Stalking the urge to criticise

[Turin Otzaki]

I was over at a close friends house the other day and I voiced a criticism of someone we know, (I did this unconsciously) she had then joined in. While I was listening to her I realised that I had started a feeding frenzy and the energy was feeling bad in my heart, negative, and I abruptly said  'let's change the subject'. She then stood up and very assertively asked why I keep doing this, she said Id done it several times recently.
In that second I knew she was right. The spotlight was on me, something felt exposed. I acknowledged she was right, and left knowing I had something to look at. I went to the car with my friend Mark, and asked him what he thought, He said I do it to him too. So we had a good look at what I was actually doing. I make a criticism, unconsciously or at least semi-consciously....other people join in and I then feel the negativity of it and it feels uncomfortable and then I put a stop to it. The other person understandably feels a bit cut off. I phone my friend later to thank her for showing me something valuable.
So thanks to that friend being a valuable reference point, and making me aware I don't think I will find myself having a sneaky little go at someone else quite so easily.
What is that motivation to criticise another? the urge to buy our own innocence at the price of their guilt? buy our superiority at the expense of their inferiority......

[Wei Shan Yang]

Examine what you are doing now, you are just on the other side of the same situation. In a sense all you have done is turn that criticism on yourself. Not really a solution as its applying the same method.



What about loving that part of yourself? Loving it as the most wonderful aspect, a rare gem! Logic tell us that would only enliven negative tendencies, but put it to the test and see if that logic is true.



Think of a mother who loves her child no matter what that child does. Then be that for yourself. Our parents loved us but they also had social concerns and this bore upon our actions as children and then became a matter of self-reflection. So I'm talking about removing the social concerns in the self-reflective process and just expressing pure acceptance, rather than the idea you need to change anything.



"You seven thieves with whom I have previous karmic connection,

Know that pride and vain complacency are Awareness of Sameness -

Primal purity in meditative composure cannot be found

Except in an ambitious mind that believes itself supreme.

Look into natural purity

And there is a Fountain of Jewels, Ratnasambhava!

Detached from the state of Emptiness, light-form is pure."



You are supreme! We all are supreme! All criticism can ever do is obscure the light of our being. It does this as external criticism and also internal criticism. Look instead for Primal purity, it is us from beginningless time! If eyes search with regret, they will only see shadows cast, but know that ultimately eyes are blinded before the brightest of bright light of our pure form.

[Wei Shan Yang]

A few things to add...



I've always enjoyed your honesty and inner searching brought into external scrutiny with the intent of good for all. Like you post with the intent that others are going through the same and a discussion will be of use.(my interp anyway)



The other thing is...criticism is not necessarily a bad thing. My art teacher used to have critique sessions, and this helped us produce better work. Not to mention provided us a source of humor.



So when does criticism become gossip? Some may say if its done behind the person's back its gossip, and if done to their face or where they can hear it, it criticism. Hmmmmm, lol. Not sure its that simple. Sometimes we talk something over with a trusted friend or friends before we take it directly to the person in question. Usually whats happening is people are trying to work situations out, find resolve to certain dynamics in relationships etc.



So, Turin, were you really doing something negative in all these situations or were you trying to balance situations in many instances? Ultimately balance (peace, resolve, etc) comes from within, but external reality is the catalyst for this, so... should you be being so hard on your approaches when it does appear you are in fact seeking unity even as you were being critical of others and then yourself?



Anyway, just observations. I'm not where I want to be either, but am enjoying the ride as I'm sure you are too : )

[Turin Otzaki]

Perhaps I did not make it clear that I do not berate myself whasoever when I discover such unconscious aspects of behaviour at play in my makeup, and nor do I when I discover them in others.
Its quite an unemotional, even detached process, and does not effect what I feel about myself. We are rooting out the FI, the Flyer, the ego, fear or however you like to define it...This is just par for the course on this Path of ours, of becoming more conscious, and delving in to leave no stone unturned. There is no point in setting out on this course and reacting with horror when we find the monsters that hide yes it can shake one up a little....but there's a larger context to it that helps.
I have found that at the bottom of these behaviours is always something pure and good, even if that is perversely expressed. Its all a request for love.It shows me that if I need to put another down to feel elevated, I need to 'up' my internal love-bank that's all.
Being critiqued at an art class is a different thing entirely, and perfectly suitable for the situation. You could say that my friend who called me on it was criticising, and that was also fine. Its the motive that counts.

