03-22-2012, 12:00 AM
I have been "trying" (ironic) to find more inner silence, and the perceptions that come from that state last week or so. I was...gratified to realise i was simply being how i was...as a child, when id wander the hills, when id simply see what was really there, it was the very foundation i had found and worked on so long ago. Why did that change...did it change? I saw yes and no. I started...reaching out more, at some point. the way it manifest was my loosing all my shyness and fear, and doing allot of public speaking, even if it was to talk history in history class, or physics in physics class, things i had learned not trying to. But the best was...speaking at the lions club, or the masons lodge about issues. I liked it....As invisable as i was, kinda messy, to stand infront of hundreds of older and better off people, and discuss lets say evolution and faith, the evolution of faith, to all the churchmen. And get a standing ovation. and the prizes were nice too. completely different people then me, connecting with not words energy. I realise i gained something from each of them, in the act. power. and the cash prizes were nice to lol. I notice dit again, when i spoke at my fathers funeral. Why i made that my main activity in college, debate, public speaking that sort of thing. Teaching, being a teachers assistant in that art. I realise now, from what i felt then, it was never about the words, it was about the seeing, the feeling, the exchange of energy.
I have to admit, sometimes i get confused by it. By things. Well, some people say that its an individual thing...which is true, no one can teach you how to stalk, or see, without learning steps and ways to perceive that Move on to that ability. But as what point does that stop working? Some wise and accomplished people, two in Rf for example, absolutely baffle me at times. But not just them. Everything is about practices, lots of people are like that. But what are the point of the practices? seems like simple things. Stalking, finding power, is it more complicated then that? How does one find power, if they cant see power, or feel it, where it lives, in the world, or other people? I hadn't thought it through, still havent thought it through, but that was in a roundabout way what i was talking about with watergaze. She was talking practices, and things learned in dreams. About not taking time to write social dreams now becasue he two are different one for the soul and one for well, like school. 2/3 f mine are social...more about interplay, and i noticed the people who confuse me don't see any value in them or that. Hah when you guys came in, to chat, it took my state up several notches to observing self and dynamics. I confused myself, the active mind part, saying to her that at some point social and practices, in time and space, far enough out are all the same thing as doing tasks. That point is what was in my silence of the past few days especially.
I asked, said something to NLW the other day about this. After along stretch of silence that left me too energized to quite sleep. What good am i for him? What do i DO thats usefull. clearly im not drawing circles of salt and sending beams out my knuckles to make magic. But neither is Jake, or Daniel, Or Tiffany as far as im aware. I did say i felt...changed, better, enlarged in power, by simply being, what is needed, by people, which is what i really am regardless, different aspects, and each feels so enlarged and clarified in me. Is this interplay, in a way, stalking power? Its nothing like doing magic from a book, or quoting dogma. Its more like...sewing painting happy faces on hacky sack balls. You know people keep them bouncing between them, higher and higher, intricate, a game, or lovemaking, and interplay. Like power...kinetic, in motion. Not locked in a book. ...is that right?
And also i get back to being fired and rehired in dreaming this week. the luminous boss wanted perfected actions. No smoking, no eating red meat, impeccability. I just wouldn't do it...wasn't in my nature. And it was ironic, we both shone so bright next to each other. I know she wanted me to have more power, to hold more power. But... I get more powerful from you guys here. The more room i find to increase my contacts, the interplay, the more powerful i get, because its going all around, we all become more powerful. I think this is what Jake.NLW meant when he said what i/we do...for him, as i could only see what he does for us. This has to be it right? He gives us tasks...but they aren't like do 50 hail marys. that would be an energy exchange too, but a less shared one. Thats why i shy away from those tasks....It makes one more powerful, but not really, because one is fixing their attention to the practice, the teacher, the other...becoming mor epwerfull as the thing fixated and attatched to gets more powerfull. Is it better to find power all around, and intensify it, stalk/draw it out, not even as a challenge, with a laugh, or smile, or friendship? Sometimes the opposite too. Butt the nice way, see, people stay, and keep growing, more and more. Is that the purpose of the warrior friendly forums? Ive noticed when people depart for awhile, i feel that much less power. And when somebody disrupts those sheets of connections, it feels hard. When i took a test and got rehire din dreaming, it was these answers from that being silent i gave, in energy. So im asking now. I guess, the social, sharing, growing, tending, versus conjuring spells or practices. I seemed to feel the mechanical, or dogmatic practices was only to get tot he state where one could feel and share and grow in the other way. Am i wrong? I like the feedback. The more power thats ot be shared, the mor elove, and the more love, the more desire to protect and include, and be a better person, the person we/I are. Making the group AP, the connections, more powerful, and growing from that. Not trying to just make ones self more inflated...mostly from ego, and therefore less powerfull. People throw self importance around allot ive noticed, but they tend to seem to miss the point in that way. Is it self importance to say we are more powerfull becsuse you are more powerfull, the nagual is growing so i am growing too? Truth...and its inclusive. Ego is exclusive right? So that seperation alows no growth, and one can only loose power to whatever trick they are foccusing on. You guys, my friends, only bring power, with your love. Maybe thats the short way of asking? lol.
