My challenge at the moment

[Littlepaw]

For me the most important thing is how the teachings are used in my life, I will now tell you my exact challenge as I see it.

Natascha is a friend who I met a few months ago.  She used to date the instructor at a movement class I attend.  A long time ago I had completely forgotten about sex, it was just something I did not think about, I was very dedicated to being a Warrior although sex up until recently has become an overwhelming part of my experiences again.   

Natascha has a daughter who is at university and a son who is 14 and living at home, the father died many years ago.  Natascha had asked if I wanted to move in and teach Jake her son more about music since he plays drums and also produces dance music.  I had been looking after the cat while jake and Natascha were away and got to like the house, there is an open fire and Natascha likes to meditate and is a spiritual person, also since I am living with my Dad at the moment in the childhood house I desperately do not like.

I see very clearly that Jake needs a father figure because now he is 14 I think he needs to toughen up a bit! but please do not disagree with me on this point because I am aware that this is just my point of view and I believe I am merely seeing the kind of exchange I would through folly have with Jake.  I feel as though I am being offered the role of being Jakes Father figure in exchange for a nice place to live away from my depressing childhood home ( I did not have a fun childhood)

Just to make things more complicated a week ago or so I was meeting a friend for birthday drinks and took Natascha and jake with me.  It was open mic night so i got drunk and played some songs.  Natascha is 43  and I am 32, I had thought that she was sexy and is a cool person but I had forgotten that alcohol always gives that extra boost in bringing your hidden agendas to the surface and that night  
I had sex with Natascha!  

I am confused because it would be simple for me to fill this father role to jake, my state of awareness is also in tune with Natascha because at this stage she really needs a bit of taking care of as she is the typical does everything for her kids mother.  On the other hand I feel like this course of action just seems overtly convenient to all concerned, it seems like an easy way out, a way of side stepping my problems and taking on someone elses instead.

There is more to this story as it involves the last 6 years also so this is just a snap shot.  I am wondering if you all might wonder why am telling you this?   For me being a Warrior means appli#ying the teachings to my life.

[NagualHuman]

Is that your photo ?

[Littlepaw]

I can't believe that that is what is important for you to ask after reading my post!

Ok I sometimes cannot face reading pages and pages about what you think Freedom or sorcery is, but this is a true story!

If you are not interested in my life then please allow me to be interested in yours?

I would like to know what your challenges are at the moment! Maybe at work or at home, what do you stand for? What do you think about the people in your life?

[watergaze]

It is interesting to me the that you say it is the easy way out. Would you say that if something presents itself like this that makes it seem easy to follow that it is therefore not to be followed? Would it really be easy to connect with this family on such an intimate level?

I am asking this because in my life what I need to do sometimes comes easy like this, just falls into my lap, so to speak, but often these are the things I need and provide challenges for me I recognize and learn from once I take that path. Some of those a part of me really would just rather skip, but the other part of me that is more aware thankfully knows better . Though I wonder just now how many of those I have missed due to giving myself one reason or another .

Obviously I am not advising you on anything. Just that comment got me a'thinking is all

You say being a warrior means applying the teachings to your life. If you do not mind going into it, I would be interested in you speaking more about where (in which instances) and how in/around this example you are applying the teachings .

[White Knight]

Littlepaw, it is incredible story, it is infinity itself made this event to you due to teach you what kind of installations woman put in man. At some point infinity puts you in position of choice to be a solitary warrior or pined by installed needs. It is to late to have a doubt, when you entered her house and been inside her, you are done. It is to late to leave her, you have to have reasons for that, serious reasons, otherwise your awareness will be pined in dark spot. Do you want to have a mark in widows broken heart? She made installations already inside you, she worked hard to get you.

This story will shake **** out of you, will never be the same again. Learn how woman makes installations in you. If you are a warrior while being on installations particularly you will see the other AP spot clearly with free perception.

[Littlepaw]

These are some of the techniques that came up since considering your question, Water gaze, I really appreciate your inquisitiveness! I had hoped exactly for this!!! For a Warrior to come along and force me to change my approach. I had not considered bringing this question in to the peak of my focus and I may now look at this whole issue further to see what else I can learn so i may devise a new strategy!!!!!!

Taking things at face value - Being Cunning- Taking responsibility - Stalking myself - Patience - Reserving judgment - .