[SelfHealedMadman]

Turin Otzaki wrote:

What is that motivation to criticise another? the urge to buy our own innocence at the price of their guilt? buy our superiority at the expense of their inferiority......


Separation.  "You," as you view yourself are 'here,' "they," in which you speak to, are over 'there.' 
Everyone on earth carries with them, as they grow through daily life, a kind of a vague sense of instability and separation; a sense of separation from the rest of the community around them. In order to overcome this sense of isolation and emptiness, we try to fill ourselves with things, with people, with substances, with experiences.  
Some of us go to great lengths to satisfy ourselves, but in fact only end up in this way intensifying this feeling. Someone who wants to feel more worthy and fulfilled may become a politician, or a go to great lengths to become a celebrity of some sort, maybe even climb Mount Everest or drive a car very fast in a race, or become a great sportsman of some kind, and there is nothing wrong with any of those efforts in themselves as they usually promote a good health and a strong intellect, and a healthy emotional life.  
These are all fine, except in so far if we are really using them to fulfill this emptiness in us. If this is the case, then we will be unhappy, because the emptiness cannot be fulfilled by something from the outside. We must find out who we truly are, what true stability, true integrity, true character is, and where it comes from. And this is the training that we are all involved in, right?  
It starts on a very fundamental level, and this is really the beauty of the path. And it is unique in this way, in my experience.  
We have taken all these years to develop the erroneous habit of seeing ourselves as separate, of seeing a dualistic world, of seeing "you over there trying to do something to me over here". We have developed this way of seeing things, and in spite of our best efforts this continues to arise. This ego is a very powerful mechanism within us. And we have developed it to the extent that it completely controls most of our lives.  
So we must transform this way of thinking, this way of living, into a unified non-dualistic state where there is no sense of isolated self, no sense of separateness between the individual self and the Universe as a whole.  
Universe and Self are not two separate things. But rather the whole together can be seen as a unified stream of being, a constant movement of this unity. And all the actions in life arise out of that stream much like waves arising out of an ocean.  
Not separate from it, they are unique and beautiful, they have action. And finally though, in the end, we see that they exist completely on the basis of the ocean. Without the ocean they could not exist, so we must identify with the ocean.  
So, how to do that? In order to develop ourselves more fully, we need to have some form of practice.  
Here’s the question to all of you:  What’s your practice?  What do you do to live in the Now?  How do you retain your non-seperatness?  
Well, whatever it may be, it takes commitment, in a word.  
Commitment is a scary word.  It is a rare man or woman that is able to commit themselves completely to a path that is basically going to annihilate their ego, or their sense of separate self. This is a very difficult thing to consciously agree to.  
We generally try to avoid this kind of thing. Everything we do in our life is to build up a stronger ego, a stronger presence. It takes a tremendous commitment for any kind of true realization; any real change.  
It is voluntarily; you don't have to stay where you are, but it is up to you. When You make this commitment, then…say OK!  
What then?  It obviously takes more than just a word.  How about some unbending Intent behind it?  How about the preparation for "in a while" begins at this very moment?  Now.  Action.  Verification.  
The fundamental method of mastering anything is practice. However, not just practice, but it is also important to validate how one has changed as a result of the practice.  
It is easy to lose what you have learned without practice. On the other hand, you will never lose what you have learned through practice and validation. Therefore learn, practice, and validate the contents or building blocks of our Path with Heart.  
And sometime, maybe you will be able to make that commitment, and truly become a student of … what?  
Yourself?

[Wei Shan Yang]

"the urge to buy our own innocence at the price of their guilt? buy our superiority at the expense of their inferiority......"



This is the part I thought you were being critical of yourself. Going to extremes in viewing the situation. It looked to me like you saw your actions in the sense of doing wrong to another (even harming them in some way), and I was saying in second post, that you may not have been doing this at all. My first post is along the lines of how I ultimately feel, but it takes a while to get to that point--non-duality.



Its not a horror to me, none of this. In fact it seems to me you view all this more negatively impacting than I do. You talked about inferiority and superiority at the expense of, ok, but behind that is a desire for unity in all cases. So tell me where is the horror you think I presented in my view? I think you are misinterpreting here.

[Wei Shan Yang]

"Here’s the question to all of you: What’s your practice? What do you do to live in the Now? How do you retain your non-seperatness?"