I have to admit, sometimes i get confused by it. By things. Well, some people say that its an individual thing...which is true, no one can teach you how to stalk, or see, without learning steps and ways to perceive that Move on to that ability. But as what point does that stop working? Some wise and accomplished people, two in Rf for example, absolutely baffle me at times. But not just them. Everything is about practices, lots of people are like that. But what are the point of the practices? seems like simple things. Stalking, finding power, is it more complicated then that? How does one find power, if they cant see power, or feel it, where it lives, in the world, or other people? I hadn't thought it through, still havent thought it through, but that was in a roundabout way what i was talking about with watergaze. She was talking practices, and things learned in dreams. About not taking time to write social dreams now becasue he two are different one for the soul and one for well, like school. 2/3 f mine are social...more about interplay, and i noticed the people who confuse me don't see any value in them or that. Hah when you guys came in, to chat, it took my state up several notches to observing self and dynamics. I confused myself, the active mind part, saying to her that at some point social and practices, in time and space, far enough out are all the same thing as doing tasks. That point is what was in my silence of the past few days especially.
I asked, said something to NLW the other day about this. After along stretch of silence that left me too energized to quite sleep. What good am i for him? What do i DO thats usefull. clearly im not drawing circles of salt and sending beams out my knuckles to make magic. But neither is Jake, or Daniel, Or Tiffany as far as im aware. I did say i felt...changed, better, enlarged in power, by simply being, what is needed, by people, which is what i really am regardless, different aspects, and each feels so enlarged and clarified in me. Is this interplay, in a way, stalking power? Its nothing like doing magic from a book, or quoting dogma. Its more like...sewing painting happy faces on hacky sack balls. You know people keep them bouncing between them, higher and higher, intricate, a game, or lovemaking, and interplay. Like power...kinetic, in motion. Not locked in a book. ...is that right?
And also i get back to being fired and rehired in dreaming this week. the luminous boss wanted perfected actions. No smoking, no eating red meat, impeccability. I just wouldn't do it...wasn't in my nature. And it was ironic, we both shone so bright next to each other. I know she wanted me to have more power, to hold more power. But... I get more powerful from you guys here. The more room i find to increase my contacts, the interplay, the more powerful i get, because its going all around, we all become more powerful. I think this is what Jake.NLW meant when he said what i/we do...for him, as i could only see what he does for us. This has to be it right? He gives us tasks...but they aren't like do 50 hail marys. that would be an energy exchange too, but a less shared one. Thats why i shy away from those tasks....It makes one more powerful, but not really, because one is fixing their attention to the practice, the teacher, the other...becoming mor epwerfull as the thing fixated and attatched to gets more powerfull. Is it better to find power all around, and intensify it, stalk/draw it out, not even as a challenge, with a laugh, or smile, or friendship? Sometimes the opposite too. Butt the nice way, see, people stay, and keep growing, more and more. Is that the purpose of the warrior friendly forums? Ive noticed when people depart for awhile, i feel that much less power. And when somebody disrupts those sheets of connections, it feels hard. When i took a test and got rehire din dreaming, it was these answers from that being silent i gave, in energy. So im asking now. I guess, the social, sharing, growing, tending, versus conjuring spells or practices. I seemed to feel the mechanical, or dogmatic practices was only to get tot he state where one could feel and share and grow in the other way. Am i wrong? I like the feedback. The more power thats ot be shared, the mor elove, and the more love, the more desire to protect and include, and be a better person, the person we/I are. Making the group AP, the connections, more powerful, and growing from that. Not trying to just make ones self more inflated...mostly from ego, and therefore less powerfull. People throw self importance around allot ive noticed, but they tend to seem to miss the point in that way. Is it self importance to say we are more powerfull becsuse you are more powerfull, the nagual is growing so i am growing too? Truth...and its inclusive. Ego is exclusive right? So that seperation alows no growth, and one can only loose power to whatever trick they are foccusing on. You guys, my friends, only bring power, with your love. Maybe thats the short way of asking? lol.
. I could go on and on, but as a warrior gets older such sorcery seems trivial and only used in a emergency. These days I used my power to stay a step ahead of death which is always stalking. Performing sorcery is something I have done since I was a child but its sorcery that affects others, the world, or interaction with allies or other inorganics. Sorry no lighting out of the fist but with a wick of a finger I could beckon you or affect you in other ways. How? With intent. The power of intent is based on the connection with the nagual and the power to make it happen. This power comes from within by practicing the teachings of the naguals. One my be born with it as many are but it is there for all. I can lead you to power but you have to make the link.