On face value Natashca and jake are best friends, spending allot of time together, Jake has been diagnosed with a form of dyslexia also some speech and learning difficulties. Natascha is outwardly willing to listen to Jakes needs and feelings Jake also has absolutely no friends his own age he is 14.

The way I see it Jake, in many ways is a spoiled brat! At this point I stalk myself to find out that I often view other peoples children as being both severely mistreated emotionally and paradoxically lazy and spoiled. I use PATIENCE with Jake and Natascha because I know that there will be a proper time to express my views if power wishes it. It does not take long in this case for me to act as Jake really is spoiled as I thought! I knew when I offered to go to shop for Natascha what I was doing and I was not surprised when Jake volunteered to come with me, I found out that Jake is afraid to leave the house alone but walking with me to shops was a lesson in the value of helping his mother out and never did I mention anything about helping his mother, I know my actions speak for themselves as I am larking around on a mini adventure to the shop I am there because I have chosen to be and enjoy every moment of it!!!! (also I knew how good the food was going to be cooked something else I think Jake Takes for granted! being cooked delicious food everyday without having to life a finger) LOL)

Treat people as strangers

I treat Jake as a stranger because I do not want to know him as a the story of a 14 year old boy with learning difficulties. If you could have seen me at 14 and see me now I cannot myself believe the difference. He really does seem fine to me but I have to stalk myself impeccably because I am hooked on my belief that people doing the diagnosing of Jake are not reliable, I have little faith in this institution.

I am now going off topic I think so will leave this here for the time being.

Disrupting routines and being Inclusive

Luckily I have not known Natascha and Jake all that long, all they know about me is that i am very helpful, tidy, musical and perhaps a bit lost. 3 out of 4 is not too bad : )

Being Inclusive is working with the feelings in the moment. Being Inclusive is an approach to life and I am finding myself assessing my feelings not about Natashca and not about Jake but also their feelings about each other. During this process I have found out that i am always trying to please everyone simultaneously, you will see me in the chat room that I will try to reply to everything that anyone sais so that they do not feel ignored, this ends up with me seemingly taking over in some way killing the natural flow of conversation, watch out for that LOL!

I also beat myself up allot and think that there is something wrong with me. I believe these feelings will stem from childhood and need to be resolved if we want to actually have any real measure of respect for ourselves and like a great man once said, if we do not respect ourselves, if we do not love our selves, if we do not like ourselves, WHO WILL?

[Littlepaw]

White Knight wrote:Littlepaw, it is incredible story, it is infinity itself made this event to you due to teach you what kind of installations woman put in man. At some point infinity puts you in position of choice to be a solitary warrior or pined by installed needs. It is to late to have a doubt, when you entered her house and been inside her, you are done. It is to late to leave her, you have to have reasons for that, serious reasons, otherwise your awareness will be pined in dark spot. Do you want to have a mark in widows broken heart? She made installations already inside you, she worked hard to get you.

This story will shake **** out of you, will never be the same again. Learn how woman makes installations in you. If you are a warrior while being on installations particularly you will see the other AP spot clearly with free perception.
What is the purpose of this message to me?

[White Knight]

What i can say now it that you are petty and you went after installed needs. Im not going to fuse here my findings about all concept what is the life of the sorcery warrior and what is the foreign installation. All i was saying is that woman put in man installations. Thats the end of the story.

[Littlepaw]

Could you not think of something constructive to say?

[White Knight]

What if i would say that i had been in similar story with older woman and her children, what if i would say that i figured out from that experience that woman in cooperation with her tunnel put in man installations, what if i would say that i dont care about provocation to explain here everything, what if i would say that it is your responsibility is to gain awareness level and go into rigors of discipline to understand what FI is.

Finally, it is strange that you post such a petty story on sorcery forums how you went after woman. Isnt all motive for that is to show to everyone around that you are not gay? Really, it is part of the installation!

[NagualHuman]

This is a wonderful stalking post, two people swallowing themselves inside something that is not in either of them nor any of them wants its neither one of them feel it as existing, yet they are talking compasionately about it.

[Littlepaw]

You said in your fist reply

'' Littlepaw, it is incredible story, it is infinity itself ...... ''

Now you say It is no longer an incredible story and it is a petty one!

What changed?

Yes I am strange but you have been in a similar situation so maybe you have something to share?

[NagualHuman]

Littlepaw where and how is your importance stationed ?