My practice currently is to embrace any negative feelings as positives. Negative feelings have a tendency to separate...such as "oh there you go again getting angry, resentful, suspicious, sad, ashamed, impatient etc". So here's what I do... I say "hey, angry, great!" lol I see it as a positive. Because when we really break it down, negative emotions get a bad rap which is what makes them negative in the first place. Anger grows stronger if its unwanted by society...such as our parents may have told us "don't get angry it looks ugly in you" or something to that effect. Their advice did not make our anger diminish, but made us merely aware it was an emotion that needed to be contained according to social standards and often times hidden. So instead it oozed out in many subtle or else explosive ways and usually unwanted. To tell your emotions that you like them, that they are wonderful, natural, acceptable, wanted etc changes the old stigmas of them as negative. Pretty soon it starts to feel like the sky is the limit.
When acknowledging these feelings I don't seek to analyze them, just glad they are what they are. Such as I don't say "I'm angry and have every right to be" or else "I know I shouldn't be angry but I will accept it anyway". None of this is the consideration. Rather its the idea that any expression experienced is simply part of the universe and nothing can be taken away or extracted. Socially we learn the idea of trying to remove things unpleasant, and this actually causes these feelings of separation.
Another thing I don't do in this practice is try to accept others reactions. I don't say "they are angry and its natural" Instead I keep the focus on my feelings during expereinces.

This is a practice I do without those around me knowing I do it. Its about changing my internal barometer, not trying to show anything outward. I feel that if and when concern for outward takes precedence then these emotions will be viewed as negatives again. In my own sacred inner space however, I can rewrite, rewire how things function. And I agree with you, practice has to be sustained. Otherwise things return to inertia. I got the idea to do this practice from Yeshe Tsogyel after reading an excerpt of her I quote partially above where she meets some thieves and does not react to them in the usual way (fright or fight) and instead enlightens them by telling them all their ego reactions are natural gateways to spiritual understanding. She tells them essentially, "you are all in the best position to be enlightened, you have everything you need, but I'll gladly give you what I have too". Paradoxically it corresponds to the allegory of the empty house, of which thieves have nothing to steal and therefore can no longer be thieves. In this sense an empty house will be full, content.

[Turin Otzaki]

"the urge to buy our own innocence at the price of their guilt? buy our superiority at the expense of their inferiority......"



That is just stating it as it is. This is what is taking place, when we try and position ourselves, in separation.



There is no need to reflect negatively on ourselves if we find ourselves doing that, or beat ourselves up, or judge ourselves harshly



and no need for horror - meaning get emotions involved. We face and name the monsters, that's all. Simple

[Wei Shan Yang]

"the urge to buy our own innocence at the price of their guilt? buy our superiority at the expense of their inferiority......"
"That is just stating it as it is. This is what is taking place, when we try and position ourselves, in separation."



But is this really what is occurring as stated? Is it really about positioning, as you say? Instead of positioning, I'd say its communicating.
"There is no need to reflect negatively on ourselves if we find ourselves
doing that, or beat ourselves up, or judge ourselves harshly"
Absolutely, in fact that's what my posts here are saying, embrace our feelings (all of them) as positives.



Consider there is no dilemma with superior and inferior...that it all is merely reaching for unity. If as children we felt inferior in instances, its natural as adults to seek balance for what was incorrect abotu us in the first place. What is first done, though, is a type of over correction. So superior is never truly that, its just a feeling of wanting power back and over compensating for it. Its a natural feeling because we are power, everyone. At first the person does not see it as everyone, at first the person is seeking personal balance. And when a bunch of people are doing it at the same time, its experienced as separation and tension, but truly the desire in everyone is the same, to belong, be together and complete. And this unity already is, just it does not seem it at first and any actions taken are a way of communicating this. No one is being inferior or superior, they are responding to the fragmentation in the world.
I'm saying your "buying superiority" is not that, its merely a way of communicating to the world you feel inferior, which you are not that either. The fact that you feel inferior is what needs to be corrected, not the other way around (no need to correct the superior feeling). Embrace everything in you as good, including what you think is your positioning for superiority. We are all superior so you would not be wrong. If we are all superior (complete and content) then no one loses. But we have to get to that point first, in understanding.

[SelfHealedMadman]

~



Wei: "Absolutely, in fact that's what my posts here are saying, embrace our feelings (all of them) as positives".



What about negative feelings? Or, are there any postive and negative feelings? Perhaps these are emotions?



Is feeling coming via bodily sensations and our mind turns them either positive or negative via emotions?



