea]

I've read the books. I'm about as educated on petty tyrants as the rest of the bandwagon.

Some situations may demand an elimination of emotions to remain unaffected by the negativity around them. This technique works in that way.

The other way is to master emotions, by understanding them, through empathy of those around you. This manipulates the self to allow connection instead of eliminating connection to others.

Sometimes it's best not to connect with people. Sometimes connection is the better choice. Do what works for you.

[Kaomea]

I can choose to eliminate my petty tyrant via disconnecting. That's what many people do. "I hate white people, they're always eating apples." Thus, I disconnect from them and they're no longer my petty tyrant.

It's a solution.

I can also say, "I hate white people because they're always eating apples. I wonder why they're always eating apples. Why do they eat the red ones more than the green ones? Something about their biology or culture must drive them toward sweeter flavor profiles. I wonder if I found a similar flavor and nutritional profile fruit if they would extend that preference. Let me see how I can develop my understanding of their behavior."

Both techniques address the petty tyrant. One technique fosters division while the other fosters connection. That is the major difference.

Division leads to intolerance. Connection leads to tolerance.

In the end, one person can't sail a ship. To be more successful in life we need to find people we can tolerate sailing with. Yeah, Mikey might scratch his crotch and smell his hand after, but he's the fastest at putting up the sails so that when the wind changes, he's my man.

You can hate and disconnect from your crew. That's fine. You do you. Or you can love and connect with your crew. Or change crews. There's lots of options.

[funnyguy]

I agree.

One doesn't have to be disconnected from people or situations in order not to be affected by them. This, however, as many know may not come easily.

The idea I'm trying to pass on is that it should not matter if you're connected to people/situations or not. The circumstances should not play a role in your state of being. The self must obey your conscious decisions not the other way around.

And as Kao said you have your choice you can go one way or the other in the end it doesn't matter but each choice will have a different outcome.


warfcat - "Tweak my perception of them? How do I go about controlling them?"

I believe she answered that in the message before your question with this.

Kao - "Control what you can, cope with what you can't. Adjust as necessary."



That's beautifully put if you ask me. Since you're currently having trouble with controlling something in your environment learn to control yourself while exposed to that particular setting. You will see in time that once it stops bothering you as much you'll be able to move the direction of that which previously made you move in a way you did not like. IT won't be your master you'll be setting the way.

PS. The petty tyrant suggestion was for warfcat.

[Kaomea]

"PS"

Oh, I missed that. Thanks for clarifying

[funnyguy]

https://thecasswiki.net/index.php?title=Petty_tyrant

[warfcat]

Okay. I do have times where I am completely unaffected and times where I am affected. But the idea of circumstances still perplexes me. I have also read about petty tyrants. That actually helped me deal with my room mate. It was more a process of disconnection. So what then would cause those states the fluctuate. Being affected sometimes and not others?

[warfcat]

"The circumstances should not play a role in your state of being. The self must obey your conscious decisions not the other way around."

"You will see in time that once it stops bothering you as much you'll be able to move the direction of that which previously made you move in a way you did not like. IT won't be your master you'll be setting the way."

So I need to be independent of my circumstances? I'm just trying to understand. Like after all circumstances are just perceived anyway. So do I just believe that they may not be how I'm seeing them or do I just accept how I am seeing them and be Independant of them? Maybe my issue then is being available or unavailable?

[Kaomea]

"So what then would cause those states the fluctuate."

Your impeccability.  

Assess whether you want to eliminate or empathize.  If you eliminate the emotion then also work toward eliminating the environment.  If the roommate keeps bringing home prostitutes to slaughter and you can't live in that sort of hostile environment then remove yourself from the environment.

If the issue is over their firm belief in bigfoot then maybe empathize.  They probably have a reason for their belief.  

Decide what's best for you and the action you want to take.  Indecisiveness and an unwillingness to commit makes people susceptible to fluctuations in state.

[warfcat]

Kaomea wrote:
"So what then would cause those states the fluctuate."

Your impeccability.  

Assess whether you want to eliminate or empathize.  If you eliminate the emotion then also work toward eliminating the environment.  If the roommate keeps bringing home prostitutes to slaughter and you can't live in that sort of hostile environment then remove yourself from the environment.

If the issue is over their firm belief in bigfoot then maybe empathize.  They probably have a reason for their belief.  