[Littlepaw]

Thank you for the question,

Situations in REAL life can be confusing and/or overwhelming and it is helpful/fun/rewarding to talk about our true feelings!

White Knight basically implied that I should not post my petty personal life in a SORCERY forum. I think you should! what other life do we have other than our personal life?

I wonder what kind of relationships the posters on this forum have in their lives, positive uplifting ones? negative draining ones?

How the HELL does anyone expect to become a Warrior without examining the teaching within the context of their daily lives?

[Julio Juliopolis]

It's an interesting challenge you describe Littlepaw, thanks for sharing it with us.

As you know, ultimately you must make the decision as to what you choose to do. I'd suggest asking the following questions which might help you get a better feel for the challenge.

1. Why am I considering moving in with Natascha? What benefits do I see for myself from doing this? Why do I want those benefits? How will those things affect the way others see me? How will they affect the way I see myself?
2. If I already had those things which I want to get from moving in there, would I still want to do it? For example, if she lives in a mansion and being able to live in a mansion was one of the benefits of moving in with her then the question would be "If I already owned a mansion would I still want to move in with her?"
3. Do I have an exit plan or will I be trapped once I've moved in? What will I do if I don't like living there? Am I responsible enough myself to ensure I don't complicate things by impregnating her if that's not what I want to do? ( This is the kind of advice people will give women all the time. "What do you do to make sure you're okay if it later turns out the man can't be trusted?" It's considered terribly unacceptable for men to even suggest that women can't be trusted. Well, truth is a lot of women will lie about being on the pill and after getting pregnant will not value your rights as a father, will take as much financially from you for as they can, and will do so for as many years as their respective governments allow. They'll do this without hating you, or even being angry at you. They will be sweet and kind and caring and do this to you simply because they feel entitled to do so. Now, taking precautions for yourself doesn't mean you're saying that she would try to do this to you, it just means you're saying you value yourself enough not to make it possible for anyone to do it to you and there's nothing wrong with that. Of course, a lot of people should they read my warning to you about this would immediately see me as a villain. You'll be a villain in their eyes too if you truly look out for yourself rather than taking the risk of trusting a woman who may not always have your best interests in mind. But it's easier to accept being a villian in the eyes of the majority once you realize there's nothing respectable going on in the brains behind those eyes to classify you as such. )
4. Is this a path with heart? If so, where is my internal conflict coming from?
5. What do I want to become? What will I become if I follow this path?
6. What does it feel like power wants for me?

Good luck with this challenge Littlepaw, and I hope whatever you decide to do works out well for you.

[shamanka]

lp...applying the teaching of a warrior in life....yes..so i see your mind has gone into overdrive...my suggestion would be that you look at the 'now' situation before you got intimate with N..

what would your decision have been?

after the intimate encounter..the 'now' snapshot moment...

what's changed?

do you feel the intimate encounter would have happened if you had moved in before it happened..

if there are no guarantees in life, and i have no idea what N's expectations or self awareness level is like..

seems like you have tried before you bought.....which adds information if you see it from a stalkers point of view.

see the landscape.....gain as much in the now info as you can, for yourself now....thats the package youd be moving into.....forget about the past feelings about your old house....
this is about moving forward.....

even if it was for three months...for example..what is the gift?
if its not a gift..then dont go...
if you can see it as a new experience, full of new opportunituies and challenges..even if it may only last a 'moment'...then why not?

life is for living..for the experience.....live in the now....you will survive, even if it lasts for a week right? you'll keep breathing...so,
snapshot moment.....info of that moment.....act or dont act...wheres the calling to power?

this obviously wont be only opportunity if you pass on it....so you only have, what you have to base a decision on...and you cant be wrong...

enjoy what feels right ..that would be the path of heart and can only be seen moment to moment anyway.x

[Littlepaw]

Hi Julio how's it hangin?

Thanks for your input.

[Littlepaw]

Shamanka,

Thank you for posting!

I feel supported and balanced by your actions individually and as a group, I hope I can return the favor!

[Littlepaw]

This is a message I sent to Shamanka privately to express my feelings of gratitude and respect.

Shamanka,

You are the very meaning of clear in my challenge thread! I was beginning to think it is impossible to have a coherent conversation on this site, but you did me a real service by showing me who you are without editing what you really think. You are a shining example to me of a person who expresses herself without reservations and I thank you for that.

Kindest Regards,

L

[Guest]