Either way, what's the value of negative feelings or emotions? It's part of the duality, must be of some use, somewhere.



SHM

[Wei Shan Yang]

"Either way, what's the value of negative feelings or emotions?"



They are cries for love. So give them love and the experience of unity is gradually restored as one does this. Negative emotions are the way of getting back to the garden. Gateways to spiritual unity.

[Wei Shan Yang]

And just imagine if you tried doing the opposite of loving negative emotions...think of if you tried to change them...you are essentially saying to this part of yourself "you are not adequate as you are, you need to improve, extract something first." So that's how negative separation feelings come about to begin with. The feeling of containing something bad that needs to be removed. My sister and I used to play a game as kids called old maid. The object was to not be stuck with the old maid card. We had to trade cards back and forth, and did this by picking from the other's hand without being able to see what card we were selecting. The person with the old maid card tried to off load it and the person without it tried not to pick it. The unwanted old maid, who's going to love her? Why us! Socialization tells us not to, but we can write our own story now.



We need to see negative feelings for the gems they are. They are not truly separation, but trying to cast them out is what merely causes the feeling of separation. And many doing this at once creates the social pressures and incentive to do this. So it can get a momentum this way. This is all good though once we realize we can rewire everything learned socially and make it all about unity again. We do this slowly though, not over night. A part of us likes duality, we like feeling separate in a positive sense. Such as, the only way to have a friend is to fragment into dual perceiving. In unity, non-duality, there is no "other". I know part of the reason I progress towards understanding non-duality at a slow rate is because I like hanging out in duality. If there was no pleasure in dual perceiving we may have never fragmented to begin with.
However, its the pain and suffering in dual experience that makes us long for completeness again. This is the value of negative emotions, cries for love are cries for completion. As Lonewolf said, "the path with heart can be heartbreaking too." We wander here lonely and forget we are eternity, something must wake us up to remember. I may never reach the goal, the most I can do is love as much as I can while here.
 
lol, that poor old maid. One time I got so mad at my sister because she could trick me to pick the old maid over and over, and then would laugh at me. One day I bent the old maid card so I'd recognize it in the future and then she was mad at me for ruining the game.

[Wei Shan Yang]

"Is feeling coming via bodily sensations and our mind turns them either positive or negative via emotions?"



Definitely feeling comes via the body, the 5 senses. Most commonly it seems is sight and this can even be mental sight alone, but usually physical sight. The body stores everything.



Our mind, intent, beckons our memories. We operate mostly from past experience, are always building on the past. But we also beckon the future (changing past) by our desire for unity. One author I read likened the experience of emotions as the sum total of pleasure or gradients along the way depending on its concentration. That is, a totally concentrated experience of emotion (uninhibited by thoughts) would be bliss, and any dilution (inhibiting thoughts) gradually lessening to the extreme of being almost entirely void of pleasure (hell in the metaphorical sense). But never is this sum potential broken or separated, just thoughts can lessen or dilute pleasure, causing it to fragment. So emotion is basically pure bliss, pure pleasure in its natural state. Thoughts discriminate and this causes the dilution process. The fable of adam and eve is an appropriate analogy here. Before tasting of the tree of knowledge, there was only pure bliss. The tree of knowledge is discriminating thought (dual understanding), thus began the move away from bliss. Not bad just representative of the journey outward and back.



What are your views on this SHM?

[snowblind]

I am reading alot here about love/negative/positive/ego...all dualistic terms. There is no good there is no bad there is. Once things have been labeled they become dualistic...something to rage about...something to conquer....something other. Even though it has become cliche...it is what it is. My experience right now is that things just are...accept, integrate, release, move on. Move on to what you may ask? What has never been seen or experienced. No labels, no judgment...just is.

[snowblind]

I am reading alot here about love/negative/positive/ego...all dualistic terms. There is no good there is no bad... there just is. Once things have been labeled they become dualistic...something to rage about...something to conquer....something other. Even though it has become cliche...it is what it is. My experience right now is that things just are...accept, integrate, release, move on. Move on to what you may ask? What has never been seen or experienced. No labels, no judgment...just is...
Clicked twice...double ur pleasure I guess...

[Wei Shan Yang]

I don't think its dual either, I think its all good inherently. And this good feeling sought to express itself in fragmentation--to know itself as reflection in other, and the fragmentation makes things appear separate, creating a feeling of sadness as a side effect and this causes what are the range of negative feelings, due to the fragmentation (lost joy).



snowblind, what does "just is" feel like for you? Is it detachment from emotional ups and downs? Or is it a range of emotions felt in full and released, or something in between?

