Friendship

[watergaze]

Interesting article about how long it takes to make friends and how many we can handle

https://phys.org/news/2018-03-reveals-hours-friend.html

Quotes from the article
In a new report published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Associate Professor of Communication Studies Jeffrey Hall found that it takes roughly 50 hours of time together to move from mere acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to go from that stage to simple "friend" status and more than 200 hours before you can consider someone your close friend.
This means time spent hanging out, joking around, playing video games and the like. Hours spent working together just don't count as much, Hall's study found.
"We have to put that time in," Hall said. "You can't snap your fingers and make a friend. Maintaining close relationships is the most important work we do in our lives—most people on their deathbeds agree."

(...)

Hall said he extrapolated his latest work from previous studies that established that a person's brain can only handle about 150 friendships, and that, as he wrote, "the amount of time and the type of activity shared with a partner can be thought of as strategic investments toward satiating long-term belongingness needs."

(...)

Combining the results of both studies, he estimated it takes between 40 and 60 hours to form a casual friendship, 80-100 hours to transition to being a friend and more than 200 hours together to become good friends.
For me, but apparently not for everyone, I can pick right where I left of with someone. People are very mobile these days and even if I do not see or hear from someone for a few years once we meet up it's like no time passed. I don't think this to be strange but people tend to comment on it as if it were. I wonder how other people here experience that...

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On a different note, I have also found interesting how it can sometimes differ what people consider to be a friendship but also it seems like Americans think when I say relationship that I mean boy-girl romantic stuff. Semantics is always somewhat interesting to observe. For me a relationship is a broader term and friendship a narrower heh. For most US people I talked to it is the other way round: Friends are like acquaintances (but I guess then they use the term close friend to distinguish), and relationship is like super serious hehe (while for me saying someone is my friend is quite intimate and I have relationships even online or at work, as one can have different kinds and types of relationships). 

Checking the dictionary on the word relationships gives very broad to very specific meanings. So it is kinda up to the person to assume what is meant .

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/relationship
noun

a connection, association, or involvement.
connection between persons by blood or marriage.
an emotional or other connection between people:the relationship between teachers and students.


https://www.thefreedictionary.com/relationship
re·la·tion·ship
  (rĭ-lā′shən-shĭp′)
n.
1. The condition or fact of being related; connection or association.
2. Connection by blood or marriage; kinship.
3. A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other: has a closerelationship with his siblings.
4. A romantic or sexual involvement.


Random House Kernerman Webster's College Dictionary, © 2010 K Dictionaries Ltd. Copyright 2005, 1997, 1991 by Random House, Inc. 
re•la•tion•ship
 (rɪˈleɪ ʃənˌʃɪp) 

n.
1. a connection, association, or involvement.
2. connection between persons by blood or marriage; kinship.
3. an emotional or other connection between people.
4. a romantic or sexual involvement.
[1735–45]


Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged, 12th Edition 2014 © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2011, 2014
relationship
 (rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp)
n
1. the state of being connected or related
2. association by blood or marriage; kinship
3. the mutual dealings, connections, or feelings that exist between two parties, countries, people, etc: a businessrelationship.
4. an emotional or sexual affair or liaison
5. logic maths another name for relation10
6. (Mathematics) logic maths another name for relation10


https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/relationship
Definition of relationship
1: the state of being related or interrelated 

studied the relationship between the variables

: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: such as
a : kinship
: a specific instance or type of kinship
3a : a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings 

had a goodrelationship with his family

: a romantic or passionate attachment

[funnyguy]

The knowledge of friend I've adopted is someone who I can call at 3 in the morning and tell him to get a shovel and meet me at x alone and know that he'll be there as soon as possible.

The rest are just people I know. Needless to say I don't have many friends but the ones I have would do anything for me and the other way around.

[funnyguy]

And it most definitely took a long time to build that kind of should I say relationship? I don't know if that's the right word after reading your post.

[watergaze]

haha. I think some people would consider a person who calls them at 3 am to be a pest not a friend (joking). 
For me, if it is serious and warrants then intrusion then it's OK. 
(However, at present, I started to  put my phone into airplane mode or on silent while I sleep cause of emails and chats that beep and stuff. My contacts come from various parts of the world plus some are so to speak strange sleepers so the thing is active at weird times.)

I do like the American way of calling even almost strangers friends. It has a nice intent. But sometimes I also feel it doing something like putting me somewhere strange that I am not used to lol. Sometimes it is in a good way sometimes I am not too happy to feel it though (I think it depends on the person doing it and their intent).
It seems to me that in our parts of the world we are kinda too conscious of who we call and can call a friend. Both ways have something to them ofc.

[funnyguy]

Let me re-phrase myself then. A friend to me is someone I can count on no matter what **** I'm in. That trust is built over years not day or weeks.

It's quite interesting clashing with a totally different culture with other perspectives. There's a lot to learn and share. If you're fluid you can adapt easily to their descriptions and see that there isn't much difference with yours it's just the words they use. What's important is to see the underlying meaning of their expressions.

The experience of feeling a bit out of the way at times and vice versa when going in a new environment is quite natural and in most cases it's due to fixation in ones ways/habits. That's why it's important to be able to shift your perception and see through someone else's eyes.

[watergaze]

yes, the shifting of things is quite peculiar at first but beneficial in general. The interesting thing is when one is not aware of the inventory of the other people - like say you chat with a person from this site you don't know where they are from and sometimes even when you do you might not know the customs and habits of their culture. 

The funny thing is also if you like some other custom better and then want to have it around in your own environment/ home culture. Then the others are like wait, whaat? . I guess then we make demands on others to be more fluid. Not everyone likes that . And so here we come to what makes good friends again, at least in some sense

[funnyguy]

Exactly what I said it's quite cool being introduced to something entirely new and learning about it. Who doesn't like new experiences?

About the chat/forums though that is even more complex if you ask me especially about seeing the underlying meaning and how they see since you're not interacting with them in person it is definitely harder. Taking into account the variables of not knowing where they're from or what their customs are also contributes to the complexity of that interaction.

I've seen people concoct unimaginably crazy stories and perceive things someone has wrote in so many different ways than intended it's often funny but sometimes damn right scary.

And shifting others making demands... Nobody likes to be moved really. And that's why I was underlying the ability to shift your perception for yourself to adapt not move others to where you want them to be. We should control what we can and adapt to what we can't. Would you want to be moved or do you want to have your own choice?

[serloco]

For me I enjoy the help of being moved in awesome ways. I prefer often to remain solid and stable and yet if I am moved beyond myself to a position better then the one I have then I enjoy it and am thankful. It depends on the position one is being moved to.

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