Decide what's best for you and the action you want to take.  Indecisiveness and an unwillingness to commit makes people susceptible to fluctuations in state.

Yep it just clicked. Gotta make decisions about whether empathize or disconnect.

[funnyguy]

Things are happening in the world, if you're there or if you're not.
When you're not there you don't even care no?
When you're there you might get affected. Why?
What's the difference?

Your issue seems to be that you allow the circumstances to affect you after all that's what you approached us with right?
Being unavailable and unavailable are states you can choose to align.
Both are different try and see for yourself how you like it be free to go from one to the other.

The circumstances can tell you who and how you are if you let them guide the show.
All I'm saying is that there's another position where that doesn't happen. You have to control and adjust yourself be fluid enough to make changes to yourself and solid enough not to let anything outside of you change you. Be it perception/thought/emotion or anything else that's a part of you.

Don't try to bring a wall down by smashing against it instead jump over it. If you can't change the circumstances just yet adjust yourself not to be moved by them. Be aware of what is going on around you and at the same time inside you. Notice your triggers and take responsibility of the effects of the circumstances don't blame them. Once you take responsibility for the way you are and notice what makes you the way you are in that particular moment you'll be more aware next time it happens. You'll soon start seeing it before it happens and you'll start regaining control over yourself. Whatever was happening unconsciously before will become a conscious process and you'll be able to guide it. Be patient.

[warfcat]

Thank you funny guy. I guess a working memory is needed. Also I am reminded of something I once read about experiments being conducted but the experiementor didn't account for himself being there. So I guess ultimately it's us the perceive who is choosing to look. And must account for ourselves.

[funnyguy]

What is needed is conscious decisions. Every decision and action has an outcome different than the other and it depends on the variables. You must be aware that when you make a decision be it consciously or not a particular outcome will follow so there's no leeway to justify blaming the variables and circumstances because your decisions have led you to where you already are and your decisions are leading you towards where you're going.

If you go on autopilot you'll miss out on many potential choices which can make you feel or lead you to a very different way/place. You don't have to waste time sulking on why you're where you are or why you're feeling a certain way due to a variable (circumstance). Instead take your attention away from the trigger which may be any variable (sound, person, place, situation) and bring it back inward to yourself feel your body and environment, pause.

Do this often and you'll gain more and more awareness of your triggers it will be much easier for you to notice them whilst occurring and in time you'll be able to predict and even deflect their occurrence. In time they'll loose their power and you'll remain with more clarity and guess where all that power will go...

After you've noticed the trigger of your turmoil and paused you'll know what it is and why it happened, you'll see that it puts you in turmoil because you give your attention to it and you'll have the open space to make a decision. That's very critical because you already are aware of the fact that your choice will have a consequence so you know that once you make your decision you have committed, there is no turning back. After you do that you stand up and act.

All this in the beginning for me was happening once a day, twice a day, however, with time you start noticing how this whole process happens moment to moment with every breath you take, every blink, and any movement of your body or mind. You set your intent to regain control over yourself and have an unwavering choice and little by little you take steps by training your attention and concentration and you become more and more aware.

[funnyguy]

You don't have to waste time sulking on why you're where you are or why you're feeling a certain way due to a variable (circumstance).
I'm not saying you are you've even taken a step towards learning more about how to deal with the situation by approaching people who may have good knowledge to share with an open mind. So now you have to act on what you've been shown.

But as I explained that's your choice to make.

[warfcat]

I took into account everyone's previous advice. And it made a difference. It's hard to see the triggers when they are so involving. But now that things have leveled out. I am glad you made another post as I will pay close attention to try and see what's going on. And resolve it.

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[funnyguy]

That's good to hear. As I said it requires patience and consistency, it's not a one or two time thing that you do and then the world is pink it would be nice but it's not how it works. It's a process and you always gain more experience/awareness/knowledge as long as you make choices that lead you towards that of course.

With this I mean to say that if you fix your current issue and abandon the practice it won't be much easier for you to resolve the next issue when it occurs. As I said your choices can make you or break you.

[funnyguy]

Your name is cool by the way.

[watergaze]

His name sounds like cat vomit.

[warfcat]

Yes kinda like long term and short term goals. But I know it's more then that. Must move through this world with intent. Awareness is a must.

Yeah is a good name. Maybe one day I will tell the story behind it.

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