[dreamgirl]

Hey you two - you are never gonna agree on this topic. My guess is that you both are right.



Wei Shan Yang is coming from a Dualistic Elightened perspective and

Snowblind is coming from a Enlightened Acceptance perspective.



sort of the same in a way.

[Wei Shan Yang]

Yes, I saw our perspectives as similar too, and am interesting in hearing how snowblind experiences (in feeling) this "just is".



My perspective is expressing non-duality actually. Its not positive/negative, its positive intrinsically. The negative just needs to be corrected via acceptance as positive. Maybe you understood this, just wanted to make clear.

[SelfHealedMadman]

Wei Shan Yang wrote:
What are your views on this SHM?I'll share if you can loan me some 'time'. 
Extremely busy next few days...a day or two and I'll reply.
Busy is good; what's the saying?  Idle hands are the devils workshop?  :-)
"Idle hands, may be, the devils work; but idle minds, you see, are so much worse...."  Type O Negative lyrics

[dreamgirl]

Hey Wei, I did understand, but I did not make it clear, what I meant by Dualistic Enlightenment is that in an enlightened state, which I think you are in, you have realized that to function, process, ect., you have to do this in duality, otherwise no one would be able to understand at all. It is just a moving back and forth with realization.

[Wei Shan Yang]

SHM, ok, no problemo, el tiempo no es muy importante, el trabajo es

[Wei Shan Yang]

dreamgirl wrote:Hey Wei, I did understand, but I did not make it clear, what I meant by Dualistic Enlightenment is that in an enlightened state, which I think you are in, you have realized that to function, process, ect., you have to do this in duality, otherwise no one would be able to understand at all. It is just a moving back and forth with realization.
dreamgirl, yes you summed it up really well. Dualistic experience is only a consequence of seeking knowledge. We can imagine adam and eve in eden and no words between them and they didn't even know each were separate...there was no man and no woman they just were. Then when they tasted of the tree of knowledge suddenly they started to distinguish. It was likely exciting and adventurous to try and discover this universe (fragmented) but they had to leave that sense of inclusiveness behind. Just forgotten awareness. Now in fragmentation, we seek to remember our unity (because fragmentation is painful at times), but knowledge is a precious commodity too having tasted of dual understanding. I don't reside continuously in the awareness of non-duality. Its back and forth realizations as you said.
And thats the value of myth-stories, they give us a visual roadmap of what is actually not visual at all. Whats even more amazing is that we recognize what cannot be seen, tells us much about us. That we recognize it because we know it (remember primordial self). On our journey back to unity, we are not learning (as in dual understanding), we are remembering.

[Turin Otzaki]

"On our journey back to unity, we are not learning (as in dual understanding), we are remembering".



So beautifully put.

[Wei Shan Yang]

Thanks : )

[SelfHealedMadman]

Wei Shan Yang wrote:
"Is feeling coming via bodily sensations and our mind turns them either positive or negative via emotions?"
Definitely feeling comes via the body, the 5 senses. Most commonly it seems is sight and this can even be mental sight alone, but usually physical sight. The body stores everything.
Our mind, intent, beckons our memories. We operate mostly from past experience, are always building on the past. But we also beckon the future (changing past) by our desire for unity. One author I read likened the experience of emotions as the sum total of pleasure or gradients along the way depending on its concentration. That is, a totally concentrated experience of emotion (uninhibited by thoughts) would be bliss, and any dilution (inhibiting thoughts) gradually lessening to the extreme of being almost entirely void of pleasure (hell in the metaphorical sense). But never is this sum potential broken or separated, just thoughts can lessen or dilute pleasure, causing it to fragment. So emotion is basically pure bliss, pure pleasure in its natural state. Thoughts discriminate and this causes the dilution process. The fable of adam and eve is an appropriate analogy here. Before tasting of the tree of knowledge, there was only pure bliss. The tree of knowledge is discriminating thought (dual understanding), thus began the move away from bliss. Not bad just representative of the journey outward and back.
What are your views on this SHM?Well....Let's see.
As to feelings or emotions or bliss or whatever, I'll just state this, as mentioned in another thread:
"How will this help me in my practice to know feelings, emotions and bliss?"  My practice is to be completely present in this moment and to experience whatever arises fully.  And that's it. 
Please keep in mind that the key word above is the word 'practice.'  Very important.  Why?  Because I said practice and not 'residing.'  I'm not 'residing in this moment and experiencing whatever arises fully 100% of the time.' 
If that were the case I'd be visiting here from over there, from the other side of the fence, so to speak.  Or, perhaps I am visiting here from over there, but have yet to achieve a functioning Totality of Self, thus pure understanding.  I label that Enlightenment.  A complete Totality of the Self, (solving the riddle of I-Am,) solved the riddle of Truth, Non-Dual Awareness, etc., etc.  It's why I mentioned above, "100% of the time."  Residing in abiding non-dual awareness.  Not as a Mystic who can catch glimpses, but Abiding.  Yet, I digress...
What to do in practice?
One method that works great for me is the Who, What, When, Where, Why and How method. 
Who spurred this emotion in me?  Or, Who, (as in 'me' or my personal history) is taking issue with this emotion as opposed to just allowing it to arise fully?
What is this emotion?  What caused it?
When did this emotion first arise?  Is this a current emotion or a re-action from a previous event that has not be recapped fully?
Where is this emotion stemming from?  Where is the source?  In me?  In my mind? 
Why is there an emotion at all?  Why am I responding to it? 
How did this emotion arise?  How did I re-act to it?  How am I going to just allow it to arise fully?   
This self-stalking give me plenty to work on to get to that ultimate practice mentioned above.  Keep in mind that this is personal to my 'self.'  I don't shuck the responsibility off to someone or something else.  Sure, I'll look at the big picture and look at the external factors that may have caused said emotion.  But it's really about me.  As an example, and I'll use Gonzo as an example as I know him, what if we get into a heated debate over this or that?  I get emotional.  Ok, so I pug in to the system above.  What am in denial of?  What am I clinging to?  Who/What/When/Where/Why and How is blocking the practice of being completely present in this moment and just experiencing what is arising fully in an unconcerned manner? 
Speaking of self-stalking, and as this is the stalking folder, I'll share what occured to me about an hour ago.
What occured?  I finally asked the right question.  That's it. 
I asked the right question in regards to I-Am and my current situation.  Ah, the door unlocked and my life unfolded before my eyes.  A mini-Satori if you will.  There was a picture of this current project I am working on, then my entire life flashed before my eyes in regards to everything I'd ever done to be in this exact position I-Am in now.  Keep in mind that this is all business, baby.  I'm a businessman.  I'm a Stalker and I love business.  I love interacting with people.  I love working on myself and looking straight into others I work with and just keep on keeping on.  Every situation in which I've dealt with people put me right here, right now, in this exact spot of this project.  There was no judgement.  There was no good or bad.  There was no manipulating of others, or myself being manipulated.  There was just LIFE.  All the pieces of the puzzle came together at once. 
The interesting part was not so much the flashes of prior events, although they were cool and assisted me, the really mind-blowing part was in the realization, or acceptance of, "This is the way it is."  Or, "This is why you are here, now."  Pretty amazing.  My mind just kind of melted into....I don't know, Life? 
I'll end with a bit from brother Jed: 
First, the question itself is the obstacle to progress, not lack of an answer.  
The question is the key. Once we truly understand the question, we'll have the desired answer.  
The desired answer is always the removal of the obstruction a correct question represents.  
The question, understood correctly, is the obstruction. If it's not, see the second point.  
Second, come up with the right question. There's always only one. Wherever you are right now is where you're stuck, and the only question that ever matters is the one that gets you unstuck, that takes you one step further.  
All other questions are fear-based ego-sparing time-killers. Forget concepts and ideas, forget past and future, forget mankind and society, forget God and love, forget truth and spirituality.  
Find that one question; the exact question that ego doesn't want you to ask. Put your full attention on it. That's how progress is made. Everything else is a stall tactic.  
To move forward, you must figure out exactly what is obstructing you. Whatever it is, it isn't really there; it has no reality, no substance. It's your own creation, a phantom lurking in the shadows of your mind, a shadow demon.  
Your obstructions are your demons, and your demons are shadow dwellers. They live and thrive in the half-light of ignorance, so the way to slay a demon is by illuminating it with the full force and power of your focused attention; by looking at it, hard. Banish shadow with light and see for yourself that no obstruction exists, nor ever did.  
We create our demons and we feed them. To awaken we must slay them. That's really the whole process: Slay one demon, take one step.  
Repeat. 
Jed McKenna 
Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment